Why You Only Need To Be 10% Sexier

This is article #20 to be published on the Get The Guy blog from my brother Stephen. Steve helped co-write the Get The Guy book and is a wealth of knowledge on dating and relationships.

Today’s article is a fun one! Intertwining a number of Get The Guy principles through a story everyone knows, Steve has written a piece that details the truth about creating real-life transformation, and shows you how to make change (specifically how to become sexier) without biting off more than you can chew. Enjoy!


(Photo: John Irving)

Enter Stephen

Do you remember the ending of the movie Grease? Of course you do.

The final scene of the film takes place at a funfair.

All seems lost for the romantic hopes of good girl Sandy (Olivia Newton John) and her would-be dream man, the leather-jacket-sporting, oily-haired ‘bad boy’ Danny Zuko (John Travolta).

Throughout the whole film Danny and Sandy are a total mismatch. Danny is a model of posturing macho obnoxiousness mixed with a dash of 1950’s cool and dollops of hair gel. He’s also part of a gang of semi-tough guys with matching logos on their black leather jackets and bad haircuts. Sandy is prim and bookish – a model sweetheart – she’s pretty but prudish, sweet but straight-laced. To be blunt, she’s just too damn nice (and I mean ‘nice’ in the bland way here, not ‘nice’ in the nice way).

The movie keeps hinting at a possibility for romance between Sandy and Danny but it keeps on being dashed before they can ever become a couple.

When Sandy and Danny are re-united after their summer romance, school politics causes Danny to refuse to give up his tough exterior for a good girl like Sandy. Things get worse later when they have a fight at a school dance and it looks like it’s over.

Then something happens in the finale.

It’s school graduation and to celebrate the whole gang are at a funfair. The drama is over and the mood is one of moving-on and looking to the future. Danny is hanging out with his friends one last time and there is no sign of Sandy.

Then suddenly she emerges…

Everyone gasps as soon as they lay eyes on her. She’s completely transformed from the old Sandy we’ve been watching for the last 90 minutes of the film…

She’s ditched her schoolgirl summer dress and struts into frame in skintight leather pants and a leather jacket. Her hair is wild and curled instead of pushed back in the prissy headband she used to wear. Gone is her timid naivety and now she drips with sexual confidence. She pouts with red lipstick and struts in high heels and it’s not long before Danny is knocked sideways and falls completely in love with her again, begs at her feet, and tells her in no uncertain words that the power she’s supplying is “electrifying”.

In short, she nails it.

It’s a weird ending that involves a flying car, a really tacky funhouse, and lots of singing.

I remember watching Grease about a dozen times when I was a kid and never being sure what to make of that ending. Yes, she got the guy. Yes, they flew away together in an ostentatious flying vehicle as all great couples do. But why did she have to change everything about who she was, how she dressed and how she walked in order to do it?

Let’s also not forget that it’s all Danny’s fault really. He was the one acting so insecure because he was embarrassed to be seen with such a prissy good girl in front of the rest of his gang.

On the other hand, Sandy is pretty sexy in those leather pants.

You can see why I’m in two minds about this…

How You Can Be 10% Sexier

I think the ending of Grease lied to us in lots of ways.

Sandy didn’t really need to make a 90% shift in her entire personality to become sexy in Danny’s eyes. She just needed a 10% shift.

Yes, Danny ALSO needed to come around and stop being such an aloof douchebag (which he seems to by the final scene, since he’s shown essentially on his knees groveling at her feet).

Sandy just really needed to show that the sex-kitten side of her was hiding in there somewhere, something she hadn’t shown even a peep of for the previous ninety minutes of the movie.

In real life, we don’t transform all at once. We don’t really need to. Even a 10% shift in what we’re doing is usually enough to create a completely different perception in other people’s eyes.

I want to briefly run through 3 ways to make these 10% shifts that you can do immediately.

What are some 10% sexier actions?

1. Know The Difference Between ‘Nice’ actions and ‘Flirty’ Actions

When we want attraction, it’s not enough to be nice. The extreme case of the ‘too nice’ person is the woman who engages in too much in ‘buddy’ behaviour with a guy, treating him like a pal instead of making him feel like a man.

One example I remember recently was when a friend of mine walked past me and patted me on the stomach. It was a ‘hey buddy’ gesture, and entirely unsexual. Most of the time doing this just makes a guy worry about his stomach (Do I look fat?) – and suddenly he doesn’t feel masculine or cool around the woman who does it. He just becomes focused on a potential insecurity.

The weird thing was, as soon as this happened  another female friend came to join us and touched my arm just around the bicep – it was a soft and small gesture but I remember her squeezing gently as though she was grabbing some muscle and suddenly I immediately felt strong and wanted her to do it again. This gesture all happened in the space of half a second but I still remember the feeling it gave me and how just between these two girls I became aware of the difference between a ‘nice’ buddy action and a flirtatious action.

And as we see with the touch example above, the difference can be tiny and subtle. Just 10% different.

2. Show DESIRE Without DEPENDENCE

As annoying as I find the song at the end of Grease, especially when I hear it at any party, I kind of like the lyric: “You better shape up / Cos I need a man / and my heart is set on you”.

This line nails it on two fronts: it says I do want you, but you better get it together if you want to keep it that way. It’s an elegant way of displaying for showing DESIRE and a STANDARD at the same time. Showing desire is an amazing way to be sexier, but most people don’t do it because they think it will make them look desperate.

One great way is a method that Matt often talks about, in which you comment in a passive way about some attractive quality a guy has, as though it’s something you noticed and just state like a fact: e.g. Him: It’s so crowded in here. Her: I know, and your big shoulders are taking up so much room! Or another example would be if you mix a playful compliment in with some other request, like if you said: “Would you mind using your cute face to get the waitresses attention?” It sounds dumb, but if you do this in a way that says you’re just having fun, it’s the extra 10% that a guy remembers and marks you out in his mind.

3. The Art of Surprise

The reason that Danny is so floored in the final scene with Sandy isn’t so much because of the specifics of what she does, but because she is able to completely defy Danny’s expectations of who she is and the kind of person she is capable of being.

He’s never seen her walking powerfully and being in control. He’s never seen her embracing her sexuality and enjoying being the centre of attention. He’s never seen her dominate – and he’s turned on by it.

Sometimes, people are 10% sexier just because we find out something about them that we never thought they were capable of being. It’s like when you see a really masculine, tough guy and find out he loves to bake, and you are suddenly attracted to watching him indulge his passion in the kitchen.

The element of surprise is something you always have, especially when people bring expectations about the kind of person they imagine you to be and you completely smash them with one tiny phrase or action.

Most transformations aren’t the dramatic ones we see at the end of movies. Transformations happen when we take tiny, everyday things and decide to approach them just 10% differently.

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23 Responses to Why You Only Need To Be 10% Sexier

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  1. Flo says:

    Your article is good oportunity to watch Grease.

    i agree with you. 10% is only need to :) You are a good observator ;)

  2. Maz says:

    Good article.

  3. Mi says:

    Stephen, thank you so much for this article. One of my favorites!
    I could not align more to what you said. One step of change at a time can bring a major turn in life.

  4. kettle says:

    This is an excellent article Stephen, because it’s given me plenty food for thought…
    I’m too young to be dating and probably somewhat naive in my outlook. What I’ve always thought was that being sexy was not a good characteristic to have and that make up, flirting and being sexual are to be frowned upon, but obviously your article and the behaviour of peers around me are at odds with this view. I have never worn make up and dress so that I’m well covered, especially in summer. Despite this I’m not religious and I don’t come from a conservative family.
    I’d like to know if my views are wrong in light of your article. Would I have to make an effort to become more attractive and ‘sexier’ (eg makeup) to be accepted in the wider world and especially if I want a relationship in the future
    (even though I’m not old enough yet)?
    Thank you so much for this article Stephen, it’s made me question myself :)

    • Liz says:

      It’s not about showing more skin, it’s about showing more sides of you that may seem contradictory but coexist into one interesting person. When we try to pigeonhole ourselves into just being one thing, we cut off real, living parts of us and in our efforts to project an image that image becomes boring to them if they think that’s all there is. You don’t have to be dating someone to practice this with friends and peers. also you are not wrong! We all have different paths to love and the important thing is to act from your deepest self and enjoy growing.

  5. Katie says:

    Man Stephen, another great article with practical but super-useful advice. I think this is why you Hussey bros knock it out of the park with each post. Y’all continually illuminate my problem but give me a bite-sized way to fix it.

    Can we get some Stephen Hussey vids now too? ;)

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      I’ll be sure to let Matt know there’s a popular demand for me to be on camera ;)

      Thanks so much for your complimentary words Katie – really appreciate you taking the time to tell me you’re enjoying the material we put out.

      All the best,

      Stephen x

  6. Rivka says:

    One of my favorite articles from you, Stephen!

  7. Goldberry says:

    Nice!! Frankly, I always found the end of Grease disgusting because poor Sandy was such a pushover. If it had been me I would have said, “Forget it, I’m going to find someone who appreciates me!” So thanks for pointing out what a jerk Danny was. And yes, there is something to be said for showcasing our potential a bit more.

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      I know, he was a moron for a whole lot of that movie! Maybe if Grease were made today we’d get a slightly more gender-balanced ending…maybe.

      Thanks Goldberry :)

      Steve x

    • June says:

      Why does no one ever remember that Danny dressed like a square wearing a sweater for Sandy’s affections? The whole point of the ending was that they both set aside their personal preferences for the other, but in the end both took off the “costumes” and rode off in a flying car wearing black, cotton shirts. Love the article though! Just my take on the ending of grease is a bit different lol.

  8. kish says:

    Good points! I think that this is more about being yourself 100% and SHOWING it in small ways rather than doing a 180 Deg. turn and becoming something/someone else entirely.

    Many times I feel that people see only one side of me and I often feel uncomfortable showing other sides in certain situations. This leads to people categorizing me as a certain kind of person which is not an accurate representation of who I really am.

    People are complex and have many sides to their personality. Some are more versatile that others but hardly anyone is unidimensional. While we need to learn to authentically express ALL parts of ourselves (appropriately of course), I also believe that we need to be less judgmental about others and stop relying on snap decisions about who someone is or isn’t. Cause you never know!

    The question is then, how do we express those hidden parts of our personalities authentically and confidently? This isn’t even about attracting others because someone might be turned off by finding out who we really are once we reveal a different side. There is an inherent risk there. But this is the best way to find a true fit because that person will be delighted to see our other sides.

    I hope you do realize that many women find flirting cheesy or are ashamed of their sexuality or repressed about their true desires. Some are conditioned/pressured to be behave a certain way that sometimes they don’t even know who they really are or have lost touch with themselves.

    I know this is going into another territory altogether but it would be nice to see an article on this. I really liked your idea of 10% at a time. More suggestions are welcome!

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      Thanks a lot kish! There’s definitely a lot of food for thought there that I’ll take on board for future articles.

      One part you said: how do we express those hidden parts of our personalities authentically and confidently?

      I think the “just 10%” rule also applies here. Revealing your true self isn’t something that you can do instantly – you have to just try 10% more every conversation – try expressing a more honest opinion, or try showing an emotion you’re not used to displaying – be a TINY bit louder or more expressive. It’s about building on these layers until they become a part of our natural behaviour and we start to do them unconsciously.

      Thanks for your comments.

      Stephen x

  9. RAQUEL MARTINEZ says:

    this article is so cute and exactly the kind of push i need right now. My sister was just telling me how i need to speak with my eyes and flirt. I think that these days sometimes nice is mistaken by flirting. but like you mentioned, its just making a simple interaction and making it your attraction known. i just better to not start laughing when i do something cheesy like that

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      Thanks Raquel! – I agree with all your points here. Just take a risk and move on if you end up looking a bit silly sometimes.

      Stephen x

  10. Patty says:

    I’m glad you used this example because the ending also through me off. “So I have to change everything about me to get that guy…” plus learn a song, got to a fair, etc. LOL! This is one of my favorite movies but the message at the end was definitely an odd one. A great take on using it for today’s example. 10% shifts are much better. And I’m going to use the “cute face line”! ;)

  11. Kathryn says:

    That’s funny, I’ve done this song at karaoke and it’s really hard as you need to ham it up so much! Hard enough singing outside of the shower.
    I’m glad you said 10% as a lot of male dating advice out there asks women too much all at once. We think we’re doing great, dressed in our specially selected matching lingerie, heels and all, putting on an act worthy of an Oscar to ignore all our bodily insecurities. Is this enough to be viewed as the goddess we are? No, we are meant to be like Sandy, do a 90% shift and morph into Dita von Teese!
    The auto spelling wrote vin back there, which was probably more apt, lol.
    Thanks Stephen, have a great week x

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      Thanks Kathryn! I agree – most advice asks you to transform completely – instead of embracing our best assets and just showing them 10% more. Most people don’t need to transform to make a change.

      Great to hear from you as ever.

      Stephen x

      • Kathryn Green says:

        Thank you, I was worried I’d lowered the tone! I love how you make serious points with humour. We can enjoy life whilst trying for self improvement. Sadly Maya Angelou has passed away and I was reading some of her introduction to her book ‘Letter to My Daughter’. She says, “Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud. Do not complain…Never whine…be certain that you do not die without having done something wonderful for humanity.” The first part is easier, so poignant, she never had a daughter.

  12. zahra says:

    hi stephen the article is interesting, but this is just a movie, we can’t pretend tha we are acting and do just like in the movie, we live in a real life, I can’t act in a way that I think it will like the guy, what if I was wrong? what if he doesn’t really care? we can’t have expectations. Thank youu much love <3

    • Stephen Hussey says:

      You should never do things just because you’re trying to conform to a guy’s standard. Just be flirty because you enjoy having fun and not taking life seriously. The less focus you put on someone else’s reaction, the less it affects your behaviour. We have to lead with our own attitude and unashamedly be the person we want to be, instead of trying to ‘get it right’ and morph into what we think is someone else’s version of perfect.

      Thanks so much Zahra, have a great week! :) x

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