Is there something you’ve been wanting to do but are worried what other people may think of you?
A trip away? A new hairstyle? A new hobby?
In this week’s video, I give you 3 tricks to help you from having other people’s opinions hold you back. Enjoy!
Okey! I think it’s a very important topic and I get what you say. I understand we shouldn’t be in defend mode and arguing about our project because that will just bring tension. But, if let’s say you already have been looking into meditation and it’s not totally new, wouldn’t be good to talk confidentially about it? If you do believe in it’s benefit? “you know I am curious and really want to try this, from what I’ve heard it can really improve your relation to life, and from my little experience it has, I think it would really be good for me, but I understand your opinion, I used to think the same at first” By doing this it can also open the mind of the person to also be curious. Saying it in a nice, open way of course, and that our belief is not all set. Can’t we defend in a calm way? Anyways, thank you for sharing about this topic!!! :) All my love!
There are great tips for someone who still cares about what others say. Provided that you are an adult, you pay your own bills, the stuff yoy wanna do is legal and you are not harming anyone or anything, what others have to say about your dreams and aspirations are their own dawn business. People tend to criticize everything, looking for holes in other people’s plans. Some do it out of jelousy ( conciously or not) others mean well but just because they are too scared to venture out of their safety circle they try to keep others in theirs too.
The key is to share your dreams with supportive people that are not afraid of or intimidated by other people’s success. And ultimately, you have to find the inner strength to stand by your dreams, regarless of what others may say. I mean, who cares if they’ll find me pretencious for going on a meditation retreat?? So long as l don’t preach about it and try to get people into it, no one will really oppose to my going to one… Just do your own thing, lead by example and people will notice the positive changes in you. If they ask how come you’re different, they you can share the experinces you’ve been having.
I always feel like I have to defend my actions and beliefs, I have a really hard time letting other peoples opinions get in the way of my decision making. I watched this video and I’ve written down all the tips and am going to try them out, thanks.
This video has helped me with a lot of things that have been going on in my life. I’m interested in arts & design because I always do creative stuff with my hands such as illustration, sewing, and baking – and I’m good at it! However, I’ve never had a professional class on anything art in my life because my father basically forbade it. His arguments are “Artists don’t make much money.” and the like and I never knew what to say when he makes comments like that. I always felt like he didn’t want me to go into the field out of his selfishness. Now I know how to talk about it without getting over emotional or letting him get the best of me.
It was a great advice!! Recently, I had the opportunity to study in a big university in USA during two years. I’m from Brazil and in my case, I was tired about people telling me what to do. For a period I was terrified about the idea of what my parents, friends, professors would think if I said “no” to this opportunity. Some of them told me that it was the biggest chance of my life. Even though I know that it was true, and I agree with them, to me it wasn’t the right moment and in my heart I felt that I was not ready to stay so far from everything here. Even with everyone against me I decided to stay in my country, in my university, and today I realize that sometimes we just have to do what we want to and not worry about what people will think about us. Many times we lose the chance of taking our decisions for fear, for judgment. It is important to us to remember that taking decisions define who we are and who we want to be.
AND AGAIN… you have managed to put out a video on a subject that is in line with my life right now, Matt.
I have decided to take an adventure out of the country and my folks are fighting me with every thing they got; guilt, kidnaping, beheadings, human trafficking and of course, Ebola.
I plan on using all three of these tatics. My need for excitement in my life, not going to meet the energy by getting defensive, and lastly I will agree that it is a bit
Crazy, but have done a lot of research to avoid the bad things.
Your the best, love to Jameson, Leecis
Matt, I have a PhD in this field.
I grew up in a culturally rich and very intellectual household. My father was the smartest man one could ever meet. He was passionate about reading and learning non-stop. He spoke 5 languages. He was a visionary and unconventional thinker. When I was a kid, he read me Greek mythology instead of Red Riding Hood, we listened to different nations’ music when we were having lunch, he made me watch nature and history documentaries instead of brain-washing tv. shows. I played musical instruments and sang in a chorus in front of hundreds of people when I was a kid.
When I went to college, I started my own music band. I was playing guitar and singing. I joined the drama club. I performed on the stage in front of thousands of people. I inspired many people. I enjoyed being popular, but I didn’t do it for popularity. It all came natural to me. I have done so many things, it is a long list really.
While doing all this, I dealt with many nay-sayers. I usually didn’t give a sh*t but I can’t say it didn’t bother me at all. It did bother me at times. I burst into tears some nights. I think strong people feel every emotion much deeper than others, but the difference is that they know how to deal with it. I never had any encouragement from anyone (including the men I had relationships with) for anything I did, except for my parents.
So if I may add one thing on your fantastic advise for people who want to initiate new things, just plug your ears and keep going. Being nervous is a part of any new adventure. When I first came to Chicago, I was so nervous I had anxiety attack in the plane. It was my first time all alone in a big city in the USA. I went to the restroom, washed my face and I realized that I actually enjoyed that anxiety attack.
“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.” – Helen Keller
All the best,
xx
P.S: I am a %500 supporter of this blog and everything you and Steve do.
Addition: One of the main reasons I was able to initiate many new things, overcome many obstacles and ignore discouraging people was that I was also taught to get over problems without asking for help or expecting help from a higher invisible power. Nobody can help you other than yourself. Had to add this bit. xxx
I usually really don’t care about what people think I should do before doing it or whether or not to care about something but what I always find difficult is to face their reaction/eyes rolling without getting emotionally involved.
Thanks for the advice!
Hi Matt,
Thanks for this video! I liked the first trick you mentioned: this doesn’t define you. People who critisize what you’re doing, often make it about you. Saying stuff like ‘this isn’t you’. Often the things that the critics are saying are things that I doubt about myself, too. Whether it is or isn’t me. Whether it’ll be worth the money, the time, the energy etc. etc. But looking at it from the perspective of ‘this doesn’t define me’, or as I interpret it: this isn’t all of who I am, makes it clearer to simply shrug and say: I’m curious about this, don’t know whether I will like it, but I’ll give it a go nonetheless.
I like it! :) Thanks for sharing, Matt, as always right on point!
Love, Janet
Yes! I woke up to this video and it was exactly what I needed to hear! I recently started working at a radio station on the side making little to no money because I’m starting from the bottom. People were kind of like oooook, why? Is it even worth it? However some people wish me good luck! I know what I want from it. I know my goal is not to stay at the bottom but there’s nothing wrong in my mind to try something new in hopes of someday reaching my goal of being a radio personality. When they give me that look it kind of bothers me but the best response is to continue pressing and show them that I can do it. I’ve also learned that sometimes it’s best to hustle in silence. It might excite you to share things that you’re doing but you don’t want to lose that excitement either by sharing with the wrong person. You can have some things for yourself.
Btw, Matthew I want to thank you for doing what you do. You’re seriously my inspiration. I want to write, host a show and speak to people too. It’s my dream and to see you be so successful in it gives me hope that I can do it too if I work hard enough. Thanks for this video, I will watch it several times. Good day!
Hi Matt
This video is great, I’m excited to hear it. I recently was just bothered by this. Lately and most of the time I care what other people think about me. Internally things affect me more than it does externally. Words have a great affect more because I love them and they are a great deal in expression. So I find it hard when someone shuts down my idea right away or if they say something negative even if it is a joke, I don’t want it to bother me but each time it usually does. Is video is really helpful because I try each time to be more graceful when I share with others and to not think so much of myself but what it looks like outside of myself. It has been very interesting. I usually don’t comment on any videos because I can’t because of the IPad I have but I’m glad you have this blog so now I can leave my feedback and support on your videos here. I watch all the videos and your thoughts and ideas have been very helpful. Never stop sharing it really helps people. Blessings and thank you!
Hey Matt,
Such good advice. I’ll write it down, right after finishing this! I had a moment recently which I wanted to share with you.
I get really excited about planning stuff. I want to include people into this and get them excited and then have a fun night or day with them! That’s my way of giving, I suppose.
But recently I found out I was getting disappointed with certain people. I was in the mode of wanting them to share something with me, but they said no and I felt disappointed.
I know in my head people have the right to say no and they should be able to, but I wanted to have them join me to get a better bond with them and this almost felt like they rejected me instead of the things I had suggested to do together.
I noticed after this last time that this was a pattern that came back once in a while but unlike earlier times, now I was aware of this. I learned that their no was not about me, but it was about them. It said something about them, but this should not effect me in the slightest. What usually happened afterwards was that I gave up on the whole idea. But I was only hurting myself in that way. After all, I had wanted to do this and I had wanted to share that with them. If they don’t want it, that should not mean I should not experience it either! This awareness gave me relief in a way and now I am in the midst of planning it anyway.
Maybe even to show them, but to show myself even more, that I do this for me in the first place.
I do believe watching your advice every week has helped me get aware about certain things and I thank you from the bottom of my heart that you do this with your overwhelmingly positive attitude day in and day out.
Thank you Matt.
Love,Petra
These are some of the same techniques I use in sales.
Thank you for your advice Matthew!
This will help me so so much in my daily life. I’m currently doing an MBA program at USC and find myself constantly holding back in class because I’m scared of what the 70 people in class will think of my questions/comments. I really like the idea about defending my curiosity as a way to ease into a question I will ask.
Thanks Matt, I really enjoy your tips and advices. I recently started my business and there been so many people that look at me and you could tell they think: “Are you really going to do that” and I find it that I try to over defend my reasons and my ideas but I love the way you show how to deal with those kind of people. Thanks a lot.
matt loved this vid.. im in sales and all the stuff you said in this video I can see it helping me in work thank you :)
I got flack over going on a dating site once. I was made to feel really embarrassed that I went on there and so I never went on there again. Although, for the short time I was on there I met someone that became a really good “buddy” of mine.
:)
You really are a master synchronist, aren’t you!
My experiences the past few days have been dragging me towards thinking more about this subject of how to handle being the elephant in the room in a way! Which (I discovered “in action”) is the quintessential situation that demands your consideration of what others think of you.
Your tricks are awesome, magician! I shout a YES to the first one – it’s been playing on my mind for a while that there are people who will let themselves not define what they are and generally won’t dig into themselves with the eye of someone with the power to choose what kind of a dessert you’re going to be on the table of life – heavenly ice cream, Swiss chocolate, lousy dry muffin, maybe even the little cookie they give you on the side with the coffee…It’s all our own choosing. I believe it has to do with the “follow the flow” concept which is everybody’s excuse in a way – but those words contain in themselves the invisible question of Who is doing all the following ;) And I believe we must start from there so we’re not “flown” away into something we later discover we hate or are not happy with…
The other two are also bomb! But this comment will get ridiculously long if I tell you exactly why :D
Thanks for the video, Matt! I used to care about people’s opinions and comments definitely when I was younger, but as I got older and especially now that I just entered my 30’s, I honestly say, do, and go wherever I want without hesitating to think what people would say. I like the advice of “just curious” because yes, many times we want to just try out something new just because we are curious, so why not? I’m always looking to do and learn new things! I also think that caring about what people think is correlated to low self esteem. I think what has also helped me gain confidence and get to the point of not caring what others say or think is that over time, I’ve had to let go of negative people who were once my friends and now I surround myself with family and amazing friends who support me in decisions I make and offer me advice to ensure I’m doing what is best for me always.
Ok so you got me, I’m commenting for the first time even though I watch almost all vids :D
I like dressing up sometimes, i feel good in my body and also love fashion, but some people seem to always have to comment on it in a rather negative way(like why I would try so hard bla…). I used to feel weird then, but now i just don’t care so much anymore because I know it makes me happy.
Your tips are gold! Thank you for all your insights, I love watching you, I’m always learning something!