How To Get A Guy To Notice You – 3 Quick Techniques

Why do guys overlook some women and give all the attention to others?

If you’re like most women, you’ll be tempted to think that it all comes down to physical beauty.

I’m not going to lie, men are very visual and are quick to spot when an attractive woman walks in the room.

But the fact that a woman has a perfect smile, a killer body, or lustrous mermaid-like wavy hair, does not guarantee a man is going to do any of the following – 

  • Approach her
  • Ask for her phone number
  • Want to go on a date with her

friends

Physical beauty alone essentially does one thing. It gets a guy to say to himself in his head, “I would sleep with her”.

That’s just what men are like. We are hard-wired to have sexual thoughts about a LOT of women.

Hell, a man could muster up sexual thoughts about a female cartoon rabbit if she walked seductively enough and wiggled her hips across his TV screen.

But getting a man to notice you, by which I mean, what causes him to see you as someone he spots across the room and want to approach at a party, in a park, in a clothing store, or in a supermarket, requires a little extra thought.

So here I want to share the THREE most powerful but simple to use techniques that will get you on his radar and make him notice you more than any other woman in the venue.

Here we go:

3 Simple Ways To Get His Attention – Try These Today!

1. Throw him “Permission Signals” through your body language

Always remember that men are looking for ANY excuse to start a conversation with a woman.

And the women they notice are the ones who show him with their body language that they are warm, open, fun, and willing to enjoy life.

If you throw him some eye contact, then look away, then look at him again, a guy is already THREE times as likely to walk up and say hi. If you add a smile as well it’s proven to be even more likely that he’ll notice you over anyone else.

Most women forget how terrifying it is for guys to put themselves on the line and approach a woman.

When a woman seems open and receptive to being spoken to, he’ll notice her above anyone else in the room. 

2. Use the “10% Investment” Method

Men are quick to notice women who make even the tiniest investment towards an interaction in his general area.

If a woman sidles up next to him at a bar and orders a drink, suddenly he gets a chance to be in her presence, smell her perfume, notice her hair. Imagine if instead you just stood behind him in line while he ordered. Chances are he’ll turn around walk straight past you (even if he’s attracted).

10% investment is about just that tiny bit extra that puts you in a man’s proximity. You slightly enter his world for a second and he thinks, “WHO is that?” as he imagines getting to know you more.

Next time you’re on a train, say to a guy “Do you know what the last stop on this line is?”. Just one extra line like this makes a man feel emboldened to make a move and gets him to notice you. Then after that, if you want to know whether he’s interested, make sure you read this accompanying post on how to know if he likes you.

3. Pay attention to the detail

Noticing tiny details is what gets a guy to see you as unique.

Is there a weird piece of art in the room you can make a comment on? Does he have a tattoo or piece of jewellery you can ask him about?

Guys notice when they meet a woman who has more than run-of-the-mill conversational topics to talk about. The more you get him to relax and enjoy opening up about his opinions and ideas, the more he’s going to notice you in all the right ways.

If he’s wearing a piece of jewellery, say: “Wow, that necklace is awesome, where did you get it?”, then follow-up by saying “If you could have any piece of jewellery in the world as a gift, what would it be?”

These questions make you stand out above the barrage of bland, uninspiring conversations most people have. The quicker you mark yourself out as someone with interesting things to talk about, the sooner a guy notices you and wants to get to know you better (and once he does, make sure you know some simple first date tips to nail the next step).

So there we are, three really simple ways to get his attention and stand out from the crowd.

Try these out today and let me know how they work for you in the comments below – then make sure you check out my follow-up piece on how to get a guy to like you!

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

35 Responses to How To Get A Guy To Notice You – 3 Quick Techniques

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  1. anne says:

    Soo I really like reading through all being said and written here. Women should be attractive, sexual goddesses, intelligent and independent (and what if you are not?). And women should make the first step too? And with all this, my question is, when it comes to dating, what do men do?? I say just be yourselves, don’t try to be someone who you are not. Sooner or later, your true self comes out anyway. Then find a guy who likes you, not a guy who you like’

  2. Rich Parkinson-Williams says:

    I’m interested to read this from a man’s perspective because I want to improve my own techniques. I came out of a long term relationship 2 years ago and am ready for another now. But I’m out of practice. Now there’s a thing to think about. “Is he just rusty/out-of-practice?”

    I’m also interested as to why there still seems to be an unwritten rule, a stigma almost, that a woman shouldn’t approach a man first. Even worse she shouldn’t ask a man out! Ladies… We’re in the 21st Century now. It’s the ultimate age of equality so it’s time this barrier was broken permanently.

    I’ll give you a tip – but maybe this is just me? – The best start to a conversation is safe: just say something about where you both are, be it looking at sandwiches in the supermarket, waiting for a train, or at the school gate. If you’re talking socially at a bar definite eye contact. I love it as well when a woman I fancy comes close to me. It drives me wild inside when she comes into my personal space and brushes me or nudges into me. Especially if it’s accidental! I’m not talking bum on my crotch on the Tube/Subway when the train is like a sardine tin. Although personally it would not bother me! It might some though. And lower you voice if you’re interested. Because then I have to lean into you to hear. Especially if it’s noisy

    Just relax. I know it isn’t easy. I suffer from anxiety myself. Anyone want to add me on Twitter: @RParkWill

  3. Laura says:

    I’m to shy to do that I need help

  4. Julie MacKenzie says:

    Used this…& it works… ;) <3 Thanks Stephen & Matthew…

  5. Lindiwe says:

    There’s this guy at church he is always giving me signals , but we haven’t talked whenever I am at church he will make it a point that I noticed him. And when I make an eye contact he just pretend as if he didn’t notice me . But I can tell that he is always making those signals towards me. Does that mean he is interested or it’s my imagination

  6. Emma says:

    I met a guy in the Internet and we start our friendship last month I’m going to the city that he lives in end of this month he asked me if we can meet so should I meet him and I’m having feeling that he is giving me Signals like I love to see u happy or u r awesome so do u think he sees me more than friend??!

  7. lida says:

    Omg! I just got back home from wholefoods. I saw a very attractive guy on the other line. I looked at him, he looked at me too. We exchanged a simle also, but that was all! I didn’t know how to tell him I liked him. He looked so mature and I was worried if he had a girlfriend or wife. He was sooo sooo phenomena. I’m picky and it takes month to find an attractive person. How could I start a conversation with him, he was on the other side. He would think I was a needy girl. Happy thanksgiving. Great article!

  8. Kevin@CupidTools says:

    I think one of important thing is Listening Skill:

    I think men really appreciate women who are able to just listen. They resent lectures, tips or comments about what you would do if you were in their position. You know just sitting, listening and showing that you care can go a long way in making him appreciate having you in his life. You should be patient as well, understanding that he needs to “process” his problems before he can talk about them. Let your man know that you will always be there for him whenever he needs to talk about these problems. The ability to hear and listen to a man is one of the greatest qualities men look for in women because it is so supportive and they are much more likely to reciprocate.

  9. Darla says:

    Stephen This is a good start on the basics but I know you are not plain vanilla. (btw I love plain vanilla ice cream it’s a classic sweet treat)What else do you have in your bag of ideas/goodies? I challenge you for more a part 2! There must be more to getting a guys attention! Perhaps the cliche of “less is more” rings true here.

  10. Maz says:

    Might not work every time. I’m rubbish with eye contact. One step at a time. Great how you get this ‘insider’ knowledge here. :)

    • Maz says:

      Want to add that a friend and myself think this is one of your best articles on getting attention from a guy. I really enjoy reading and watching your videos. But this is so simple. I would never have seen it in that way. Shows how men and women are wired up so differently.

  11. Lisa young says:

    Gracias Matt, I Love It!!! Strong And Interesting Points, I Can Validate Them From My Past Experiences

  12. Elken says:

    Very good, I like it. I like how it puts the girl in control of who she wants to talk to.

    I have no problem with this one at all, nothing new to me…I do this all the time if I’m interested in the guy.

    Another idea..ask a guy for direction, works all the time.

  13. Sam M. says:

    I tried to smile at a guy this day to encourage him or at least show a bit of interest.. but he isn’t even looking in my direction, so I cannot make eye contact. It seems that he’s not interested in looking at anybody. His gaze doesn’t wander, he only looks at his friends. Or he stares into space.
    Does that mean I should give up?

  14. Heidi Kolseth says:

    Seems to me you’re just telling women to make the first move here…

  15. Maz says:

    That’s not so bad. Have started doing things like that recently. Carry on with it, I guess.

  16. Emily says:

    Great, practical advice!

  17. Lauren says:

    Im going to try these out tonight! Love when you give advice on not just love but ALL expects of life. Keep it coming, handsome man :)

  18. kish says:

    I’ve done ALL these things plus engaging guys in conversation, making jokes etc. and nothing ever happens plus the guys will just go and talk to someone else who isn’t even looking at them so I’ve gone back to living in my own world and just having fun. Somehow throwing them a bone makes them see you as low value because you’re the one giving them attention or so it seems or maybe they think you’re too forward, I don’t know!

    Do women have to do this a LOT (a million times) and then maybe *one* guy will come over? Is it even worth it?

    • Phoebe says:

      In my opinion, guys need a bit of encouragement, but if he needs too many signs to make a move he’s not worth it. The guys that approached me without giving them signals weren’t American…I probably wouldn’t need a dating advice blog if I lived in Europe. lol! I’m just focusing on projecting a fun, approachable energy right now.

      • kish says:

        I think it is worth being happy and positive and projecting a welcoming air ON ITS OWN. Why? Because it is going to attract all sorts of things to you (though not everything will be what you want). Being open is good on its own-that’s how we make friends, connect with others, network etc.
        But as far as guys are concerned I’m on the fence. Yes, perhaps it might work on some guys and they might approach but this isn’t a WAY to attract guys or get them to approach. Most guys don’t do this anymore, and many just stare into space or don’t even make eye contact. Usually some very bold girl will come and make a move on them and this is how they get into relationships if at all.
        This is the Age of the Passive Guy and NOTHING you do is going to get them to approach. Sorry but this kind of cliched “advice” is rather useless in my experience and simply doesn’t work. Maybe it will encourage some PUA type–though those kinds don’t need any encouragement whatsoever.

        • Phoebe says:

          You have a point with it attracting PUA’s. I have always asked myself :”why is it when I’m smiling and approachable it almost always attracts the loser PUA types”? That’s why I said if I lived in a different country I probably wouldn’t need much advice on being approached by NORMAL GUYS. The younger twenty something guys here really lack basic social skills ( they spend their time playing video games and disconnecting from people, or they immerse themselves in PUA crap and manipulation to attract women). Not to be pessimistic, but I have yet to hear of a woman attracting a great guy randomly ( like at the park or coffee shop), usually people meet through, work, school friends. Plus my personality is too feminine for those overly passive types.

          • kish says:

            OMG you’re SO right about the video games. Yes, that’s all they do or stare into their smart phones and so they have NO social skills. They don’t even know you’re giving them signals and no amount of asking for directions or trying to make small talk works. They just answer and go back to whatever they were doing. Then they wonder why they don’t have women in their lives and get with the PUA program and manipulate women.

            These days, if a woman wants a relationship, she pretty much has to chase a guy and he just goes along for the ride.

          • kish says:

            LOL, Yeah! This is the Age of Social Media and X Box. Hence these guys have no social skills, esp. when it comes to women/dating. They have highly developed video game skills. These days it is mostly women who initiate relationships or have to give the guy really HUGE signals (e.g. I really like you would you please ask me out, how about we go to this restaurant….) in other words, the women have to do ALL the work. So giving these teeny tiny signals etc. doesn’t work.

            The thing is we can wait for the right guys to come but they won’t because they don’t exist anymore. Plus the other more forward women will move in on these guys and get them anyway. And these guys have no trouble asking for a raise, for a job, for sex–but no…they can’t ask a woman out. That’s what we have to believe. ASking out women is worse than being in combat and bungee jumping. Excuses galore!

            That said, I’m still not going to be the aggressor because I know I will have to do that in the rest of the relationship, forever. Better to be single than paired up with a passive man (even if he is a fairly good partner) and be dissatisfied. We have to pick our battles.

            As you can see from Matt’s latest post, he is giving advice on how to approach guys. This is what the world has come to–now women will start asking guys out and even proposing in the future, I am sure. How unromantic! Not that any of this will work because we will have to approach a million guys to get a single good one and we will never be sure if he is truly interested because seriously which guy wouldn’t want to go along for the ride?

          • Phoebe says:

            You are right. I’d much rather stay single than be with I guy I don’t want. I’m ALL for smiling, making eye contact, being playful…etc. but I won’t be in your face or chase after you. Very uncool and unattractive for a woman! And make no mistake, these “passive” guys turn into players once they get the attention they’ve been starving for ( from the more aggressive girls), and it’s not like those girls gained a “catch” anyway.

            I will not settle for neither the player nor the passive type. I will take into consideration Emily’s and your post and maybe meet more attractive foreign transplants. Seems they have enough guts to handle femininity and a bit of mystery in a woman.

          • kish says:

            Good for you Phoebe! Yes, it is better to not settle. My best method is actually the third one mentioned in this article–just talking, noticing details, making conversation interesting with people in your daily life.

            I try to increase my social netwoek by joining groups, meetups etc. where people can meet and interact more naturally and there is no “come hither” signaling or cold approach at a bar/grocery store/coffee shop or flirting involved–just regular conversation. I take classes to meet people, go to house parties (more intimate) which is good in general because they can introduce me to more people –some of who might be single eligible men.

            Regarding fliritng and the other types of investments to get guys to approach you, I’ve had not so good experiences with that. You are so right that even passive guys turn into flirts once they start getting attention.

            When I was Uni, I decided I would go out and flirt and make myself approachable etc. and guys what happened? I went on a day trip for students and the group leader started flirting with me though he was a bit ADD and spent time with each girl talking and laughing but it seemed friendly. I was like, why not, let’s have some fun and maybe it will lead to something better. He was engaging, listened to everything I said carefully, was funny and charming and didn’t seem like a player at all.
            He had many great qualities as I got to know him–he was smart, getting his PHD in comparative literature, was a musician and tango dancer and writer. He asked me to join his Tango class on campus and I did the following semester. There I saw that he was flirting with a few girls (he was selective in his flirting but was very bold and public about it). Each time I ran across him on campus, I would see him flirting with someone. He asked me to add him on Facebook (why couldn’t HE just add ME?). I didn’t but we have a few common friends so I got a look into his FB activity–guess what? More shameless flirting on FB, writing ardent love messages on girls walls, liking all their profile pics etc.! The messages were disguised as jokes but you could tell he was trying to flirt and hit on them.
            Then again, there was this other very cute Dutch blonde in my dept. who would keep coming to me office to chat me up. He was smart, sweet, fun, kind and good to talk to and I would flirt him when he flirted with me. Guess what? He found himself another gf (so he didn’t even ask me out but probably someone else–though it could be that SHE asked him) BUT he continued to flirt with me and kept her a secret. I found out through mutual friends and when that girl started getting territorial about him I realized they were serious. But he would still flirt with me when she wasn’t around and asked me to marry him on FB (jokingly). I stopped responding obviously and they even got engaged later on.

            So in my experience, if you flirt and invest in guys THIS is what you get. Guys who flirt, like attention but aren’t serious. They almost always start going out with some other girl (who probably is chasing them) and continue this flirting. I can’t even figure out if they are true players or insecure guys who just want attention. But behaving in a way that invites guys and encourages them to flirt only attracts PUA types, attention whores and other scum.

            I think the best route to romance is actually friendship (not being friend-zoned) or just getting to know someone as a human being without any pressure. Then if there is chemistry and courage, the relationship can be taken forward. THEN the flirting can begin. It is more fun to flirt WITHIN a relationship than outside it.

            That is why I think articles like these don’t help much. Articles that tell women to approach are even worse. They might get guys but would these guys really be worth it?

          • Phoebe says:

            Yes, Kish. Friendship before dating is the way to go. .) I know a lot of guys are afraid of being “friendzoned”, but if she finds him attractive and he doesn’t wait too long to ask her out ,it just makes him more desirable. I like your idea of taking classes rather than waiting for some random guy to approach. If we just relied on giving them signals and being approachable in public, we will be waiting a looong time!

            You are correct many guys are just looking for validation. Matt even said in his book most guys try/ dream of being James Bond but they end up like the guys in The Hangover. I wonder if that Dutch guy and that Tango guy were TRULY excited about those other girls?…sometimes I feel they settle for girls they are not crazy about ( just because it’s easier).

            I think it’s a fine line of being approachable /playful but also sending the message “if you don’t step up to the plate, you will lose me”. I am a student at a UNI but unfortunately I don’t like anyone in my classes. There is this really cute guy I spot on the campus- I saw him checking me out before but he hasn’t made a move. I bet if he saw me at a club he would have more courage.

        • Emily says:

          I’m curious what part of the US you live in, Kish. I’m from the South where guys are pretty forward when it comes to chasing a girl. For the past decade, I’ve lived abroad (where men were also forward) and am now in a west coast city (where I’ve found men to be passive). So even though I’ve gone out with a lot of Americans, most of my boyfriends have been foreign transplants. And I’ve observed that 90% of the women who move to the Northwest from the South or Midwest-when they get a guy-he’s another transplant from the South or Midwest or abroad.

          • kish says:

            I live in the North East. Guys are pretty passive there.

          • Phoebe says:

            So it’s just us after all. I live in the West Coast- if they find you attractive they will keep STARING, and they don’t have they guts to so anything unless they’ve had a drink or are desperate to get laid at a club. The ones that DO approach ( in the daytime) seem rehearsed and obviously players.
            So if you are a woman that doesn’t like to chase, but you know how to be approachable you are left with two options:
            Either date the womanizing/bad boy/player type that approach you, or change who you are and be the aggressor ( which is what the passive ones need). I’d rather stay single till I move outta here. LOl! You both confirmed my suspicions!

          • Phoebe says:

            LOL! meant to say it’s NOT just us after all!

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