Ladies You Should Be Embarrassed

This week’s video has a message I really wanted to get out to you before the New Year.

In taking this on, doors are going to open up to you that never would have before, you’re going to be free to take risks that you otherwise wouldn’t, and feel liberated that you are allowed to mess up.

It’s about why it’s important to experience embarrassment, and how to get over your fear of it.

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From The Video

It’s not an understatement to say I used to spend an enormous amount of energy trying to avoid embarrassing situations.

I would not approach a woman I was interested in because I was worried it might go wrong. I would avoid getting on stage and speaking in front of audiences for fear of looking foolish…

And the problem with avoiding embarrassment is that it prevents you from doing the things you want to do.

We wonder why the people we’re attracted to aren’t attracted to us – while everyone we’re not attracted to swarms us like flies.

The reason is, when we’re in front of the person we’re attracted to, we’re deathly afraid of embarrassment and this causes us to close down our channels, sensor ourselves, and prevents us from getting across our personalities.

There’s a case for embarrassment I want to make to you:

1) People Will Like You More

People like to see the human side of others, and we see the most human side of people when they mess up. The Pratfall Effect is the idea that if you’re perceived to be competent at something and you mess up, people will like you more.

2) It Helps You Learn

If you can allow yourself to screw up, it helps you gain the reference points to do something better next time. Failure can help lead to success, and part of failure is going through a little embarrassment here and there.

3) It Liberates You

Allowing yourself to be embarrassed is allowing yourself to get the best out of life. It’s freeing yourself up to use your creative channels and experience the greater things life has to offer. The moment you’re willing to embarrass yourself is the moment you’re completely free.

Question Of The Day:

What positive effects could it have on your life if you gave yourself permission to be whoever you wanted to be?

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

30 Responses to Ladies You Should Be Embarrassed

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  1. Barbara says:

    There is a deep sense of personal freedom when we don’t worry about what other people think. Rather than being embarrassed more people should learn to laugh at themselves. It’s a lot more fun.

  2. Tif says:

    I agree that we undergo so much more character development when we challenge ourselves.

    I am interested to know how a woman can respond in a way that demonstrates she is still ‘high value’ when a person is unnecessarily cruel or rude to her in public.

    For instance imagine this horrible scenario where a lady worked up the courage to engage with a group of men (bar/ party) and one person shuts her down with something like “Ugh I cannot believe YOU think you have a chance with any of us?”

    I believe all women will go through an awkward and embarrassing situation like this once in work or dating. When it happens, how can we respond publicly in a way that upholds our desirability and doesn’t damage our image (initiated already thanks to cruel person) even further?

    Essentially I am asking how we should handle embarrassment/humiliation IN the moment, albeit the courage and benefits gained from it later.

    Cheers! (:

  3. Faith says:

    Hi Matt, I have been watching your videos and they are all amazing! But I am a 16 yr old senior in high school and I want to ask a guy I don’t know to our MORP dance. Im not quite sure how to introduce myself without being weird, because we’ve seen one another but we don’t know each other at all. I’m not sure how to apply your tips to the HS dating scene. I need your help!
    Thanks Matt!!

  4. Diane says:

    Thank you Matthew! Another great video!! I love the way you explain your ideas – always deep – and to the core.

    I guess if we could watch ourselves we would see ourselves more clearly – so stiff in one case – and carefree in the other.

    I am definitely going to use this idea tomorrow – Cheers! Happy New Year Matthew!!

    Diane

  5. Izabella says:

    Yup I’ll be going for my 1st salsa dance lesson ! ^_^ YAY! 1st time ever on this venture. Toe/foot stepping might be unavoidable but that’s alright. lol Thank You very much for putting up such interesting videos ^_^ And we would like to see the human side of you too. Winks

  6. Kaja says:

    This is my biggest crime against finding love, I guess. I’m always so terribly self-conscious about getting embarrassed and because of that I’m never playful or fun! I’m always super serious and boring, because I’m so scared of saying something stupid or acting stupid or even making a weird facial expression like you said. Thank you for putting out this video, I’m sure it’ll prove helpful! ;)

    Btw, I bought your book a few months ago and it has completely and thoroughly changed my mindset and the ways I used to think about finding love. The book is extremely informative! I love such concrete advice. You were born to be a coach Matthew!

  7. Anna says:

    I love arguments. You don’t just say that this is how it is, you actually explain it with great examples. Your videos are never enough for me, I always want more . Please do longer videos Matty haha :}

  8. Dina says:

    From December 1st,every single day, I am dating or talking to at least one strange guy , I go to bed late and wake up early not to miss any moment that I may see him!
    But still! No! No! No! How can I find him till New Years midnight!

  9. Dyonisia says:

    Oops! Dare I be seen and heard?!
    Upon my word!
    Hey world, watch this space!

    What happy connections come from being human!
    From our daring, our risking!
    Our debunking of perfectionism!

    I was looking for work, working like a dog. No, harder!
    Non-stop!
    Got dog tired and thirsty.
    Bumped into a bearded guy by the coffee machine.
    Literally stumbled !
    Chatted about Youth hostels, walking, Scotland..
    (Random human moment !) Accidentally landed a job from this !
    Now it’s time to land my Guy !

    Thanks Matt, I love your natural way of sharing great human learning
    your clarity and enthusiasm !

    Such a pleasure to open your videos!

    xx

  10. Amrew says:

    Thanks for posting this Matt, I needed to hear this especially with 2014 around the corner. Happy New to you! All the best and thanks for everything!

  11. Ruth says:

    I embarrassed myself this Christmas by trumping in front of a whole room full of people i don’t know that well, OMG i was mortified, though my niece thought it was the funniest thing ever! I’ve now started doing pelvic floor exercises again…
    Going on a date tomorrow where I’m going to the golf driving range hoping to make an idiot of myself ;)

  12. Paula says:

    It’s so true what you said about why those we are unattracted to, always fall head over heels for us. But I have a similar question, what makes guys we are unattracted to so bold to come up and approach us, yet the guys we are so attracted to, won’t make a move? I try your approach in making eye contact more than one time, standing closer to where they are standing so as to make it easier for them to approach. It doesn’t work for me!

    The other night at this nightclub, me and this guy must have exchanged a gazillion glances. Me and my friend walked past him numerous times. I was open and approachable, laughing, smiling, have fun. STILL, he did not approach. I went over to him myself because I knew he was interested, it was that obvious, yet I still made the move. After a little conversation, he admitted that even tho we’re both attractive, he didn’t want to look like a creep.

    Please tell me why a guy would feel like a creep when I sent him many flirty glances?? What more do they need Matt? I feel like the roles have reversed and I have to do all the chasing now. So, what gives unattractive guys such confidence, and the studs zero confidence? It makes no sense to me.

    • Andrea says:

      @Paula
      If all your flirty glances did not motivate him to make a move and made him fear he could be a creep, then maybe he has serious psychological issues and you would not want to spend time dating him in the end.

      You wonder why some men have the nerve to address a very good-looking woman. I don’t know who once said that women often worry about every little thing regarding their looks, and a man may be obese but looks down on himself and says “I can still see my feet – so I am Mr. World 2014.”.I think it might have been a comedian who said that, but there may be some truth in it.

      When a guy does not react to flirty glances, I say to myself “the next one please”.

      • Dal says:

        Somewhere I learnt this from Matt: An unattractive guy has nothing to lose by going up to a pretty lady in front of people. But an attractive guy, he’s known as a stud, and in the eyes of his friends should be able to charm a lady successfully. So it’s easier for him not to go up at all than risk the blow to his reputation if you reject him.

  13. Joann Reisman says:

    Having things happen and being able to laugh at it; instead of becoming embarrassed; is freeing. What a fabulous new perspective. Thank you again, Matthew for your phenomenal insight!

  14. Melanie says:

    Brings to light that age old saying: Ships are at their safest in the harbour, but that’s not what ships are for.

  15. Tammy says:

    Loved your video this week Matt!! Loved it and love love love you!!!
    ~Tammy ;)

  16. Jill says:

    I’m so glad you posted this BECAUSE I have been thinking of some of the goofy things I’ve done in my life and I cringe BUT it’s important to remember that we have all done “stupid” things and that’s what makes life so wonderfully perfect :)

  17. Mariana says:

    Thanks for this video, Its like you read my mind or something, because I get embarrased really easily, but thanks to youre tips and encouragement Im going to go out there and try new things.
    Thanks again :)

  18. Holly Klein says:

    Matt,

    This could be my most favorite video you have done!! I really think that if I didn’t care what people thought of me I wouldn’t be so afraid to make bigger waves…. Something new to work on!

    Happy Holidays
    Holly

  19. Andrea says:

    Thank you, Matt, for this message. I really needed to hear that right today.
    Your question of the day is interesting. Actually nobody forbids me to be who I really am.It is just ME who – when I think a guy is cute – snaps into this “what do I do now so that he likes me” mode. And this mode is bullshit, because I want a guy to like me the way I am. In theory I know that, I only hope I can put that into practice.

    In the past days I bought a lot of tickets to various events and will go there alone and have committed myself to talking to strangers at all of these locations.

    It is true that people who show weaknesses are more likable. I have a wonderful neighbour (75 years old, female) and before I visited her in her house the first time I always thought that she is the perfect housewife and that I cannot invite her to my home because I occasionally have a bit of chaos. One day I rang her doorbell because I needed an ingredient for cooking. My neighbour opened the door and said “come in quickly – and don’t be shocked, I always wear my old cut-off jogging pants and walk barefooted when I clean my apartment”. I had only seen herwith a perfectly ironed apron before. This made her more humane, and I realized I do not have to be afraid to be embarrassed because other people also cook with water only.

    I have often noticed that I am more relaxed around men who are in the “not available” category (= married). Then I am thinking “they are just pals and they cannot be interested in me after all….they are married….so I do not need to waste time thinking about whether they like what I say.” And then quite a number of them are fascinated by me and I have to set boundaries.

    What I want to do now is I no longer want to think about how I can impress a guy. A guy has to like me the way I am or he is the wrong guy.

    Thanks, Matt

    • Andrea says:

      I want to take my neighbour aa an example. She did not care about being embarrassed when I saw her in her ragged pants revealing half of her legs…..

  20. Angela K says:

    Dear Matthew,
    I am seeing someone right now and he really likes me and wants to be with me, but I’m not going to continue dating him because I’m too embarrassed to introduce him to my friends and family because he is overweight and doesn’t have any bottom teeth. I know you may think I’m shallow but I really don’t fancy him, it is important to find them attractive though isn’t it ?? The two people that I have introduced him to say that I can do much better ,

    Love you Matt !!!!

    Angela K

    • Angela K says:

      Oh yes, and he drinks too much alcohol whereas I’m teetotal

      • Andrea says:

        Don’t worry. You are not shallow. It is the right thing to stop seeing somebody who drinks too much alcohol and who looks after himself so little that he looses his teeth.
        Don’t ever date an addict – even when he has got all the teeth. Someone else’s addiction will only pull you down as well.

        You deserve somebody who loves and respects himself and who loves you and not the alcohol.
        I used to be married with an alcoholic, and soaber alcoholics (I mean guys who have not drunk one sip of alcohol in years) have told me that someone who drinks will always love the addictive substance, and the woman at best is a side product who enables him to keep drinking.

        You sure deserve better than that. Anybody does.

        • Angela K says:

          Thank you Andrea, you have helped me feel better about it. I really don’t like alcohol, the smell the taste and also the way it makes people out of control. Also as a med student, I’m very aware of the health problems from alcohol consumption.
          As for his teeth, it was through poor hygiene and it is most repulsive.
          But it was kind of you to reply to me and I certainly hope that you are getting the good things that you deserve in life and that Matthew Husseys work is guiding you along x

          • Andrea says:

            Hi Angela, I am glad I was able to help you.
            There are so many nice guys who do not like alcohol. You will meet somebody after all. And you will have more fun with an alcohol-free guy. After all alcohol is not good for potency. :-))

            One day you will surely like to get married and have kids and then you need a partner who makes you (and not a bottle of alcohol) his number one and who sets a good example for kids that the two of you have.

            If that acoholic does not leave you alone, I would change the phone number. Be consistent.

            Shallow is something completely different. Shallow is if you meet a guy who is intelligent, looks after himself, adores you, shares hobbies with you, wants to spend the rest of his life with you and you say “I love him but he is blonde and I am into black hair – so I am going to dump him”. That is shallow – everthing else is not. ;-)

        • Holly Klein says:

          Well said ladies!!

          I agree 100% never settle for someone who treats you badly or dose things you don’t want in your life. It’s easy to believe that “nobody else will want me” or something negative, as the negative is always easy to believe.

          I hope you are both having a lovely Holiday
          Holly

  21. Nicolioli says:

    I’m streeeenuously trying to soothe my embarrassement with this video. A week ago I was on a date with this guy I’ve been seeing a couple of times. We are still at this stage of getting known to each-other i.e being all pretty and impeccable. And what happens? My leggins and panties slip lightly and my well my butt crack is unveiled!!! He takes notice of that, says it, and pulls up my pants for me from behind. I managed to laugh it off, but maaaan i am 100% sure the core of the earth is not finite.

    • Holly Klein says:

      Don’t feel bad!!!
      That’s the cute story people talk about later in their relationship  Look on the bright side now he knows you wear cute underwear….
      Holly

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