The Major RED FLAG You Should Never Ignore in a Man…

It’s so easy to ignore all the warning signs from men.

You like him. He has a good career. You have amazing sexual chemistry. But there are things that you know make him wrong for a relationship:

  • His wandering eye…
  • His emotional withdrawal…
  • His selfish, narcissistic behavior…

If you’ve ever been tempted to stay with a guy despite everything your gut tells you, please watch this video now, before you do anything else today.


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100 Responses to The Major RED FLAG You Should Never Ignore in a Man…

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  1. Agge says:

    I love this video and it totally and absolutely true that one day wager is totally risky and not worth the time to invest into..I totally believe the other path should be the way and better chance and better option..I love the quote given and it really a profound reminder to all of us…Thank you so much for this video…

  2. Heather says:

    LOVE the “One-Day Wager”, so much truth.

    And your hair looks amazing in this video!

  3. Elise says:

    Your acting is wonderful. Your Australian accent is perfect. Matthew, please come to Australia. You’re welcome in my backyard anytime ;-)

  4. Mili says:

    Come to México

  5. Kate says:

    I have made this wager with very bad outcomes! Totally agree with this video and I think it’s also important to know that just bc someone says that they want to change doesn’t mean they really want to unless you’re seeing actions to back up the words! Thanks Matthew!

  6. Jessica says:

    Thank you for delivering this all too important message. It’s at the heart of self-respect and self-love. I feel your sincere desire to help people. Fantastic content.

  7. Susan says:

    I think this is one of the BEST videos you have made yet. I agree with 100% of your words. I have been in a relationship like this before.

  8. Jessy says:

    Hey this video was really helpful. I usually tend to acknowledge and then ignore red flags which of course doesn’t lead to healthy relationships. For the first time I am really trying to work on my codependency and be single to better myself so that when I do meet the right guy I am ready. And I just wanted to thank for you for your sincere and nonjudgemental encouragement.

  9. zara says:

    I wish, like when two ends of a magnet of same poles powerfully repel, that we would have a way to strongly repel against that which was wrong for us. Thank you for these Red flags. Some more like these might be helpful for those of us risking the capital of our life, the ever ticking precious time.

  10. Sophie says:

    I love vanilla! I love simplicity too.
    And I love you Matt! This vid is perfect for me at the moment.
    Thank you so much.

  11. Linda says:

    But vanilla makes things taste very good!! Far from boring!! Very essential and yummy! Lol

  12. Candy kaiser says:

    OMG, Matt. You are so goofy. Such a guy, goofy guy. As unattractive as you tried to make yourself I still had very naughty thoughts about what I wanted to do with you. Moving on…you said “Just because it’s simple doesn’t mean it’s boring” I use ‘boring’ which means something really wonderful to me and it gives others the wrong impression. My life is so hectic right now: working 60 hours a week, coming home and attending to my home, my finances, my body, my mind and soul, and having a social life. All on my own and I don’t have the luxury of having an assistant like someone I know. Boring to me means the second part to the ‘bliss point’. Where I can relax, be totally out of my head and silly with the person I love. The sweet to my salty. Oh yeah, the books and movie’s. You are not wrong because you are coming from the viewpoint of a coach that wants only the best for his followers. My take is different. Of course I read the books. Not true, because I was so bored with the third I couldn’t finish. I could barely finish the second. But, it’s entertainment with kinky sex. She wants the sex with him. Don’t kid yourself. That’s why she rejected everyone else-she would have been disappointed. He gave her those ultimatums because he was testing her. Men say and do things that get a response from the one they are interviewing for their life partner. This is a story of transformation and change (with a lot of kinky sex) and they both need each other/love each other.

  13. Elizabeth says:

    Lol!!! Mathew is funny:D and yes he is very right, it is too risky to invest in someone and hoping he will change after he has told you the kind of relationship he wants, been there done that it didn’t work.

  14. Stefy says:

    FYI Matthew, vanilla does not mean boring at all lol. Just means that bdsm is not your lifestyle.

  15. Isabel Sobczak says:

    Matthew,
    Your consistency is refreshing. It’s encouraging to witness, albeit through this medium, the strong character of a man who is vulnerable and wants good – Keep steadfast and thank you!

  16. Tracey says:

    50 shades is a pathetic movie about coersive sex. About a guy being comfortable pushing a woman beyond what she wants and thinking its okay. It would be rape if she was not attracted to him….. Christian is a presumptious asshole…..who uses her affection to manipulate her

  17. Mónica says:

    Very interesting and real, as always.
    The only thing that surprised me was the music that started getting to the end. Is had to hear Matt. Is too loud.

  18. Loving my Life in Colorado says:

    You are SPOT ON!!! Thanks for being so genuinely real! If I could, can I take you home with me? :)

    I have been following you since day one. You and your brother Stephen has been my guiding compass to my self esteem. Guess what it works!

    I got out of my comfort zone as a deaf lady and went with my hearing friend to a bar. I met this gorgeous guy who looked like Mark Wahlberg. We hit it off. We are learning about each other. I feel good about myself in a long time. I know that I will be able to meet more guys after believing in myself.

    Thank you for being REAL. You are right, we cannot change others! We can only change within our selves.

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  19. Claudia Arias Soto Sarmiento says:

    Hi Matthew. Thanks for every post and video you share with us.
    I can tell, I was one of those people to stay with someone because I have the feeling or hope that maybe it will be a change. But you know and as you say, it’s a process of growth and self-knowledge but more important the awareness and decision. I love what they do. I am a coach too and listening, empowering and accompanying people in their growth is what motivates me to keep improving. Thanks again.

  20. Catherine says:

    Hey Matt you are really funny guy your advices are really great would like to have a men like you with such a knowledge.
    You know I feel like always falling into the same trap with the men at the beginning (1-2 months of a realationship) everything is pink the guy often manifests and is cute etc, after a wile it calms down and i get the impression of being forgotten, what shall i do must i put the man under pressure and by the same way taking the risk of losing him or shall i act like everything is okay?

    Catherine

  21. Sandra says:

    Hi Matthew. Thank you so much for this video. Best one
    I’ve heard. All your points are spot on and I agree 100% with all you shared. I need to share this video with as many women I know.

  22. Mireille says:

    Hi Matthew, a year ago i subscribed for ‘Get the guy’ and it was amazing because at the end of the program I finally realized that I was putting myself in the weak position you describe here. Depending on a guy with wandering eyes (and rest of his body), emotional bunker-person, …a narcist. I came to understand that because I met him very young, coming from a Christian background, having 3 kids with him… got so attached to him and that “family ideal image” that i did not live but it ruled and enslaved me – so did he.
    THANKS to your program I learned to let go – while i first came to the program chasing after him :-D
    I am so happy now – finally LOVE LIFE ;-)!

  23. Jamia Ahmad says:

    Hi! I’ve been enjoying your videos for quite a while now! But there’s something else that I have a problem with. I have this ‘hate’ issue! I don’t like to be around or talk to the people I don’t like. And I don’t know how to get over it. I don’t be downright rude to them, I kind of just listen them and pray hard inside that this conversation ends soon. And seize the opportunity to leave that conversation right when I have it. Sometimes it makes me feel that they might have understood that I don’t like them. And when I’m not around them it makes me feel bad and I wanna be nicer the next time. But whenever I see them again I just can’t help it! Is there a way to make it easier? Or should I just force myself into being ‘nicer’? Who knows if that ever’s gonna happen!
    And by the way Matthew, the way you keep the ‘T’s at the end of a words silent almost all the time, is an absolute turn on!

  24. Love says:

    Matt seems pretty sensual, I can’t imagine he’s vanilla or boring at all behind closed doors, but that’s just me.

  25. aGnes says:

    Matthew, u r definitely amazing! My name’s aGneS, from Hong Kong. My bf said I am such a adorable girl that act sometimes like a little girl, jealous n curious^_^ but sometimes act so mature. (It’s all because of u, Matthew ! ) love u ! Love ur coaching sooooooo much .

  26. Dian1422Nao says:

    this video made my tears drop again, coz old memories came in flash again, I’ve been through this “one day” wager, n it was end hurtful, just broken heart on my side

  27. Dale says:

    Spot on Matthew, love how you put it across, I dated a narcissist and he was a BAD one, learnt the hard way, but I have definitely learnt, funny thing is people throw the term narcissist around so freely, they think if a guy cheats that makes him a narcissist so much more to the mental illness than that.

  28. Cathy says:

    Masterful response, Matthew!!! Your clear vision helps us see more clearly. Your words, and the emotion that imbues your words, lead us to greater understanding. Plus a great sense of humor and a magnanimous heart!

  29. Leecis says:

    Yea that path of change is not the easy one.
    One word of caution, the more high value you become, the harder It is to find a match.

  30. Cassie says:

    Geez, Matt…I apologize for my harsh words after your 50 Shades video. I’ve been involved, and I use the term loosely, with a real life Christian Grey for 7 years. He is SO smart, funny, ambitious, gorgeous, charismatic and the list goes on. We have such a wonderful time together, great conversation, amazing sex, etc. I really do love him with all my heart. But I really do not think he can give me what I need. We’d go for literally months without talking, but I was always so happy to hear from him that even though I was hurt, I would still go see him. Then he moved last year to start a business, but we still talk and I miss him so much! I’ve tried to date other guys but no one interests me AT ALL. I need to move in a few months and want to make a fresh start and go somewhere totally new. But if we are not meant to be together, I wonder will I ever get over him? Will I ever find someone better that still has all his fantastic qualities?

  31. Tara Engle says:

    This truly hit home! My ex was a true narcissist and made me feel like everything that was happening was my fault! I caught him checking out women, talking to women, cheating. I finally got out and realized I deserve more! Thank you you helped me realize if

  32. Lbcc says:

    You’re so right on. Stay away from the narcissists. They will gut you.

  33. Lisa says:

    You hit it on the nail Matthew OMG!!! You are absolutely right! I was in a marriage for 25 years hoping he’d change but nevwr did. Finally left him 3yrs ago…best decision I ever made but wish I wouldn’t have waited so long…

  34. janine says:

    oh crap….I mean “amazing up bringing from the females & males around you”…. lol from a real Aussie

  35. janine says:

    LOL… have loved all your spoofs of FSOGrey!!!! Totally agree its not about the sexual desire that make it a crap/bad story…. the plot is basically the old mills & boons story line where the girl is innocent virgin with yes low self esteem & male rich – normally older emotionally unavailable, obsessive, ridiculously handsome man who somehow with her devotion & completely giving herself away to this man (&don’t mean sex) he somehow miraculously is changed into the man of her dreams.

    You are so spot on Matt its scary & so glad a male can see it too ( thanks to the amazing up bringing of the females & males around you!!!!)

    And its is still pretty much the basic rom storyline we have had to model off for wayyyyy too long in main media.

    Really need more spoofs & better more healthy relationship storyline in tv, film & books cause that’s what we model our lives on girls!!!!

  36. Lori says:

    Matthew, your “One Day” bet is the best advice you’ve ever given. And I love that you come from a place of humility and empathy – and not righteousness. Love it and you!

  37. Pepper says:

    If only I had understood this 30 years ago…
    As always, highly informative and entertaining, but please drop the creepy background music.

  38. Lorraine says:

    Brilliant and so honest. Women need to hear this matthew, you are caring and concerned for women, i totally respect you as a life coach/dating expert because this shows how much you care…this video is soooo true…i speak from experience.
    Blessings.

  39. Kara says:

    Matthew, thank you for this video. I know I’m not the only woman who can relate to this. Very encouraging!

  40. Sindhu says:

    you’re not Australian? Ok bye LOL

  41. Pamela Kay says:

    I think the other big fantasy is — a GAZILLIONAIRE incredibly handsome guy (think: Bill Gates crossed with JFK, Jr.) wants to take care of her the rest of her life and buy her all kinds of crap (Audi, laptop, rare books, etc), so she never has to work the rest of her life!

    I wouldn’t dismiss the whole financial/pay for everything, buy her whatever she wants — in a BIG WAY! — angle.

    Oh, and she’s a complete innocent who gets to eat WHATEVER SHE WANTS AND NEVER GAINS AN INCH!!! (another fantasy)

  42. Angie says:

    Hey Matt!
    Thanks for your insights! I’m currently in a relationship with a guy, but it is still quite fresh and I wonder if I went into it too soon! I feel the more I get to know him, the more I see our differences, especially when it comes to interests! He is a very sporty guy and goes to the gym more or less everyday, and I can’t hardly drag myself to yoga class once a week. I have a lot of interests, and thinks I enjoy doing, while he seem to only be interested in football (both watching and playing), going to the gym, smoking weed and partying. He also works nights so our rhythms are very different. When we are together we usually just smoke, cook, watch something and have sex (sometimes).

    I love sex, and would like it more or less everyday, while he sometimes come with comments saying I’m a sex addict and so on. I get turned off by that, and I don’t want to push myself on him. I feel like he don’t want me or he just takes me for granted so I have stopped encouraging sex and wait for his initiative instead. Result? We didn’t have sex for almost 5 days!

    I feel I’m loosing more and more interest in him, because he is always so reluctant. I don’t really miss him anymore either, earlier I would think of him alot and looking forward to our next meeting. I’m getting bored by him, and he need to step up his game. I do love him though, he is the nicest, kindest guy I have dated ever, and we do laugh a lot. I just feel we are getting stuck in boyfriend/girlfriend mood, taking each other for granted, not doing exciting stuff!

    I want him to ask me out, do something cool, but I seem to be the one always having to bring up “alternative” things to do. How can I make him take initiative more?

  43. Wendy says:

    Hiya Matthew, ive listened to a few of your videos hoping I could find out how to get rid of men, I have three ex’s who just won’t leave me to be. One ex from 22yrs ago, one from 17yrs and another from 5yrs ago. These are the years we are not together from. Two years ago I met a wonderful man, I would like to move forward with him but although I have moved several times my ex’s find out where and will move to the same town as me. I have always felt uneasy about this as does my boyfriend, please, I hope you can help me, I feel ive been cursed and tried everything but nothng helps, thank you wendy

  44. Jenny says:

    I broke up with my ex bf a few days ago, he was a liar, unfaithful and unloyal…dated 1yr 3months… And I don’t plan to get back with him anytime soon, Maybe will consider him when he matures and is older but hopefully will find someone else before then..but he is still clingy and keeps chasing me and Hasn’t changed his FB status and actually puts our pics in his cover and profile ….dont know what to do he said even tho I don’t like it that he still uploads pics of us that his heart still desires and told me he will give me my time and will ask me out again when he matures…not sure if I want that though

  45. Jenna Pye says:

    Thank you so much Matthew for this video today, it’s like you knew exactly what I needed to hear. I walked away last night from a relationship that I have been trying to save with a man who was not worth saving it for. As I sat here wondering if I should call your video popped up in my email and renewed my faith that I had finally done the best thing for myself. So thank you a million times over, you made a a bad day much better.

  46. Lisa says:

    MH you are super hot and DO NOT need shaded of grey or any other weirdness. Plus I think this shit is put out by the Illuminati to fray and pervert our civil society. Women suffer more violence in our society and the statistics show it. How about movies that model mutual respect.

    Lisa

  47. Syd says:

    the movie isn’t even sexy. There seems like zero chemistry between the actors.

    i like eating in bed… Maybe with slightly less enthusiasm

  48. MaryK says:

    Thank you so much. I want all young women to hear this message loud and clear. I wasted 30years with a man trying to get him emotionally and physically to connect. At the end I realized I was only trying to paste on arms and legs to a man who did not have nor want to emotionally connect in a meaningful relationship. Girls you’re beautiful. Don’t waste your time and youth to only be worn out and lonely. Strive For your change and you will at least look in the mirror with respect and love for yourself.

  49. Liz says:

    Fucken Matthew you made me cry! Lol Thank you. That quote really hit me. It it’s a reality we need to face sometimes. A childhood friend of mine stayed in a relationship with a man for 12 years where he focused on his needs and wants and ignored hers. In that time they never lived together or had children. Zero signs of wanting to commit. In the past year she’s been trying to put the pieces together. I too have feelings and great chemistry with a man who is afraid of commitment, but thank you for your words as they reminded me of how I don’t want to go through what my friend did. PS vanilla is awesome. You can add other toppings to make it even better!!!!

  50. Liza says:

    Matt, you ARE funny. In fact, you are hilarious. I loved the cold vanilla ice cream quip. I think you should just keep on pushing the envelope.

  51. Heather says:

    Matt, it is so refreshing to hear a guy get why these urban myth-type movies are so outrageous compared to real life/the real world. You nailed it. The guy always comes around/is in the movies, but almost never off screen. I believe it gives false hope and puts unrealistic expectations on people/men who are actually being quite clear on who they are and what they want. We should listen vs. hope our actions and/or intentions can change someone and what they are looking for.

  52. lin says:

    Hi Matthew
    after that bookseries was so prevalent I went to local library to borrow the first book. I wanted to know what made that book so a beststeller.
    After the first -dont know 10?- pages that book felt out of my hands. I felt pure nausea and my heart went down. Not because of any content I`ve read but knowing that there was such a broad agreement on the concept.
    -A woman of such low selfesteem shall be a mirror or a rolemodel? -A man of zero empathy being presented as a example of success and subject of wildest dreams?
    I am truly glad that you state firmly from an experts and male the point of view that the hidden truth behind the blindening form in which it is presented is harmful and not something to be swallowed just because its popular to do so.
    You`re a rockstar. Thank you. Lin

  53. Carolina says:

    I totally agree with your comments! But I was so distracted by your shirt, I was rather small for your shoulder, you should be carefull with that!

  54. Ingrid says:

    Dear Matthew, it is always very refreshing and helpful to watch your videos. your videos are responsable for my latest laughlines in my face. I always have a big smile when i watch them.

  55. I wandered Lonely ad a Cloud says:

    Dear Matthew, I’m new to relationships as I always thought the guy I’ll meet, he will be an arranged marriage. I met a guy online and I felt attracted to him with my brain and I was taking my brain along with me. He has been asking to meet or for me to send a photo of me and I really don’t feel like I want to do that just yet. I don’t feel I want him to know how I look like or me to know how HE looks like as I always feel I lose my interest in any guy after I see their photos (even handsome ones, I’d find a fault in them if I did not feel the instant loss of interest)

    In you video, u spoke about the fantasise, well I feel I’m imposing the perfect gentleman that I created in my head on any guy I meet. So I know about this part very well. Which is why I’m taking my brain every step of the way with this one and I don’t want to mess things up with him, but I also don’t want to give up too much from my perfect gentleman as there are fundamental and I won’t accept any less.

    Now I feel I’m gonna have a really tricky conversation with him to slow things down and voice out my needs and what I expect of the relationship moving forward, but I was thinking I probably would face hard time with him as he always has a way to make me feel guilty, or silly or a drama queen, while I believe that what I demand (like slowing things down a bit as I feel that my feelings isn’t catching up and I need to think things through to make sure it’s right for me) are reasonable and rational (too rational sometimes it bugs me). But he complains sometimes that I think too much and ask (so u say u don’t want this?) Or if there is something I know he knows is not acceptable at that stage of the relationship to say (hints to phone sex) he would go (why? That’s normal)

    I feel we can be suited for each other if we put efforts into it, as we both share things in common, but … is that all? Like, should I go on in this relationship cuz of this only? While ignoring other things that I feel are alarming just for the sake of not losing what we have?

    I don’t know, we’l see what happens,,

    Thanks for this video, it was what I needed to hear

  56. Cari says:

    LOVE YOUR VIDEOS! They speak to me so loudly and I am listening! Can’t wait for the next! . Great work my friend!

  57. Daniela says:

    So very true! Thank you for reiterating that.

  58. Nathalie says:

    Oh and regarding vanilla!

    Oh Matt, you sound like the king whose daughter said she loved him like salt (he banned her for it, not understanding the magnitude, haha).

    Vanilla!
    That aroma and smell, so much like a warm hug from a dear friend!
    Imagine a world without vanilla!
    What a sad place it would be!

    This woman was giving you a lovely compliment, Sir.
    And, you’re welcome for the translation! :P

  59. Faizah says:

    Yes, I cried.
    I took the other path a year ago, but this video hit me deep.

    Thank you.

  60. Julie MacKenzie says:

    The advice was awesome…Love the blooper reel at the end…so funny! LOL! Keep the videos coming Matthew…Love them! I don’t think you are VANILLA….LOL! ;)

  61. Sandra says:

    Great discussion about the fantasy of changing another person versus how hard it is in reality. Thank you for touching on such an important topic Matthew!

  62. Katie says:

    You have this “right on” Matthew. When I watched the first movie, it actually made me feel sick to my stomach. I was in a codependent relationship with a narcissist for 18 years and now when I see these kinds of relationships “in play,” it makes me realize how sick I was for so long. Thank God I got help and can recognize it now. And thank YOU…for bringing this awareness to other people. If I had known sooner what was going on, I wouldn’t have suffered with so much pain for so many years.

    You are awesome!!

  63. Pat says:

    It is so true. I recently learned a lesson from recent breakup. People don’t change easily and please don’t waste your precious time waiting for them to change. Better yet, is easiler to take control and move on yourself.

  64. Eve says:

    Hello, Matthew, I totally agree with your points on waiting for someone to change for you is a waste of time. I’m not sure why people go into relationships thinking they should change someone else because no one wants to be manipulated thinking that they were liked for who they are just to be changed after a commitment has been made. I really enjoy the work you’re doing on educating others on being true to themselves and others while looking for the love of their life.

  65. Kelly says:

    Great message! Love this. XO.

  66. Anne says:

    OMG! Wish you have posted this video 28 months ago. Everything you said in this video happened to me.
    I met a man and he told me over and over that he was separated and still saying, even when I can see he is back with his ex. He used me emotionally and physically, but he was so clever. He gave lots of his time and went to places with me, but has never commited all the way. Was always with one foot in and another out, and I kept hoping and hoping. After while he starting pushing the boundaries and even suggested we had sex and his friend and his girlfriend watch us. When I got mad about it he said he was doing for me. For me? I have never asked for it. I am not interest in it. He used me as a therapist, as an insite into understand how we women think and how we solve relationship issues. He would talk about senarios with his friend and his wife and asked what I think. Stupid me, would say, well I would do this or that. If I was in his shoes I would do this way. I did not realized it was what was going in his house, with him. After a few months he got his marraige back, as of yesterday still telling he was not back with his ex. I was femoted from girlfriend, to casual to booty call and now to a punching bag. Anytime he gets upset with her, he says something hurtful to me, like two days ago ” I do no love you and I am not in love with you. We are just good friends”. Everytime I say I am walking out, he gives some time together. When he feels I am back in he starts ignoring me again. I am so glad I saw this video this morning so I can take my life back and save my soul while I still can, because I am broke, right now, destryed. This man took everything away from me. My pride, my dignity, my confidence, my self esteem. Everything. I am ashemed of myself. ASHAMED of who I am and who I became in this relationsh–t. Like you said Mathew. He did not give anything I wanted but he took everything he wanted. I am broken in thousands of pieces.

  67. Sidika says:

    is Matthew actually in a love relationship?

  68. Maria Valks says:

    There are many many narcissists out there who are like those dandelions in the garden , they look like flowers but when you get closer, there isn’t a snif of sweet and warm vanilla scent but an odor of dead skunk ! so to all those women out there : Please don’t let your beautiful scented flower that you are neutralize that awful skunk mist.

    I understand we woman are born with a nurturing heart, we blindly believe we must make the wrong right by in this case, feeling sorry for him and trying to change him.
    How about keeping the pants up until we find true love and then let the kindness of our motherly nature , nurture the real love between two people and not just the man.

    Thank you Matthew for sharing your love and wisdom.

    Btw Vanilla is far from boring.

    Tons of love

    Maria

  69. Suzy says:

    I can’t believe I woke up to this because for the past year I did everything for a guy that I fell in love with not realizing that he’s a sociopath & he’s narcissistic. He lied to me, used me & I was betrayed. After one year of helping this guy, letting him borrow over $6,000 bc his ex girlfriend left him in a financial hole, he pushed me away, he said the most awful things that anyone has ever said to me, he lied to me & I found out from friends that he’s been engaged to this girl for weeks but he didn’t tell me. He lied for more help & more money. Absolutely heartbroken. Just praying that the pain stops soon. Thank you for all of your help & advice

  70. Stefanie says:

    Hey, you better should stop with that videos, because you make me fall in love with your voice;-)
    Greetings Stefanie.

  71. Romaissa bechane says:

    U just made me cry :’) am taking the other path …. I can’t find my heaven when am too busy chasing hell

  72. Lorena Caleffi says:

    Matt
    Your commitment to your core beliefs is..(thinking about the words because english isn’t my native language…)… inspirational!!
    About the Fifty Shades, Anastasia sounds like Anesthesia… the girl needs to put to sleep her own wishes and desires in order to gain some moments of pleasure, isn’t it?
    I think I never heard music on other videos… Why did you decide for a background song in this one?

  73. Kat says:

    You miss the fact that sometimes the fantasy from a book isn’t the one we want in real life. All the ‘falling for an assassin’, violent men, etc. It’s an indulgent fantasy which to most women won’t be something they even want in real life. In a book, conflict is exciting, in a book I love the ‘loveable bastard’. In real life I wouldn’t approach him or enjoy his company.

    I usually love your videos Matt, but this one really hit on a nerve, because so often women in the romance book community get patronized for what they read. Men get the fantasy of saving the world in Bond movies and no one seems to pop-up telling them, “Wait, actually, don’t get too hyped up, it wouldn’t work for you in real life”.

  74. Malokinji says:

    You are all so comical, I love it! If only more men knew how important a trait like being able to make a girl laugh, really is.

    I think this particular subject deserves more time. I think some of us get stuck wanting to be the girl who inspired them to ‘change’, and we can oftentimes tie our value and worth to whether we can achieve that and get them to commit.

    In your email, you mentioned emotional withdrawal, but didn’t go into much detail on this particular trait in your video. I know I’ve been prone to tricking myself into thinking it’s because he’d been hurt, or because he’s guarded – when it is nearly always a reflection of their incapability to really open up emotionally and connect on a deeper level.

    And at the time, we think we’re okay with it, he’ll come around…exactly the ‘one-day wager’ mentality. What I’ve come to realize myself is that, by remaining in a relationship like this – it very subtly, almost imperceptibly, erodes your self-esteem. And before you know it, you’re someone else. Someone who would never have allowed herself to be treated so nonchalantly.

    So while it may seem fine, maybe you’ll break through that wall “one day”, or maybe one day he’ll just decide to stay…
    One day you’ll wake up wanting more from him. That same imperceptible niggling will grow and you’ll realize just how long you have not had your emotional needs met. And years have passed.

    Thanks Matthew – please spend more time on this subject, I think it happens more often than we care to admit.

  75. emmm says:

    Thank you so much to make this crystal clear. You definitely have a gift of grabbing the right concepts out of real life and put it in plain and funny words.

  76. Noura says:

    We should call it the “someday challenge”, because what we’re really doing is waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting…for someday…and all they do is promise “someday”. Before you know it, 3 years have passed that we never get back.

    Love the satire-brilliant!

  77. Nathalie says:

    ah Matt, I do love your special combination of heart and mind, so palpable in this one!
    Thank you :)

  78. Neky Kamarudin says:

    What a profound self-awakening message. Thank you so much for the advise and constant reminder. Even though we woman should already know about it, but we tend to side track .

  79. Emma says:

    The bet is never worth taking. By taking it you change who you are and become a person different to the one they thought they knew anyway, so it always ends badly. You end feeling resentful, trapped and disappointed that people don’t change… Far easier to accept the way folk are and not waste time stressing and go do something more positive instead.

    Thanks for the reminder Matt and next time try warm tea ;) you never know you might like it!!!

  80. Liz says:

    Your wisest, kindest, most humane and compassionate communication yet Matthew. I pay tribute.

  81. Bronwyn says:

    Thanks Matthew. The timing of this video is spot on for me as is the message! Literally have just finished with a guy I’d been dating for 3 months for these exact reasons. Lots of red flags which I initially just ignored. Never paid or offered to pay for anything on a date ( not even a coffee). Said he didn’t do compliments. Flirted with other women in my presence, let me do all the arranging of dates, new things to try etc. Has never had a real relationship (he’s 44) though he says he wants one. Spent hours & hours talking about himself but never really asked anything about me. I could keep going.
    At the back of my mind I Kept asking myself what would Matthew Hussey say & I knew you’d have told me to let it go after the first few weeks. It’s a sign of how much your videos. programmes and scripts etc have helped me because THIS TIME I woke up and actually followed though to end it. Finally breaking my destructive patterns and believing I deserve more. So big hugs to you and thanks for all your advice x

  82. Claire says:

    Thank you Matthew,

    it is so so good and so important to speak about this issues.

    Keep on like that please!

    Cheers

  83. India says:

    Omg! I can’t believe I got this clip just as I am going through this emotional heartache. Eveeything said is so rue. Yet why can’t I let go!!:((

  84. Claudia says:

    Just love it Matthew!

    Straight to the point and hilarious as always! Wet my pants watching the fifty shades spoof and this one :-) please keep going in helping women get a healthy view on guys, relationships and in the end: THEMSELVES.

    Claudia

  85. Jessica says:

    Where’s the love button? You need a love button because that was phenominal! Love your work, and in particular, that video! What an amazing balance between light hearted humour and deep understanding. Definitely felt the heart in that one. Keep it coming. Matthew and the Matthew Hussey team – you’re nailing it!

  86. Atterine says:

    Thank you for the spoof video, Matt! It really opened my eyes to a relationship I fell into. From the start, he initiated it, and about 4 months in, he started pushing me to try things with other women. It’s been another two months of slowing things down, but I realize now, that he never really would have changed. We would never be an official couple, and I’d never have peace of mind. He still brings up finding a girl for me to experiment with… He wants what he wants and I’m not willing to give up what I want.

    Red flags are flying high, and I’m finally ready to let go. It’s been a 6 month long lesson, but I’ve definitely learned.

    Thank you thank you thank you to you, Matt, and your team!

  87. Cindy L says:

    Thank you Matthew for this inspiring message. I am in this boat and have been for over two years. I know I love him and he said he love me too but I know from watch and listening to your messages his actions doesn’t follow his words. I get depressed when I think about not being with him and I know logically I deserve more and better or at least the same investment. I know it’s me not him.

  88. Denice says:

    Thanks for caring Matthew!! And I loooovvve everything vanilla, lol. Seriously, I do.

  89. Wendy says:

    Btw, great vid, Matt with some fascinating insights. You ARE funny and rainbow layered.

  90. Wendy says:

    I know how hard it is to change. For decades I’ve been trying to become more positive – both in thought and emotions. Every now and again I think I’ve finally got it and hence-forward life will be sweet. But no… The first time something challenging comes up, ye olde responses are back. However, today I think I’ve finally got it. No, really.

  91. Andrea says:

    Hi Matt,

    Thanks for the video and especially for the free chapter!

    I have one question though: I’m wondering whether the “lines” and phrases you suggest in your book are effective on all men, regardless of their culture?

    I’m from Germany so I obviously have to translate the sentences from your book into German before using them with men. While reading the free chapter I couldn’t help but feel like I would never use some of those phrases with a German guy. In my culture, they might come across as unnatural, for example the question: “Now, you weren’t just looking for my fotos of me in a swimsuit, were you?” Most men from my country would think I was extremely full of myself if I said that.

    So I just wanted to ask whether you think there are cultural differences between men and how they like being talked to before I start using the phrases you suggested :)

    Thank you very much,
    Andrea

  92. J. says:

    Dear Matthew…..I am one who believes you do, indeed, have it wrong (where the movie is concerned). Everything you say is absolutely right on the money, as usual. But! The point, and romance of this movie (rather the trilogy – there’s more of the story to come), is that Christian DOES change….slowly, and of his own volition. He is damaged from his past and has shut down his emotions and thrown walls up. The romance of this story; although very painful at the same time; is that Anastasia breaks down those walls of his and he changes to becomes the romantic man she she wants. She does get the romance in the end. It’s rather sweet actually….but lets not forget, it is just a story – entertainment. But it’s beautiful….I thoroughly enjoyed it!

  93. Tamara says:

    I know your English!

  94. Corinna says:

    This was the best video I’ve ever seen. ****crying my eyes out, deep heart felt tears*** thank you.

  95. Susan says:

    By far, the…best…post…video…advice…from Matthew…EVER!!

  96. A. says:

    “Under my privates . . .” LOL. Such sacrifices you make for us. In a fantasy world someone would be there to, um, help you clean that up. ;-)

    Ah, fantasies. Thanks for clarifying. When I first heard of your blueprint theory, it seemed a similar process. You’d meet some man who would change his blueprint for you. Which is different than changing his character (which is unlikely). But blueprint changing is also difficult. Even if you are amazing. I once was willing to change my blueprint but back then my future plans weren’t as compelling. Now? Nothing doin’ I want to see my blueprint through and am now looking for men who fit within it.

    In reality, even if they make attempts to change for a woman, if it’s not from within, I don’t want it. I’m great, but I don’t want that responsibility. And waiting? Can be a long, long, long, long time. You are rolling the hard six and putting your own future in limbo while waiting.

    Thanks for your compassion. Sometimes you want to wait because you want to see how it plays out. There is enough good things in him that you are happy in the meantime for a time. As long as the woman realizes that it may be a fantasy and how unlikely change really is. Then she should go for it. Get her vanilla on!

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