3 Tricks To Do Anything You Want

Is there something you’ve been wanting to do but are worried what other people may think of you?

A trip away? A new hairstyle? A new hobby?

In this week’s video, I give you 3 tricks to help you from having other people’s opinions hold you back. Enjoy!

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

154 Responses to 3 Tricks To Do Anything You Want

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  1. Mimi says:

    Hi Matt…
    I’ve been watching your posts for more than a year now, and they’re always inspiring…
    I admitt that i’ve became more confident ever since, and more social…

    I always care about my mother opinions (especially those related to travelling alone)… Recently, i’ve got an invitation to austria as a part of a phd scholarship program, and will be travelling nxt week…

    This will be a sort of an interview(short period-10days-accompanied with a family member), what i’m worried about now is how to convince my mother if i get accepted (long period 3 years), knowing that in my country it’s not likable for a girl to travel and stay by her own at all…

    Wish me good luck :) and thanks a lot for your very inspiring talks!!

    All the best!

  2. sus says:

    Hi just saying I really value these type
    Of posts as it’s not about compartmentalising love life and other aspects. It’s all feeds into each other. What I will share is that I have always wanted to have cosmetic surgery because I’m unhappy with my nose in particular. I know this is outside of what you’re talking about somewhat. But there is a real stigma and fear of it in my family. Now I wouldn’t choose to have it but it’s been a concern all my life. I know probably I need to build confidence first before making a decision but I have been guided a great deal by family members wishes all my life and think I sometimes seek out permission for a lot of stuff .

  3. /L says:

    You’re amazing Matt!
    Recently I cared too much about what people would say if I told them who I’m going to the last prom with. My date is to be honest handsome and really kind and so on, and most think he’s the perfect date, I do as well, even though he’s one year younger. We have some mutual friends and I’m a little bit afraid of what they would think about me going with him. I have a feeling that they would think it is strange and not really appropriate. I have avoided the subject wile speaking with them, this far, because I don’t want them to ask me.
    From now on I think that I should stop care what they would think about it.

  4. Akamai says:

    Thanks Matt,
    I was married for over 20 years, with a communication style of attack and defend…a difficult habit to break, but I have gotten much better at it. (BTW, I was the defender).
    I have now experienced agreeing with someone who is attacking me, or an idea of mine, and it if interesting to watch their reaction.
    It takes them a minute to realize I’m agreeing with them, that’s when I get the look of complete puzzlement…then they try another tactic or angle to get me on the defensive again. Then, once again, I agree, in some form or another… this time, changing the energy of the conversation once and for all.
    Your three steps will aid me through my next challenge of eliminating the attack and defend mode of communication FOREVER.

  5. Lara says:

    Why is there no closed captioned for this video? I am hard of hearing and cannot read your lips on this video very well. I would buy your products and enjoy it if it was subtitled or close captioned!!! I can’t enjoy it as much as your other hearing people do!!

  6. Justina says:

    Thank you Matt. I enjoyed your explanation about diffusing energy when the person comes on too strong on you.

    I believe it is the opposite when you are trying to convince someone,in that case you have to put in some positive energy to raise the conversation.

    It is very useful insight, thank you again

  7. Hannah Kelle says:

    I have been married for over 14 years, so I guess I got the guy, but I really enjoy the way you convey life and relationships, so I watch your videos. I am so happy to listen to you and the attitude you have towards women and relationships. It gives me warm and fuzzy feelings of hope that my daughter will meet men with such a great attitude towards women. So thank you; well done; keep going. I will keep watching :)

  8. nabila says:

    Thank you so much, i needed this, really thank you so much :)

  9. Rowan says:

    I’m forwarding this one to my boyfriend (for whom i can totally attribute you to giving me the skills to snagging)because I really think he could benefit from this vid.

    Thanks as always, Matt

  10. Ute Zonninger says:

    Hi Matthew. I have booked a Speed Dating (which takes place this Sunday) in my hometown (Augsburg in Germany). I am really excited to go there but I didn’t tell my best friend about it. I told everyone else I know about it but I didn’t tell her.
    Usually, I always tell her anything but I was very disappointed how she reacted when I told her that I watch your videos every week and that you have amazing tips to find and keep a boyfriend. After looking at your page, she said that all of that is just stuff that doesn’t work etc. …
    So, I didn’t tell her about going to the Speed Dating. But with the 3 tricks you explained in your video, I got the courage to tell her about it. Thank you soo much and keep doing those videos. I am one of those thousends of people who watch your video every week :)

  11. Bailey Crowder says:

    This was a great video for starters! 3 really useful points for navigating what you want to do in life and sharing it with others. I am that person that over defends and tries to back things up with knowledge or information on the subject. Next time now I know how to properly defend my thoughts and desires to others. Thanks Matt and Jameson! Please keep posting videos like this. I love learning about how to navigate confidently in life.

  12. Zoe Gude says:

    Hey Matt! Thanks for your great video! I have been struggling a lot this week with what others think…so your video couldn’t have come at a better time!! My story: (I’m Zoe by the way) and I suffer with epilepsy. A few days ago I had a nasty seizure in the street, I fell forwards onto the ground, and it’s left me with a deep graze on my chin – at the moment concealed by a big plaster. I have 2 dates this week and I started to panic, there was no way on earth I could go out without the plaster on my face! So, I decided to text both guys and say, ‘hey, look, I’ve had an accident this week and have fallen, resulting in injuring my chin (big plaster covering it). So would you prefer to meet when my chin is better?’ The response from both guys I got back was amazing…it was clear neither of them were at all bothered about this! One guy wrote, ‘Hi Zoe, I hope it was nothing serious.
    Regarding today’ drinks, well this is up to you. If you do not feel like meeting today then we won’t .
    Now, I am not going to make a judgement on you just because you are wearing a plaster. I believe you are more than just a beautiful face.
    Anyway, let me know either way.
    Thanks’. My reply: ‘Well if it doesn’t bother you then it certainly doesn’t bother me, so let’s just go out and stick to our original plan to meet.’ (That date is tonight – wish me luck! ;-). Perhaps more importantly though, the fact that neither of these guys were in the slightest bit bothered about my plaster has given me soooo much more confidence!!! So, now I’m just going to go out have a great time tonight and not even bother to consider what some stranger might be thinking! :-)) By the way Matt…he just sent me this message…how cute is this…’Yes, that sounds perfect . And by the way, do not worry about not looking at your best. I am coming directly from work; I will not look at my best either’.

  13. Polly says:

    I used to care about how others thinking about me too much. But recently, through writing the strengths and flaws (including the one just mentioned) about myself down, I start to face those things and feel more intimate with myself.

    I also happened to have a friend sharing his advice with me which is very similar to Matt’s advice. Maybe this is so-called “synchronicity”.

    But what ever it is, I am very grateful for knowing Matt, getting into the love life program, and understanding more things outside love life from Matt.

    Hope someday meeting you and feeling your inspiring energy in person in one of your live seminar!

  14. Kath says:

    So, I’ve been sort of seeing this guy who has apparently become totally infatuated with me in a very short period of time (guess I’ve done too good of a job using your advice on how to “get the guy”). I find him only mildly attractive but he’s a ton of fun and treats me like a princess. I told him from the beginning that I wasn’t interested in a relationship and certainly not ready for any kind of commitment. However, lately he has become very possessive. He wants to know where I am and who I am with all the time. It’s getting scary. I even caught him stalking me a couple of times. Now, he says he would kill himself if I ever “broke up” with him. How do I get out of this?

  15. Alexandra says:

    Hey Matt,
    I was struggling with this over the weekend. After being very ill for two years and then recovering my outlook on life changed. There was a short list of very important things that I deeply regretted not doing in my life. Especially when I was told I may have to have brain surgery in the future. So at the age of 43 I am pursuing my academic dream and going back to get my MFA in writing. It is something I have always wanted. But I get a lot of slack from my family. They feel it’s frivolous. But what they don’t know is the clarity that one feels when they tell you you’re ill. Possibly terminally. All the BS clears out of your mind and all you see it what’s important. But it still gets to me when they give me a hard time about it. Maybe I should have kept it to myself.

  16. Dee says:

    What is a single mom to do with no single friends to go out with. I try to go places by myself as much as possible, but sometimes I wish I had a single pal to go places with.

    • Rosalynde says:

      Are you after a single pal, as in a single male? I would suggest you hang out with people you like (not someone you’re trying to create a relationship with), single or not. Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to find a guy or develop a relationship, when the reality is if we just learn to enjoy ourselves with other girl friends etc. It may naturally happen that, the guy, will see this fun loving person that he has to get to meet! You aren’t a better person with a man, you’re perfect the way you are and your life needs to be too. Somewhere along the line some guy will see this amazing girl loving and enjoying her amazing life and he’ll fight to be a part of it. Pressuring yourself is the last thing you want to do.

      Good luck! Best wishes!

  17. Lisa Town says:

    Hey Matt,

    I have been following you since the summer when I saw u on the Marilyn Dennis show. I recently watched the videos regarding why a guy breaks up,and his psychology. The first 2 videos gave me back some self esteem after a recent break up and I’m feeling so much better.
    Tonight I have watched the above video, and my situation is going back to school for my bachelor degree ot even Masters. I’m a dental assistant but I want to work in finance. My friends and some family have been negative about it telling me not to go back to University so it has been hard. I feel like I don’t have supportive circle sometimes. It makes me feel doubtful, and like I’m not sure I’m making good decisions. I’m always second guessing. I would love to be more confident, and less caring of the opinions of others.

  18. Valentina says:

    Hello, I apologize in advance for how long this might be. This guy that I really liked started to work things out. Then a girl from his past, whom he’s always liked, came back into his life and now they’re together. We were intimate a week ago, but aside from that we were really repairing the damage that had been done. I feel so devastated, and I’m not sure whether or not to move on. I told him I needed time to get over him, and he said he understood but he really hopes I’ll stay. He said he really likes me, but he can’t get over his feelings for the other girl. He also said that he cares about me more than any other girl. I’m very confused by the situation, and I’m so hurt. What should I do? Can I even get him back, or is he gone now that this girl he’s always liked is back in the picture?

    • Instaqueen says:

      I mean this in the best way… He’s just not that into you

      • Valentina says:

        #Greg Behrendt

        • Rosalynde says:

          You are better than him. You need to tell him you’re not interested in being with a man that can’t commit 100% to you. Go hang out with the girls and show yourself respect then he will maybe wise up and give you the same respect. Don’t give in and be intimate until he meets your expectations of being committe make a list of what your expectations from him are are and also a list of what you deserve in a guy. Maybe he doesn’t meet these things anyway. We tend to get so emotionally attached especially when we’ve been intimate but don’t fall for the same tricks so many women do and look up some of Matthews other videos. He has some great advice for your situation and explains it much better than me. Good luck! Best wishes!

  19. Pamela says:

    Two years ago my friend and I constantly worked out together and used weights. Today I’m at the gym I’m always very intimidated to go by the weights or ask a stranger to help spot me when I’m alone. I’m scared to look like I don’t know what I’m doing because I haven’t done it in a while. I use hand weight that are in the corner but limit myself because I’m scared people (guys) will judge me. I can hold my own when no one’s around by I get timid when others are nearby watching. I tell myself everyday I’ll try to go my the squat press but chicken out every time.

  20. Cat says:

    Hi Matt,

    As you asked for comments from those of us who haven’t before I thought I would give it a go. I have avidly followed your advice and found my life taking amazing turns dating and otherwise. However now I have a choice of men I am able to date…..how do I choose? Discovering what I actually want, or who I want is proving to be really difficult. I know I want a partner in crime and companionship, a deep connection on that level, but it is hard to know who that could be when most men show their ‘dating face’ most of the time. Any advice/tips/brutal home truths you have on this topic would be really helpful.


  21. Holly says:

    I have expended A TON of energy defending myself when other people judge my decisions. This video gives some excellent advice. I need to apply it more often in my life.

    I am a huge geek. I used to try to hide this part of myself and defend myself when people would judge me for being a geek. However, due to the example of a friend I recently made the decision to embrace my geekiness instead of defending it. I joined a fan club and went to Comic Con wearing a costume. I had a blast, and it was so liberating!

    I learned a few things from this experience:

    1) When you let people tease you it can actually endear you to them, especially if you don’t defend yourself, or better yet join in the teasing.

    2) Most of the people who have teased me for being a geek are actually a lot more geeky than they would probably be willing to admit.

    3) When I embraced my geeky side I gained a whole new group of geeky friends, and they became the perfect support group in the face of any teasing.

    4) By defending myself I was sucking some of my own personal enjoyment from activities that gave me joy. Every time I watched Doctor Who or Star Trek I was partially ashamed. Now that I don’t feel the need to defend myself, my shame has also gone away. I can watch my favorite shows confidently and with pride.

    5) The people who tease me have no idea what amazing experiences they are missing out on. I spent so many years not living life for fear of ridicule. The many amazing experiences I have had since I decided to embrace instead of defend my geeky nature far outweigh the occasional ribbing I get.

    This is such great advice! Matt’s videos are always great. I am so lucky that I have stumbled on the many truly amazing videos, blog posts, and books that Matt and Steve have created. They are truly life changing.

  22. Stephanie says:

    Thank you Matt. Your tips are great. I would really love for you to visit NY/NJ area soon. I would live to attend one of your seminars in person. Hope you will be around soon.
    Thank you for all the advice you are providing for us.

  23. Faizah says:

    Thank you Matt, these types of videos (topics) are my favorite! I like your dating/relationship tips. But as you always say, to work on ourselves will make our love life much better.

    Recently, I’ve been trying to go out of my “comfort-zone” and do activities I’ve never even thought I’d be doing someday. One of them is cooking, I’ve been interested in cooking my whole life, and when I tried it, I’m starting to like it and found a new “talent” in me.. I’ve been afraid at first to cook for my family, but they were supportive. They were shocked at first haha.

    I’ve always liked dancing, but this week I decided to learn a new type of dancing, it was a little hard and tricky, and I received some mocking from family members .. saying that it’s impossible for me to master this type of dancing. I’m not saying I cared much about their comments, but your tips gave me an idea of how to deal with them.

    Thank you Matt, Love!

  24. Alina says:

    Hi Matt,

    I never leave comments under videos, in fact I always think that nobody cares to read my opinion since I am not reading others. But when I am on your blog I actually do, out of curiosity, read other women’s responses and they are always great! I wanted to congratulate you on creating such a lovely and friendly community of women.
    I am currently looking for a job and constantly stress if I should talk about it with people because I am too afraid of what they might think, now that I am looking at it, this period of my life doesn’t define me. I am so much more than just a woman looking for a job.

    Thank you!

  25. Signe says:

    In highschool when I was younger and less confident, one day I decided to bring my giraffe shaped pencil-box to class. It was not without hesitation (thinking about what my classmates would say or the risk of looking childish) but I decided to do it anyway. Whenever I took out the pencil-box I was a bit tentative, feeling insecure. Although that feeling vanished one specific day during a class in religion: The teacher was talking about courage and daring to do what you feel is right even though it means walking against the stream. Then she pointed at my pencil-box and declared “Only a courageous person would dare to have one of those.” After that incident I felt proud when I brought my giraffe pencil-box with me.

  26. Amy says:

    When I was part of a meditation group, it was something my family extremely disapproved of, AND I totally over-defended it. I really like the advice to agree or concede one or two point as potential concerns. Thank you!

  27. emma says:

    Hey Matt, thank you for inviting us to comment. I usually see that kind of thing as weird self-promotion that I would be uncomfortable doing myself… I would think I was asking people for attention that they didn’t want to give. But really, I’ve recently realized that I don’t ‘comment’ in life. I don’t generally engage with others at all. So just reminding me that yeah, I could leave a comment on this video, helped me to open up to life today. Thanks so much for this and all of your other content. Love, Emma

    • Alina says:

      Hi Emma,

      I decided to leave a comment because of what you wrote. You are right and I was moved by what you said. Go get’em! :)

  28. Heidi says:

    As Always, good advice from mr Hussey :-) I’d like to know how to respond to the question ‘but why ARE you still single?’ I feel like I have to defend myself a lot, and it’s like ripping open a wound every time, cos I don’t know the answer. Men who I am not into flock to me like moth to a flame and men I fancy I somehow scare off.. Saying ‘I just haven’t met mr right yet doesn’t seem to help.. Maybe you have some good tips on how to respond to those questions. They tell me that the ONLY reason MUST be that I’m too fussy.. but that’s not the case.

    Love/Heidi x

  29. Joan says:

    Great information Matthew.

  30. Christina says:

    Thank you Matt For these helpful and in site full videos.
    I agree with you Re: your tip about coming alongside the person.
    Along with each video I recommend a printout out sheet.

  31. filly mae says:

    Matt !!!! Keep rockin the videos man!! Much love from the East Coast, 902 Maritimes buddy! Even my boyfriend appreciates what you do, we watched ReadyFor Love a couple years ago, he’ll never admit to his crust punk friends it was our secret ” guilty pleasure” TV drama! Xxxo

  32. Catherine says:

    Hi Matt,

    I’ve been watching and subscribing to your product for a few years now. I’m a successful NYC business woman and have learned a lot of practical skills from you! For me, it’s not about men, although the advice always helps, but it’s more about life coaching… I would love to see more about living an inspiring life….as you get to a certain level of success so much gets in the way that it is too easy to get thrown off course.



  33. Sonia says:

    Love the very practical tip.

    Actually, I recently used a different one. There’s this thing I want to learn, it’s a bit unusual and implies getting some equipment. I already knew I would be facing resistance – even saying “I’m really curious” would not cut it, as they would most likely reply – well, how expensive is that curiosity?

    So I’ve set myself this goal to learn this new thing, but I am keeping it to myself. I’ve bought one piece of equipment, saving up for the big one. As I’m saving up and learning about my new interest every day, I’m getting more and more excited and focused.

    The reason I chose this approach is that I want to use all my energy on reaching that goal. I’ll share it with people in a few months, once I’m actuallly playing the thing. When it’s a done deal, they’ll probably make their usual comments, but they’ll also see (maybe not, but it doesn’t matter) how much I thought this through and how I’m enjoying myself doing this particular hobby.

    I also wanted to test the principle that once you share a goal to the world, and it feels great… just like you’d actually done it, you are less likely to do it. I usually share my goals, and to be honest, I’m not always the best at following through until the end.

    Keeping it a secret has its own special vibe and energy to it.

    Like all tips, you have to know yourself and your “audience” and pick the right approach.

  34. Katherine Kirkland says:

    Hi there,

    This one hits home and I have written it down in my little MH Tips notebook!

    I am one of those people who in the past has always looked for approval from others before moving forward. I didn’t even know I was doing it and through listening to you I have really grown and become aware of these little personality blocks. I am gradually freeing myself from them. The funny thing is, its upsetting lots of people around me who like to take control, but I am becoming a force to be reconned with in a quiet non domineering way. I can’t tell you how good that feels :-)

    My example of a thing I wanted to do that others don’t approve of is listening to you your videos and buying your programs. Lots of people dont approve, what are his credentials?? You might get brainwashed, you need to be carefull of these people… it goes on! I have a psycotherapist friend who is especially disapproving, I suspect because its steps on her toes! I just smile and carry on.

    Thank you Matt.

    Katherine x

    • Vickie says:

      MH tip book! I like that idea, Katherine! I’m working on negative inner voices, confidence and self-esteem so this video is helpful. Grateful for the insights of your video Matthew and the comments of your followers. :)

  35. Paul Saran says:

    Dear Matthew I so sorry that I never give any comment so far but from now on I will do therefore I have to take my responsibility too. Every Video that I watch from your as my coach it is so important when I apply. and for this one yes you are right why should we worried about somebody idea that have disturbed our mind.Let get out of this fear and just forget what people say the important thing is what should you do to overcome with every fear that has come to you, I am from Cambodia from the country which I face a lot of trouble with what people has said now I am a free woman of FEAR.

  36. emna says:

    hello matt

    im soo worry about my carrier i have an issue with taking a decision on my life ? any decision since a long time ago i take a decision and anyone can see how i am excited abd then i said no no its not me even now i have to take a decision for study abroad i want to go to australia and i want to go to japan and i have to choose i dont know what can i do , another things i want to study in collage next year photographie and psycologie i love both of them , the end of the story i feel confuse plz tell me matt can u help me with that

  37. Sonia says:

    Hello Matt,

    You ll ask for a comment, so here is my comment!
    I m a french student. I m at the library taking a “Matt break”. I love all your videos, even if I don t comment them. Everything you say is so interessting and stimulating. It enables be to ask myself the good qestions.
    I love this video too, because I have so many business idea, but my classmates keep on saying that “business takes to much time, and the probability to succeed is weak” and I am tired to hear that. Thanks for your advices and keep being with us :) (Sorry for my bad english haha)

  38. ann says:

    I was scared for years to go away on these women’s outdoor weekends because no one would go with me, eventually I said screw it, I really want to go! I now make new friends every year while having an amazing time. Don’t be afraid of other people’s judgments, just do what makes you happy. Pushing past your comfort zone brings on amazing confidence.

  39. Nathalie says:

    Hi Matt,

    I just recently booked my space for your High Value Women Retreat and I’m very excited about that obviously. Still, there are parts of me that are worried about it, because I don’t know what’s going to happen. And I haven’t told my family or friends about it either.

    I have taken trips abroad and my family was always against it. But only trough travelling and pushing boundaries I could learn how to grow as a person. I am still worried that they do not approve of the path I have chosen for my life and don’t accept me as I am. At the same time I want to accept myself and love myself for the unique being that I am.

    It is not that easy, as I have learned over the years to mistrust myself and therefore am always worried about making the wrong choices and decisions in life…

  40. Fatimah says:

    Hey Mathew,
    I am 23 and dating this amaizing guy, but I’m afraid my parents won’t accept him. So I avoid introducing him. Its not him at all. My parents just don’t want me to date anyone (cultural reasons). I am doing this because it makes me happy to be in charge of my own life and I like the direction it’s going right now. It’s just always in the back of my head, whether I should care about pleasing my parents.
    Would be great to get some advice about this.

  41. Maz says:

    Matt you’re a saviour. I’ve been on numerous courses about this. This is so much clearer. You can use them in every aspect of your life. Most of these problems for me occur in the family environment with the same annoying regularity. I have never yet found a method that will beat this and this is looking good (so far).

  42. Roda says:

    hello from Sweden:)

    I take challenges and do things I want with out listening what other people say. because I learned from my grandfather that everything is possible, but I always get bad conscience after.have any advice? thanks

  43. Maria says:

    Hi Matthew,

    I’ve been listening to your blogs for a while now and always find them so useful, so thank you. Now this blog is interesting because it is asking me to look at defending my stance in a more positive light instead of fighting or getting defensive which is my general stance in these kind of situations. I think sometimes I do see things from the other persons perspective and can see why they criticize my choices but that never stops me from doing what I want to do. I just need to be less defensive and approach my argument from a more positive light. Often when I try to see things from others perspective I feel resentful because I feel like I’m not voicing my opinions in a way that is clearly understood or respected, which may be my own perception of it not really the reality of the situation. I’ve used some of the strategies that you use in this video before but I always felt that I needed to be more vocal rather than agree with the critic. This video kind of allows me to take a softer approach rather than the more defensive one and makes it okay to do so rather than vocalize or defend my stance in an aggressive or harsh way. It makes it okay to be soft in my approach which doesn’t necessarily mean weak.

    Thanks Matt,


  44. Sangeetha says:

    Hi Mathew, I think your videos are amazing. I watch them often and find them very insightful. Although I always do what I want and genuinely don’t care about what anyone thinks I do find what you mentioned about not being defensive a very effective way to deal with people throwing mocking questions at you. I find that this technique also works really well when you’re in a group and someone tries to make a joke at you’re expense. I immediately tell the embarrassing story myself and I find that it greatly reduces what could have been an awkward situation and people really tend to admire your good sense of humour and you totally take away the power from the person trying to diss you. And like you said I never identify myself with any one activity. So people will often be amused by the variety of things that you do and find your openness to trying new things and life very attractive. Thankyou for all the knowledge that you share. I hope your blog continues to do well. :-)

  45. Marina Casadei says:

    Hello, Matt,

    What would you say to people that try to take you to church or any other kind of religion when you are not interested?

    See ya!!!
    Here since 2012 almost in a daily basis!!!!

  46. Mary says:

    Hi Matthew,

    Thank you for all of the effort you put into your videos! They are always filled with great information and whether the subject matter applies to me or not, I always look forward to them. You’re like the big brother I never had (even though I’m pretty sure I’m older than you).

    I have been wanting to post a question for a while, so I’m taking the advice of your latest video…here goes!

    I’m 29 years old and am very inexperienced in the love department. In fact just like the leading lady of one of my favorite movies I have “never been kissed”. I have never been in a relationship. I fell in love once in my early 20’s with a co-worker. We became really good friends and it completely broke my heart when he started a family with someone else, because I was to afraid to tell him my feelings. After that, I completely closed off my heart to any possible romance because I never wanted to feel that kind of pain again. Honestly, I had sadly accepted the fact that I probably would die alone. This past year as I approach the big 30, I really want to change my ways.

    I am a very shy person, I know you separate being shy and acting shy, but it’s really hard! I feel like I have this cast iron shell around me and I can only let people in when I really know who they are, which I realize is very hypocritical. I have a huge problem being my true self around anyone but my family and friends, when I meet someone new it’s like this wall goes up. I know I have a self-esteem problem, I have this voice in my head, not literally :), that tells me I’m not good enough/why would they like you/you don’t deserve love. If I actually like someone or find someone attractive, I act cold, so they can’t hurt me.

    I am educated, financially stable, successful at work, in fact I LOVE my job. I have hobbies that I am passionate about. I am about to purchase my first home! I have been working on my health this past year, I really have improved eating habits, and am shedding weight that has been my physical shell for a long time. But there is this part of my life that is empty.

    The catalyst for this very long comment (I’m sorry!) is someone at work that I like. I work in a very large organization and only see this person in the cafeteria. We have made eye contact quite a bit, he seems to linger around a little extra, and lately he has started closing the physical proximity between us (I make tea & toast every day, and just lately he started to make toast too). Maybe I’m reading to much into this, but I hope not!

    I guess what I’m asking is how do I just get over myself and let my guard down. It’s easy to say just smile but I get so terrified in the moment, I just want to bolt because of my nervousness which stems from my shyness, low self-esteem as well as my inexperience.

    I hope you read this and can offer me a helping hand, if not keep up the good work bro!

    Thanks for listening! :o)

    • Rosalynde says:

      Use humor to break the ice with him. Make him smile and go from there. Of your not confident and may be insecure, “fake it until you make it!”. Im not asking you to not be yourself, just tell yourself that you have no worries and once you get in the habit of not letting fear hold you back, nothing can stop you! I work in sales and everyone always asks how I tend to have so much confidence and don’t worry about what others think. Truth of the matter is, im human, im a woman with insecurities, but don’t beat myself up about it because it’s normal. I act confident because that’s how I get results in the work place, I’ve actually become more confident and embrace the things I use to be self conscious about. I was the worst at being insecure. Purple that know me now are shocked by this but I’m able to approach anyone of any stature and have amazing conversations and lasting friendships with them. You have so much to offer this world, don’t let anyone or anything hold you back! Good luck! Best wishes!

      • Rosalynde says:

        Lol… BTW I’m replying from my phone so the beautiful, “auto spell” feature turns, “people” into, “purple”. I think I like it! Purple people! … Sorry, just had to respond, to that typo.

  47. Emma says:

    I always get so self conscious when I go out clubbing/to the bar! I find it so difficult to a) dress appropriately for clubbing (I just hate dressing so revealing and my friends always make fun of me for wearing “normal” clothes out but otherwise I never feel comfortable) and b) on how to talk/behave in that kind of situation.
    I really liked this video though, and feel it offers a good alternative mindset and perspective that I definitely hope to utilize!

    • Rosalynde says:

      I have to say I can relate to the, not wanting to dress revealing comment. Honestly, I would say, do what you’re comfortable with and I would advise to still dress up without being revealing. This may set you apart from every other girl in the bar trying to boist her blossoms into someone’s face desperate for attention and it will attract the wrong guys for the wrong reasons. If you aren’t as revealing but are still super fun and confident you’ll be more likely to attract the right guy anyway. When those guys pick up on the girl with the tightest clevege, it’s only a master of time before he finds they don’t hold up as well when the wires come off, or even if the revealed body is perfect, the chance is never given for the guy to respect or see beyond that that and that kind of relationship isn’t likely to be successful or last. You have no reason to feel awkward about not being revealing. Im not sure what you’re style taste is and it never hurts to get some style advice to help you see your own beauty. Again I don’t know enough of your story to know if my style advise is even necessary. Take time to wear flattering clothes, styles, accessories, hair makeup and nails, but do it for yourself not someone else.

      Good luck Best wishes!

  48. S says:

    Dear Matthew

    I’ve been following you for a long time now and would just like to say thank you for all the information not just on dating, but in many areas of life.
    What you say, has lead me to make such big changes over the last year or so that I now feel that I’m a more confident person, which is why I now feel ready for a relationship.
    The types of men that I meet are only apart of the religion I belong too, so it means that I have restrictions which I didn’t before I converted, I do feel that the only thing holding he back is the ability to convey that I’m a single mother, it is one of my title and the biggest role I’ll ever play in my life, but in other words “I’ve got this, don’t be scared I have room for you too”
    I just feel that I’m summed up pretty quickly, and put in to a box, I don’t feel the need to go though a story of why, when, how , I let them know with smile about my situation ….. but how I get the second date when they I gone on the first.

  49. Chi Gong says:

    why do you not provide a link to youtube video? .

  50. Kiraz says:

    Matthew, I had a negative conversation with someone just 30 mins ago. I am starting a new career and moving to a new place by March. This person from my family told me some lame, cliche stuff. Then I asked myself why I even bothered to tell her.

    The thing is we gotta expect it from people. I am totally expecting some lame questioning or discouragement from people. That is how humans operate. I am surprised when anyone actually encourages me. I don’t even bother to tell anyone about anything anymore.

    I mean, if you think about it how sad is that so many people need to come by here to watch your videos and read Steve’s articles to get inspired and encouraged. We are getting our inspiration from people we never even met in person. Because people who know us never encourage us. People want you to be good but they don’t want you to be better than them. Everything is competition here in the USA. My biggest fear has always been turning into one of those people without even realizing it, but I think I am doing fine.

    Have a great week. xxx

  51. Nelly says:

    My fear of judgment is not just about what other people say . I am my self’s worst critic.and i do this all the time from attending acting class to express my attraction to a guy.for example i never comment because i say to my self “why would anybody say that?its pointless better dont say anything” ohhhh i am so angry with me i dont need those negative thoughts they are not real they are just creations of my mind.i know that if i dont respect myself when i fail i will never be able to chase my dreams And gooood there are so many things i wanna do !!!!by the way matt i love your videos

  52. Alexandra says:

    I like what you say in this video… Besides, I really think that everyone should do whatever makes them happy, makes them excited, everyone should live they way they want and do what they want and as long as you don’t hurt anyone including yourself, no one has the right to judge you.

  53. kish says:

    This was brilliant and very useful and practical advice. Next time I’ll remember to do this when I’m “attacked”.
    Thanks you SO much Prof. Matt. I’m taking your notes!

  54. sarra says:

    Thank you matt,this is what i was looking for here in my country every body find something to critizise you with thoses tricks i will not even careabout their critizises i will ignore tjem thank you matt

  55. Dylan Buchman says:

    I went out to NYC recently–and it’s only an hour and a half away…ish, but I don’t take trips like that often because I don’t often feel like putting in the effort to get there and back, and I almost never go out clubbing, but when I went out this time I noticed this guy was eying me and we started smiling at each other and flirting and talking and eventually he asked me to come with him upstairs from the bar–which is where I originally went–to the club. I had a good time and we got along well, but I realized when we got into the club that I was a little awkward about it haha. I’m a good dancer, but I’m not familiar with the club environment and I didn’t really feel comfortable dancing there with all the people around and I didnt know how to act I guess! I was so awkward about it but I’m definitely not usually that way and I know how to handle social situations well, but for some reason I felt uncomfortable. Next time I go I’m definitely going to try to stop worrying about how I look and just enjoy myself and hopefully I’ll find someone I can have fun with there!

  56. Pretty says:

    I’m from South Africa and because of religious/cultural reasons I’m always wearing a headwrap . Recently I started letting my hair loose and styling it etc, I found out that I actuallly look very sexy and cute without the wrap . I’d usually dress up and do my hair and just when I was about to leave this wave of depression about what everyone would think hit me and i’d don my scarf and slip back in my comfort zone just to prevent anyone from judging me. This went on for months until I realised how unhappy I was because I didnt look as beautiful as i wanted to.

    I’m a first time commenter too! I watch most of your videos and I must say that every area of my life is a lot easier to deal because of your advices on confidence ,love and many more….

    You are a genius!

  57. Amber says:

    Hey Matthew, Stephen and the Get the Guy Team (that includes you too Jameson!) Thank you so much for posting this video! I apologize for the mini novel, this video has hot home for me.

    About a year ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. A month before I was diagnosed, I had been accepted into a travel writing class at my local university. The class would be spending ten days in Sicily for spring break; the opportunity of a lifetime.

    The trip to Sicily was scheduled to happen about three weeks after my first chemotherapy treatment. Quite a few of my family members expressed their concerns (both directly and indirectly) that I shouldn’t go:

    “Your immune system will be down”
    “You have asthma”
    “Sicily can wait”
    “Isn’t your health important to you?”
    “I’m concerned you’re in denial.”
    “Are you going nuts?”
    “She’s not really still going, is she???”

    Damn straight I was! I went to Sicily regardless of what my loved ones and some members of my medical team thought. My mother, sister and doctor were all in my corner. All three of them encouraged me to go. But everyone else thought I was nuts. My oncologist let me skip my second treatment so that my immune system wasn’t as vulnerable. I packed up a few extra bottles of hand sanitizer a GIANT bottle of vitamin C tablets for the journey.

    It was epic! I scaled the craters of Mt. Etna, swam in the Mediterranean and even had a dinner date with our incredibly knowledgeable, Sicilian tour guide. It took me being 29 and diagnosed with cancer to stop letting the thoughts and words of others affect my life choices.

    Not every cancer patient is strong enough to travel overseas after beginning chemo but I knew I would be. I trusted my intuition (and that my oncologist wouldn’t give me the go ahead unless he knew I would be okay). Not going to Italy would have been the unhealthiest thing possible for me. I returned back to the states, more determined than ever to live my life to the fullest and make this year my best year!

    I’ve accomplished so many personal mile stones this year. Nearly all went against the thoughts/advice of others. All created beautiful memories, gave me strength.

    Thanks again for posting this video and doing all you do. You guys rock!
    Or as we say here in New England, “You’re wicked pissah!” which means totally, totally awesome :)

  58. chris says:

    im learning new things from you. im totally confused how to break up a cheater in professional way. 49 yrs old who was divorce & had 2 grown up sons

  59. Vavavoom says:

    Matt I think your advice was very much not standing by something you want/believe in. What if the truth is that you ARE a hippie spiritual mind-body type person? What if you’re scared of being judged on who you are and what you stand by in the privacy of your own miind/home, not something you MIGHT like once you’ve tried it? What if you really do believe in something. Like really believing in your business-idea it self, or you are coming out as gay and not just trying same-sex for the fun/curiosity of it. What if you’re serious about something – it’s not a maybe to you. Is the answer in this case still to point back to another character-trait in you or is this a good time to tell it like it is: “This is me, I believe in this, we’re just gonna have to agree to disagree cause I ain’t buying your argument. This IS cool, I stand by it.”

    I study Applied philosophy and people give me a hard time about the use of it (being able to get a job), so i thought of that as an example. For me I do believe in my plan and this bachelor-degree, but I find people don’t give me the benefit of them not even knowing what it is, and I do. So I get offended, peticularly cause my plan includes other things than philosophy… so I really do stand by this. Would you say your advice still applies cause i feel uncomfortable with that. I’m not the type of person to be uncareful with my future like that – it’s the complete opposite!

  60. Bix says:

    Ok so you got me, I’m commenting for the first time even though I watch almost all vids :D

    I like dressing up sometimes, i feel good in my body and also love fashion, but some people seem to always have to comment on it in a rather negative way(like why I would try so hard bla…). I used to feel weird then, but now i just don’t care so much anymore because I know it makes me happy.
    Your tips are gold! Thank you for all your insights, I love watching you, I’m always learning something!

  61. Lourdes says:

    Thanks for the video, Matt! I used to care about people’s opinions and comments definitely when I was younger, but as I got older and especially now that I just entered my 30’s, I honestly say, do, and go wherever I want without hesitating to think what people would say. I like the advice of “just curious” because yes, many times we want to just try out something new just because we are curious, so why not? I’m always looking to do and learn new things! I also think that caring about what people think is correlated to low self esteem. I think what has also helped me gain confidence and get to the point of not caring what others say or think is that over time, I’ve had to let go of negative people who were once my friends and now I surround myself with family and amazing friends who support me in decisions I make and offer me advice to ensure I’m doing what is best for me always.

  62. Boria says:

    You really are a master synchronist, aren’t you!
    My experiences the past few days have been dragging me towards thinking more about this subject of how to handle being the elephant in the room in a way! Which (I discovered “in action”) is the quintessential situation that demands your consideration of what others think of you.
    Your tricks are awesome, magician! I shout a YES to the first one – it’s been playing on my mind for a while that there are people who will let themselves not define what they are and generally won’t dig into themselves with the eye of someone with the power to choose what kind of a dessert you’re going to be on the table of life – heavenly ice cream, Swiss chocolate, lousy dry muffin, maybe even the little cookie they give you on the side with the coffee…It’s all our own choosing. I believe it has to do with the “follow the flow” concept which is everybody’s excuse in a way – but those words contain in themselves the invisible question of Who is doing all the following ;) And I believe we must start from there so we’re not “flown” away into something we later discover we hate or are not happy with…

    The other two are also bomb! But this comment will get ridiculously long if I tell you exactly why :D

  63. Rhonda says:

    I got flack over going on a dating site once. I was made to feel really embarrassed that I went on there and so I never went on there again. Although, for the short time I was on there I met someone that became a really good “buddy” of mine.

  64. niamh says:

    matt loved this vid.. im in sales and all the stuff you said in this video I can see it helping me in work thank you :)

  65. Jas says:

    Thanks Matt, I really enjoy your tips and advices. I recently started my business and there been so many people that look at me and you could tell they think: “Are you really going to do that” and I find it that I try to over defend my reasons and my ideas but I love the way you show how to deal with those kind of people. Thanks a lot.

  66. Ann says:

    Thank you for your advice Matthew!

    This will help me so so much in my daily life. I’m currently doing an MBA program at USC and find myself constantly holding back in class because I’m scared of what the 70 people in class will think of my questions/comments. I really like the idea about defending my curiosity as a way to ease into a question I will ask.

  67. Bridget Eason says:

    These are some of the same techniques I use in sales.

  68. Petra says:

    Hey Matt,

    Such good advice. I’ll write it down, right after finishing this! I had a moment recently which I wanted to share with you.

    I get really excited about planning stuff. I want to include people into this and get them excited and then have a fun night or day with them! That’s my way of giving, I suppose.

    But recently I found out I was getting disappointed with certain people. I was in the mode of wanting them to share something with me, but they said no and I felt disappointed.
    I know in my head people have the right to say no and they should be able to, but I wanted to have them join me to get a better bond with them and this almost felt like they rejected me instead of the things I had suggested to do together.

    I noticed after this last time that this was a pattern that came back once in a while but unlike earlier times, now I was aware of this. I learned that their no was not about me, but it was about them. It said something about them, but this should not effect me in the slightest. What usually happened afterwards was that I gave up on the whole idea. But I was only hurting myself in that way. After all, I had wanted to do this and I had wanted to share that with them. If they don’t want it, that should not mean I should not experience it either! This awareness gave me relief in a way and now I am in the midst of planning it anyway.
    Maybe even to show them, but to show myself even more, that I do this for me in the first place.

    I do believe watching your advice every week has helped me get aware about certain things and I thank you from the bottom of my heart that you do this with your overwhelmingly positive attitude day in and day out.
    Thank you Matt.


  69. Nicky says:

    Hi Matt

    This video is great, I’m excited to hear it. I recently was just bothered by this. Lately and most of the time I care what other people think about me. Internally things affect me more than it does externally. Words have a great affect more because I love them and they are a great deal in expression. So I find it hard when someone shuts down my idea right away or if they say something negative even if it is a joke, I don’t want it to bother me but each time it usually does. Is video is really helpful because I try each time to be more graceful when I share with others and to not think so much of myself but what it looks like outside of myself. It has been very interesting. I usually don’t comment on any videos because I can’t because of the IPad I have but I’m glad you have this blog so now I can leave my feedback and support on your videos here. I watch all the videos and your thoughts and ideas have been very helpful. Never stop sharing it really helps people. Blessings and thank you!

  70. Chantal says:

    Yes! I woke up to this video and it was exactly what I needed to hear! I recently started working at a radio station on the side making little to no money because I’m starting from the bottom. People were kind of like oooook, why? Is it even worth it? However some people wish me good luck! I know what I want from it. I know my goal is not to stay at the bottom but there’s nothing wrong in my mind to try something new in hopes of someday reaching my goal of being a radio personality. When they give me that look it kind of bothers me but the best response is to continue pressing and show them that I can do it. I’ve also learned that sometimes it’s best to hustle in silence. It might excite you to share things that you’re doing but you don’t want to lose that excitement either by sharing with the wrong person. You can have some things for yourself.

    Btw, Matthew I want to thank you for doing what you do. You’re seriously my inspiration. I want to write, host a show and speak to people too. It’s my dream and to see you be so successful in it gives me hope that I can do it too if I work hard enough. Thanks for this video, I will watch it several times. Good day!

  71. Janet says:

    Hi Matt,

    Thanks for this video! I liked the first trick you mentioned: this doesn’t define you. People who critisize what you’re doing, often make it about you. Saying stuff like ‘this isn’t you’. Often the things that the critics are saying are things that I doubt about myself, too. Whether it is or isn’t me. Whether it’ll be worth the money, the time, the energy etc. etc. But looking at it from the perspective of ‘this doesn’t define me’, or as I interpret it: this isn’t all of who I am, makes it clearer to simply shrug and say: I’m curious about this, don’t know whether I will like it, but I’ll give it a go nonetheless.
    I like it! :) Thanks for sharing, Matt, as always right on point!

    Love, Janet

  72. Lily says:

    I usually really don’t care about what people think I should do before doing it or whether or not to care about something but what I always find difficult is to face their reaction/eyes rolling without getting emotionally involved.

    Thanks for the advice!

  73. Kiraz says:

    Matt, I have a PhD in this field.

    I grew up in a culturally rich and very intellectual household. My father was the smartest man one could ever meet. He was passionate about reading and learning non-stop. He spoke 5 languages. He was a visionary and unconventional thinker. When I was a kid, he read me Greek mythology instead of Red Riding Hood, we listened to different nations’ music when we were having lunch, he made me watch nature and history documentaries instead of brain-washing tv. shows. I played musical instruments and sang in a chorus in front of hundreds of people when I was a kid.

    When I went to college, I started my own music band. I was playing guitar and singing. I joined the drama club. I performed on the stage in front of thousands of people. I inspired many people. I enjoyed being popular, but I didn’t do it for popularity. It all came natural to me. I have done so many things, it is a long list really.

    While doing all this, I dealt with many nay-sayers. I usually didn’t give a sh*t but I can’t say it didn’t bother me at all. It did bother me at times. I burst into tears some nights. I think strong people feel every emotion much deeper than others, but the difference is that they know how to deal with it. I never had any encouragement from anyone (including the men I had relationships with) for anything I did, except for my parents.

    So if I may add one thing on your fantastic advise for people who want to initiate new things, just plug your ears and keep going. Being nervous is a part of any new adventure. When I first came to Chicago, I was so nervous I had anxiety attack in the plane. It was my first time all alone in a big city in the USA. I went to the restroom, washed my face and I realized that I actually enjoyed that anxiety attack.

    “Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.” – Helen Keller

    All the best,

    P.S: I am a %500 supporter of this blog and everything you and Steve do.

    • Kiraz says:

      Addition: One of the main reasons I was able to initiate many new things, overcome many obstacles and ignore discouraging people was that I was also taught to get over problems without asking for help or expecting help from a higher invisible power. Nobody can help you other than yourself. Had to add this bit. xxx

  74. Leecis says:

    AND AGAIN… you have managed to put out a video on a subject that is in line with my life right now, Matt.

    I have decided to take an adventure out of the country and my folks are fighting me with every thing they got; guilt, kidnaping, beheadings, human trafficking and of course, Ebola.

    I plan on using all three of these tatics. My need for excitement in my life, not going to meet the energy by getting defensive, and lastly I will agree that it is a bit
    Crazy, but have done a lot of research to avoid the bad things.

    Your the best, love to Jameson, Leecis

  75. Emily Nadine says:

    It was a great advice!! Recently, I had the opportunity to study in a big university in USA during two years. I’m from Brazil and in my case, I was tired about people telling me what to do. For a period I was terrified about the idea of what my parents, friends, professors would think if I said “no” to this opportunity. Some of them told me that it was the biggest chance of my life. Even though I know that it was true, and I agree with them, to me it wasn’t the right moment and in my heart I felt that I was not ready to stay so far from everything here. Even with everyone against me I decided to stay in my country, in my university, and today I realize that sometimes we just have to do what we want to and not worry about what people will think about us. Many times we lose the chance of taking our decisions for fear, for judgment. It is important to us to remember that taking decisions define who we are and who we want to be.

  76. Christina P says:

    This video has helped me with a lot of things that have been going on in my life. I’m interested in arts & design because I always do creative stuff with my hands such as illustration, sewing, and baking – and I’m good at it! However, I’ve never had a professional class on anything art in my life because my father basically forbade it. His arguments are “Artists don’t make much money.” and the like and I never knew what to say when he makes comments like that. I always felt like he didn’t want me to go into the field out of his selfishness. Now I know how to talk about it without getting over emotional or letting him get the best of me.

  77. Milena says:

    I always feel like I have to defend my actions and beliefs, I have a really hard time letting other peoples opinions get in the way of my decision making. I watched this video and I’ve written down all the tips and am going to try them out, thanks.

  78. Margot says:

    There are great tips for someone who still cares about what others say. Provided that you are an adult, you pay your own bills, the stuff yoy wanna do is legal and you are not harming anyone or anything, what others have to say about your dreams and aspirations are their own dawn business. People tend to criticize everything, looking for holes in other people’s plans. Some do it out of jelousy ( conciously or not) others mean well but just because they are too scared to venture out of their safety circle they try to keep others in theirs too.

    The key is to share your dreams with supportive people that are not afraid of or intimidated by other people’s success. And ultimately, you have to find the inner strength to stand by your dreams, regarless of what others may say. I mean, who cares if they’ll find me pretencious for going on a meditation retreat?? So long as l don’t preach about it and try to get people into it, no one will really oppose to my going to one… Just do your own thing, lead by example and people will notice the positive changes in you. If they ask how come you’re different, they you can share the experinces you’ve been having.

  79. Maya Morgan says:

    Okey! I think it’s a very important topic and I get what you say. I understand we shouldn’t be in defend mode and arguing about our project because that will just bring tension. But, if let’s say you already have been looking into meditation and it’s not totally new, wouldn’t be good to talk confidentially about it? If you do believe in it’s benefit? “you know I am curious and really want to try this, from what I’ve heard it can really improve your relation to life, and from my little experience it has, I think it would really be good for me, but I understand your opinion, I used to think the same at first” By doing this it can also open the mind of the person to also be curious. Saying it in a nice, open way of course, and that our belief is not all set. Can’t we defend in a calm way? Anyways, thank you for sharing about this topic!!! :) All my love!

  80. Kitty says:

    Great tool to use. Just started new business and some people have been sceptical so I will definitely try the stand alongside theory. More like this please!

  81. Cheryl says:

    Hi Matt

    I have been communicated via Skype for almost a year now with a guy who lives in Turkey. He is 10 years younger than myself, separated and has a daughter. We like each other very much and we both would like to be with each other. I shall be meeting him for the first time in Turkey next year. We both have the same birth sign and I believe that we will get on well together. A few close friends know that I will be meeting him but I have not yet told my mother as I know whe will disapprove. Yet she says you do not want to have regrets and that is why I would like to meet him as life is short and I need to do something with my life. I am still trying to meet someone in this country but I find it difficult finding a connection and also finding someone I am attracted to, and to be honest I feel like giving up. I have been told that Turkish guys can be very loving and he does seem genuine. We seem ideal for each other. I will let my mother know next year that we will be meeting as this is what I intend to do. I have decided that next year will be a year of “doing” instead of “thinking”.

  82. angela says:

    I so love your videos and in the short time I have been watching them I have grown more as a person then I have in the last 40 years thank you so much for helping me find the true me xx

  83. Littlemisshoop says:

    “Defend your curiosity, not the thing itself.”

    Matt, this is brilliant.

    Thank you and Jameson for another great video!

    • Littlemisshoop says:

      PS: When you suggest at the end ‘Don’t just watch these videos, comment!”, I felt guilty so i promise to comment from now on! i.e. your comment about this worked :)

  84. Athena says:

    Hi Matt, I find this video very interesting, because the one big thing I want to do is go to your retreat next year and I haven’t told anyone about it. While I know my family and friends will support me in the idea, I’ve also experienced that money plays a big role in that.

    If you want to do something less conventional and it only costs a $100, negativity from other people will be less and the support higher. But if you want to do something that costs $2000 or even more, I know most people around me (if not all) will declare me nuts for spending that much money on a 5 day retreat (that may or not may change my life – the sceptics).

    Any advice on how to break the news to my family? :)

  85. Misty-Blu says:


    I don’t know who I am, expereinced many lifes pains and tribulations. Sure, we all go through our ups and downs in life, but for some people, some things burn to the core where the pain feels never ending.

    So I had a brainwave at the end of September, to create a two year life makeover called Mind-Body-Soul. What it entails is going through everything in my inner psychology. Working through the expereinces of my life, by the years, to the people, to the sadness, happiness, correlations of patterns and basically working through any area that is/has been holding me back.

    The idea in mind is to, detox, clense, heal and renjuvinate, on a Mind-Body-Soul level. It’s about deeply finding out where I’ve been going wrong in life, who I want to be, unlocking hidden parts of my psyche and becoming open to all the parts of who I am, to show up as love, light, confidence, radiance and so much more.

    The Mind-Body-Soul section each has different key elements to work on, such as body covers themes like bodylanguage, self image, hair care, style, just to name few.

    Soul covers spiritual matters, stuff like chakras, aura, the bigger picture.

    Thats a simple idea of what the makeover is about. But I never thought on October 1st when I first started the life makeover that one day I’d be investing in a complete name change!!

    I told my mom and the farther of my child, that I’m planning a complete name change due to mental health reasons. My childhood was very painful and some things can never go, but with a new name – Saphire Rubie Aribella Leroux – none of the bad things ever happened to her. She didn’t go through all thoses painful life expereinces and she can frame herself in anyones mind with how ever she wants to be perceived, she’s her own boss and owns herself and doesn’t care what anyone thinks in a sense that she lets it hold her back. If she likes it then she will own it!!

    My mom was surprised but supportive all the same. The farther of my child was a little more taken back as he fell in love with me as Holly.

    People won’t like it when you try to change or challenge their way of thinking in what they know of you! But hey, this is my life to life and I’ve made up my mind 100%.

    Also, my biggest Ambition is to write a book and for it to be turned into a film. Everyone who I told about my story said that it sounds good, and even when I never believed in myself, I passionately believed in this idea with all my heart and soul. The universe gave me the idea and it’s coming from the right place.

    I guess thats me anyway.

  86. LittleGreyCat says:

    Hi Matthew,

    I was looking for advice on this particular subject.

    I’m confronted to this kind of situation at the moment.

    I discovered recently that I had a disability which is invisible but makes my job harder and I risk burn-out if I do nothing about it.

    If I revealed my disability at my worksplace, I could get arrangements to make my work less tiring and maybe my colleagues and my boss would understand me better and blame me less for the things I have trouble to do.

    The problem is my parents are completely against this decision of revealy my disability.
    They think it will be stimatizing, that people won’t make the effort to understand, that I could lose my job… Moreoever they don’t really understand how hard it is for me to hide my difficulties.

    Personnally I don’t like to hide the things I’m not responsible for. I don’t feel ashamed about it and I don’t know why I should.
    I would even like to testify to others about this disability to people in order spread awareness about it.

    I am a young adult and I still have difficulties to make big decisions without my parents aggreeing with me. It’s difficult because we are still very close and I need their help in some areas of my life.

    I’m trying to make up my mind in order to take decisions which I feel are the best for me, even if my parents don’t think the same.

  87. Diana says:

    Can you please talk about how to stop going for the guys that don’t give you enough attention?

    This has been a pattern in my life, I start out really empowered and attract guys – and there are two ways this can go:
    1) he’s super sweet and gets extremely clingy and I start to distance myself
    2) he’s someone who doesn’t have much time and doesn’t always answer and *I* am the one who gets clingy

    I just want to let people go who don’t give me what I need, please help.

    • A. says:

      I’ll answer this one since I had the same issue. Two things:

      1) Get really busy with your life so that you don’t even have time to think of pursuing someone who isn’t interested. This is easier said than done. I got busy with work, but it’s more fun to be busy with other cute guys who think you’re cute. :-)
      (This is what Matt might say.)

      2) Sometimes you just pursue them anyway. Just do it. You can’t always help it. After enough times of doing this and it not working and you know it’s not going to work, you finally, finally get tired. Then you can go to number 1.
      (This is what I actually did. :-))

      Good luck! It’s not easy out there!

  88. Nina says:

    If you are looking for things to talk about please please do pieces about letting go and letting him initiate.
    This is SO HARD to do.
    Many women move mountains in every other area of our life so it is extremely difficult to sit back and wait for the guy to not be busy or get around to initiate something.

    • Nadine says:

      Hi Nina, Matt has an entire program dedicated to this (and much more). It’s called ‘Fast Track to Mr. Right’ and it is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G – I can highly recommend it – it was definitely a game changer for me! I found the best man ever (for me) and he is fully committed to us – he will even move to my city after our three month trip in Asia <3

      Give it a try. It might change your life as well :)

  89. Nina says:

    I love that you do things that have to do with life and building your character.
    I usually don’t care what people think and have this trait where if someone tells me I shouldn’t do something I will want to do it even more. Actually because of this I have come pretty far in life.
    The only people I really have a hard time disagreeing with are my parents, especially my mom. Not the I usually agree with her but it does make me stop and explain it to myself.

  90. Jamie says:

    This video is AMAZING!!!!! I love it so much, there used to be a time where I felt self conscious about being vegan i just waved away the questions when ppl wondered why I wouldn’t eat certain things at parties. Now i just openly tell them and have them kinda stare at me for 5 minutes and glee. you definitely get judged but it does raise awareness on this subject and i do think its a positive thing to do. I have done the mistakes mentioned in this video before and can completely relate to what you’ve said, i only which i’d known this earlier to avoid all the disputes i’ve had with people. Thanks so much Mat & Jameson for this video you guys are awesome!!!!!

  91. Karolina says:

    Love the video! I have a question as well. A while ago I was with a guy and we were getting intimate. However, he couldn’t get it up (I did not know this guy well by the way). Everything got very awkard and I didn’t know what to say. I really wanted to let him know that I wasn’t angry or anything and just make him more comfortable with the situation. How can I deal with this in a good way?

  92. Jill says:

    First off I have to say a man who can dance is sooo sexy especially when it’s with a woman ;)
    One thing I’ve found that’s important is sticking to my guns, meaning I don’t give in because of what someone thinks. I actually have a great example, when I moved to LA I had a family member who constantly tried to get me to move back to Atlanta and the other day I was talking to this family member and they told me how much they admired and respected me for coming out here and not giving up when things got tough. I believe quite a bit of the reason people give us a hard time for our decisions is because they frankly just don’t have the nerve to do the things we are doing. So, stick to your guns and don’t let others dictate your future :)

  93. Jade says:

    Hi Matt,
    I don’t tell my family and friends about all of my experiences or stuff that I do, partly because I don’t want to explain why I want to do those things which are different from their value system, partly because I am an introvert. Is my strategy an alternative to your suggestion?

    • Jill says:

      Hi Jade, I hope you don’t mind me responding but I don’t feel your family absolutely needs to know everything about your life. When I made my big move I told my family 2 weeks before I left and over the years I have been able to help them understand why I did that and they totally respect me for it. I knew what their response would be but I knew I needed to live my life and in that instance it would have made things way more difficult than I could handle. Bottom line I think sometimes its o.k. not to share. Would love to hear your comments Matt :)

  94. Rivy O. says:

    Hi Matt and Stephen,

    I have a question. Well let me start from the beginning. So there was this guy that I met a few years ago, you can say that I really liked him. He had everything I wanted in a person…well on paper that is. He was smart, had his own house, his own friends, a life, attractive, we liked the same music (major for me), we played the same sport(volleyball) and he had a sense of humor that made me giddy inside. Literally everything i wanted in a person. So much so that I thought that this was the person I was going to be with, we went on 2 dates and he vanished. In a way I understand why, I mean I was clingy in a way(cringe), I was young (19) and I knew nothing about dating the right way, i did not allow him to pursue me and I also did not take the time to get to know him. I was so into the idea of him that I did not even get to know him as a person.

    Fast forward to 2 years later or so, I am more wiser about dating, knowing myself and actually enjoying being with myself, making a fun life, having positive friends, having goals and accomplishing them, focusing on things that make me happy. I have dated other guys of course and I am over this one guy, I mean I have no desire to want to be with him or anything like that but the thing is I have this feeling in my mind that I want to show him that I am better than him. Better than him in a sense that his rejection had no affect on me. That I have an amazing life. My question is what do I do? I want to eradicate the thought of him from my mind even though i have no desire to want to be with him.

  95. Lorine says:

    Hi Matt,

    Recently, during an impromptu discussion with my boss, he commented that I should have more sex. I laughed it off but then is there a smart comeback to such a comment. Also, many times I get comments from my superiors that I am all over the place or I have my head in d clouds. I would really appreciate it if you could share some tips. Thank you :)

    • Kiraz says:

      Hi Lorine, as a woman I find comments like “You need more sex” annoying and actually insulting. An old male friend told me something like that once. I reacted him “What are you? Sigmund Freud?” I can’t imagine a boss talking to me like that. It is unflattering let alone the fact that it is very unprofessional.

      It is normal if your partner says that. Then I would say something like “Is it that obvious?” But I would react to anyone other than my boyfriend who talks to me like that.
      My five cents. xx

  96. Lauren says:

    Would these tips apply as well to something like family members not approving of who you date -even though there’s no reason for them to dislike this person? My mother doesn’t want me to date at all even though I am 28. For example, my mother was dropping me off at a place and she saw a guy around my age standing near a doorway talking on his cell phone and she exclaimed, “Is that a guy?!!” Then she told me she would have to get of the car with me so that she could walk me past him as to avoid me having any interaction with him. Then, another time at Disney world recently a guy around my age asked me to take a picture of him and his little sister. I happily agreed and took a few pics for them. My mother saw all of this unfold and thought it was completely absurd. She said to me, “I didn’t know what on earth he was up to!” And, “I can’t believe he hand selected you out of all these people he hand selected you for that. He must have wanted more than a picture!” My father is the same way and he talks about how he and my mother need to “keep them (guys) away from Lauren!” Like it’s really serious. Talking to them doesn’t help. And their behavior has always been even worse if I’m in an actual relationship with someone. When I’m dating someone my father advises me to “stop talking to him” and my mother wants it to be me,her, and my boyfriend in the relationship and in that order. They are both also terrified if I spent a second alone with a guy. If I have any interaction with a guy or if there’s any potential for interaction it causes trouble. I’m at a place where I would like to date an incredible man. I’m a really loving person and I finally feel like I could be happy dating someone again (thanks to watching your vids, reading your book and taking lots of notes lol) and that it could be a positive experience. However, as much as I hate to admit it (because it makes me sound so weak) I do care about what my parents think and what they think of me. One of the main reasons I’ve written off dating for so long is because I have a very hard time dealing with the feeling I experience due to their reactions over this. Another thing that makes it even harder is when I’m out is if my mother knows where I am she will show up there too and if she “catches” me talking to someone-even someone she gets jealous of me giving anyone else any amount of my attention other than her. She doesn’t show up every single time when she knows where I am but it’s happened so much I find myself getting nervous over and turning around to check and see if she’s coming up on me. Sometimes her and my father show up and now I’m feeling compelled to lie about where I am and who I’m with, but if they find out I’m lying I’ll be labeled as a terrible person. Even though I am a grown adult my parents keep an overly watchful eye on me which causes me a lot of anxiety because I don’t like dealing with the ridicule and hearing all the talks from them about how “sex is wrong” and “sex will make you look old” ect. Yes! even though I’m 28 and old enough and wise enough to make my own choices I’m still getting the sex talks -if there’s any suspicion that something might occur between and a guy. I know this is a little more of an uncommon situation, but nonetheless real. My best friends parents are similar to mine in this respect and my friend just got married and she can’t even tell her father she’s married because he would lose it. My friends father called her a “prostitute” among when he found out she was dating her now husband. So when she’s around her father she pretends to be a virgin and never mentions she’s married-that’s the only way things stay peaceful and I could see myself doing the same thing in the future with my parents. I know I’m not the only one who faces these challenges with their parents. Should I recognize it as their problem and Should I just not care about it and go about my life? If so I hope I can find a way to muster up that confidence and sustain it. I really feel uncomfortable in this situation and don’t know what to do. Thanks so much for taking the time to read this! It really means a lot! And ANY advice from you or Stephen would be MUCH appreciated!! Thank you. :)

  97. Monica Park says:

    Although there have been times when I cared too much about what people thought, it hasn’t really been a problem for quite sometime because I realized that I need to do what is best for me no matter what other people say. The quote I have lived by for years pretty much sums it up: “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Theodor Geisel

  98. Sukanya says:

    hi Matt,

    if I want to do something, there are very rare times when I care about the opinions of my friends and family. I do it anyway, but then there are times when I find that it is hardest to convince yourself to go and do it. For example I have wanted to go on my very first solo trip since like forever, but whenever I have the opportunity,I stress more on the reasons why I shouldn’t do it, in how many ways things can go wrong etc etc..and i slip back into my comfort zone.:-( help me please???

  99. A. says:

    Hi Matt,

    Just want to thank you and Jameson and all you do. My confidence (which wasn’t low to begin with) is at an all-time high. So many reasons why but you and Jameson’s tips have helped too. So positive to come here. You’re like the guys who remember the milk in the tea. :-)

    I’m just enjoying my life, learning about menfolk, and listening to your positive videos about life.



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