Now, I’m not going to tell you whether or not you should give it another try with your ex. There are many factors to decide that we can talk about another time.
But what I *do* know is that if you want to have a real chance of getting this guy back in your life, you must understand this important truth before you take the next step…
Stop Suffering Over Your Ex + Get What YOU Want.
I’ll Help You in 4 Easy Steps. → http://www.GetHimOrGetOverHim.com
When someone ends it with us, we go through so many different emotions. But amongst the first emotions are panic, the terror of abandonment, the grief of having lost someone, but not lost someone to a death, lost someone who’s still there, who still exists, but has decided that they don’t want us. One of the most difficult, exquisite pains we have to experience in life. Our instincts in that moment are to fight for this thing, to fight for the relationship that we want so badly. But this urge to fight is a dangerous one.
Here’s a concept I want you to take to heart. It’s not your job to fix what he broke. Think about it. He broke something. He shattered something. He violated the relationship. There are many different ways to violate a relationship, right? Imagine he cheated on you. You would see that as a fundamental violation of the boundaries of the relationship. But so is this. Why don’t we see someone breaking up with us, someone disappearing, as a violation in itself? It’s a violation of a truth that we held, a truth that you and I were bigger than any problem, that you and I were going to overcome, that you and I were going to do what so few people do and actually last together.
What’s so sad is that during a breakup, so many women fight for him to give them back the relationship they’ve lost. But I want you to completely flip your mindset on this. When he broke up with you, he gave up his power. The relationship is no longer his to give. In fact, if he wants it again, that’s something he has to fight for. That’s something he has to earn. A challenge he has to overcome. The only way that he’s going to fight for you is if he realizes that he broke something.
Now, how does he realize that? You have to change something about the way you’re thinking about this. You have to begin the process of genuine acceptance that you didn’t have what you thought you had. That you thought you were going to have something that was going to last. You thought you had someone that was willing to give their all and do that with you. It turns out you didn’t.
Now, that’s an unpalatable truth during a breakup. That’s not something we want to hear. That’s uncomfortable. But on the other side of accepting that is relief. What’s truly painful is when you feel that that’s the person you were supposed to be with forever, and that person left. Well, that’s not true anymore, is it? Because what was sacred about that relationship beyond all else is that the two of you were willing to commit. This person isn’t now. What’s sacred has been lost. Accept that you haven’t lost the great relationship of your life. It wasn’t as it turns out the great relationship of your life. Accepting this truth is the beginning of inner peace. It is what will move you forward powerfully in your life. It is what will start you on the journey of doing new things, meeting new people, experiencing life again. Him seeing you with that level of acceptance, him seeing that he genuinely broke something, if anything is going to make him change his mind and realize the value of what he had and make him want to fight for it, it’s that. It’s seeing what he broke.
If you want practical ways of doing exactly what I’m talking about right now, beginning the path of acceptance, moving on, building your life powerfully again, I have a free guide for you that details four steps that you can take to do exactly that. It is at the link GetHimOrGetOverHim.com. I named it that because I have the fundamental belief that the same things that get someone running back to you are the things that get you over that person. That’s the beauty of it. Go download that free guide now. I know you’re in pain. I know you’re suffering. But I swear to you, things are going to get better. This is going to get better. Let’s do it together. I will see you at that link.
This spoke directly to what am going through at the moment. One is left hanging not knowing where to hold onto, questions without answers flow most of them being ‘why’. how beautiful to learn that it is not my business to amend what he broke. He gave up his powers, so he is the loser. Thank you Matthew
I do that to my ex after a while or a year asking to be together again irefuse.from what i belive that relationship will never have a trust on it(so am i right or wrong)
So true! I left a 25 year marriage after my husband became a verbally abusive alcoholic,, who became just like his Dad …at the 23rd year. He finally got a job in the city after being on the road for 23 years. I watched his parents in their dysfunctional marriage. His Mom put up with that crap for 63 years until she died last Father’s Day. That would of been me continuing that toxic relationship. So, I told him to get help for his alcoholism or else there would be no future in our marriage. He thought about it and his bottle & his drinking buddies were more important than me. I have been divorced for 10 years now…and have no regrets! I got rid of him! ;)
llike men who can accept me.. as is and honest patient polite good faithful dear loving responsibility OK thanks so much.
I am very poor man sir please give me job sir
What a powerful video and message…..that’s exactly what happened to me. He broke up with me and I try it to fix it without success, understanding later that he was the one without appreciation of our relationship, not the man I thought he was, not the man I deserve and wanted with me. I decided to fix myself up and continue despite the pain and now I’m changing my work and talking with another guy with different perspectives. I’m still think sometimes about the man that left, but he makes me realized by himself he wasn’t meant to me. Excellent video Matt. Thanks.
Omg I so needed this, you saved me!!!! He just broke up with me this past Friday saying he needed to focus on him but he keeps texting and face timing and wanting me to help him, it is so confusing and if I dont respond he acts butthurt. I know he isnt good for me but I miss us. How can I move on if he still acts like we are dating,?
I don’t need him to fight for shit I don’t want him he’s a lying cheating dog that had kids with two whores they met at convenience stores so let me tell you I don’t know why you’re even messaging me because I don’t want the motherfuker back right besides he wanted to fuck around with my heart he gave up on our relationship he fucked up not me that’s why he’s sitting in Immigration jail he’ll sit there for a few years and then he’ll be deported say I like my way of doing things it’s better than Karma it’s a lot faster any man that cheats on a woman that has cancer a man that all he had to do was put $100 in gas to get me to surgery that would have cured my cancer he said he didn’t have the money but the next day the son of a bitch went and bought a damn truck cash money 4500 but he didn’t have the hundred to save my life so he can go fuck himself and fuck his horse and come to find out he’s been hiding money so that’s my next agenda find me a good ass lawyer and take everything he’s got he deserves it after I paid everything through the whole marriage 14 goddamn motherfuking years I thought if putting money away for us as a family know he’s been there way to sleep around with this whores and paper hotels and everything else oh I’m not in pain and I’m not suffering he’s the one in pain and suffering so if you don’t mind I don’t give a shit if it gets better and I am not in interested in getting back with him I don’t want him so goodbye have a good day bye bye
God bless you for this video… so much solace in the truth of it all. My days of packing my bags for guilt trips are over…
Hey Mathew great video.. do you have any tips for leaving a self absorbed narcissistic guy who even manages our sexlife because of his gym workouts and he doesn’t want to be tired.. he turns it back on me saying I should have his well being at heart and accept him for who he is and what he has to offer… he is 60 years old and Italian, has lived with his parents for 30years, is a hairdresser (so has income) suffers anxiety, takes medication which he increases when he can’t cope and if I question how I feel about anything or not getting my needs met has a very bad temper…we have had sooo many arguments about him sleeping over.. his good points probably keep me in the relationship… he’s very generous, easy going when not stressed, similar fitness goals but not intellectually on the same page as me…I’m not great with trying to sort out what’s not my fault..because I understand you have to accept people for who they are.. your thoughts would be appreciated
Really I’m saying why is hard for me to love and I’m always the one leaving with no questions asked they all seem to think I do not care about them but is just that I don’t know you show me one sign of ent really I’m saying why is hard for me to love and I’m always the one leaving with no questions asked they all seem to think I do not care about them but it’s just that I don’t know you show me one sign Can’t trust you I’ll never trust you again I’ll never be faithful or anything I have so many different emotions I don’t understand myself I’ve learned since I couldn’t commit to God I can’t commit to a relationship please help me
Matt I have been trying to order your get your X back but it won’t go through can you help me get my order in please?
Hi, Biilie! It looks like you were able to chat with Bie, regarding this order issue, and worked through it earlier today. If anything else comes up, or if you need further help on anything, please don’t hesitate to reach out to our support team again at support@howtogettheguy.com. Thank you for contacting us and letting us know what was going on, it’s greatly appreciated.
This video is simply an assurance. I am learning to accept the fact that we are no longer together, accept his words that said we are not compatible, eventually accept the root cause that he actually can not love me and accept all my flaws. But the journey of acceptance is very painful though. I wish I could just wake up every morning or sleep at nights without having all this heavy heart kicking in.
The past half month, there are days I am strong, but there are so days where I break down and cry. This is not alright, isn’t it? I need to be strong.
For now, keep replaying this video to keep me going. I can do this!
Thanks for bring back subtitles! ♥
But I don’t want my ex back…
In fact, is a great way to make the guy I’m with to stay: making him see what he don’t have to break. ;P
Not like jump and say “hey look at me, I’m a great catch” is actually enjoying myself.
Older entries of this blog have many keys.
It’s true what you have mentioned in this topic. Coz my ex did the same of leaving me without any reason and after six yrs he came burgingfor me to take him back and I’m proud for that coz its him who wants to come back in my life,but from this step what must I do now?
Thank you so very much. This perspective has given me the power to get over my break-up. I cried and begged him last night to give us another chance but he didn’t budge .I feel like crap now.The least I can do is put on a respectable front hereafter. I am still wishing he would come back as part of his decision was due to my wrong responses.
You are amazing sir, it really helps me when I watch your videos and read all the guidance for moving on. And I have understood that do the thing that scares you. It will make us more powerful and positive. This perspective gave me power to move on from a relationship which was going no where. I always had to talk when he wanted, when he wanted to meet and etc. I was so fed up of his changed behavior. He didn’t wanted a brake up but also did not have the time to give me. So without saying anything I’m just being myself working on my career and other ado’s. Thank you
I understand man can’t express their feelings as woman does but at some point showing love, expressing that through words or gestures becomes necessary. Now I am at a point that I’m done with relationships crap. It sucks
I took your advice from previous videos/podcasts when my boyfriend of over a year abruptly broke up with me. I wasn’t perfect at it, but I made it clear what I wanted and I held my ground with high value and dignity. He didn’t come back. And in that process, I also saw how high value I truly was and that I deserved better than what I was settling for. It took my first ever heartbreak to show me my true worth. I’m 3.5 months past our breakup, and my eyes are wide open. No more settling.
if someone leaves, it means it was not meant to be. So , just move on with a better person because if the previous was meant for you , then he/she would have stayed. Simple as that .