The Top 5 Reasons Why Men Disappear on You (and What You Can Do)

You finally decide you like a guy. You tell your friends how excited you are. 

And then suddenly…he starts fading out.


In this week’s video, I reveal the top 5 reasons men disappear so you never have to wonder why he pulls away again…

►► Discover the surprising reasons men disappear… download my FREE guide here:

67 Responses to The Top 5 Reasons Why Men Disappear on You (and What You Can Do)

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  1. Crazy dater says:

    Woww exactly what i do each time..goodness

  2. Debbie says:

    Men grrrr ☹️

  3. Nikki says:

    Thank you so much Matt!
    Five plus five always equals to TEN!

    You just woke me up, from the nightmare dating this guy.

  4. Ruth says:

    I met a guy online and we had been chatting for over a year without seeing each other tho he wanted to c me I didn’t want to cuz I felt lyk I wasn’t ready. I loved the guy to the core and he just went mute on me..calling him,texting him bt he jx never reached out..I suspected he was dating someone else otherwise y put some gal on your profile if she ain’t ur gf? tho he denied dating anyone at the tym and now itx cuz of that that i dnt trust cyber(online) query is wat did I do wrong?

  5. Nicola says:

    I need advice!!!
    I’ve met this guy online, we’ve been talking for the past 4 mothns now but never met however we always texting. We live in different cities and he works 5 days a week, I’ve mentioned about him coming to my city but he said it’s too long to drive; thn I suggested that I will go visit him instead and explore the city and he said okay. I’m really worried why he doesn’t want to come to my city especially if you look at the excuse he gave, Is it because he ain’t interested yet for him to actually come and see me? because it’s weird talking to someone for 4 months without mentioning anything about meeting up as Im always the one who is mentioning it. I really want to see the guy I’ve been talking to. Do you guys think I should go see him besides him saying it’s a long drive to my city?. And if I go to visit him, does that not make me desperate or lowering my values? Btw we never talk on phone just texting.

  6. Duffy says:

    This discussion was excellent. Thank you.

  7. Heidi says:

    He disappears on me and blocked everything from me. Do you have any way get him back?

  8. Colleen says:

    I recently came across your FB page and I love your information. Wish I would have had this 20 yrs ago. It has been brought to my attention through counseling this past month that my husband is narcisstic and has been gaslighting. I feel like I’ve been hit by a freight train. At least I know what I am dealing with now and why he treats me like he does and why I feel like I am crazy. So many decisions to be made now and it’s so hard to start over at 58. I will keep following you and am grateful for your coaching. Thank you.

  9. Sally says:

    I love you so much. “It’s 10. Now send the shit and get on with your life!” I laughed so hard.

  10. Ash says:

    Wow Damon.
    You say that women must be good in bed huh?! Are you sure of your abilities in the bedroom? Are you able to live up to the same standards you place on women? Is your penis bigger than your ego? Are you able to put their satisfaction before your own? Are you a minute man or take your time to prolong what should be an amazing night? Do you have a six pack? How about a not so hairy body? Have you ever been out all day in hot temperatures then had spontaneous sex and didn’t have an opportunity to shower before? I can guarantee that every part of you doesn’t smell the greatest at all times.
    So if you can verify that you have a penis bigger than your ego, a six pack, a pretty much hairless body (and don’t forget your nether regions…. you probably expect that from the women you ghost too), and shower 4 times a day to be fresh and ready to go at any time, I strongly suggest you leave the advice to the professional. Matt has put the work in, you have not. All those women are lucky you ghosted them. Just saying.

  11. Mia says:

    I have this guy who i dated for almost 2 months, i like him so much because everything that i want is a full package of him and i know that he likes me too. But he is really complicated , he is so hard to read i dnt know what he’s up to. He said that he wants me and likes me so much. Then after dnt even send me msgs or sometimes he will but just not as sweet he was in person. I can feel that he wants more of me everytime we are together. Every once in a week or twice we are seeing each other and even told me that he wants to have baby with me actually just yesterday he told me that he wants me to be pregnant cause im so perfect to be the mother of his child and we will take the risk whatever it will be.but we are not in relationship. Its more like friend with benefits but we are not friends. I dnt know what we are. He is single , im single too. But he never told me that he loves me or he is serious about us. I dnt know actually what he wants. Im 26 he is 35. I actually want to have baby as well but i dnt want to do it unless I feel that he loves me Not only want me or likes me. I dnt know what to do. Pls a little advice would be a great help.

    • CMac says:

      Whatever you do, please don’t have a child with that man. It’s his emotions talking to keep you hooked and in bed. As a former Social Worker, I’ve counseled several women who end up with children by men who can ‘talk the talk’, but can’t ‘walk the walk’. They never marry these women either. Don’t fall for it, PLEASE! A man that truly wants YOU will be consistent with his feelings and actions toward you, and will not only want you to be the mother of his children, but will want to be the father of YOUR children. And, this may sound cliche, but marriage should precede having a baby. It was designed so that children grow up in families and know how to be good citizens in society. Good luck!

    • Duffy says:

      That is a very unhealthy relationship. He is not dependable and no one should bring a baby into a dysfunctional relationship.

  12. Jeanne says:

    I met a man i had a crush on from high school after 39 years. He picked me up from the airport and we drove for an hour with not much conversation because i was very nervous to the hotel. The kiss was very passionate and after we were together the conversation was not like out text. I had a hard time communicated because i was so nervous. the next morning he left for work and that night he told me I am not feeling how i expected to feel. i was crushed and it put me in a mood the rest of the visit for 5 days. He still kissed me passionately and hold my hand the whole time.the last night i started to open up again and had a great night and conversation. We wrote emails back and forth and i expressed that as we get older things you have in common and a strong attraction are important and that feeling he was looking for eventually goes away. So for 10 months he has stayed in touch with me through text every day. He says he likes me and that if i came to visit it would be just as friends.I feel like he is saying one thing but his actions are another. He is very confusing. I know being nervous and not having a easy flow of conversation did not give him that connection he keeps talking about. I feel like if he did not have any feelings why did he hold my hand at every chance and passionately kiss me the whole time stay in touch every day by text.I know he cares and i just want a second chance. I also have been working out and look amazing so i want that chance to see him again. He wants to meet this fall but just as friends . any advise

    • CMac says:

      One thing I’ve learned about men is…believe them when they tell you you are JUST FRIENDS! Texting is not a proper way to stay truly connected to a person either. If someone is just texting, it’s not a relationship. You need to HEAR how someone feels about you…that can’t happen in a text. Texting is another way people keep others hooked. It’s fantasy. Texting should only be used for gathering information, not having a relationship. And, Hand-holding is a very affectionate gesture; so maybe he’s an affectionate person. That doesn’t constitute true ‘feelings’. RUN AWAY…FAST!!

  13. sarah says:

    Hi Amy,

    I’m 20 and I’ve never dated a guy however I’m part of this whole Instagram craze and there’s a guy I notice who is very talented and sweet based on his posts, I comment a few times on his “music covers” and we DM a few times but I’m interested in him but he’s in Canada i’m in South America. I don’t think he would be interested and I don’t know how to talk to him. 
    Please Help. Advise me 

    • CMac says:

      Remember, you bring about what you think about. If you THINK this young man won’t like you, then he probably won’t. But again, the fantasy of social media isn’t a good indicator of feelings. Miles won’t keep you apart if you really like each other. But how will you ever know if one of you doesn’t pick up the phone and call? Offer your phone number to him and ask him to call you sometime. You’ll see how he feels if he agrees to call.

  14. Selina says:

    Hi, I bought the programme from this website but the password for login doesn’t work. I sent multiple emails to the support and still no response. Can someone pls urgently look into it? Thanks!

  15. Alizia S says:

    So the girl holds Christian values so what and you knew from the beginning you would still ghost on her? Or had a terrible experience in the past that withheld her from getting intimate.

  16. Jen says:

    Matthew, of all your videos, this one helped me the most. It makes souch sense. 5+5 always equals 10. It really is that simple. I’ve spent years behaving the ways you described in this video, analyzing everything. Although I’ve learned many lessons, I now know what I really want & I’m working on valuing myself more. I spend a lot of time alone but I know it will only make me stronger & healthier. Thank you so much for posting this video. It really is brilliantly honest.

  17. Nicole says:

    Men leave, that’s what they do.  Even the good ones, even the “nice guys.” Even when you’ve learned from your mistakes and do everything right. They’re always going to be looking for something better and they’re so addicted to the excitement of drama that simple, healthy relationships bore them. There’s no secret to keeping a man, aside from treating him like crap, it’s the same for most girls. Those of us who don’t have the desire or the energy to do that will just be in a constant cycle of starting over because men will always leave. There’s no such thing as a healthy, lasting relationship anymore.

    • CMac says:

      Dont believe that!!! All men do NOT leave! People have to have a healthy sense of ‘self’ before they can be healthy with anyone else. If someone wasn’t raised in a healthy family that made them feel emotionally safe, chances are they’ll have relationship problems if they don’t get help. And, social media can also be a hinderence to forming a healthy relationship. Make sure you are healthy mentally, emotionally and spiritually before trying to have a healthy relationship with a man. Trust me, you will attract a healthy man that will stick around for the long term.

  18. Chris says:

    I’m so happy to watch your videos and listen to what you have to say about men. Men’s behavior baffles ys and at least you make sense out of it. My guy is in love with me and I him and I try to be gentle in the way I communicate but he’s scared now and won’t talk about anything for the moment so I have pulled back. He’s old fashioned and slllllllllooooow moving not to mention jealous but not dangerous. He can seem cold. So I hope I’m doing the write thing and just backing off.

  19. Andree says:

    Oh man! Brilliant again. The ‘moving too quickly’ point is well-made. I have been seeing this wonderful man for just over a year now. I want so much in my heart but intellectually, I don’t want to be stupid and ask for it because in the big scheme, we haven’t known each other that long :) He works, I work, we have hobbies and such, so we might get together once per week, twice sometimes. Add that up and line the days in a row for say, 14 months and we’ve seen each other maybe 60-70 days total. I appreciate this confirmation that I need to let the process work itself, live my life, and let it happen as it will.

  20. Sandra says:

    Matthew, I have this guy we know eachother for a year, we went out for 4 months and then we split up because it didn’t work out, I was upset and i did all your tricks to get him back and it worked but now we split up again he says to me that I am selfish, I dont want anything serious when i clearly do, he also calls me names and i love him so much, its so hard for me to move on, he follows me everyday after school when he lives in completely different direction. Matthew please help me, the pain is horrible, I really want Him back for good because i truly love him and I just cant move on, I dont know if I am attached or i just simply cant move on. Please reply to my comment. It will be so helpful

  21. precious says:

    the video came at the right time, and it’s of great help to me. thank you Matthew

  22. Norah says:

    I’m actually left very clueless about my past relationships… I am told by every man I dated that I am perfect (yes I know no one is perfect), and it’s the same cycle over and over again. They meet me and do everything in their power to get me to date them, we then have a great relationship and sure there are ups and downs. At the end of the relationship they all say you’re everything a man could ever ask for, and the go down the list of things they think are amazing about me. I just don’t understand what goes wrong I know I am not perfect and everyone has flaws and I embrace my flaws… I just don’t knoe.

    • Damon says:

      I know this is a person question, but is there anything sexually that you refused to do with your boyfriends… I think women underestimate how important sex is to men.

      • Lisa Bohannon says:

        Shallow and ridiculous-
        Reality: most women are givers, codependent and pleasers…. so your comments belong to you. You need to own your “lousy lays” or don’t request “being Pegged” on ur first sexual encounter. Be a giver and see how “freaky” your lady can be

        And why are you on this site? Just curious

  23. A says:

    Matthew, been there done this. What about the chic who sets standards and still the guy fades off after a while? Society’s culture of current men is Wat needs to be examined.

  24. Elise says:

    I was dating a guy for 3 months. On the 4th date he straight up told me “I’m not looking for anything serious,” which I completely took at face value. I didn’t think I was looking for anything serious either. But then we kept spending more time together and he started introducing me to his roommates and colleagues and talking about longterm plans for us. All of his actions pointed to us developing something serious.

    Then almost to the day 3 months later, he started withdrawing and initiating less, despite the 3 months of amazing dates and fun we had had together. It was so abrupt and left me devastated to be honest. I really don’t understand why it happened.

    • Teri Smithe says:

      I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done this. When someone tells you who they are (“I don’t want a relationship”) believe them the first time!!! If you don’t walk away after they tell you that, then you are setting yourself up for heartache. They don’t want a relationship and as soon as you become “convenient” they will be happy and satisfy you, but as soon as they want they will dump you for some new meat. Lesson learned. From now on I’m walking away when they tell me that. No second chances. Giving someone a second chance is like giving them another bullet because they missed you the first time. Just walk away. Don’t wait for them to prove to you what they said was true.

  25. asal says:

    your video made me calm when you said maybe he is unavailable

    maybe he was unavailable for me.when you said this sentence I thought maybe I was not a disturber to him.he was just unavailable

    I wish I could realize exatly “WHY HE HAS GONE”

    • Kkhayang says:

      Guys just as kids with beards, want to play around and don’t know what is the future. Gals don’t be upset, make yourself happy and treat yourself nicely. Your life, your control, don’t give the wheel to guys. We can live happily without jackass guys.

  26. asal says:

    I was crying a lot during your video:(
    thank you mat

    that was a mistake I made to someone I loved(he said he doesn’t want,I ignored and wanted to be in touch)

    I am thinking everyday that he is remembering me as a disturber for the rest of his life.I have been crying everyday for this repeatitive thought in my mind for 3 years.I don’t want to be remembered like this

    I don’t know what to do.I am crying as I type this comment.PLEASE someone help me not to keep crying everyday:(((((
    I don’t want to lose my eyes

    • Marabae says:

      Girl, I’ve been here. Just move on…you shouldn’t care if you disturbed him or not. That’s his problem, not yours. Go live your best life. A guy told me he doesn’t want too and I tried everything to be in touch. Finally I realised I was now a bug. I let him go and began having fun for myself. Enjoying my life. You can do same. Dry your tears and go be happy! No man is worth any tears tbh.

  27. Florence says:

    That’s me thanks for that helpful advise

  28. Noluntu says:

    Hi Mat

    Q: What if you use another way to get the answer of 10? i mean dont get me wrong, i get you and quite frankly, in the whole vid, that was for me..but i just thought, 4+6=10, 9+1=10 etc, i mean is it really 5+5= 10 only for standards[is there room for flexibility,but still maintain the same standard..meaning, still get the same answer..] umm…i dont know if you feel me..

    Kind Regards

  29. S Mccord says:

    I need some advice. Where can I get a real answer. Know where to ask the question

  30. Bronwyn says:

    Absolutely great video this week. Thank you! All great advice and all things I’ve finally embedded into my dating life after years of not so good choices :-)
    I’ve totally made ALL those mistakes before (multiple times) so this is a good reminder of how much you’ve helped me become a better version of myself when it comes to choices around men. Totally going to bookmark the video and play it periodically!

    Really appreciate your YouTube videos and other materials took They’re very insightful and practical and often reallt funny too :-)

  31. Gili says:

    I learned to just let things go and not to chase people. I’ve done my share of chasing,so now I just tell people if I like them and if it doesn’t go anywhere it’s fine by me. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

  32. Loren Katie says:

    Oh Matt… Thank you,Thank you this is one I am going to watch again and again!

  33. Ellen says:

    Well said, Matthew! I believe you’re right about everything you said here. I am so blessed to have someone in my life, finally, who said to me exactly what you said in your video, “I know what I want in life. And that’s you.” It’s an amazing feeling to be chosen like this.

    Also loved your boxing coach. Who did you get to play him? (You’re a very clever dude.) Good advice!

  34. Jgirl says:

    Fantastic #5 – describes every man in my life. Unavailable because they are gay, chasing the fantasy of meeting someone half his age, or unavailable because no amount of perfection from him or from me will ever satisfy his OCD.

  35. Dana Greene says:

    I wish it had known this last year! I’ve gone thru hell and back!

  36. Renee says:

    OMG you nailed it once again….your amazing Matt, I really need to talk to you . I understand everything you talk about . I have a problem making it sink in and dont know how to make myself learn it I always end up doing what my mind knows not to… heart does most of the talkin…..if that makes any sense?
    really need your help

  37. Marita Roth says:

    Thanks Matt – you are always amazing! Im exactly at the stage i think i met the love of my life. I will follow your advise not to destroy it!

  38. Sue says:

    How can you make him earn something when you have been talking for a year? What is left to earn?

  39. Julie MacKenzie says:

    Awesome advice….;) <3 Hugs!

  40. Lisa says:

    Love you, Matthew. Your points are painfully spot on. And in the past couple of years I have increased my daily joy and juice by doing amazing things I love – and having strong friendships – so that I’m much less inclined to make those mistakes. (Right now, I’m taking pilot lessons.) Someone worthy of me is out there. The universe is powerful; I will meet him. I have to stay happy and open to possibility. And 5 + 5 will always be 10.

  41. Paula Principe says:

    What about the guys who disappear after 1 or 2 dates? Or after a month? They act all interested, text you everyday, all over you in person..then just disappear. That’s more what I deal with often.

  42. Shelley says:

    So, so spot on. And sometimes I think we unconsciously sabbotage these perceived “good” ones to confirm the belief we’ll never meet someone.

  43. Sumita says:

    Thank you! :)

  44. Wilma says:

    Awesome advise! I needed this information years ago!!!

  45. Paula says:

    Matthew… Hearing your intensity in this video is a wake up call. I’m guessing you feel you’ve been beating a dead horse when it comes to this subject matter … otherwise you would not show so passion in your delivery. I look forward to your videos every Sunday. 5+5=10

    Thank you!

  46. Angela Perez says:

    Thanks, Matthew! I truly needed that so much! I can see how much you care about people. You don’t want to see us hurting.

  47. BILL says:

    A few extra reasons from a guy who might disappear:
    Women who act like a total critical bitch to people.
    Spoiled takers. Take things and people for granted.
    Lazy. Do not exercise and don’t keep a clean and organized place.
    Boring. Not creative, passionate, fun and outgoing.
    Not patient and understanding. Have some compassion.

    • Teri Smithe says:

      You must live in or around New York. I can’t believe how nasty and foul mouthed the women are in the Northeast. Scary. Come to the south where the women are kind. :)

  48. Marcia Fialho says:

    I will take note of this list of 5 reasons and stick it to the mirror in my bathroom so I can read it every day, first thing in the morning. I have lost so many nice men for behaving wrong with them. Thank you, Matthew!

  49. Leecis says:

    Great stuff as always….but I miss the playful in this.

  50. Kelledstyle says:

    Valuable advices as usual! Thank you Mat :)

  51. Katherine Atuhaire says:

    Amazing. You are awesome Matt. God bless you.

  52. Edyta says:

    Brilliant, thanks Matt!

  53. Hilary says:

    This really spoke to me, Matthew. Thank you so much. Mouse

  54. EMILY says:

    Thanks Matt exactly what I needed!

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