The Most Dangerous Myths About Relationships

As a culture we are pretty obsessed with relationships. Especially romantic ones.

Which makes sense, given that humans are social creatures.

But we have a specific, exaggerated way of fetishizing what it means to be in a “committed relationship”.

Women are taught to find a partner as soon as possible. Single people are assumed to be deficient in some way. And being coupled up, no matter who it’s with, is seen as some kind of symbol that you’re #winning at life.

Plus, it’s even more confusing when we go into relationships with unrealistic expectations. So in this post, it’s time to get really honest, and blow apart some of the biggest relationship myths that hold people back:

Myth #1 – Relationships will solve your deeper problems

woman hiding under pillow

You got in a relationship.

You did it. Congrats!

Now no-one can criticize you. You can hide safe in the refuge that you’re fully living up to society’s expectations, and your partner will completely accept every side of you, good, bad and weird, without you ever needing to change or grow.

Except, not really.

If anything, it’s the opposite. Relationships don’t hide your issues, they magnify them.

Think about it: being with someone who spends nearly every day with you, seeing you at your most annoying, most emotional – exposing all your weird habits and moods that you’d usually hide from even your closest friends. You can’t help but be nakedly vulnerable.

Relationships will test you in ways you’ve never been tested before.

Yes, if it’s a great relationship you’ll find your character matches well with your partner’s and you’re able to solve problems together. But the problems will come. And if you want to be happy in love you’ll be forced to admit you’re wrong more than you may be comfortable with. But that exposure is all part of the beauty and madness of being in love.

Myth #2 – Relationships are safe

man hugging woman

Wrong.

The right relationship is safe.

The wrong relationship actually puts you behind single people who are still out there looking for “The One”.

A relationship where you have grossly mismatched values, or different lifestyles, or totally different plans is a time-bomb waiting to explode. Yet people convince themselves that they are choosing “security”, even if they’ve chosen to be with someone that deep down in their gut they know is wrong.

Relationships break down every single day. They are vulnerable to a thousand potential shocks, and to believe we are suddenly free from pain and rejection because we cling onto someone is one of the biggest reasons people seek comfort in bad relationships.

There’s nothing safe about playing it safe.

Myth #3 – You should be accepted 100% for ALL your worst flaws

couple arguing

I get jealous, that’s who I am. I’m needy, demanding, high-maintenance, but hey, that’s ME.

Ever heard those words?

We think that because someone has chosen us, they have to live with whatever we throw at them. We think we no longer need to strive to improve.

The truth is, relationships at often broken by our worst behaviours. And we have to work, not to eliminate our flaws, but to at least mitigate the worst manifestations of them.

After all, if we truly love someone, isn’t it worth it to not cause them pain?

Myth #4 – You shouldn’t need to try to keep your partner attracted

couple in love

It’s easy to snigger at clichés about “keeping the spark alive”, and planning out romance.

But if there’s one thing that’s true from years of learning about relationships, it’s that people who are the happiest work on making each other happy. They do things to turn their partner on. They prioritize things like seduction and flirting and being sexy for the person they love.

To stop caring about our partner’s attraction is to do them a grave disservice. If we are asking someone to choose us, we should be asking ourselves every day: what can I do to make this person as attracted to me on day 10,000 as they were on day 1?

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

10 Responses to The Most Dangerous Myths About Relationships

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  1. Magi says:

    Hi matt
    I have a problem.4 months ago my ex boyfriend brokeup with me and i broke . im still breaken but i still love with himi miss him so much and i dont have idea what shuold i do.please help me.can i text him?
    Help me

    • MH Team - Sara says:

      Hi, Magi! Sara here with Team Matthew Hussey :) Please send our support team an email at support@howtogettheguy.com so we can help you learn more about our Get Him Running Back to You program as I think it could really help you in this situation. Breaking up is hard enough, and it’s even harder to know what to do when your feelings are still there and you’re hurting – no matter how much time goes by. This program helps simplify everything so you can decide if you really want your ex back then you can learn how to do that, or you can get over him for good and find someone even better for you! We hope to hear from you soon, Magi!

  2. Narcis says:

    Hi. I’m from Iran and because of sanctions I can not buy your product, unfortunately. I’m experiencing a break up. We were good untill out of a sudden he said he thinks he’s not a good boyfriend for me and we should break up two days ago. He said he’s too busy and he’s going to China for two weeks after that we may talk to decide whether hang out some times. Today I noticed he blocked me in Instagram. Should I say what I need to too release my feelings. I don’t want him to think he could fool me. And should I block him in other social media like WhatsApp?? Should I say anything to him or do anything, at all? Or just let him go. We have been together fir five months. Seeing eachother 2 times a week. Full of love and passion. But he has been pulling away for the last two weeks. I’ll appreciate if you tell me what should I do?

  3. Roja says:

    Hi Matt
    I am a girl from Iran .
    Honestly I did enjoy your blog and it helps me in many situations in my relationships
    I appreciate you
    Best wishes
    Roja

  4. Andrea says:

    Hi Matt
    There really is no scientific method to finding the one for you. I was always told that when you’re not looking that’s when you find him Well in some ways it’s hard because these days people cheat and lie about everything. There has to be a better way to understand how relationship would actually work

  5. Joanna says:

    Your teaching sharing the good how to handle relationships is a big Yes..yes because its proven we never live without a partner and still keep on learning how it gives you thrills and excitement to your everyday feelings its naturally comes out because we love our relationship it gives control and sanctity sanctify heart of each

  6. Yahly says:

    I think your videos and articles are important and more people need to know about them. You are a very interesting person and I look forward to be at one of your seminars.

  7. anon says:

    Hi Matt

    My mother said to me when I was in my late teens/early 20’s that “a baby should have a father”.

    I think that advice from my mother made me more aware & made me think about whether the guy I was dating had genuine intentions to be a proper boyfriend to me, or not.

    There was a guy I liked in my early 20’s, but I felt he wasn’t showing signs of wanting to be a proper boyfriend to me, so I was more aware of not “going too far”!! & not getting myself pregnant!!

  8. Nieska says:

    I love every part of it, specially #4…well done to you and your team…
    I admired your work…cannot wait for the next one..

  9. Rafat Parveen says:

    Thank you so much Matthew. This was really helpful

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