3 Criteria That Make A Great Date (Today Show Feature)

Right now I’m in New York and have just been back on The Today Show! Today’s segment is called ‘The New Rules Of Dating’, in which we cover Chasing, Dating and Texting.

From the video…

Can women chase?

I’m all for women being ‘proactive’, but the word ‘chase’ doesn’t work for me, and isn’t inline with the mindset of a high-value woman.

Even for guys, the mindset of being a ‘chaser’ conjures images of the creepy stalker type who are only after one thing.

Rather than being ‘gone after’, what a guy really wants is a woman who will put her value out there and make it clear to determine compatibility.

3 criteria that make a great date

A great first date…

1) Is time flexible

You want the activity you’re doing to have the flexibility of being a 20 minute date (if things are terrible and you want to escape), through to a 3 hour date if you’re having a great time and want to be able to carry on.

2) Allows for proximity

Choose something that will allow the two of you to build in touches and physical tension. A dinner wouldn’t be my first choice, but if you find yourself at one, be sure to sit side-by-side, not sat across from each other.

3) Is externally focused

If you went for a walk along a river, the surroundings would take the pressure off in allowing you to look around and see what’s going on. This not only gives you more to talk about, it makes silence in conversation more relaxed.

Texting is the perfect way to flirt

Texting allows you to say things you’d never be able to get away with on the phone. For instance, telling someone “You looked gorgeous today”. Texting allows you to be cheeky, playful, and make statements that don’t necessitate a reaction.


Question of the day:

What did you do on your most memorable date? Back in London, my favourite thing was to go for a long walk along the Thames. Let me know yours in the comments!

43 Responses to 3 Criteria That Make A Great Date (Today Show Feature)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  1. HecYES says:

    Meh. I prefer dinner as a first date…. a meal is a great way to bond with someone and if the meal goes well then we can walk it off or grab some dessert. Save the physical activity for the second and third date. Mainly because physical touch is my primary love language so I don’t give it to just anyone.

    but this interview is good stuff.

  2. Andrea says:

    It is a great movie, and I enjoyed watching it. Thank you Matthew.
    However, I do not quite agree that texting is a great way to flirt. I see too many people who start texting and then think that everything and anything should be discussed by text instead of grabbing the phone.
    If a man wants to tell me “you looked gteat today”, he can also either tell me the following day on the phone “you looked great yesterday” when we have a phone conversation anyhow.

    And what do I gain from texting with a guy who texts me things that he does not dare to say face to face? Then he sits beside me in a restaurant, and I am bored to death because he cannot open his mouth. LOL
    I thought we were supposed to get real, to talk and not to stick our nose into the damn smartphone. :-)

  3. tom says:

    I will be impressed by the quality of information on this site. There are a lot of good resources below. I am sure I will visit this area again quickly.

  4. Isa says:

    If you´re into painting or something creative, it´s great to go with your date to one of these places where you can decorate or paint pottery. I did it once with a guy I really liked, and even though it didn´t turn out as I expected, it was relaxed, fun, and there was no pressure on us since we could just chat away as we painted our mugs..

  5. Lo says:

    Hi Matt,

    Thanks for the tips. I didn’t like that much this interview, but not because of you (you were great btw), but E. Jean Carroll is in some other page!!

    Fortunately, you tood up for your beliefs and made the interview interesting!!

    Regarding the flirt through text, I think its a great tool, because it let you keep in touch with that special person, and saying whatever you both want, without nobody noticing it. I love when people dont understand how I became close friend with “X” person, and that is because of texting which gives us an space for only the two of us.

    And once again .. I love your modern outfit :)

  6. CathyA says:

    My most memorable date was when I took him at night to a pond out in the middle of the woods. I didn’t tell him where we were going. All he knew was that it was a beautiful place I wanted to show him. We didn’t have a flashlight, so I held his hand and guided him down the path through the woods. It was fun to be the one in the lead, bringing him to the surprise ending. Then we came out of the woods and saw the moonlight reflecting off the pond before us. We sat under a big tree and gazed out at the shining water and talked awhile, then lay down and snuggled together. It was very intimate, even though we were in ‘the great outdoors.’

  7. Angela says:

    Hi! For some reason, the top video is an empty space and the second video doesn’t play. I’d really love to see the videos. Could you resend it pls?

    Thanks, love.

  8. Charlotte says:

    Museum dates are good. I’m particular to art. I agree with a setting which provides things to discuss and something to focus on when there is silence. I personally love silence but some find it uncomfortable.
    Oh I went to a lounge once that had silent movies playing on a wall. Again, atmosphere conducive to conversation AND gaps in it.

  9. Stephanie says:

    The guy i was eyeing for a while took me for coffee and then to his place. In front of the house, during christmas time, his family and him always make an igloo for his nephews. So he took me into the igloo! And we kissed there!

  10. Susanne Love says:

    ☆☀☆Dear Matthew Hussey☆☀☆

    Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu for your new blog & video :)
    Excellent :)

    A Long walk along the Thames :)
    Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww :)

    100% agree :)
    I believe long walks are one of the best things you can do on a date :)
    Loooooooove long walks :)

    On my most memorable date I went on a long walk as well :)
    Always love to go on long walks with people I love :)

    100% agree :)
    If you love, you don’t need to chase :)
    After all, to love a person is the best :)

    I wish you all the best walks in life dear Matthew Hussey :)


  11. Simona says:

    Matt, I value your inputs always and it was awesome to see you next to Jean Carroll, because I believe people like her bring a certain color that is needed. I laughed my ass off. :))))))))

  12. Jaagii says:

    :O Wow! Sorry Matt, you had to sit through this :(

  13. Barbara says:

    So, I’m not gonna say it was the best date (it wasn’t), but it sure was a memorable one…
    I was walking down the street with the guy and talking about a lot of stuff we liked. I surprised him by telling him, that I sometimes go out with my friends for some cocktails. He told me that I look like such a good girl and that that’s why it surprised him so much. We went past a bar and he said why don’t we go in for a cocktail. The music in the bar was SO loud, we could barely hear each other. When the waiteress came, he said that I should order for the both of us. I decided to order him my favorite cocktail (Cuba Libre) and his for me (Tequila Sunrise). But it didn’t go as planed, because the waitress didn’t hear me well (damn you loud music!). She brought the guy the right cocktail, but she brought me a TEQUILA (why would a girl order a much stronger drink for herself than for the guy?)! I decided I’d drink it anyway and he was even more surprised. After that he offered to drink his cocktail together, so we did it. The table was very small, so our legs were touching and we were sitting across from each other (in this case I do recommend it – it helps break the touch barrier). After we drank the cocktail we went outside and said our goodbyes.
    Basically, the date could have gone better, but because of so many different things it didn’t. It definitely was a funny and fun one though. And the best part about it? It was our second date. :/ Oh, so I don’t forget: The guy took me out on a few more dates after that, so something must have gone right. :)

  14. wendy says:

    What an awful interview! These women seem to think they are funny..I really feel for you having to sit through such utter crap.

  15. Emmy says:

    My most memorable date was a day at Disneyland. I was 20 years old. I married him less than a year later (and, no, we’re not Mormon, lol, just fell in love) and this October we will have been married nine years! Our twins just turned three and we are still madly in love. Commitment is not easy sometimes, but when you buckle down and face the hard stuff without running away the rewards are endless.

  16. Yolanda says:

    I would love a walk along Thames, with a guy who have not lost his value and kindness.

    The most memorable date was a date I had on my friend’s wedding. It was a Christian Wedding, and I am glad that he opened up and shared his experience with me. However sadly we did not work out.

    Followed by so many incidents, I some times thought it is impossible to find someone ideal. You could not hope the other one react exactly as what you expect him to be. And more and more, I understand to love is to give, and accept the other person as he who he is.

  17. Liz says:

    My most memorable date was sitting in a park at midnight on a hot June night, just looking at the sky and talking, two strangers on a first date, that we never wanted to end.

  18. anna says:

    Ohhhh this I really awesome, most memorable date was the first date I had with this guy when we met new years eve!!! and when we go to the island and spend time together till weekend. How ever sad to say we I broke with him just last night and its over.. hurt but enough, maybe we’re not in good match. :( thanks matt..

  19. Jill says:

    The only thing about texting is you can’t hear the person’s tone and sometimes words can totally be taken the wrong way. If you’re gonna flirt through text choose your words wisely :)

    • JJ. aka Janise says:

      I don’t like when guys text me. I feel they are hiding behind the keyboard and don’t have the balls to say it in person. I never respond to a guy that textes me out on a First date. I feel if he isn’t man enough to ask me over the phone he isn’t man enough to handle real challenges when they come up in a relationship. Texting turns me off. It is a mans voice that turns me on. Women I feel are more auditory than visual and when we hear a guys voice it gets us all sexed up for him. Plus a phone call is much more personal than a text. Texting in my mind is for wimpy guys. It’s much bolder to call someone and that is a turn on. I am not a text squeezed into someone’s day. I am worthy and important enough for them to stop all they are doing to call me.

  20. jamie says:

    My most memorable date was sitting by the beach with a bonfire close by… 3 hour long exhchange of thoughts… then we went kayaking the next weekend.

  21. Kendra says:

    My most memorable date was at a haunted house. It was a week before Halloween (my favorite holiday). This was our second date and it was the perfect activity. Not only was it a lot of fun, but it provided the perfect opportunity to get close as we walked through the scary houses. Its like how guys always joke about taking a girl to a horror movie just so she will get scared and jump into his arms…only you actually get a chance to talk on this date.

  22. Diana says:

    Just a quick mention that as someone who works with and for people with disabilities, I’m overjoyed to see both the transcript and the video lovingly presented.
    Thank you.

  23. Julia says:

    My most memorable date was a date with a guy in a Vampire bar. It felt as we were in a scene in True Blood. I ordered a drink called Vampire Princess, and onwards he would use that as my nickname! I highly recommend going to a Vampire bar, you never get the same sexual tension in a formal, ordinary restaurant.

  24. Nofyah says:

    OOOoo Matt, you had a look of pain when Jean Carroll said sex is fine anytime. Very American female attitude…feminism at all cost..just a license for women to be promiscuous, unfortunately. Women don’t realize that being free sexually is not the same as promiscuity.

    Most memorable date…a guy asked me to meet him blindfolded.

    • Bernadine says:

      Please don’t blame feminism for that kind of stupidity!
      She was being silly, I was shocked that she’d even say such a thing. Hers is certainly NOT the last word on typical American female attitudes about when to have sex.

      • Nofyah says:

        I have acquaintances who see sex that way. yet if I argue with them in favor of polygamy suddenly they get irate. freedom for women but none for men.

        I was born in the states so I grew up there. I only moved to Israel at 18.

  25. Holly (the one that made everyone laugh) says:

    I have just signed up for your GTG weekend in September so I’m hoping my most memorable date is yet to come!

  26. Alexandra says:

    My most memorable date was with a much older guy. We were friends a long time ago and each other thought we both were in different relationships so neither one made the first move. Finally we got together one time and agree to go out once and try out our chemistry together. We went for coffee first, then to listen to a local jazz band and dance, then we decided to stay in his car, chat for a while, and we ended up making out until his car battery died, LOL.. o.O I help him start his car, grabbed something to eat and then went home.

    It was a very fun date yet it was also kind of too much. I learned that short dates are way better since I tend to show a lot of my personaly and leaving too little for late. Also, he lived in a different city and haven’t had the opportunity to hang out with this guy again.

    Since then I realised that the best mentality have when you go out with someone ( that guy you like a lot or just a good friend you want to date) is to invest in the whole experience rather than focusing on just that person which you may or may not have the opportunity to see again and connect.

  27. Cat says:

    It was in London: we met for dinner in Covent Garden. We had sushi – we even ordered a sushi roll called a “French Kiss”. Afterwards we shared an umbrella as we went for a drink in a quiet bar. The best part came after, when we walked along the river as we talked, embraced and eventually kissed. We talked and walked together along the Thames all night long, with the illuminated London Eye, Houses of Parliament and Big Ben creating our perfect setting. The date didn’t end until just after 7am. It was perfect.(shame it wasn’t an indicator of things to come!)

  28. NancyH says:

    The most memorable…For some it may be the spontaneity of it all, the extravagance of the gesture or the simplest of pleasures. Is it so much what you do, as opposed to the experience of being with the one wish you choose? An outdoor activity, such as a hike along the CA beaches and/or golf, a true passion. Appreciating the ambiance and taking it all in its entirety… mixed in with a bit of competition to make it interesting (foreplay opportunities abound) and while there are moments of pure silence, it’s being in tuned to the shared experience. Truly being at ease, definitely radiates and shines!

    And dead on about the “chase”, Matt…

  29. Shannon says:

    We went sun set sailing had dinner on the deck and listen to love songs!

  30. Maren says:

    My most memorable date was in London, at a restaurant called Dans Le Noir (“In The Dark”). The restaurant is a bit unusual in that it simulates the experience of being blind, and (if I recall correctly) all the servers are blind or visually impaired. We arrived at the restaurant and started off in the bar area and had a drink (which was still in the light), where we were also supposed to order our food (since the actual dining room was pitch black and we wouldn’t be able to see the menu). There were very strict rules about not using lights of any kind (watches, phones, etc.) to maintain the integrity of the experience.

    Once we finished our drink, we were led by our server through these thick velvet curtains into a pitch-black room (I had to touch the server’s shoulder to follow him, and my date had to touch my shoulder). We were seated at a long family-style table, with others we had never seen or met alongside us. We had a chef’s tasting menu, which included 3 courses (I believe) with wine pairings of completely unknown food. We had fun trying to guess what it was we were eating, and most of us gave up eating with utensils (because no one could see us being child-like anyway!) :-)

    The experience of not being able to see gave the whole experience such an otherwordly feel, and we ended up having a wonderful chat with the couple next to us. The interesting part about being in pitch black darkness was that we and the couple next to us were more uninhibited and playful. I think we became more focused and realized the impact of touch and hearing when we no longer could see anything around us.

    I hope to be able to go back there sometime. :-)

  31. Lynn says:

    After a lovely dinner, we went for a walk in a local park. We talked for hours and ended up sitting under a gazebo until long after sunset. We are both musicians so we joked around and sang together. As the date was winding down, a rain storm came. He cranked up Nat King Cole’s “Unforgettable,” on his iphone and we slow-danced while the rain came down all around us. Most romantic first date ever!

  32. Karen says:

    Bummer … I was waiting to hear Matt’s response to the sleeping with the guy. Matt’s told a lot … but I wanted to hear how he phrased it … he’s great with words!!

  33. Nicole says:

    My most memorable date was: my sister had invited me to be her grad date. We were both dressed to the nines and we had a wonderful time. After grad, we went out with her friends to celebrate – being that I’m 10 years her senior, I didn’t stay too long. But, I didn’t want to go home. I called a guy I had been seeing… We would d up randomly meeting up at about midnight. It was pouring rain, I was in a little strapless dress and high heels – we went puddle jumping. I took off my shoes and we just walked and splashed in the puddles. Eventually, I started to shiver a little so he pulled me in, behind a fence for shelter, and kissed me. In the pouring rain. Under the stars. Me with no shoes… It was amazing.

  34. Annie says:

    Best date ever: we got goofy at Rockeoke (live band karaoke), then we walked around downtown. He took me up to the fourth floor of a very posh hotel where he knew about a private terrace overlooking the city. It was quiet, we had a chance to talk, and we got some kisses in. Very nice!

  35. Rumors says:

    My most memorable date??? Ummm…easy to answer. The one started with a nice dinner in a beatyfull city in Spain and ended being 4 days in a hotel almost with out eating, or sleeping and going out the room. Yeah, we were really busy playing Monopoly. It´s amazing how addictive is the game.

  36. Carly says:

    My most memorable date was the first date I had with the guy I was seeing up until Sunday. Even though it was just for coffee, I found we had a great connection and good chemistry. However, after 3 months of dating he decided to end things with me.

Read previous post:
Wait or Create

I received something in the post today that I'm crazy-excited about. It's a bracelet that on one side says "Wait?"......