Right now I’m in New York and have just been back on The Today Show! Today’s segment is called ‘The New Rules Of Dating’, in which we cover Chasing, Dating and Texting.
From the video…
Can women chase?
I’m all for women being ‘proactive’, but the word ‘chase’ doesn’t work for me, and isn’t inline with the mindset of a high-value woman.
Even for guys, the mindset of being a ‘chaser’ conjures images of the creepy stalker type who are only after one thing.
Rather than being ‘gone after’, what a guy really wants is a woman who will put her value out there and make it clear to determine compatibility.
3 criteria that make a great date
A great first date…
1) Is time flexible
You want the activity you’re doing to have the flexibility of being a 20 minute date (if things are terrible and you want to escape), through to a 3 hour date if you’re having a great time and want to be able to carry on.
2) Allows for proximity
Choose something that will allow the two of you to build in touches and physical tension. A dinner wouldn’t be my first choice, but if you find yourself at one, be sure to sit side-by-side, not sat across from each other.
3) Is externally focused
If you went for a walk along a river, the surroundings would take the pressure off in allowing you to look around and see what’s going on. This not only gives you more to talk about, it makes silence in conversation more relaxed.
Texting is the perfect way to flirt
Texting allows you to say things you’d never be able to get away with on the phone. For instance, telling someone “You looked gorgeous today”. Texting allows you to be cheeky, playful, and make statements that don’t necessitate a reaction.
Question of the day:
What did you do on your most memorable date? Back in London, my favourite thing was to go for a long walk along the Thames. Let me know yours in the comments!
43 Replies to “3 Criteria That Make A Great Date (Today Show Feature)”
My most memorable date was the first date I had with the guy I was seeing up until Sunday. Even though it was just for coffee, I found we had a great connection and good chemistry. However, after 3 months of dating he decided to end things with me.
My most memorable date??? Ummm…easy to answer. The one started with a nice dinner in a beatyfull city in Spain and ended being 4 days in a hotel almost with out eating, or sleeping and going out the room. Yeah, we were really busy playing Monopoly. It´s amazing how addictive is the game.
Best date ever: we got goofy at Rockeoke (live band karaoke), then we walked around downtown. He took me up to the fourth floor of a very posh hotel where he knew about a private terrace overlooking the city. It was quiet, we had a chance to talk, and we got some kisses in. Very nice!
My most memorable date was: my sister had invited me to be her grad date. We were both dressed to the nines and we had a wonderful time. After grad, we went out with her friends to celebrate – being that I’m 10 years her senior, I didn’t stay too long. But, I didn’t want to go home. I called a guy I had been seeing… We would d up randomly meeting up at about midnight. It was pouring rain, I was in a little strapless dress and high heels – we went puddle jumping. I took off my shoes and we just walked and splashed in the puddles. Eventually, I started to shiver a little so he pulled me in, behind a fence for shelter, and kissed me. In the pouring rain. Under the stars. Me with no shoes… It was amazing.
Bummer … I was waiting to hear Matt’s response to the sleeping with the guy. Matt’s told a lot … but I wanted to hear how he phrased it … he’s great with words!!
Me too. Maybe he can come and say what he thinks…
Matt says in his book a woman of high value will wait to have sex. I truly believe its important to connect on all other levels before you connect sexually. Sex is the easy part meeting someone whose values align with yours is the hard part.
Matt has already posted something about it. I read it a few days ago. Here’s the link http://www.gettheguy.co.uk/male-psychology/how-men-think-dating-and-sex/ And yes, he’s a genius!
After a lovely dinner, we went for a walk in a local park. We talked for hours and ended up sitting under a gazebo until long after sunset. We are both musicians so we joked around and sang together. As the date was winding down, a rain storm came. He cranked up Nat King Cole’s “Unforgettable,” on his iphone and we slow-danced while the rain came down all around us. Most romantic first date ever!
My most memorable date was in London, at a restaurant called Dans Le Noir (“In The Dark”). The restaurant is a bit unusual in that it simulates the experience of being blind, and (if I recall correctly) all the servers are blind or visually impaired. We arrived at the restaurant and started off in the bar area and had a drink (which was still in the light), where we were also supposed to order our food (since the actual dining room was pitch black and we wouldn’t be able to see the menu). There were very strict rules about not using lights of any kind (watches, phones, etc.) to maintain the integrity of the experience.
Once we finished our drink, we were led by our server through these thick velvet curtains into a pitch-black room (I had to touch the server’s shoulder to follow him, and my date had to touch my shoulder). We were seated at a long family-style table, with others we had never seen or met alongside us. We had a chef’s tasting menu, which included 3 courses (I believe) with wine pairings of completely unknown food. We had fun trying to guess what it was we were eating, and most of us gave up eating with utensils (because no one could see us being child-like anyway!) :-)
The experience of not being able to see gave the whole experience such an otherwordly feel, and we ended up having a wonderful chat with the couple next to us. The interesting part about being in pitch black darkness was that we and the couple next to us were more uninhibited and playful. I think we became more focused and realized the impact of touch and hearing when we no longer could see anything around us.
I hope to be able to go back there sometime. :-)
We went sun set sailing had dinner on the deck and listen to love songs!
The most memorable…For some it may be the spontaneity of it all, the extravagance of the gesture or the simplest of pleasures. Is it so much what you do, as opposed to the experience of being with the one wish you choose? An outdoor activity, such as a hike along the CA beaches and/or golf, a true passion. Appreciating the ambiance and taking it all in its entirety… mixed in with a bit of competition to make it interesting (foreplay opportunities abound) and while there are moments of pure silence, it’s being in tuned to the shared experience. Truly being at ease, definitely radiates and shines!
And dead on about the “chase”, Matt…
It was in London: we met for dinner in Covent Garden. We had sushi – we even ordered a sushi roll called a “French Kiss”. Afterwards we shared an umbrella as we went for a drink in a quiet bar. The best part came after, when we walked along the river as we talked, embraced and eventually kissed. We talked and walked together along the Thames all night long, with the illuminated London Eye, Houses of Parliament and Big Ben creating our perfect setting. The date didn’t end until just after 7am. It was perfect.(shame it wasn’t an indicator of things to come!)
My most memorable date was with a much older guy. We were friends a long time ago and each other thought we both were in different relationships so neither one made the first move. Finally we got together one time and agree to go out once and try out our chemistry together. We went for coffee first, then to listen to a local jazz band and dance, then we decided to stay in his car, chat for a while, and we ended up making out until his car battery died, LOL.. o.O I help him start his car, grabbed something to eat and then went home.
It was a very fun date yet it was also kind of too much. I learned that short dates are way better since I tend to show a lot of my personaly and leaving too little for late. Also, he lived in a different city and haven’t had the opportunity to hang out with this guy again.
Since then I realised that the best mentality have when you go out with someone ( that guy you like a lot or just a good friend you want to date) is to invest in the whole experience rather than focusing on just that person which you may or may not have the opportunity to see again and connect.
I have just signed up for your GTG weekend in September so I’m hoping my most memorable date is yet to come!
OOOoo Matt, you had a look of pain when Jean Carroll said sex is fine anytime. Very American female attitude…feminism at all cost..just a license for women to be promiscuous, unfortunately. Women don’t realize that being free sexually is not the same as promiscuity.
Most memorable date…a guy asked me to meet him blindfolded.
Please don’t blame feminism for that kind of stupidity!
She was being silly, I was shocked that she’d even say such a thing. Hers is certainly NOT the last word on typical American female attitudes about when to have sex.
I have acquaintances who see sex that way. yet if I argue with them in favor of polygamy suddenly they get irate. freedom for women but none for men.
I was born in the states so I grew up there. I only moved to Israel at 18.
My most memorable date was a date with a guy in a Vampire bar. It felt as we were in a scene in True Blood. I ordered a drink called Vampire Princess, and onwards he would use that as my nickname! I highly recommend going to a Vampire bar, you never get the same sexual tension in a formal, ordinary restaurant.
Just a quick mention that as someone who works with and for people with disabilities, I’m overjoyed to see both the transcript and the video lovingly presented.
My most memorable date was at a haunted house. It was a week before Halloween (my favorite holiday). This was our second date and it was the perfect activity. Not only was it a lot of fun, but it provided the perfect opportunity to get close as we walked through the scary houses. Its like how guys always joke about taking a girl to a horror movie just so she will get scared and jump into his arms…only you actually get a chance to talk on this date.
My most memorable date was sitting by the beach with a bonfire close by… 3 hour long exhchange of thoughts… then we went kayaking the next weekend.
The only thing about texting is you can’t hear the person’s tone and sometimes words can totally be taken the wrong way. If you’re gonna flirt through text choose your words wisely :)
I don’t like when guys text me. I feel they are hiding behind the keyboard and don’t have the balls to say it in person. I never respond to a guy that textes me out on a First date. I feel if he isn’t man enough to ask me over the phone he isn’t man enough to handle real challenges when they come up in a relationship. Texting turns me off. It is a mans voice that turns me on. Women I feel are more auditory than visual and when we hear a guys voice it gets us all sexed up for him. Plus a phone call is much more personal than a text. Texting in my mind is for wimpy guys. It’s much bolder to call someone and that is a turn on. I am not a text squeezed into someone’s day. I am worthy and important enough for them to stop all they are doing to call me.
Ohhhh this I really awesome, most memorable date was the first date I had with this guy when we met new years eve!!! and when we go to the island and spend time together till weekend. How ever sad to say we I broke with him just last night and its over.. hurt but enough, maybe we’re not in good match. :( thanks matt..
My most memorable date was sitting in a park at midnight on a hot June night, just looking at the sky and talking, two strangers on a first date, that we never wanted to end.
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