Is there something you’ve been wanting to do but are worried what other people may think of you?
A trip away? A new hairstyle? A new hobby?
In this week’s video, I give you 3 tricks to help you from having other people’s opinions hold you back. Enjoy!
Matt I think your advice was very much not standing by something you want/believe in. What if the truth is that you ARE a hippie spiritual mind-body type person? What if you’re scared of being judged on who you are and what you stand by in the privacy of your own miind/home, not something you MIGHT like once you’ve tried it? What if you really do believe in something. Like really believing in your business-idea it self, or you are coming out as gay and not just trying same-sex for the fun/curiosity of it. What if you’re serious about something – it’s not a maybe to you. Is the answer in this case still to point back to another character-trait in you or is this a good time to tell it like it is: “This is me, I believe in this, we’re just gonna have to agree to disagree cause I ain’t buying your argument. This IS cool, I stand by it.”
I study Applied philosophy and people give me a hard time about the use of it (being able to get a job), so i thought of that as an example. For me I do believe in my plan and this bachelor-degree, but I find people don’t give me the benefit of them not even knowing what it is, and I do. So I get offended, peticularly cause my plan includes other things than philosophy… so I really do stand by this. Would you say your advice still applies cause i feel uncomfortable with that. I’m not the type of person to be uncareful with my future like that – it’s the complete opposite!
im learning new things from you. im totally confused how to break up a cheater in professional way. 49 yrs old who was divorce & had 2 grown up sons
Hey Matthew, Stephen and the Get the Guy Team (that includes you too Jameson!) Thank you so much for posting this video! I apologize for the mini novel, this video has hot home for me.
About a year ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. A month before I was diagnosed, I had been accepted into a travel writing class at my local university. The class would be spending ten days in Sicily for spring break; the opportunity of a lifetime.
The trip to Sicily was scheduled to happen about three weeks after my first chemotherapy treatment. Quite a few of my family members expressed their concerns (both directly and indirectly) that I shouldn’t go:
“Your immune system will be down”
“You have asthma”
“Sicily can wait”
“Isn’t your health important to you?”
“I’m concerned you’re in denial.”
“Are you going nuts?”
“She’s not really still going, is she???”
Damn straight I was! I went to Sicily regardless of what my loved ones and some members of my medical team thought. My mother, sister and doctor were all in my corner. All three of them encouraged me to go. But everyone else thought I was nuts. My oncologist let me skip my second treatment so that my immune system wasn’t as vulnerable. I packed up a few extra bottles of hand sanitizer a GIANT bottle of vitamin C tablets for the journey.
It was epic! I scaled the craters of Mt. Etna, swam in the Mediterranean and even had a dinner date with our incredibly knowledgeable, Sicilian tour guide. It took me being 29 and diagnosed with cancer to stop letting the thoughts and words of others affect my life choices.
Not every cancer patient is strong enough to travel overseas after beginning chemo but I knew I would be. I trusted my intuition (and that my oncologist wouldn’t give me the go ahead unless he knew I would be okay). Not going to Italy would have been the unhealthiest thing possible for me. I returned back to the states, more determined than ever to live my life to the fullest and make this year my best year!
I’ve accomplished so many personal mile stones this year. Nearly all went against the thoughts/advice of others. All created beautiful memories, gave me strength.
Thanks again for posting this video and doing all you do. You guys rock!
Or as we say here in New England, “You’re wicked pissah!” which means totally, totally awesome :)
I’m from South Africa and because of religious/cultural reasons I’m always wearing a headwrap . Recently I started letting my hair loose and styling it etc, I found out that I actuallly look very sexy and cute without the wrap . I’d usually dress up and do my hair and just when I was about to leave this wave of depression about what everyone would think hit me and i’d don my scarf and slip back in my comfort zone just to prevent anyone from judging me. This went on for months until I realised how unhappy I was because I didnt look as beautiful as i wanted to.
I’m a first time commenter too! I watch most of your videos and I must say that every area of my life is a lot easier to deal because of your advices on confidence ,love and many more….
You are a genius!
X
I went out to NYC recently–and it’s only an hour and a half away…ish, but I don’t take trips like that often because I don’t often feel like putting in the effort to get there and back, and I almost never go out clubbing, but when I went out this time I noticed this guy was eying me and we started smiling at each other and flirting and talking and eventually he asked me to come with him upstairs from the bar–which is where I originally went–to the club. I had a good time and we got along well, but I realized when we got into the club that I was a little awkward about it haha. I’m a good dancer, but I’m not familiar with the club environment and I didn’t really feel comfortable dancing there with all the people around and I didnt know how to act I guess! I was so awkward about it but I’m definitely not usually that way and I know how to handle social situations well, but for some reason I felt uncomfortable. Next time I go I’m definitely going to try to stop worrying about how I look and just enjoy myself and hopefully I’ll find someone I can have fun with there!
Thank you matt,this is what i was looking for here in my country every body find something to critizise you with thoses tricks i will not even careabout their critizises i will ignore tjem thank you matt
This was brilliant and very useful and practical advice. Next time I’ll remember to do this when I’m “attacked”.
Thanks you SO much Prof. Matt. I’m taking your notes!
I like what you say in this video… Besides, I really think that everyone should do whatever makes them happy, makes them excited, everyone should live they way they want and do what they want and as long as you don’t hurt anyone including yourself, no one has the right to judge you.
My fear of judgment is not just about what other people say . I am my self’s worst critic.and i do this all the time from attending acting class to express my attraction to a guy.for example i never comment because i say to my self “why would anybody say that?its pointless better dont say anything” ohhhh i am so angry with me i dont need those negative thoughts they are not real they are just creations of my mind.i know that if i dont respect myself when i fail i will never be able to chase my dreams And gooood there are so many things i wanna do !!!!by the way matt i love your videos
Matthew, I had a negative conversation with someone just 30 mins ago. I am starting a new career and moving to a new place by March. This person from my family told me some lame, cliche stuff. Then I asked myself why I even bothered to tell her.
The thing is we gotta expect it from people. I am totally expecting some lame questioning or discouragement from people. That is how humans operate. I am surprised when anyone actually encourages me. I don’t even bother to tell anyone about anything anymore.
I mean, if you think about it how sad is that so many people need to come by here to watch your videos and read Steve’s articles to get inspired and encouraged. We are getting our inspiration from people we never even met in person. Because people who know us never encourage us. People want you to be good but they don’t want you to be better than them. Everything is competition here in the USA. My biggest fear has always been turning into one of those people without even realizing it, but I think I am doing fine.
Have a great week. xxx
Preachin’ to the choir…
Meant to say ‘ditto’ everything you said. :)
I understood, Maz. :)
why do you not provide a link to youtube video? .
Dear Matthew
I’ve been following you for a long time now and would just like to say thank you for all the information not just on dating, but in many areas of life.
What you say, has lead me to make such big changes over the last year or so that I now feel that I’m a more confident person, which is why I now feel ready for a relationship.
The types of men that I meet are only apart of the religion I belong too, so it means that I have restrictions which I didn’t before I converted, I do feel that the only thing holding he back is the ability to convey that I’m a single mother, it is one of my title and the biggest role I’ll ever play in my life, but in other words “I’ve got this, don’t be scared I have room for you too”
I just feel that I’m summed up pretty quickly, and put in to a box, I don’t feel the need to go though a story of why, when, how , I let them know with smile about my situation ….. but how I get the second date when they I gone on the first.
I always get so self conscious when I go out clubbing/to the bar! I find it so difficult to a) dress appropriately for clubbing (I just hate dressing so revealing and my friends always make fun of me for wearing “normal” clothes out but otherwise I never feel comfortable) and b) on how to talk/behave in that kind of situation.
I really liked this video though, and feel it offers a good alternative mindset and perspective that I definitely hope to utilize!
I have to say I can relate to the, not wanting to dress revealing comment. Honestly, I would say, do what you’re comfortable with and I would advise to still dress up without being revealing. This may set you apart from every other girl in the bar trying to boist her blossoms into someone’s face desperate for attention and it will attract the wrong guys for the wrong reasons. If you aren’t as revealing but are still super fun and confident you’ll be more likely to attract the right guy anyway. When those guys pick up on the girl with the tightest clevege, it’s only a master of time before he finds they don’t hold up as well when the wires come off, or even if the revealed body is perfect, the chance is never given for the guy to respect or see beyond that that and that kind of relationship isn’t likely to be successful or last. You have no reason to feel awkward about not being revealing. Im not sure what you’re style taste is and it never hurts to get some style advice to help you see your own beauty. Again I don’t know enough of your story to know if my style advise is even necessary. Take time to wear flattering clothes, styles, accessories, hair makeup and nails, but do it for yourself not someone else.
Good luck Best wishes!
Hi Matthew,
Thank you for all of the effort you put into your videos! They are always filled with great information and whether the subject matter applies to me or not, I always look forward to them. You’re like the big brother I never had (even though I’m pretty sure I’m older than you).
I have been wanting to post a question for a while, so I’m taking the advice of your latest video…here goes!
I’m 29 years old and am very inexperienced in the love department. In fact just like the leading lady of one of my favorite movies I have “never been kissed”. I have never been in a relationship. I fell in love once in my early 20’s with a co-worker. We became really good friends and it completely broke my heart when he started a family with someone else, because I was to afraid to tell him my feelings. After that, I completely closed off my heart to any possible romance because I never wanted to feel that kind of pain again. Honestly, I had sadly accepted the fact that I probably would die alone. This past year as I approach the big 30, I really want to change my ways.
I am a very shy person, I know you separate being shy and acting shy, but it’s really hard! I feel like I have this cast iron shell around me and I can only let people in when I really know who they are, which I realize is very hypocritical. I have a huge problem being my true self around anyone but my family and friends, when I meet someone new it’s like this wall goes up. I know I have a self-esteem problem, I have this voice in my head, not literally :), that tells me I’m not good enough/why would they like you/you don’t deserve love. If I actually like someone or find someone attractive, I act cold, so they can’t hurt me.
I am educated, financially stable, successful at work, in fact I LOVE my job. I have hobbies that I am passionate about. I am about to purchase my first home! I have been working on my health this past year, I really have improved eating habits, and am shedding weight that has been my physical shell for a long time. But there is this part of my life that is empty.
The catalyst for this very long comment (I’m sorry!) is someone at work that I like. I work in a very large organization and only see this person in the cafeteria. We have made eye contact quite a bit, he seems to linger around a little extra, and lately he has started closing the physical proximity between us (I make tea & toast every day, and just lately he started to make toast too). Maybe I’m reading to much into this, but I hope not!
I guess what I’m asking is how do I just get over myself and let my guard down. It’s easy to say just smile but I get so terrified in the moment, I just want to bolt because of my nervousness which stems from my shyness, low self-esteem as well as my inexperience.
I hope you read this and can offer me a helping hand, if not keep up the good work bro!
Thanks for listening! :o)
Use humor to break the ice with him. Make him smile and go from there. Of your not confident and may be insecure, “fake it until you make it!”. Im not asking you to not be yourself, just tell yourself that you have no worries and once you get in the habit of not letting fear hold you back, nothing can stop you! I work in sales and everyone always asks how I tend to have so much confidence and don’t worry about what others think. Truth of the matter is, im human, im a woman with insecurities, but don’t beat myself up about it because it’s normal. I act confident because that’s how I get results in the work place, I’ve actually become more confident and embrace the things I use to be self conscious about. I was the worst at being insecure. Purple that know me now are shocked by this but I’m able to approach anyone of any stature and have amazing conversations and lasting friendships with them. You have so much to offer this world, don’t let anyone or anything hold you back! Good luck! Best wishes!
Lol… BTW I’m replying from my phone so the beautiful, “auto spell” feature turns, “people” into, “purple”. I think I like it! Purple people! … Sorry, just had to respond, to that typo.
Hello, Matt,
What would you say to people that try to take you to church or any other kind of religion when you are not interested?
See ya!!!
Here since 2012 almost in a daily basis!!!!
Hi Mathew, I think your videos are amazing. I watch them often and find them very insightful. Although I always do what I want and genuinely don’t care about what anyone thinks I do find what you mentioned about not being defensive a very effective way to deal with people throwing mocking questions at you. I find that this technique also works really well when you’re in a group and someone tries to make a joke at you’re expense. I immediately tell the embarrassing story myself and I find that it greatly reduces what could have been an awkward situation and people really tend to admire your good sense of humour and you totally take away the power from the person trying to diss you. And like you said I never identify myself with any one activity. So people will often be amused by the variety of things that you do and find your openness to trying new things and life very attractive. Thankyou for all the knowledge that you share. I hope your blog continues to do well. :-)
Hi Matthew,
I’ve been listening to your blogs for a while now and always find them so useful, so thank you. Now this blog is interesting because it is asking me to look at defending my stance in a more positive light instead of fighting or getting defensive which is my general stance in these kind of situations. I think sometimes I do see things from the other persons perspective and can see why they criticize my choices but that never stops me from doing what I want to do. I just need to be less defensive and approach my argument from a more positive light. Often when I try to see things from others perspective I feel resentful because I feel like I’m not voicing my opinions in a way that is clearly understood or respected, which may be my own perception of it not really the reality of the situation. I’ve used some of the strategies that you use in this video before but I always felt that I needed to be more vocal rather than agree with the critic. This video kind of allows me to take a softer approach rather than the more defensive one and makes it okay to do so rather than vocalize or defend my stance in an aggressive or harsh way. It makes it okay to be soft in my approach which doesn’t necessarily mean weak.
Thanks Matt,
Maria
hello from Sweden:)
I take challenges and do things I want with out listening what other people say. because I learned from my grandfather that everything is possible, but I always get bad conscience after.have any advice? thanks
Matt you’re a saviour. I’ve been on numerous courses about this. This is so much clearer. You can use them in every aspect of your life. Most of these problems for me occur in the family environment with the same annoying regularity. I have never yet found a method that will beat this and this is looking good (so far).
Hey Mathew,
I am 23 and dating this amaizing guy, but I’m afraid my parents won’t accept him. So I avoid introducing him. Its not him at all. My parents just don’t want me to date anyone (cultural reasons). I am doing this because it makes me happy to be in charge of my own life and I like the direction it’s going right now. It’s just always in the back of my head, whether I should care about pleasing my parents.
Would be great to get some advice about this.
Thanks!