“Hey, I’m sorry but I don’t see things working out between us…”
Ever received that text after a few dates? I know I have. It makes you want to scream: WHY? WHAT DID I DO? JUST GIVE ME ANSWERS!
You’re in luck… because in this week’s video my brother Steve tells a story about how he figured out the #1 classy text message you can send to ANYONE when you get this rejection.
It’s simple and genius, and it shows such confidence that it actually led Steve to an interesting future opportunity…
44 Replies to “The Surprisingly Attractive Response To Being Dumped…”
Thanks for the video and the blog post, Matthew and Steve; I completely agree with what you both had to say.
What would your advice be if the guy you have been dating stops texting all of a sudden? No reasons, no closure, just ghosting.
Do u bother saying farewell in this classy way, or is it sending the wrong signal that I am expecting a response?
Thanks for all your insights. They are very helpful!
Move on quickly of you can.
ghosts are as bad in real life as in PAC man. Just run and keep eating your nibbles and take it to the next level ;)
Love that! Thank you Sydney!! :)
Thank you for that response, Sydney! :)
Sorry, I didnt click the notify me of follow up comments button. Oops I hardly do.
You are welcome :-)
Oh well fair enough, the problem comes when they just ghost away and actually don’t say anything about things working out or not. They just simply disappear. I guess if someone disappears just like that it’s not even worth our times to think about what happened.
That happens to me far more than actually getting any kind of “I don’t see this working” message. I’d be curious to hear Matthew & Stephen’s take on why men ghost instead of just telling the truth.
Nobody likes to be the “bad guy” or bearer of bad news. They think they are avoiding potential conflict and/or drama.
Eh. Shrug and move on. It’s just another way they reveal their true character and I’d be glad I escaped that bullet!
I really liked this video, it gave me closure around a situation I was recently in. Hope it serves as a lesson for others to learn from. I have question/request at the bottom.
I met a wonderful man through a mutual friend where I work, he is caring, smart, witty, we are the same age and enjoy the same past-time activities. He did break-up with a long term girlfriend end of last year, he told me that his not ready for anything serious and I acknowledge and returned the gesture. He had been invited to the work friend’s social event. It was supposed to be a chilled after work/quick-drink situation and it ended up being a night for the books.
We started the event around 18:00 and the gent that I was supposed to meet only arrived 21:00 and a group of 8 turned into 20-30 and they were well on their way past tipsy. I was sober, stressed and anxious about what was going on around me and I actually hoped the gent would ditch the evening. I had a mini melt down before he arrived because I already felt embarrassed and he was on his way already. I am used to organised encounters, more tasteful settings and propriety. I felt I am around people I work with, so I need to be a tad more behaved than usual. I have my crazy fun on my own time, with by best friends that I have had since varsity.
Neither him not I considered the evening to be a date, however upon his arrival my friend introduced him (to 20 drunk people) as the man that was here to meet me (I was in the ladies, not knowing he arrived). The evening snowballed into a situation where he felt very uncomfortable and put on the spot. I was practically sold to him, and got pep talks the WHOLE night by the guys I work with of what I am supposed to tell him and ask and how to behave. He left 2 hours later, I walked him out, he gave a fleeting goodbye & he was so frazzled he walked away to go and wait for his uber taxi down the road away form the frantic party. I just asked him to confirm that his home safe, because he was given a mixture of drinks that didn’t look as if it agreed with his congestion.
I felt really bad for him, I was really upset which 1 friend noticed and tried to talk me into feeling better about myself. I felt so unprepared for that type of situation.
I we spoke once in the week after, I just invited him to a burger & beer/cider as originally planned. I just did it spare of the moment…He was already busy, making moving arrangements. I just replied He did say before he was moving, I just didn’t know when.
My friend who gave the gentleman my number, fessed up this past weekend that he think I am great and found me to be very sweet. However, he felt so pressured and uncomfortable because I was forced onto him. He got the vibe that there is an expectation of us being together or ought to being together.
It was also their first time socializing in a non work capacity, he saw a side of her he didn’t know either.
I realize it was a lot to process for him and myself.
Two weeks have passed, and we didn’t really chat. I still felt he needed to know my side.
I just invited him to a little get together with my intimate friends. Then in a classy & brief way I did the following in the message:
1. I made it known in a cheeky manner that I was made aware of the misconception at our first encounter.
2. I apologized if he was made to feel uncomfortable, that was not my intention. I showed my vulnerability by admitting that I felt bad that I didn’t remedy that experience in the moment for him.
4. Hope he has a good weekend and wished him luck on his move.
In a charming way he responded short after and appreciated the clarification.
I do think our paths will cross, but now we both know there is no hard feelings. We can observe on another in more natural settings where both of us feel at ease.
Honesty is just the best policy and it can ALWAYS be delivered with kindness. Don’t be a victim, be accountable and take ownership of what you could have done better.
Lesson learnt: Expect the unexpected when I am out with people I don’t know as well as I thought I do. :-)
*Guidance on how to turn a situation around in a frantic social setting would be helpful, for those of us who do go out and is caught off-guard by a social situation that we are not in control of.
Take it easy. Life is short and the years can fly by. You want a person because you think having/getting them will make you happier, but who is to know.
I’m a spiritual/religious person and I just trust that it all happens for the best.
I already read the blog post and I really wished this video was up 1 year ago when needing at that time of an example on how to be classy when dumped.
Well nonetheless, lessons were learned at the time and the only thing I would change was taking more effort to behave more classy.
ROTFL. Favorite interaction between Matt and Steve I’ve seen yet!
“Who texted who?”
“It sparked off again. Things went well at the party.”
“But did you text her or did she text you?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“They’ll matter to the people! They’ll wanna know!”
“Let’s just say we got on really well at the party and I sent a text the next day.”
“See but then we’ve learned a valuable lesson from the detail.”
What do you do if he was not classy in the break up, he accused you of cheating when you hadn’t, how do you respond to that in a classy way?
Does not deserve my words or attention. Zero cares in that direction.
But what IF you never even got the “honest” i don’t think we should see each other anymore thing? What if it was all roses and rainbows and then poof, just NOTHING??? This is literally soul breaking. Yes, I lived thru it….7 years later still wondering what happened. Texted AND Emailed COUNTLESS Times NEVER TO Get A Single reply. Not even after 7 years when joked around/asked in friendly maneer. Radio silence. Never seen this before. And that guy HUNTED ME. Not the other way around. When I finally give in…this??? It’s LIKE….whhhaaaattt?
Sometimes I guess we just make up the answer for ourselves and move on. I’ve been there a few times, I know it’s quite confusing but well just assume things don’t go the way we want and work from there.
Why waste the mind space ? Any one of us could die in the next moment. Do I really want to waste this moment thinking about THAT guy?
I get desperate, sometimes. But any actions that result from that place just have ended badly. Like train wrecks.
I can only get into a relationship if I don’t NEED one. Life has to be good first, then it can be great.
Absolutely loved your answer! Exactly what I needed to read right now. I wish I could just switch my mindset and think that way, but it’s been hard to start changing.
Hi Matt and Stephen thanks for this I am learning to be classy and move on from heartbreak in a better way. I broke up with a guy three years ago, only due to work, we work together and our relationship was getting serious he backed out of being honest to our boss. I was upset and cried when he left. We obviously stay in close contact but he is in a new relationship which has had its trouble and he has been texting me and did think about getting back together but cold feet again. Second time I just walked away and have just invested when he has invested in me but not given in to anything he needs to earn things from me. I have carried on with a great life and can see he is envious of my freedom. I am friendly to him when he invests but don’t give much away just show him I am getting on with life.
I was speed reading and had a double take on yours after thinking I read, “I’m learning to be a classy heartbreaker …” Lol!
Guys get validation from attention. Any amount of attention to some guys strokes their ego.
It’s okay to withhold if he doesn’t deserve it.
No smiles today unless I’m mentally making fun of you – is where I stand on some guys who are just idiots.
Dear Matthew and Stephen,
Today’s video provides probably the most precious advice you have ever given.
Ego, as Steve mentioned in the video, can trick people. I know from personal experience, how difficult it is to control a bruised self-ego, when a few years ago a person I trusted, proved to be dishonest. I felt betrayed, hurt, angry and I was wondering what my reaction should be. My initial thought was to get angry and shout, but then I thought that by having an uncontrollable emotional outburst was not going to do me any good. I chose to remain calm and simply said “I don’t approve what you did but I wish you the best” and walked away.
Remaining calm doesn’t mean indifferent or even unemotional. You can be extremely emotional, while still in control of yourself. I cannot describe you how liberating that made me feel!!
I said “Thanks for being straight with me x”
Like you say, closure not needed.
Hey my name is Terri Rancati and I have been watching your blogs your videos and subscribing to your house I should say and I am in a situation right now where I have been just a friend with benefits for two years unfortunately I grew feelings and I don’t think he has so I’m getting ready to tell him via email that that he is not my friend and I’ve been a real friend to him and I’m sick of him calling me at 11 o’clock at night for a booty call and the next time he wants to talk to me call me around two or three and set up a dinner or date or cocktail and maybe I’ll go but if he calls me later than eight for a call out of boredom I’m done and I don’t know if that’s a classy way to do it but I feel like I need to get this off my chest unfortunately I’m in love with this man any suggestions
Do what feels right for you, Terri. Decide what your standards are, communicate them, and don’t settle for less.
This is about you and not letting yourself down.
You only have everything to gain. Keep going down the right path!
You love him, he thinks of you when he is horny.
Logically, you know what to do.
Disappear. Block him.
Emotionally, there are techniques to get rid of those amorous feelings for him.
If you don’t you are not in control of your emotions, your emotions are in control of you. How’s that working for you?
Giving him an ultimatum won’t work since what you really are fishing for is a commitment from him. Logically you know he’s not that into you (except when you’re having sex with him).
Every minute you spend on this guy is a minute you aren’t spending being out in public and available for the guy you really want.
Join a hiking group or salsa dance class and touch everyone on the arm as you introduce yourself and smile. Look them in the eyes for three seconds. Smile. This gets easier and easier to do.
It is like learning to drive. At first it seems there is so much to concentrate on, but then after several times it is so easy. I don’t even remember setting the parking brake anymore, but it is always set when I get back into the car and I have to release it to get moving again.
and what (attractive thing!) to tell someone who dump you by “disappearing”, fleeing you, and avoiding to meet you?
Don’t tell them anything. Block them. Act like they don’t exist. If you meet them and they mention long time no see, say you hadn’t noticed their absence. Say you’ve been having a fantastic time learning salsa dancing and so sorry, gotta go. Walk away and laugh to yourself.
Leave the trash at the curb. Someone else will pick it up. Don’t let it stink up your life.
As a woman you have power!
I just made a video of a male pigeon doing a courtship dance and following a female around for several minutes. She ignored him. She flew away, he followed her. SHE has the power. So do you.
Here is an example of the power you have.
I went to universal studios for the day on the VIP tour.
I interacted with the actors and did the classic touch on the arm, teasing banter ending in a hug routine. I had so much fun doing this that one male actor in full makeup blurted out “I like you”! Our tour guide kept saying how much she enjoyed having me in the group, and one woman working in the VIP restaurant came over to me and said “It was wonderful to hear you laughing! This is why I work here, to see people so happy”.
Be a happy person. It really is a choice.
The last time I went dancing, I had three men following me around wanting to escort me home. All I did was smile, give compliments, touch people on the arm when greeting them, then touch them whenever they laughed. This works.
Being a sad sack is not attractive.
Women can touch people on the arm or shoulder way more easily than a man can. And when a woman touches a man, wow, they really like it. Give a compliment while you’re touching their arm and double wow.
If you’ve been dating a while and you want to arouse him, ask him to let you lightly stroke the back of his neck, but concentrate on the base of the skull just above the spine. You are touching directly over his primitive brain and he will be flooded with endorphins. If you want him, he’s yours.
I did this and was saying “this feels good, doesn’t it”? And “let that good feeling flow through your whole body…”
Then the guy arched his back, threw his head back, turned bright red and had a cerebral orgasm. Some guys are really sensitive to this. Make certain you really want him, because you’ll get him!
I think if he goes away abruptly is the best way not to waste ur time just know u have lost the world today en tomorrow you gonna gain the Universe. People learn to understand and to listen to your spouse! Why just one mistake can cause you waste years / time you have been together and with good memories most especially when someone has realised his/ her mistake and apologised? That temper you get at that very moment sometimes when you have not yet know even the truth, why dont you listen to music or cook and relax/ calm down while waiting for the moment to ask for the truth? Please learn how to forgive and to be communicative. I feel I need to be loved by an understanding person who doesn’t just jump over issues and judgments before knowing the reality. I love your blogs Mathiew.
Two ninjas are better than one.
Usually classy works well except on the morons. After due diligence you discover they are a player or a PUA, then classy and polite won’t work. They are told that ANY woman will respond to their in inane prattle, touching, games, personality quiz or ericksonian droning as they use words like wonder, imagine, picture, feel, listen or any adverb or adjective that could be applied to describe the sex act. Now they try to trigger the fantasy women have about a Prince Charming etc. (Blah)
If classy, polite does not work then be direct. Then use the block feature on your telephone and all social media accounts. Filter their emails to trash.
I just got back from Disneyland and saw many young girls in their princess dresses and tiaras. Uh oh. PUA targets in the making.
I had more fun at universal studios as many rides at Disneyland were shut down.
Female humans are not taught the basics, such as there is no Prince Charming, more people want to use you than love you, and you have to learn to control your emotions or they will control you.
I just saw some click bait about how half your friends don’t really think of you as a friend. You’re an acquaintance they can use. Sad huh?
Hi Matt, hi Steve! This is amazing (!!!) advice and it helps keep me in check, even if all I want to do is a roundhouse kick his face when it’s over and (I think) things are going well :)
The other thing I love is your chemistry on screen – I mean, I know you’re brothers but it took a while to believe until Matt started asking for more details. It was really cute! So, I’d actually intrigued to know – and I’m sorry if I missed this detail – who is the older sibling?
Hi Steve and Matt
Awesome video, liked the way you in a charming way wound up Steve – natural between siblings- yet so much love and respect between you too also. Yet we saw Steve get annoyed and at one stage see an angry glare flash across his face…you two turned into the Ant and Dec of the dating world- just kidding – a charming yet inciteful and helpful piece.
More brother videos – you two, your younger brother and Dad – how about at Xmas time discussing how you all came or learned to respect women…that would be a powerful piece. Real men, who are self aware do respect women. – you two clearly do. Keep up the good work xox
I had the completely wrong impression of a man that was not nearly as interested as he led on… he ended it before it even really started.
I handled it terribly and for months too long. Although I can’t change how I reacted… and will not likely run into this man ever again… is there any way to resolve the situation?
I love this advice, you guys conveyed your message very well!
I got a text kind of like that. I almost reacted emotionally, but ultimately decided not to respond at all. Odd thing is, 10 minutes after he sent that text, he added me to FB messenger (we were not FB friends, just connected via messenger). I’m not sure what that was. Maybe he synced his contacts to his phone & maybe he did it intentionally, but either way, wouldn’t he have deleted my number by then? Anyway, if he wanted to talk to me, he would. I’m not sure if not responding at all was the right thing to do, but I figured there was nothing more to say. So I left it. It still feels unresolved.
All-Time POPULAR Posts