Let’s face it: We live in a flaky dating culture. People don’t text back. They cancel plans on the day. Or maybe they just don’t try hard enough in the early stages.
So how should you respond when this happens?
Many people make a huge mistake in their reply, which you’ll see from a real woman’s comment I discuss in this week’s video.
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I love Matt´s work, but I´m still a Rules girl. You would never find yourself in this type of mess or much less suffer about low-investing guys. The Rules completely eliminate the possibility of time-wasters taking your time and energy. I wish Matt would be more strict like The Rules Book. I always see him putting out the fires that his own advice cause for women.
So Matthew, would you crumple the following comment in a ball as you did with the “have a good life” comment? I won’t take it personal if you think I made a massive error. Deed is done.
Dated 7 months, I initiated a break which lasted about a month because I think we needed to step back, especially as he was unemployed, although previously successful, recently sober and struggling to get his life on track. His fear and my fear were not a good match. On the other hand we enjoyed our time together and had a great physical connection.
We got back together for about two weeks realizing we’d missed each other. Although I felt him pulling away by week 2. One day he opened his laptop to ask me a tech question and Dating Site X popped up. I asked him in a friendly, cheerful manner, if we should explore other options. He looked me in the eye and said no! He also had a goofy explanation. I said nothing, wanting to contemplate my reaction, but checked Dating Site X the next day using a friend’s account, and there he was, active!
I took a screen shot of his cover page, texted it to him and simply said “Good-bye”. He said What? I didn’t answer. So where does this fall on high value, vs. negative? I did not feel explanations or engaging in conversation would accomplish anything. And I was hurt.
Oh and Happy Easter. Love your vids.
Hes sounds like a narcissist player to me. I have that happen too. Sorry about that.
Yassss!!! T-shirts please! #Winnersdontwait Love it! ❤️
Brilliant as always
What do you do if you just meet someone that invests so little, that you now clearly that they ain’t interested in you? If they gives you so little in a text, that you have no chance of giving them something flirtatious back (without looking desperate anyway), but you still thinks they seems nice and want to try make them interested in you.
For example the ones that does not text you, but do reply when you text them, but it’s reply’s that make you choose between ending the conversation by not righting anything or start another topic.
Do you just admit “Okay that was not the one” or what on earth can you do?
Next
:-)
thank you so much I wish I wouldn’t know this sooner
for me I think is too late..
I’m a huge fan of yours and consider you my “dating guru.” Your most recent video about flaky guys is the first time I’ve disagreed with you. First dates are all about making a good first impression. If a guy can’t stick to a plan, or heaven forbid, confirm a date the day before, it makes me think that they don’t have respect for other people’s time. We don’t act nonchalant in a job interview because we don’t know what the job will bring us 6 months down the line. We get to the interview when we’re supposed to be there, act enthusiastic, and decide afterwards if we want to pursue it further. I’m not saying that we should express anger towards these flakey guys, because it would be useless to act that way towards a stranger or detrimental if its someone we see regularly. But, I wouldn’t just excuse their behavior and say “they just don’t know me well enough yet.” We should all put our best foot forward when it comes to dating, and someone who can actually commit to a plan, will stand out in a sea of flakes.
Hey Matt, I didn’t have a chance to really listen to this this morning so I just listened to it again and I am so impressed with the growth. You really amaze me. Baby steps.
❤️
I know this video was about the early stage of a relationship.
What to do with a person after this exact many months (a year actually) of dating. When suddenly he goes quiet and stops. But keeps you linger..
Just walk away I suppose?
your ability to express your thoughts and ideas overall, and here specifically, in a manner that is straight forward and coherent is remarkable! truly grateful that you share a weekly video about dating advice and communication skills as separate subjects and combined.
HAppy Easter Matthew
I’ve tried to order from you but my bank flags it and won’t let it go through saying it’s an out of the country purchase. What can I do? Thanks!
I enjoy your Nat Geo males videos, texts. Very funny Matthew. Thanks a ton for the entertainment and the insights :)
I’m slightly more compassionate towards men now that I am starting to understand their tribe.
How do I deal with guys who are MPI? For example, they text saying “Hey, I’m in town today, and I leave tomorrow.” I know they’re making me an “option”, or expecting me to ask them out. My reaction to such things until now has been to just not respond and forget about it. Of course that leads to a fun evening of what I want to do, but doesn’t lead to anything with a guy. I don’t think I’m even interested in guys like these. How can I spin this around though, be low investment and yet inspire investment from a guy when he doesn’t yet know me.
Hello! Hello! My new mantra: high/good energy, low investment
The most successful man I know lives this philosophy and attracts everyone.
Hello Matthew,
That was great advice as always.
What about afterwards?
So someone had low investment at that time and pulled away. I used your technic and give him some space. Until he decides to put in more energy, I told him I will just look for the one who %100 wanting to be with me.
And yet i still like the guy and want to remind myself someday if he this time maybe wants to invest more? Or shall I just wait. As it was just the beginning of the dating phase, I might not the one he would try a second round right? Something new is always more exciting than a second round. How to behave afterwards to remind myself?
Could you make a follow up video on that??
Thank you!!!!
Question! Can I turn things around with a guy I’ve been seeing off and on?!? Hearing you speaking and taking notes I recognize places I went wrong. I’m now working building myself and value. However, how do I build that value back up after I may have lost some?
Also, how do I handle if he’s been opening that he’s dating/interested in two women, me being one of them?!
Thanks for all your advice. I feel it’s Bette than any other on the market because it’s teaching me how to control myself and react rather than getting to control him! Thanks!!
Hi Matthew! I’m basically screwed. Three years ago I met a guy in class. At the beginning I didn’t feel attracted to him at all but as we started hanging out I just couldn’t resist. We have been great friends actually, in 2015 Christmas I told him that I liken him. He básica started asking me stupid questions what do you like my physical features which I didn’t liked. In that moment he was seeing another girl, but didn’t stop chasing me. We are always talking o the phone, when we meet which is not very often he is super loving and warm… but we didn’t make out yet. I really like him and sometimes I feel that he is really in to me, texting me all day long, sending me pictures. But then he slows, he stops texting and the next weeek is all fine texting me again.
I z don’t know if he’s really into me or just that he has affection nothing more and that h texts me when he is bored…
What do you think??
I really need your helps in this, this last three years I’ve basically been thinking about him 24/7
could you make a video on dating tips for male to female post op transgender women?
Dating as a post of transgender woman can be so difficult.
When do I tell about my past? early on or a couple of dates later?
So grteful for answer!
I need more information about what text should I send to my boyfriend when we decide not to talk for few weeks and if it works