What Makes You Undervalued by Men…

How do you make yourself a challenge that a guy wants to keep chasing? How do you naturally make a man value you for weeks, months, and even years? 

Join me in party capital Miami where I’ll be showing 3 women (and you) the answer…

53 Responses to What Makes You Undervalued by Men…

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  1. June says:

    Hi Matthew, the dating scene in Miami is very much similar here in Dubau, United Arab Emirates, that even if i already place standards in order for me not to be seen as hook up only, still i did not find any men who are into real meaningful relationships because they will just tell me that I am arrogant and making myself important and they don’t care if they cannot get into me for a hook up only becuse they are confident that there are a lot of other women after me whom they can have a hook up with. They are always on to the next person and never settle for anybody because they thought the city is so big that they dont run out of women.

  2. Rach says:

    I had a famous guy after me on insta he ask me to send pics I felt so pressed to do so and was afraid he wouldn’t talk to me if I didn’t
    But I didn’t and I told him I loved chatting with him but if he wanted to get to know me better call me or come vist me but I had not time for games but time to get to know him
    He sent me a message back say he respected my honesty and if he was ever near my home town he would like to catch up for coffee haven’t heard from him again but I know I m worth more than fame and riches


    Great video! Like this new format. I totally agree that it comes down to working on yourself. Once I STOPPED ignoring my standards, made my standards known it was like a filter and the quality of men I attracted improved!!!! I’ve grown a lot from your teachings and this one hit it on the head. Thanks Matthew keep up the great work!!

  4. Ellah says:

    I keep my relationship on

  5. Kat says:

    Love it matthew .. guess my communication skills need improvement or something . I seem to get guys that are sarcastic and try to belittle me ,as part of their flirting with me . I’m not ok with it but how far do I need to go to communicate my displeasure

  6. Kathy Little says:

    This is interesting and I wat h a lot of Matthew’s work. However, when a question is asked here there are no replies. Is this not the place to engage in asking questions of Matthew? Left hanging out there doesn’t feel good.

  7. Itunu says:

    Matt pls I need ur help on our to forget guys nd concentrate on my career,I need to b strong

  8. Vicki Heist says:

    I really got something out of this. My problem has been that I buckle and give in compromising my standards that I have for a guy. I need to learn to remain strong. I’m worth more than that. And my standards ate good. I want to wait for that extraordinary life and learn to be happy within myself.

  9. Waji says:

    Hi Matthew,

    Loved the video, it was insightful and this was different to the usual videos which made it more interesting as well. I found it useful that you shared about the importance of leading an extraordinary live, beyond just the dating aspect. Thank you for the videos!

  10. Celia says:

    Thank you Matt for these videos. I feel like you are there to support me in my search for love, I almost want to wear a wristband ‘What would Matthew do?’ to remind me. As a UK citizen it is valuable for me to see USA women views on dating in their cities. Here in Newcastle Upon Tyne we have our own culture, but now I am starting to think that meeting guys during the day (as your Chicago girls said) is a whole different world which feels more positive to me. As 40yr old mum, I felt like going to pubs was something I’d have to put up with in order to ‘get back out there’, but I’d feel a lot happier, fresher and more alive if I could meet and speak during the day. I am attending a crime writing seminar next week and will certainly use your fantastic, miraculous tip of saying hows it going to everyone close to me and ask names. If a guy said hows it going to me and asked my name the way you did, Id be absolutely buzzing. Especially if he was then sober enough to remember it again an hour later. I will always follow you even when I do find love, as you got us ladies’ backs. Thanks for everything. Celia

  11. Shannon says:

    I LOVE you, Matthew. For giving a s#!t and having the interest level and loving women enough to do what you do. For finding out what it’s really like, what the actual issues are and speaking to that. Please develop a program to train men to act like real men and learn what that really means, not macheesmo, misguided masculinity gone roid-rage, and learn how to respect and treat women right and what to do with the women who do not reciprocate respect instead of taking it out on all other women thereafter. What women in the Texas video said and a lot of what was in the Miami video, is exactly what I have encountered in Seattle, WA and I have just stopped dating all together because it is difficult to find a real man, my own age who does live up to my standards. There seem to be few people who live up to just the basic levels of cleanliness, common courtesy and common sense, much less above it. You come across as having more than two brain cells to rub together and actual character content to boot! And you’re not exactly unsexy. ; ) Thank you : )

  12. Amanda Collins says:

    what a great video!! great tips Hussey…
    Always bring good pointers.

  13. Darlene says:

    Hey Matt,
    Loved this video content & music. BTW who was the artist for the music during the seminar? (It’s intlstrumental, no vocals)

  14. Mary says:

    So what do I do if I’m dating someone and do not feel like I am there priority

  15. Donna says:

    Hi Matt – I really like the love journey – style is new & fun – content is consistent tho which I like. I agree with your teachings, we women have to communicate our standards & stick with the plan to be able to slowly shift ( the men who are disrespectful ) to raise the bar or else they just don’t get to date us. This means we have to live the standards like u say!

  16. Emma says:

    I notice this a lot. When you fall for someone your standards automatically drop as you try to please them as a natural instinct to make them like you more, which is all wrong. Then you have the other guy that wants you, who is probably right for you, but you don’t drop your standards to please him as you don’t care as much and they try harder and harder and never give up. So everything you say is correct, the more you test them and show them that you only expect the best, they will do everything they can to get you. It’s very interesting. You just have to put it in practise for the guy that you want!!

  17. Victoria L Trovato says:

    I loved your video- and I also love Miami.
    However, the same goes for Newport Beach,CA, where I live!

  18. Sumaiya says:

    Well said!!!

  19. Marie says:

    Ok Matthew I get it – I should stick to my standards, and look out for a guy, who I feel sexual tension and see good behavior.
    But when I think back to my experiences – I never found these two topics together… the most friendly men have been without any spark, the really exciting, most interesting men in bed made me suffer all the time. How can I crack this nut? I already read two of your books and watched all your videos :(

  20. Allie says:

    I had a recent short relationship where I really changed how I did things just to see if being more forward and sexual sooner would make a difference. I didn’t feel I lowered my standards. I actually enforced them and he stepped up when I did that. He said he wanted a relationship, not just a hookup, but I came to find out he was a liar and a sociopath, only wanting me for easy sex. I fell hard for him and still miss him BUT I have to remember the guy I fell for does not exist. It was all his lies. So as much as I miss THAT GUY, the one he pretended to be, I won’t call him again even though I get very lonely.

  21. Perly joy says:

    I learned a lot. I just realized how naive I am. :(

  22. Laurie says:

    “What makes you a challenge above all is your standards,” and “Confidence…that someone can’t be right for you and simultaneously fall beneath your standards.” I love this central theme that runs through this video, Matthew. It’s so hard to maintain your standards when you like someone, and I’ve given too much leeway when it comes to my standards. But you’re so right, Matthew: a man will only value you and rise to his best behavior, if you maintain your standards. And if he doesn’t value me and/or step up to my standards, he is wrong for me. I’m going to implement this in my next relationship. Thanks for the much needed reminder!

  23. TL says:

    Hi Matt,
    My issue is I’m with a man who I do believe loves me but is a border line narcissist.
    He does try to make me his priority but it always turns out to be about him.

    How do you deal with a man you love but not sure where you fit in his life?

    Thank you,

  24. Martina says:

    I like this video, keep going.

  25. Emilie says:

    Thanks a lot for your video Matthew .. love them always interesting it really helps to understand men but also i think in a certain way between humans and how we communicate between each others so yeah keep going :)

    Best wishes for you and all of you girls haha :)

    Emilie from France

  26. Samantha says:

    Love this type of video! I want to see you in LA or SF!!

  27. Janice says:

    Thanks for this!
    I’m trying on line dating. It amazes me the expectations of some people. What kind of a person sends naked pictures to someone they don’t know? What kind of self respect is that?
    I’m not lowering my standards. If I don’t respect myself how do I expect someone else to?
    Someday someone will come along; until then I’m not settling.

  28. Caroline Dillingham says:

    LOVE this video, Matthew. Such a great reminder to hold standards, hold them in the same space we hold the question, “is he the one for me”, and hold them in ourselves, developing true confidence and happiness – and exercising it by not settling and curating a life we like by accepting what is up to our standards and gracefully letting go of what isn’t. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! <3 :)

  29. C says:

    Loved this – great message. The trick: the HOW to state your standard. More please?

  30. Helen says:

    Love your videos and book Matthew! Dating in my late 40’s (oh my God!) is crazy and hard. The dating pool is getting smaller and smaller! Your advice really helps a lot! This was great! Helps me to remember to keep my standards up and show my confidence!

  31. Kara says:

    This was fabulous! Right on the money. Thank you for sharing!

  32. Kacey says:

    More of a suggestion than a comment, really…but have you thought about doing one of these visits for us small town ladies? Our dating pools tend to be really shallow and in need of chlorine! I know I’m not the only super frustrated single lady in small town America! Keep up the amazing work, Matthew!

    • Penny says:

      Love this idea Kacey! Im a doctor living in a rural midwest town. The isolation has contributed to me shifting my standards just to have social contact. Id be interested in a strategy for singles in small towns.

  33. Gale Scaramuzza says:

    I LOVE what you said, “A guy can’t be the right guy for you if he doesn’t meet your standards.” I will NEVER be afraid to communicate, in a classy, playful way, my standards. because he will either weed himself out or show himself as a viable candidate. And I won’t have to do the ‘work’ to figure it out or tell him I’m not interested anymore. Which is always hard even when you’re doing the breaking up. Thank you Matt

  34. Paula says:

    I loved this post, I really like that you are interviewing people from different cities and then connecting it to your talks in the retreat, it creates a connection between the theory you present and the real life examples these women give. I’m from Miami so I was particularly intrigued by what would be said, and once again I agree wholeheartedly with your message. Deep down I have always felt confident knowing what I wanted, and was quick to move along once I realized the guy wasn’t committed in one way or another, however, my biggest learning experience came at 29 when I fell in love for the 1st time, all my rules went out the window and I bent my self backwards to make that relationship work. It was Matthew who showed me the way back to myself, gave me the strength and knowledge to recognize I wasn’t being valued because I had forgotten my own self worth, and through his ever drilling message of having standards and demanding them, it quickly allowed me to see my significant other didn’t mesure up to any demands and was quick himself to want to terminate what had now become a relationship where I was regaining control.

  35. Dalia says:

    You are nothing less than an expert but with vision too.As if you know what’s now and what is yet to come.Sometimes it’s not easy to listen when you open ours eyes with mistakes that we made in the past but this is the best and maybe the only way to heal. For now it’s enough of that “healing” for me becaue it’s also painful so I’ll have to take a short break. Thanks Mat!

  36. PMB says:

    Excellent! Can you give ways to say to a guy what our standards are. I was quite clear with this one guy and he was coming out of a relationship and I knew he wasn’t ready and he wanted sex, but he knew himself he didn’t want a relationship right now. Hence, because he didn’t get what he wanted, he stopped calling and texting.

  37. Kitty London says:

    The hardest thing is accepting that when you assert your standard they may not value you more, but choose to walk away. Of course this means they aren’t right for you but it still sucks. I’m very mindful of the getting better at rejection video however they often string you along to boost their own self confidence until this point so you’ve invested in them for maybe a few months. Having just been ghosted followed by a list of bs excuses after I called him out on this I’m feeling a bit bruised!!! Older men definitely are not better mannered! Did at least get closure.

    • Alinaa says:

      Kitty, I am so sorry about your pain. The irony is that we all, men and women, go through this pain of finding a special someone. What you are describing, is very well familiar to me and, most likely, to those who follow Matthew. But the answer is in this 9 minute video. It fits in less than a minute and is plain and simple: finding someone great is a BYPRODUCT of an extraordinary life. I kinda have been suspecting it for a long time, it’s just Matthew who put it in words so wonderfully

  38. Tricia says:

    Love this series and another awesome video Matthew! Thank you!! Communicating standards in a light but firm way can be a real challenge, and it only gets harder the more you’re “hooked” so the boundary work is worth the effort. We must do as Matthew says – live an amazing life, know our worth, and be willing to walk away! #preach

  39. Donna says:

    I think this is a great project.

  40. Mara says:

    I love this video. Other women’s perspectives and sharing their experiences is very helpful.

    I myself have high standards. Being honest kind of landed me in an unfortunate situation. However, your videos are a nice reminder as to why we all need standards in what we are looking for in another person.


  41. Martha Hand says:


  42. Nadja says:

    the quality of the videos is getting better and better over time, a delight to watch! I guess that alone is a lesson on how keeping things interesting in itself… I guess the point is that you can do constant improvements to yourself not necessarily dramatic changes in your core values to keep yourself fresh and building confidence… I found this video very inspiring, thanks

  43. Alley says:

    Hi Matt,
    Up to scratch! Lol
    Great point! Will anyone ever be up to scratch? It’s getting darker and darker for the lady of color. Especially since the only thing available around here is pale face because he’s not up to scratch for the white lady she thinks she should pursue men of cokor.
    She soon finds out they’re all the same. Even WORST. But you guys need to clean up your act and maybe the white chic will stick with you.

  44. Michelle deroubaix says:

    This is very interesting about standards and I realise that I have been compromising way too much in my relationships and it means being taken for granted in the end.. well done Matthew for al your hard work

  45. Wendy says:

    Amazing information that I wish I knew years ago, Matthew. Thanks for sharing the wealth :)

  46. cheryl says:

    Every time i watch a video of Matthew Hussey i starts believing in love more n more .Mathhew u r really amazing .Right now i m so hurt bc of mu dogies death i m feeling severely hurt i dont have any boyfriend i live in pakistan nobody here is of my type .I want to get married to somebody exactly like matthew hussey Is it possible

  47. Faizah says:

    I’m really loving these series Matt, please keep them going. I’m learning so much and I feel so related to what those ladies talk about, literally, each one of them.

    I know that you are focusing your work on the United States, but if you could go around the world with this same idea, it would be just so awesome and an amazing experience!


  48. leslie ward says:

    I love these videos. I am actually signed up to attend your May retreat, but I am not your typical demographic. I am a bit older, divorced, and I don’t particularly enjoy dating men my age. I know the core message you deliver is about living your best, extraordinary life, and coming from a place of wholeness with or without a partner, which I know will resonate for me. That said, I live in Venice, CA, and we could have a really interesting conversation about the older/younger dynamic and the inherent issues in that scenario (I’m not talking about cradle robbing, just within a ten year span :)). Women my age obviously have an entirely different set of priorities, when it comes to finding a partner.

  49. Brandy Souza says:

    I love the message that you provided. So true..

  50. Jolanta says:

    Thank you for reminding me about maintaining my standards. This short video had a very big power!
    I feel stronger and much more confident and I will live up to my standards no matter what the others think.
    I want my life to be extraordinary and happy!
    That’s why I have not purchased “If you want your ex back”, as I don’t like his standards that he tried to put me into.

  51. Ingrid says:

    I love that you did a segment on dating in Miami. Being a born and raised woman from Miami, I know from first hand experience how difficult it is to date in this city. I just wish you had given a more in-depth explanation or example of what do to or say after we’ve indicated that “yes, I think you’re cute/sexy/intriguing… I’m curious about you.” I tend to be a person to speak my mind. Life is too short to always be afraid and to hold back. And yes, I do have my standards and I tend to be very assertive when I think the feeling will be recriproacted. The problem with men in Miami (in my opinion) is that 90% of the time they’re just flaky and a tease. It’s really difficult to build any type of foundation when you’re looking for something with a bit more substance. Men here are just so focused about “image” and “looks”; because it’s true what one of your guests said—- “there’s always something better”. It’s very easy to get tossed aside very quickly in this town.

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