Do women really fear rejection from guys? This was something I really had to consider when I was being forced by a few female friends to do my very first seminar for women on their love lives.
Thinking back to those first few seminars I ever ran for Get The Guy, I remember this being one of the topics that was at the forefront of my mind and I just couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Do women really fear rejection from men as much as men fear rejection from women?
Ask any woman this and she won’t believe it’s even a question. Ask any man this and he won’t be able to fathom how much harder it is for men to approach women. But one of the things that both sexes are equally quick to forget is each others vulnerability.
We all fear the idea of being “rejected”. We all talk about “rejection” like it’s the most terrifying thing in the world, when in reality, if you think about it, the absolute worst thing that could really happen to you is that you get a guy who ignores you… “Aaarrrggghh!!”
But something I really want you to appreciate is that usually the guys who aren’t as friendly or open to talking to you (when you’ve approach them in a warm and friendly way) are extremely insecure and are not worth your time anyway. That’s the beauty of being proactive in your love life as a woman. Just the very fact that you’re wiling to even approach men makes it inevitable that you’re going to filter the weak from the chaff.
“Rejection” can’t be personal
Never see rejection as a rejection of you, or your personality.
All that rejection is, is a turning down of the way you approached someone that one time. We don’t all get it right every single time. Sometimes we don’t approach spontaneously enough, or we make weak eye contact or maybe we even say something a little stupid. In these types of situations all that you need to do is laugh it off and remember to vary your approach for next time (this is where having a social circle of friends who don’t take themselves too seriously will really help you).
That’s why the women on our weekends get such amazing results, as they’re in a group of 9-14 other women who are all out to do exactly the same as them; who want to have fun and who want to try this stuff out without a care if it goes wrong. When you have people like this around, spurring you on, you just forget about the agenda you might have once had and the whole night becomes a blur. All the individual interactions that you have just seem to flow into one, creating a kind of journey or story of the night.
“Rejection” isn’t fear of one guy’s reaction
Now I know how it feels when you’re out trying this stuff without that supportive peer group behind you; rationality goes out of the window, emotion kicks in and you’re unable to do any of the things you set out to do. Even when you know the best strategies and techniques for avoiding rejection from guys, if you don’t have that accountability that is so very crucial, it often doesn’t matter as you won’t make the best use of them.
The reason that having this kind of accountability and peer group behind you is so effective is because you’re never going to be embarrassed by your results.
Imagine this, you’re on a train that’s packed to the rafters with people, but sitting opposite you is a really cute guy you want to talk to. You overhear him say to someone that he’ll be getting off at the next stop which is 5 minutes away. You have just 5 minutes to muster up the courage to speak to him. How does this make you feel with a train FULL of people? Pretty terrifying I’d imagine…
Now imagine that same carriage, but it’s just you and him. Now it’s a whole lot easier right? Now why is that? It’s the same guy on the same train, and you’ve still only got 5 minutes to speak with him. The reason that you’re not so scared is because you don’t really care about any one guys opinion that much. You just don’t. You might think you want to avoid rejection from guys, when in reality you’re just trying to avoid the embarrassment of those around you (who more often than not are people that you haven’t even met!)
Isn’t that just a little bit crazy? The fact that we let our lives get dictated by the thoughts of strangers…
So to stop this from continuing, as an action point for this article, I want you to do one thing for me… stop caring. That’s right, stop caring. Stop caring what other people think, stop caring what your friends think, and stop caring about what cute guys on trains think! Doing this will empower you more than you could ever have imagined.
So there you have it. I look forward to hearing more of your stories and anecdotes in the meantime.