Do women really fear rejection from guys? This was something I really had to consider when I was being forced by a few female friends to do my very first seminar for women on their love lives.
Thinking back to those first few seminars I ever ran for Get The Guy, I remember this being one of the topics that was at the forefront of my mind and I just couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Do women really fear rejection from men as much as men fear rejection from women?
Ask any woman this and she won’t believe it’s even a question. Ask any man this and he won’t be able to fathom how much harder it is for men to approach women. But one of the things that both sexes are equally quick to forget is each others vulnerability.
We all fear the idea of being “rejected”. We all talk about “rejection” like it’s the most terrifying thing in the world, when in reality, if you think about it, the absolute worst thing that could really happen to you is that you get a guy who ignores you… “Aaarrrggghh!!”
But something I really want you to appreciate is that usually the guys who aren’t as friendly or open to talking to you (when you’ve approach them in a warm and friendly way) are extremely insecure and are not worth your time anyway. That’s the beauty of being proactive in your love life as a woman. Just the very fact that you’re wiling to even approach men makes it inevitable that you’re going to filter the weak from the chaff.
“Rejection” can’t be personal
Never see rejection as a rejection of you, or your personality.
All that rejection is, is a turning down of the way you approached someone that one time. We don’t all get it right every single time. Sometimes we don’t approach spontaneously enough, or we make weak eye contact or maybe we even say something a little stupid. In these types of situations all that you need to do is laugh it off and remember to vary your approach for next time (this is where having a social circle of friends who don’t take themselves too seriously will really help you).
That’s why the women on our weekends get such amazing results, as they’re in a group of 9-14 other women who are all out to do exactly the same as them; who want to have fun and who want to try this stuff out without a care if it goes wrong. When you have people like this around, spurring you on, you just forget about the agenda you might have once had and the whole night becomes a blur. All the individual interactions that you have just seem to flow into one, creating a kind of journey or story of the night.
“Rejection” isn’t fear of one guy’s reaction
Now I know how it feels when you’re out trying this stuff without that supportive peer group behind you; rationality goes out of the window, emotion kicks in and you’re unable to do any of the things you set out to do. Even when you know the best strategies and techniques for avoiding rejection from guys, if you don’t have that accountability that is so very crucial, it often doesn’t matter as you won’t make the best use of them.
The reason that having this kind of accountability and peer group behind you is so effective is because you’re never going to be embarrassed by your results.
Imagine this, you’re on a train that’s packed to the rafters with people, but sitting opposite you is a really cute guy you want to talk to. You overhear him say to someone that he’ll be getting off at the next stop which is 5 minutes away. You have just 5 minutes to muster up the courage to speak to him. How does this make you feel with a train FULL of people? Pretty terrifying I’d imagine…
Now imagine that same carriage, but it’s just you and him. Now it’s a whole lot easier right? Now why is that? It’s the same guy on the same train, and you’ve still only got 5 minutes to speak with him. The reason that you’re not so scared is because you don’t really care about any one guys opinion that much. You just don’t. You might think you want to avoid rejection from guys, when in reality you’re just trying to avoid the embarrassment of those around you (who more often than not are people that you haven’t even met!)
Isn’t that just a little bit crazy? The fact that we let our lives get dictated by the thoughts of strangers…
So to stop this from continuing, as an action point for this article, I want you to do one thing for me… stop caring. That’s right, stop caring. Stop caring what other people think, stop caring what your friends think, and stop caring about what cute guys on trains think! Doing this will empower you more than you could ever have imagined.
So there you have it. I look forward to hearing more of your stories and anecdotes in the meantime.
12 Replies to “The Best Way To Avoid Rejection From Guys”
Good to know–just forget everything I have ever learned from society and invite the rejection to come in and have a seat! lol Seriously, I get it. It’s good advice.
Question–was I rejected recently? I’m not sure what to think–I’ve admired him from afar for a while. Finally got up the courage to attend one of his shows, sat front row, center. He literally looked everywhere else in the theater, INCLUDING THE CEILING, but wouldn’t look at me! I was literally sitting less than 10 feet away from him, directly in his line of vision! I tried to catch his eye all night to get a flirt in, but no go. Later, I approached him as I left and told him I enjoyed the show, etc, and he was pleasant enough, and I wished him good night. Very short convo. Anyway, should I interpret his refusal to even look at me as a sign of disinterest and complete lack of attraction? it felt odd. I was prepared to get my flirt on! ;-)
Aubrey, I wouldn’t have taken it personal, due to the fact he was “working” and if you were up front and center, I don’t think they ever look there! :-) As you probably have heard that when on stage, not to look at people, look over, or see them naked! lol… I know your post was a while ago, but felt like answering any how…. blessings! You probably dating someone new by now or him.
I love how you say stop caring about what other people think – which is very true, but how exactly do you make that happen is my concern
i think that I am learning from these posts that women see “rejection” in very different way from men. For guys, you actually approach the women and try to strike up a conversation with her which might or might not lead to something and could lead to rejection.
It looks like women can feel rejected if they are in the area and men do not seem to take notice ,or take notice
in a manner that the women did not appreciate. What a difference!
Hello my name is Vanessa and I need your help with this . So I had this friend who always seems to kinds “take” guys away from me. Like I could be in a conversation with a guy and she will just boo in to it. Then the next thing you know the guy I was talking to is now talking to her, ( it’s not that I don’t want to join into the conversation but she always changes the topic to some thing that I don’t know about ir have NO interest at all in talking about) please help!
Wow, that sucks Vanessa! I had the same situation a few years back when I was just ready to really start dating; a friend I’d had for years would always make a point of interrupting conversations with dudes and talk of things she knew I didn’t engage with. I thought I was paranoid, but it happened so many times I knew I wasn’t just being jealous.
So, step one: TALK TO HER ABOUT IT. We chatted over coffee at my place as she could leave any time and it was private there. She didn’t say much, but denied doing it – I thought maybe she hadn’t realised and thinking that now I’d told her she might not do it any more we left on friendly terms. If you’re not comfortable talking with your friend or it goes badly when you do, consider how much of a friend you actually consider her.
Step two: See what changes, and if nothing does, she may not really be a friend. If you like her still, you could be more choosey about where you go with her, however from my experience, I recommend reconsidering her company! I still see my friend, but we never go out to ‘Party’ together. It changed our friendship, but for the better!
I really would like to know, how you do not take something personally, how you don’t care?! The hole word is about others opinions, and I could say, I’m almost all right, cause in most situations, I just don’t really care… but when something really matters, there is always someone, friends, colleagues, mentors, or just a cute man around a corner, who is just watching a bit at your direction, and at the moment you do something brave (like talk to a stranger), someone who actually matters a bit, will surely look at your way, and bammmm if you get rejected, they will see it, hear it, and no matter what I say, I will still be embarrassed…because I care, IF someone who matters is there, especially true, if someone stupid starts making jokes about my mistake later on, just to entertain others.
My usual reaction, to bad jokes, or embarrassing situations, is to make fun of another person, I do it because I’m embarrassed, but I do it so “good” that I can make even a grown up man feel ashamed. The problem is that I do it naturally, the result is that most people think the first couple of times we meet, that I’m smart, but very rude, but the fact is, that I’m usually just protecting myself from embarrassment, by putting it on others. I know it is bad, but I don’t know how to stop it, when the shame/embarrassment comes close, I panic and immediately pass it on to someone else standing close to me.
So please tell me how do I get, that horrible feeling of embarrassment out of my heart?
Okay, it’s like this, ladies:
1. Don’t fall asleep in the mashed potatoes, okay? No one wants a lush or bored date and no one is impressed if you agree to a date only to ask aloof. I know everyone tells you to play hard to get, but think about how great you’d feel if you planned something to surprise and impress someone and they were bored. Yeahhhh.
2. Don’t plan the wedding before the first, second or 100th date. We all do it, we get carried away. It’s the fairytale – he seems perfect – but until you know his middle name and have met his mommy, your job is to be grateful and have fun. Make decisions if you feel like you’re wasting time – yours or his – and move along. That’s what dating is about!
3. Never feel weak for being “a girl.” That doesn’t mean go bananas, shamelessly. Just don’t feel badly about the pretty things you like, or crying in a movie on a movie date. Be you! And love you.
Bonus: if he offers, get dessert. Thank me later. Tootles!
am Wago Kakusa,just wanted to help me with rejection problem.the best what i wanted,a simple text or massage to stop recting or not responding my call or text.
I would be happy if you can really help me because it hurts me.
i still don’t think i’m ready to talk to him. it’s just everytime i get around him i get all nervous and shaken up. besides he has a girlfriend but me and him r still friends. he doesn’t know that i had a crush on him for 4 years 5 months and today would make 2 weeks. but there is this nother boy who’s funny and makes me laugh like nobody does. but the only problem is it’s my B.F.B best friends BROTHER!!!. PLEASE HELP ME I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO
There’s a guy that my uncle told me about that works with him. He told me that he seemed really nice, shy and he was a handsome man. He thought I may be interested. Naturally I was curious so I found his facebook page. I found that I was completely attracted to him. I friend requested him in the hope that he would see me and hopefully find me attractive. I quickly realized he doesn’t go on fb very often. I got my uncle to tell him that he had a friend request and that I just did it cause they work together. He did go to fb accepted my request and hasn’t been back on. I had thought about writing him a note with my # so if he was interested he could call or text and have my uncle give it to him. I’m not sure what to say or if it’s even a good idea. The only reason I came up with this plan is because I never see him,there is never a reason to go to my uncles work. What should I do ?
People please help! I have a crush on a guy that likes me back but thing is that both of us are afraid to ask. I’m scared that by any chance if i ask him and he says no and i’ll get teased by everyone. My friends are offering to somehow ask him if he’s allowed to date and who his crush is so i know! Any tricks or hacks would be amazing and well appreciated!
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