If you want to get a man to commit, you need to follow a few rules so that you actually get results. Getting a man to commit is one of the all time big questions that every woman at some point in her life has wrestled with.
It is one of the most common asked questions that I have women ask me when I coach them and the golden rule is:
‘Think pleasure and pain!’
Let me explain what I mean by this.
Suppose you’ve been dating a guy for 4 weeks or so and he tells you he doesn’t want to be exclusive. Perhaps he just tells you he’s not ready to commit.
Let’s go through the specific rules of how to make him want to be in a relationship with you.
RULE No. 1 – Never ever give your man an ultimatum!
A response women often make is to give an ultimatum, in other words they’ll say to the guy that if he does not commit to her exclusively from now on, she is sorry but their relationship is over.
Now this looks like a decent approach, right? – WRONG
If you give a man an ultimatum, he will run a mile every time. By bearing down on him to make an ‘all or nothing’ decision, you will only make him associate pain and stress with commitment.
He will see it as having to resign himself to a relationship, and he’ll romanticize the freedom that he would get being single.
Rule No. 2 – Don’t give him all the benefits of a relationship before he’s committed to one
A guy has to earn is place in your life. What a lot of women make the mistake of doing is giving themselves completely to a guy before he has expressed any intention of committing.
Not only does this apply sexually, but also to how much time they give him. They let him call her up and come over whenever he’s around, they break plans for him, come and look after him when he’s ill, the list goes on….
If you give a guy all these things before you’re even dating he’ll think:
“Why do I need to commit when I can get all this attention and still be single?”
Rule No. 3 – Get him to associate massive pleasure to commitment!
Another mistake women make when men won’t commit is trying to be colder towards him. This is also the wrong response.
Although it’s right that you might want to back off a bit (or even date other men), you want to make sure that whatever time you do spend together is the most fun he could possibly have!
That way when you leave he’ll think: “I want to spend more time with this girl, we have such an amazing time together!”
You always need the guy to realize that every time he commits to you a little bit more, things get more fun, more exciting, more romantic, and more sexy. If you give him everything all at once right away, there’s nothing left for him to achieve by being in a relationship with you.
What you ideally want is for him to feel like the single life can never be as much fun than experiencing new things with you can be.
A guy needs to feel like he’s missing out by not committing to you.
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Very good advice, too many times women overthink what needs to be done.
I have been dating my guy for nearly 5 years. I am so ready to Advance our relationship to something more. I want to be an open couple facing life challenges together and start our family as one. We both have 3 children. He states he has never been more ready in all of his life but he doesn’t know what it is but he is afraid. I’ve been ready many relationship books to help understand. From my understanding, it’s something in his subconscious. I am certain it’s because the past 6 months when we talk about it, it becomes an argument and we both start bashing or yelling. Unhealthy I know bit it’s so frustrating!!! I am not sure how to place positive ideas in his subconscious to help remove our past 6 months but I’m sure there is something I can do. Can anyone e help?? I love him but need him to get over this fear of uncertainty.
Help! Thanks! Lynn
Wow you must be an amazing woman for him not to commit to you. It’s weird, I mean he’s still with you so that’s definately something to think about. Looks as if your relationships is strong. Good luck!
Usually, the best way to make a man commit to you is to not try too hard. Badgering him to be exclusive so soon might send him running in the opposite direction. Instead, lots of relationship experts opine that it is better to wait for things to be totally exclusive until both of you are ready for commitment. However, making a man feel like you are pushing him into marriage too soon can really terrify him.
Yeah exactly, that was also the message that I somewhat got from the article. You can never force anyone to do anything really. It had a good start but as I kept reading on, it just had contradicions.
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Hey! This is kind of offf topic but I need some help from an established blog.
Is it diffdicult to set up your owwn blog?
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This is so true hey i think i know what to do
I’m glad I found this website thru a youtube video. I really like the advice, it makes lots of sense. Thanks!
I’d say one main thing is just live in the moment. When I was younger and didn’t want a rship, men would not leave me alone and were always trying to get me to commit to them, but i didn’t want to. I have to admit that’s possibly since I was very young and conventionally-beautiful, but also it was because I DIDN’T WANT A RSHIP, so I was always easygoing and not worrying. Whereas so many women (even when young) tend to obsess about rships and that turns men off because they’re so worrisome and neurotic.
So now I’m finally interested in having rships and am dating a guy who there’s strong mutual attraction, and try to remind myself to be the cool worry-free gal I used to be. Hopefully Matthew’s advice will be helpful too–I’ve seen great reviews of his book and wanna get it soon!
Hi Matthew,
I have an issue that I find a great guy and he likes me too in the beginning. But after the first date I can get really into a guy, and I don’t believe in playing games or rather I can’t control myself so I message the guy back the day after saying what a wonderful day I had and so on. When I really feel like messaging a guy I like I don’t hesitate. How should I control myself?
It seems to scare of guys when I give them this sudden approach. I don’t get why that is so. How should I approach it next when I guy don’t respond to my message? Should I wait until I get an answer back or should I send something more?
And how should I actually act after a date to get him to approach me?
Confused…I used to be just like you. I have found that not keeping a new guy’s number in your phone is very helpful. I write it down put it in my desk at work. So at night if he doesn’t call, we don’t talk. If he is interested he will call. My guy friends say the day after text from a girl about what a great time she had is the kiss of death.
They know we want a call, some guys just want to make us squirm or are not interested. Either way let him wonder where you are…instead of you wondering where he is.
how do I get my video I paid for?
You just contradicted yourself right there. I don’t know about you but I associate sex and being loving and affectionate/romantic as a fun thing to do and is also showing him that you value him that much, but so what game do we have to play and what tricks do we have to do in order for the guy to realize that we are a gem and a prize to be won?! Tell me. It’s always the woman who has to do her homework I see and let the man decide. If you’re going to say don’t have sex till there is a commitment (i.e. marriage) then don’t contradict yourself and tell us oh but if you just show him a good time, then he’ll commit. I guess you mean have fun right and do everything but have sex or foreplay. Thanks for the tip. Hope that women can learn from this.
Hi there… I just started about 2 months ago talking to an ex boyfriend of mine from when I was just a child. It’s been over 10 years since we’ve seen each other. When we saw each other we both had a spark in our eye but it’s been 2 months were taking things slow and having fun but the problem is sometimes when he’s having a hard time he stays a distance from me. Is that bad? He does check in on me to see if I’m doing ok all the time. Did I make a mistake by telling him I love him so soon. He told me that he’s always loved me and always thought of me for years but were not moving in the direction I want which is the boyfriend girlfriend zone any advice on how to get back to that zone again. He does do everything in his power to prove to me that he cares. Do I just need to give it more time. Have fun with it and see where it goes. Help please thank you.
let me ask you this, does dating codes changes after 40? does your teachings re arelevant to the mature singles? looks like it becomes more difficult as is much harder to complement someone who is set on his or her ways, allowing very litte for improvement and seems as if trust is a major issues not to want to get married unless is prenuptials prsented, and to me is like i am only validated and wanted partially and not fully trusted with my partner affairs and future, and so i get in the mode of not wanted to have a men in my life, and yet im a femenine and i have internal fustruation that i cant acept all the way and seek still to find values to believe in.
an acquaintance gave her man a
n ultimatum and he did propose. They are happily married with four children.
I have come to desire a more permanent relationship with a man that I met online but he has decided to end our relationship because he states that his physical attraction to me and our physical relationship hinders his Christian walk. I’ve grown to love this man dearly and would like any suggestion on how to help him love me back and want to be with me. please help me he’s like no other man I’ve ever known
I need some help to understand a guy.
For me it was sort of love at first sight. I asked him for his number and he gave it to me. We became friends and started chatting for quite long hours. Then we started meeting each other. One same day, he kissed me and I kissed him back. Next day happened the same.! But when I ask him about what he feels for me, he does not has any answers for the same. And says that love is a waste of time. He wants me to be his friend but cannot resist to kiss me..
To be honestly with u I think he is asshole ! I think usually when girl asked the guy number it will would be a good idea ! He will think you are too easy to get it’s not a challenge for him’ cos all like challenges ! That’s what I read from the books ! I think he just wants some fun
You girls always think we’re arseholes when we’re just being honest. Ofcourse he liked the fact you approached him and you led each other on. He’s also been honest about his feelings however; deal with that and move on if necessary.
c
Well, when finding out your article, I felt like I find a soulmate as it is similar to my thoughts. These 3 rules might be most important, but I still have some small rules, hope that you like it:
https://www.wikiyeah.com/how-to-get-a-man-to-commit/
I was in the similar situation. We talked daily, went on around 10 dates within a month and then he dropped the “I don’t want a relationship” bomb. I behaved exactly like in the article-I seemed okay with it and I made myself a little unavailable but I haven’t been dating other people. But, in this case,he didn’t even want us to date anymore-just a convenient booty call- so I eventually cut things off. We still see each other at the gym and I am having a really hard time not to fall back.Do I still have a chance to make him see me differently or should I move on?
I met tis guy through an online dating app.
We stay in different state and different culture .. But still there was something which clicked between us and it started .. There is regular wassp messages and call and he said many times that he likes me a lot and that he misses me . Even i feel the same for him . I have told him that we should meet to which he said he wants but is not giving any specific date when he would come to meet . He hasn’t yet commit anything to me but while messaging he is all luvly dubly sending kisses and often wants me to send me the same . Till now I haven’t yet sent any intimate or kisses over phone or text . I have made him clear that i don’t believe in virtual things .
He is a nice guy and want him to commit to me . How do I get him feel more strongly for me .
Kindly advice.
Thanks