Every Man Dating A Woman In Her 30s Must Watch This

This is one of the most important videos I’ve ever made for BOTH men and women, one that I hope you’ll truly take on board if you’re currently dating a guy and aren’t sure where things are going in your relationship.

Please share this message with anyone you think needs to hear it…


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70 Replies to “Every Man Dating A Woman In Her 30s Must Watch This”

  1. Great message. I would love to have at least one biological child at some point, I think, but these things in life should ideally not be the focal point of happiness.

    As much as I may consider the idea of having biological children, maternity can also be a feeling towards other people’s children…. as weird as that sounds

    Do not feel as though your happiness in life rests on any particular thing or achievement because happiness in life rests in the now moment

    We cannot lose precious moments of our lives in worry about the “biological clock”

    Eckhardt Tolle says you can change the situation, accept it, or leave it. Take some conscouis action to find relief

    Children are amazing and it’s heartbreaking that there are children out there who have no one, so you ca ALWAYS adopt after age 35… or whenever.

    Don’t set your happiness on an outcome.

    If you have desire for a romantic partnership, then do everything you can about that.

    If you desire a baby, then pursue it

    If you love someone and the desire clashes, it’s just like any other relationship issue and you have to decide whether this unique individual is worth losing in pursuit of a baby. I mean, you want his genetic material, right?

    Ah, new perspective. I’m on the lookout for genes

  2. Bravo!
    Thanks for putting out such a great message to all of us. I am 39 and recently quit dating someone because he made it very clear to me that he didn’t want any more children. I do not have any but very much would like a family one day. I appreciated his honesty and we were both able to move on before anyone got hurt, despite the fact we were extremely comparable and had a great time together. I hope more women and men are able to understand this. I only wish I had the guts and ability to take on this advice when I was younger.

  3. Bravo Matthew!
    This also addresses the many women in modern soceity who are in their 30’s and 40’s who are currently dating younger men. Communication, honesty and integrity are key in these situations, because you never know where you will find a partner with the same set if values. I am a woman who is in a wonderfully fulfilling relationship with a younger gentleman who happens to be on the exact same page ae me. Go figure?!!!
    All we know is it works!

  4. Hello,

    I would like to know one thing, if you wished to answer:

    Since this topic touches deep wounds with many of us, are you going to address it in a two and half minutes and then move on to greener subjects or are you doing something deeper about it?

    I ask this because you are are strategic when it comes to the information you put out there, whereas this topic seems (to me, based on this just one video you did) very superficially approached. It is a really big theme in the dating field (just as much as finding Mr. Right, Getting back with your Ex or having Impact in life) Are you going to play a little with something this big or can we still hold you up to your standard?

    Disclaimer: No trace of irony or condescension intended. I am sincerely curious about it.

  5. Hi Matt! Firstly, thank you for this video. I am a Jewish woman and in the Jewish world, this actually plays itself out in actually the reverse of what you are saying so it does not apply to everyone. The Torah commands a Jewish man to be fruitful and multiply(he must have children). With the woman, however, it is entirely by choice. He has to get married whilst she doesn’t. Yet most women do choose family life being naturally nurturing. But, like I said before, we are not commanded to. Love you Matthew, Helen xx

  6. You know what, Matt?

    I’ve had the privilege of meeting you at one of your NYC events, and I have to be frank about how sad I am right now.

    It’s easy to get US to watch this.

    I’m not sure it should be put on us in addition to try to get the men in our lives, the men we might be dating, to watch it.

    :-(

  7. Hi Team from Get the Guy,

    I agree with most of the message you are trying to send, however I feel you are approaching this from a tricky angle.

    If a woman knows she is in a dead-end relationship then she needs to feel confident, protected and have strength within her self to address it. Remember when they do get a child, what kind or example will they be. Some weak person dependent on a man to make decisions for you about your life?

    My dad normal says: “Cut loose, Honey! Cut is off!” He is skydiver and when a parachute fails…you cut it off to allow your back-up to open. Nobody but you can cut that parachute while you are free falling through the air, you are in control of your life!!

    Having a child is not the beginning-and-end of a woman’s existence! I feel woman should focus on sticking together and actually being there for one another. Every day I see plenty of women not much younger than myself being in wonderful relationships with good men, but they are lonely and craving the type of friendship that you get form a female peer friend/sister.

    I have 3 besties 1 lives 2000km away from me but we Skype often and the other 2 live in a 10km radius of me. I know I am lucky, and I am super grateful for my wonderful support system.

    Regards
    Lani :-)

  8. This is a very warm-hearted appeal to both sexes to consider an issue that is very real to many – cheers! I’m a woman in my late 40s who has not yet found a man with whom to form a long term relationship. Do I want children? At this ripe age, perhaps like many men, I’m still not sure, to be perfectly honest. Is it too late for me biologically? Perhaps, but I’m not all too bothered by it, as the issue you raise puts a spotlight on a huge elephant in the room:

    In an age where overpopulation is wreaking havoc on the planet in numerous ways, the socially responsible thing to do is to adopt, even if you can get pregnant. Beliefs that you would love an adopted child less are unfounded, and wanting simply to spawn off your own DNA is pure vanity in today’s context, in my humble opinion. If you are not willing to adopt, then perhaps you do not really want children that much at the end of the day?

    Also, there’s a lot of research pointing to the gap in fertility age being less exaggerated than once thought. If there is any chance of getting pregnant at my age, I’d have better chances pairing up with someone younger than me (which I already do anyway, not because I fancy younger men, but because there are far more unhitched men in their 30s).

    I also feel that a woman’s “ticking biological clock” is not all that biological; there are cultural and social pressures placed especially on women inducing them to want to fulfill the motherhood role in their lives. More women need to be aware that these social pressures exist, lest they make a huge mistake in their lives that impacts more than just themselves. But a woman is certainly no less a woman because she does not bear children, and she should not perceive herself as such.

    In light of the above I’m not sure if I feel that the child issue in itself is enough to justify a breakup in a relationship that is otherwise great. Then again, if important issues like this are not being discussed in the relationship, then perhaps it is not perfect. To be sure, if one partner knows with absolute certainty that they will never want kids, that needs to be communicated, as that would rule out the adoption option for the couple.

    There are some who argue that the limerence stage of a relationship rarely lasts more than 4 years. How convenient – just enough time to pop out a few offspring and raise them to an age where you can survive as a single parent, on your way, potentially, to joining the 50% of people in the Western world who get divorced. I’m actually not trying to be cynical here – just well-grounded. I’m still very hopefully that I might find love, and do not perceive myself as too old.

    On an somewhat unrelated note, romantic love is also highly over-valued in our society – it’s idolized excessively in movies and the media… The relationships that last in many cultures do not weigh romantic love heavily at the core, and romantic love is not the only thing that creates deep happiness in life. As you have repeatedly conveyed in your videos, Matt, you need to be confident and happy with yourself and in your own life in order to attract love, and I couldn’t agree more, especially when it comes to self-love.

    Finally, as stated in a precious comment, I’m not sure that the men in particular are being reached here… Too bad!

  9. I can now say for a message like this is appreciated from my perspective, thank you for that message… Myself at 48, not interested in any more wee little ones other than my grand babies… It’s cool to see and hear Anyone in this day and age speak respectfully toward ppl in general. I deal with the general public daily to watch how males in general treat their women and watch how those women accept some of the disrespectful ways they are treated. It shouldn’t matter to myself personally but, from the outside looking in I am so disappointed to see some of the couples, the way they act toward each other. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying only men are like that, just speaking from my own personal experiences as the woman in a world where infidelity, chivalry have become a very rare trait and morals in general have fallen to a level where I choose not to date because maybe my abrasive side displays my very self protective mode as a female, only because my own growth as a person. I am very opinionated that’s something I work on in myself ( my mouth tends to spout off) for me it’s the way society has no regard to others any more. The me, me, me and ‘I’ all of the time. I am single & choose to be because of my own pass experience. It was the one male that has broke my spirit as a much younger version of me. Anymore, I just have the mindset of if I choose to be with any man he has to be very respectful of the fact that I am the gift to add to his world, & it’s a luxery that very few have got to enjoy any of my time. It’s my way of living. I am the jewel if he dares look upon my gracious presence. I’m not trying to say I’m above anyone, just show me respect, chivalry, fidelity, if love is part of that equation then love me, it can be returned to the lucky man one hundred percent… I just live my life day to day. I work cause I’m spoiled, meaning I like the shelter from the elements, and utilities to stay comfortable in my home… I have grown children with plenty grand children to enjoy if I ever feel that need of have the potter patter of little feet around me… As I go on so… Lol. Just wanted to thank you for a message I rarely ever hear.

  10. Hi Matthew, wow what a powerful message. I’m on the other side of this at the moment. I’m 41 and just got pregnant with an amazing guy. After leaving the one that strung me along. It’s worth it. Take the leap Xxx

  11. Hi matt,
    Im a victim of being cheated by my husband. I caught him 9 times since we got married. He did cheat on me once when we were gf&bf relationship. I thought that mybe f we got married things wil be different. I keep forgiving him until recently, he did again with three prostitute. NOW, he is begging of forgiveness and constantly sending messages that he was sorry and that he loves me. We went to marriage counselling but stil CANT DECIDE. Im already 40 and scared of regreting the decision to make if i will divorce him. Pls help….

  12. Wow! You hit the nail on the head again Matthew! I am certainly past this “time clock” age…I have been married (25 Years)…have had my family (2 adult aged gals now)…and now I am in that last chapter in my life…& I am loving it! I truly feel empathy for all the young gals…& experienced this at The Retreat in May in Ft. Lauderdale…What a kind video to post…You have really made a very sincere, true, valid point! Thanks for sharing that! I hope that helps all the young men & young ladies in this age group! You are fantastic! Even you are in this age group….;) Great advice! Keep it coming! I look forward every week to a new video! Hugs!

  13. Oh Matt. Thank you. Some of the comments showing up are about how this is the responsibility of a woman. I think that you are trying to address a reality. Men do “string along” women, sometimes because it’s convenient and sometimes because they honestly don’t know what they want.
    I wept through your video. I am 41 and grieving that I will never have a child of my own. My 14 year marriage ended at an age when the window was just closing. The reality of the time it takes to heal from that, find another partner and have a child in the space left was just unrealistic. My ex-husband placated me for years by claiming that his intention was for us to have children. Month after month, year after year, he found ways to delay, to literally sabotage the possibility. (For example, he wanted to wait until we were married and established in our own home and stretched and stretched that with excuses and delays until it ultimately took EIGHT years. He would then be sick or injured or traveling when I was ovulating, feign temporary impotence… it goes on and on.) I was fully invested in him and our marriage and truly believed that he had a dream of fatherhood. He pretended to be loving and kind and supportive. I didn’t see the whole picture from the outside until much later. He was a gifted pathological liar and emotional manipulator, using me financially and for a home base sense of security while prolonging his adolescence. Ultimately, I discovered that he was having affairs behind my back and was crushed, broken to learn that he impregnated two of them. I AM a woman of strength and standards and got out but was already nearing the end of my thirties… Of course, as others have commented, I could adopt (if I find a willing partner – parenting is a tag-team sport that I don’t think wise or practical to approach on my own.) Adoption takes time and is expensive and and it’s a serious decision to initiate parenthood at middle age.
    My point is that yes, men DO have to take into consideration what they could be taking from a woman whom they choose to occupy during those crucial child bearing years. I’m sure in some cases women find themselves becoming a “weak, dependent person” as one person commented but it’s also true that men can be selfish, dishonest, manipulative, live in denial, etc… I’ve never once seen a message like this to men. Thank you Matt.

  14. Mathew that was a brave subject to tackle.I married a man much younger than me.He wanted children and thought he could be strong enough to forsake them because I couldn’t have them.Ultimately I could see and tell it demolished his dream not being fulfilled. We did part ways,very difficult,but each person has to realize and accept the facts and accept the reality not what we wish.

  15. Women who are a bit older in the dating game have a different problem to consider — Dating men who have not had a family and might want one.

    If you are a woman who has already hit that half-century mark like me, having children most likely isn’t on your mind. We might already have grown children and more than likely will be meeting men who have their own children also (whether grown or not).

    However, I think part of the problem we older women have with finding high-value dates the same age as us is because most men do wait until they are much older to have children and look for relationships with younger women who can support their desire to have a family.

    It is up to all parties in every relationship to be honest about what they want and — like Matt said — know their desires well enough and be brave enough to let go of the relationships that are not going to provide them with what they need to feel whole.

    1. You hit the nail on the head. It just works out better when you enter a relationship knowing what you want and knowing his desires. I guess it comes with experience and I hope the younger generation can understand Matt’s message.

  16. Thank you so much for posting this! I am a woman in my late 30s and a year ago broke up with a man I was deeply in love with who wanted to marry me whom I wanted to marry for precisely this reason. When we started dating he thought he would be ready, but by the end, things had changed in his life and so had his time line.

    So often, I have regretted leaving because there was so much good & I am still tempted by him, but I want so badly to be a mom and it was nice to get the reassurance that I made the right decision to leave.

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