Do Looks Matter?

Here’s a quick response to a comment on my latest iHeartRadio video ‘Are You Pretty Or Ugly (Be Honest)‘ that I feel is important for you to read.

Paula says:

“This is sort of silly coming from Matt. Clearly Matt, you do not know what it’s like to be overlooked and what it’s like to be unattractive. The majority of the comments on your FB page and this blog are basically grown women fawning over how hot you are.

Looks DO matter. To say otherwise is utter and complete BS. Guys and girls are attracted to looks. People who are beautiful tend to attract more men into their lives (or women) and have more selection when it comes to finding a mate.
Also men with a hot woman will put up with her BS far more longer than if he were with a woman with the same flaws but average looking. Good looking people do benefit from their looks.

There is scientific research that indicates beautiful people get selected for better jobs and are perceived more favourably then their less attractive counterparts. To say this message is actually doing a disservice. Matt if you were ugly, I am sure you would not be getting the same reactions on your comments as you do now.”

My Response: (broken down as follows)

“This is sort of silly coming from Matt. Clearly Matt, you do not know what it’s like to be overlooked and what it’s like to be unattractive. The majority of the comments on your FB page and this blog are basically grown women fawning over how hot you are.”

If you think I’ve never been overlooked you are severely mistaken. If you think that I’ve never been rejected by someone who didn’t find me attracted you are also severely mistaken. 

I may get attention on my looks due to my work being seen by hundreds of thousands of women, but I also know that in any long-term relationship with a woman, my worth has been valued very differently. My looks have never kept someone around who didn’t want to be with me for deeper reasons.

“Looks DO matter. To say otherwise is utter and complete BS. Guys and girls are attracted to looks. People who are beautiful tend to attract more men into their lives (or women) and have more selection when it comes to finding a mate.”

I can show you MANY beautiful people who get no attention because they have zero charisma and aren’t interesting, and I can show you MANY people who haven’t got movie star looks who attract everybody. The lesson is that anyone can learn the things that make someone inherently attractive, regardless of their looks. Your argument is far more defeatist and deterministic. One day I may not have my looks anymore, but I sure as hell don’t intend on losing my attractiveness when that day comes. 

“Also men with a hot woman will put up with her BS far more longer than if he were with a woman with the same flaws but average looking. Good looking people do benefit from their looks.”

Who cares if he is unhappy and ends up leaving anyway?

“There is scientific research that indicates beautiful people get selected for better jobs and are perceived more favourably then their less attractive counterparts. To say this message is actually doing a disservice. Matt if you were ugly, I am sure you would not be getting the same reactions on your comments as you do now.”

So what? The people I envy are people that can walk into any room and create opportunity using their charm, their conversation, and the value they bring. It has nothing to do with their looks. In fact, many of the most charismatic people I know are the least good looking by ‘media standards’. 

Perhaps, instead of coming at it from such a defeatist angle, serving only as a convenient excuse for anything and everything that’s not right in someone’s life – after all, who among us feels pretty every second of the day? – you might look to some of the ways you could actually bring value to the world. (Tip: Bitterness isn’t one of them.)

And I couldn’t disagree more with your statement about my own comments. I believe that what makes me attractive to people are my thoughts, my energy and my outlook. To say this is just because of looks is an abhorrent thought, and one that I don’t think many would agree with you on.

I can give you any number of Youtubers who get HUGE love and admiration (and YES attraction) because of their online personas, even though they are not stereotypically good looking. Conversely, if being good looking were the standard for being a big online personality, there would be FAR more of them. Fortunately, it doesn’t work that way. 

I place no real value on my looks (something I did nothing to earn or create aside from keeping a healthy body), and I certainly don’t expect anyone else to.

I’ve trained my eye to scan past any looks-based comments in pursuit of ones that actually talk about what I’ve said. The latter are far more interesting.

Ultimately my focus is on creating things in the world. That is what I measure myself on, and what I am measured on daily. I also value the same in other people. 

Is the media fatuous and superficial? In many ways, yes. But unless you are trying to be an actor or a model in Hollywood, 99.9% of people live in a different world – the REAL one – a world full of complexities, differing tastes, and standards that are far more idiosyncratic than “does he/she look like Brad/Angelina?”

People are deeper than you might like to give them credit for, even if you have decided not to believe it. 

But since you have so labelled me one of life’s ‘good looking people’ – thanks for the compliment – and I am apparently doing a disservice by talking about how looks aren’t as important as we’ve been lead to believe, I have to ask – would you rather I have been superficial?

*Photo Credit: Allen Skyy

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