Recently I interviewed a friend of mine who is by far and away the most sociable guy I know.
This is someone who is completely clued-in to building a network of people in a new place, making new friends in an instant, and getting ingratiated into the right parties and social circles (all of which are things that should help massively with the December challenge).
For those of you who followed Ready For Love, you’re in for a nice treat, as the person I’m talking about is Ernesto – one of the bachelors from the show.
Follow the principles Ernesto talks about here and you’ll have even more of an edge of making things happen this December. Enjoy!
To find out more about Snap2Live, head on over to Ernesto’s website Snap2Live.com.
From The Video
Here are Ernesto’s mindsets to having a great time and meeting new people.
1) Enjoy life
‘My focus is on wanting to enjoy life. I want to make sure that something good comes out of everything I do and everywhere I go. Whether it’s having a good time or having an impact and helping someone – I want to make the best of my time.
When I go to places and put myself out there, I’m doing things that I enjoy doing so that at the very least the people I meet there will have something in common with me.’
2) ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’
You don’t need a support system of friends everywhere you go. You can take the risk and go alone. If you’re scared of being by yourself, guess what, if you stay at home you’re going to be by yourself as well!
There’s a mental barrier that people put in their lives. The truth is, you shouldn’t. Just strike up conversation and say something fun. (You can find suggestions here in my December Challenge Guide if stuck for ideas).
Why assume the person you want to speak to isn’t a nice person and won’t speak with you? Take the chance.
3) Be your BEST self
If you remove agendas and intent and all you have is two people trying to have a good time, then you’re liberated to being the fun, cool version of you.
Socialising and networking is a skill like any other. It’s something that you get better at and that becomes more natural the more you do it.
4) Say Yes
This is one of the rules in the guide. The only time you’re allowed to say ‘No’ is if you’re double booked. Start taking chances and trying new things.
Question Of The Day:
What one thing has this interview inspired you to go out and do? Use this as leverage for getting out there and doing something you wouldn’t normally. Commit to it right now and let me know what it is you’re going to be doing in the comments below!
Snap2Live is a fashion belt made out of vintage seat-belt material that acts as a reminder of the things you can do every day to save lives and keep the roads safe.
Not texting while driving, not drinking and driving, and buckling up can prevent over 80% of road related deaths.
Something I talk about on my Retreat programs is that for everything that we want to condition ourselves to do, we want to have a button or a trigger that acts as a reminder for a certain thought.
The Snap2Live belt can act as both a reminder of these things – and as a great conversation starter to help you in getting out there to meet new people. Grab yours here.
36 Replies to “An Interview With Ernesto Arguello From Ready For Love On Sociability”
HI matthew i can your answer your question of with all honesty.
Me and me Twinsister turning tommorow 16 years old that means i´m aloud. To go out my twinsister is not that type of going out me either but i´m gonna do it. I´m not really that person that talks much i´m shy and saying nothing.
But can give me any tipps to talk more with people i dont know.
i never ever try to start a conversation with a unknown person. i dont have that much confidence because i was bullied in the past and since than my confidence in myself was completly gone.know today i have a little bit more confidence but not so that i would to somebody that i dont know to be honest. :S I’m doubting alott on myself when somethings happen than i than i think it’s all my fault. And when something bad happens i think always than i must deserve it. I’m a good person but i give to much sometimes and people take to much because im too good.
i cant help it i rather be good to people than Always thinking of myself. i rather helping my loveddones than regret when they are gone than i did not you know.
But Thanks for posting Matthew and Ernesto ;)
i have watched all the episodes of ready for Love and i must say I LOVED IT. well maybe i was too young to watch it but you have to start young to know something right ;)
Lovely Greetz Thirza From The Netherlands :)
This video is interesting. It inspired me to be flirty! :D xx
It just goes to show how well you link everyday life and people to our life goals. Good job, as always!
Great as always Matthew, but I’ve decided that I am not going to do the challenge, I don’t have the confidence, so just letting you know that I’m bailing out, but will still enjoy hearing other peoples success,
Angela K x
I appreciate your video. God bless you.
Oh mathew.. Talk about no’brainal’ ! Jeezus! Like u mentioned once -the hottest guy with no intelligent conversation ! Ernesto was very vague ! Got the looks but no brain! And soon as he said ‘ b urself’ , i was waiting for u to roll up ur sleeves !lol
Ernesto is definitely an extravert. For introverted people it would be exhausting to go out that much — but at least we can try to be less shy when we do!
I’ve experienced that thing where men are very cold to me until they realize I’m not a romantic option for them or that I’m not interested. It’s not so easy to find the balance between “leading someone on” and being cold… and a lot of it depends on unknowns about the other person. How will they react/ what will they think if I’m warm and personable? Will I have to explain later how I’m really not interested in that way? Is it better to be more distant? Then add in the dynamic of other women who think you’re out to steal their man…
For those of you posting that you have no confidence and you don’t feel courageous enough to meet new people, I have some tips that might help (I think Matthew would approve :)).
Here’s the thing….I used to be just like you. I spent 15 years hiding in my room with severe social phobia. Now I am a social butterfly. I talk to strangers everyday! Now I enjoy life and you can too.
This is what you do:
1) Do everything possible to love yourself
2) Make a list of your best qualitiies
3) Sing ‘I am so beautiful to me’ in the mirror
4) Kiss the mirror!
5) Look at your own baby pics and kiss them too.
6) Compliment yourself
7) If you make a mistake, be kind to yourself
8) Forgive yourself for everything
9) Do something you love but have been putting off
10) Ok #10 is really important….Imagine yourself being social, picture yourself laughing with new friends, imagine how that feels and hold onto that feeling, imagine hugging people. Picture yourself exactly how you want to be in a social situation. This is key!
After you give yourself a daily dose of self-love, you will start to feel good and more confident. You will feel more courageous to put yourself in new situations. Remember….LIFE BEGINS JUST OUTSIDE OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE. At first these new situations will feel uncomfortable….but it gets easier the more you do it. Eventually it’s totally effortless. Eventual you will find yourself having a lot of fun.
Don’t waste away sitting at home alone….live your best life now!
Great list of tips, Cara! Especially #10… Where you envision yourself being sociable and with new friends having the time of your life. Over 6 years ago I was in a terrible relationship and almost married the guy, but I felt in my gut that this wasn’t it for me. This isn’t it. I would imagine myself with lots of good friends (I didnnt have any while I was with him), going to parties, traveling, and being surrounded by genuine, good people. I envisioned it so much that I broke off my engagement, and these last couple of years my life turned out to be exactly how I envisioned it! So your #10 point is key ;) law of attraction, envisioning, loving yourself, being yourself and doing all the things you’ve always wanted to do and not limit yourself.
Now I’m working on envisioning myself in a wonderful relationship with a man who adores me and is everything I am looking for and deserve in a romantic partner ;)
Xo Matt, thank you for your wonderful videos. See you in LA in a few months!
Thanks so much for the tipps
i loved that tipp kiss the mirror haha i can imagine doining it myself but i´m gonna to try it :)
thanks for the tipps :)
Love it! I’ve been doing the same thing! I keep imagining there is a guy holding my hand and he says things like ‘It’s so incredible that I found you because you are my girlfriend and my best friend too’. Then I picture us cuddling and laughing together. I know that if I keep envisioning this…it’s only a matter of time before he shows up in my life. Maybe I will picture someone who looks like Matthew…lol!
This is quite irritating. Remove gender? remove intent? Yes fine in some situations but try being a woman in your thirties when you are in a social situation (say a bar or party) where disgusting old men in their 50s and 60s are eyeing you up like a piece of meat on a plate. It can be really difficult, even dangerous, to just be yourself or the coolest girl, or the best version of yourself when you just need to protect yourself from unwanted/ inappropriate attention. Its so easy for a single guy to go into these situations, not so easy for a single woman where women in couples may see you as a threat, or inappropriately older men as prey.
OMG…you are so right Pippa. And I am a woman in my forties, even though I look like I’m in my twenties/thirties (been told by numerous guys numerous times in my life!!!) I consider myself confident and sexy and smart and all these things that Matt is talking about, but when I am out in public, I’m very much guarded and serious, which I hear that Ernesto considers standoffish or snubby, but the only reason I am that way is just to keep the unwanted attention at bay…It seems like I seem to attract all kinds of unwanted attention. It seems that my energy is more into trying to save face and keep myself protected from weirdos, any and every kind!!!
And what does Ernesto know? He’s almost 40 and still single. He’s had one failed relationship after another. He’ll be single and miserable for the rest of his life. Apparently Eva Longoria will have nothing to do with him because of his aggressive and controlling ways. He believes a woman should be seen and not heard. He’s pathetic. Chose someone else to interview please, Matt. You’re better than this creep.
I agree with you and also I don’t think he is a good role model, Matthew did make a poor choice of person to interview for this video, Angela K
I liked it. Very good material. Matt, if you follow Ernesto’s formula, how do you take care of yourself at home too? You got to take care of yourself in that department too to meet a high quality guy.
Hi Matt, thanks for the video. Ernesto makes it sound much easier than it really is.Yes, we all have gone to functions where we have to network.blah blah blah….. If I’m sitting at the bar having a drink and I notice you or him coming in (not knowing who you guys are) just simply feeling both your vibes, And I decide to say hello by buying you both a drink then what? Am I being to aggressive? I’m not afraid of making the first move or “breaking the ice”. I just get from guys let me come to you? or you should be more coy? R u kidding me…. I’m just trying to start a conversation. Let’s just blame it on society.. still love you Matt..
Ernesto is a perfect example of what you always say in your videos. His social skills (and his overall relaxed and confident looks) stemming out of just wanting to enjoy life and not waste his time are a great proof that you are right, that removing intent is the key to attracting great people into our lives. I really loved this video, it is a breath of fresh air in the dating advice area, which so many times seems to me to be overfocused in “finding a man”, and too little in considering that regardless of our relationship status we must be always improving as human beings. Congrats for the video, and congrats for sharing this great project which is Snap2live.
Listening to your video whilst getting ready for my evening out – my third in a row. Yes Matthew I’m taking your advice and accepting as many invites as I can manage- will keep you posted with the results. New year 2014 – onwards and upwards
P.s please let Ernesto I’m free on Friday if he’s in the Uk. Ha ha ha just kidding – thanks for all the encouraging videos and emails. ET x
Hey Matthew and Ernesto,
Thanks so much for the video! This topic is actually one of my favorites because I too am a very sociable person and I actually love going out by myself! I find it very liberating and quite frankly I meet tons more people than if I were to go out with my usual group because I have the freedom to go wherever I want for however long I want! I actually used to live in LA and when I moved there from Ohio the only person I knew there was my mom! So I decided well I can either stay at home for the next 3 years or go out by myself and make new friends! So I went out and did just that! I actually didn’t have my car in LA at the time so I had my mom drop me off at a club (I have no shame lol) and directly after she dropped me off I met two girls that are still my very good friends all because I told them that I loved their shoes! I have since moved back home to finish up university but the close friends I still have there after moving home were all the people I randomly met on a night out by myself!
I actually have a question directed for both of you. I am 23 years old now and have been single since high school so about 5 years now but have definitely been dating. Right before I graduated high school I met a guy who lived close to the university I was going to attend and I fell in love with him. Long story short that didn’t work and I got my heart broken. But it has been about 2 years now since that and I have worked very hard to find out more about myself and how to prevent that from happening again but more importantly understanding why it happened in the first place. After all the soul searching I have done, about a year ago I became perfectly okay with the fact that I am single and now I can proudly say that I am total and completely ready to fall in love.
I am a very sociable person as I explained in the paragraph above but unfortunately the profession I am going into will require me to travel a lot in the next coming years. For instance, I live in Ohio, but am currently studying abroad in Russia, will be spending Christmas in LA, will be back in Ohio for Spring semester, but in NC for an internship in the summer and after graduation will undoubtedly be moving to a different state or possibly Europe since I will be working in an international political sphere. I always love trying new things and meeting new people but I unfortunately always feel like right when I meet someone and am in a position where things could actual work I am moving again.
Do either of you, Ernesto being such a sociable person and Matthew with all the experience and studying that you have done on the topic of finding, getting, and keeping the guy, have any advice on how to see this situation differently or advice at all on the topic of how to meet, attract, and keep the guy whilst constantly moving? I would be greatly appreciative of it as I know the guy for me is out there somewhere and, though I enjoy my life as it is now, I know if I had someone to share it with it would make experiencing life that much richer!
Sorry for such a long comment I know you are very busy and, undoubtedly, will have a lot of them to read. But, I hope to hear back from you and thanks so much by the way for taking the time to do these videos, I know I definitely appreciate it! :)
Thanks again and best wishes,
Hi Matthew! I loved this video! In most situations I take Ernesto’s approach and talk to everyone as a friend. Since I really enjoy meeting and learning about new people, I usually have no trouble breaking the ice – if nothing happens from there, I’ve still had a great time. The one area I find I get uncomfortable in is when I feel attracted to someone and sense they feel the same. Then I get nervous… and usually bolt. Ernesto’s story about the girl who found out his friend was gay is the perfect solution! I plan to have fun with that one… ;-). Thanks for another great piece! – Joanne
Hello ! I actually really enjoyed this video it was, indeed, most helpful ! Thanks :)
Good advice if you’re in a place to use it, however, I’m in the position, having hopped from one bad relationship to the next, of not actually knowing who I am anymore. I am slowly trying to piece it all back together though and have made great headway in the last couple of weeks.
I’m am looking for another job so I will definitely try and utilise some of the content of the video when it comes to job interviews. Here is to a new life and a new Jo for 2014.
Matt, great r’s rolling, you can roll them nea me anytime haha
I’ve found that a lot of Matt’s advice relates very well to job-hunting.
Matt, thought you didn’t like the phrase ‘ just be yourself’??!!!!
Hey Matt! That was spot on what i felt once, when I feel i am not into a guy romantic, I can be myself coz my heart is not at risk or anything. Now to one problem: There is a guy I started to like, I have only seen him like 4 times. I started to notice that he stares and smiles at me, like a shy smile, and I spilled a glass of wine over him almost and I said oh sorry and his respond was a very cute smile and said it’s okay… Does he like me, we don’t speak much, I am totally scared coz now i like him..I smile back a little, actually allot, he does not ask me out, do you think he would smile if I asked him out? I am sooo scared of being rejected again. I don’t know if it’s to late already, don’t know how much I will se him ever again :( What should I say to break the ice with him more, and get him to talk to me and me to him? Please answer this, tired of being in a circle like this again..I wanna ask him out.. How should I do this, PLEASE tell me how I can CREATE!? Love/Michelle
Matt and Ernesto, this is exactly what I was needing, right now, in my life! Thank you so much!
I recently moved to NYC, and trying to meet people outside of work, but in order to do that I have to go to places on my own (which I started to do before I even moved here, just not often). This video though has given me that extra push I needed to just go on my own and start striking conversations!
Def would love for you two to do a longer interview! Besides the wonderful advice you both have, looking at you two for longer would be a plus :p
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