“Eww…look at that stomach.”
“I hate my chubby legs.”
“I wish I had better skin.”
This is how we talk to ourselves every single day.
In this week’s blog video, I share a story about my own moment of body insecurity, and give you 2 ways to INSTANTLY improve your body image so that you can walk through the world with confidence again.
Me… I would put myself up there… i have been in better shape, i have also been in worse shape… I have done a lot of work on myself and work a lot with my clients on using ourselves as the benchmark (I am a personal trainer and personal development coach)
I don’t want to look like anyone else :)
I agree with you that finding someone with your body type to emulate is very motivating. I also look at style and fashion sense. I have been able to maintain a healthy weight and am in my early 50’s however it always amazes me how some women make looking chic, stylish & cool seem effortless! It is true that the right clothes for your specific body type can enhance your best features but having real style is an art. I think one of the best things you can do to look better aside from diet choices, exercise & fashion sense though is to stand up tall, smile and do your best. Thanks for all of your insightful messages!
Great job, Mat!!!! Love the way you encourage people (women, us) to be our best selves! Specially when you emphasize the importance of self love and treat ourselves with compassion and respect!!!
I think you are honest and real!
Thank you!
As women we have a very special relationship with our bodies. They are our medium of creation. I know it’s not PC to talk about hard and fast differences between the sexes but I’m going to do it because truth is still truth even when it’s not in fashion. A woman’s body is equipped to build another life and as a woman who has conceived and born a child I can speak first Hadid about how deeply I felt the relationship with my body during my pregnancy I felt it was, pretty much the whole of me and all my intentions and ideals were being poured into the new life forming in my womb.
Men don’t have that privilege, they have to find other ways of being creative which is why, looking out across our history the vast majority of composers, artists, poets, novelists, architects and leaders who have achieved true greatness have been men. One could say that where a man’s soul is located in his ideas a woman’s is located in her body. Try this thought experiment: a man loses his arm in an accident and then the same thing happens to a woman. Which person do you feel most sadness for? The woman, right? That’s because, to a much greater extent than a man, her body is who she is. The man has to do something to prove himself the power of his personality a woman just has to be. And there in lies the hard part for women – when we look at our bodies it is intimately and intfinitly more personal for us. Anyway you slice it so much more of a woman’s value is invested in the way she looks the grace of her body. A man can be ugly as sin but make himself genuinely attractive to the opposite sex through his personality and his achievements – women don’t really have that option. Yes we need to be good people, smart, caring kind and wise but before all that we need to look good, just to get a foot in the door.
It’s good advice to set up a competition with yourself across a given stretch of time and I’m going to take that to heart, thank you. Where the issue of comparisons come in its important for us as women to meet our situation head on. We need to take our appearance seriously, it’s part of the job description, what we don’t need to do is to either run from that fact or fail to transcend it.
Hope this finds you well.
Have a great day,
Jess
The “job” description?
Most composers, artists, poets, novelists, architects and leaders who have achieved true greatness have been men because women historically were denied the right to these professions or denied recognition BECAUSE they were women…
I have a dear friend who was born without an arm, and to this day I think she is one of the most beautiful creatures walking this planet… And I never felt sorry for her.
The REAL truth — when you die your BODY despite its appearance gets dumped with the dirt, and no one will sit around and talk about how beautiful you were. Your appearance can’t do anything for anyone, but what’s inside of you is where all of that comes from. I think Judge Judy has a book with this title: Beauty Fades, but Dumb Is Forever… And that is certainly the truth when you place more emphasis on developing your outsides than you do on your insides.
Of course a woman should care about their appearance, but so should a man… I’ve yet to date one (or meet one for that matter) who is “ugly as sin” as you so delicately put it. Who is anyone to call anyone ugly, because anyone could be ugly to someone, including you and I lol.
Our bodies are for more than making babies and being pleasing to the opposite sex… Beauty fades honey… Oh how it fades.
Agreed, thank you for not buying the politically correct BS.
(I didn’t understand the Hadid part though – what is that?)
Fun advice, Matthew. I would even encourage complimenting the person you find who has a badass body type like yours, and befriending her. She may have some great tips for how she got there. And you’re mixing! You never know, she might become someone you could go out and meet guys with someday, or she could give you hints on where she has met guys. And she’ll be totally happy for the attention.
I think something else incredibly important to consider is not comparing yourself with people who have a vastly different lifestyle. Comparing myself to someone like Hope Solo who is paid to keep her body in a certain condition is completely unrealistic. But looking 3 cubicles down, I see another woman who has a very similar lifestyle and a similar base figure. And instead of making this comparison with some hero who is out of reach, I’ve found myself a hero who is not only within reach, but also an available lunch partner!
Ok. I have to say something. Following exactly the gym and body scenario…
Here are a couple points I really wish everyone (women and men alike) would consider:
1. So many people have zero understanding when it comes to biology and bio-mechanics and are actively damaging themselves whilst training. What’s the use of a flat stomach/V-cut if you have back pain or a stiff neck?
2. Love your body for what it can do and not just how it looks. There’s no bigger motivation and confidence boost for these things than freeing yourself of pain and being able to control your body in movement patterns (plus, in the long run, you will have a better physic and posture than most people).
3. Knowledge is power, inside and outside of the gym.
That’s it folks :)
BTW – Matt, if you’re seeing this, I hope you got the mug (London event).
I am lucky. I’ve been blessed with a body shape that is the best for a woman. There may be some as good as I am, but none better. I LOVE how you said that I should compare myself to my 6 month- from-now-self. If I don’t continue to work out, where will I be. I have a tendency to go to the gym, look awesome and then slack off until I look in the mirror and say, “Oh SH*T…got to get back to the gym.” So even for me, you are a God sent. I will never forget, on the Today Show you said that women shouldn’t have “rules”. We should have standards. If I want to feel loved and wanted, I shouldn’t tell a guy he has to text me a million times. If I feel safe and loved in the relationship, he is doing the right things, PERIOD.
This is so true, Matthew! To me, my friends are so beautiful, and so am I, even though we are all different colors, shapes and sizes. Once, I was standing with my friends talking and I saw that we were this smorgesboard of women, fair, dark,redheaded, tall, short…all of us different. It was a beautiful, affirming moment. Abd I saw the lingering looks passing guys gave us…they enjoyed the picture too. No competition, just pretty.
Loved this. Thanks so much! I sometimes felt inadequate in the past because of my petite frame (5.2″). I love practicing yoga and often find myself wanting a longer leaner yoga body that only someone taller than me can achieve. It’s frustrating when I can’t do some of the postures that a taller and more flexible body can do but I’ve also found that there are many postures I can do that a taller person might struggle with. In terms of finding a badass person in my body category whom has motivated and inspired me greatly is Tracy Anderson. She has a brilliant positive attitude and has developed her own methods for achieving that longer and leaner physique. As a result of following her I feel more comfortable with my body and realise how great I can look and feel.
It’s funny how you came up with this segment, because for the past three weeks I’ve had this same chat with my sister. Women compare themselves to Beyonce or Kim Kardashian ( why I don’t know) but they do. I have a hourglass figure like them but my frame and bone structure is much bigger.
My celebrity image is Serena Williams. She is athletic, her frame/ structure, weight, measurements and her motivation is what I want for me. I am a plus size woman. The smallest size I’ve been as an adult was a 14 and my body was smaller/ athletic. At that time I had no self-esteem. I would love to lose 100lbs and tone more but that’s effort for me to pick up and I know it. Lately, will power is my obstacle. I’m trying my best to move more. I am not a fan of the gym because of the $ or being around that many smelly/ sweaty people. I’m trying to create a home gym. Still room for improvements and hope. I want to do for me, what no one else can. And that’s to be myself beautiful in and out.
Matthew. Always a joy and a pleasure hearing your rants. Thing I could do today? Go to a plastic surgeon lol
I think it is human nature to compare ourselves. Albeit negative, but normal nonetheless. I just try to improve my own body and abilities. I have given up on aspiring to be a Supermodel, as I am too short:) As always Matt Thank you for the positive and sound advice.
Well, Matt, interesting. I have to confess I have NEVER been to a gym in my life. And I’m HAPPY with the way I look, more or less! Not an issue for me, thank goodness. I also get quite a lot of compliments, saying that I’m slim, have a great figure etc. I just walk quite a lot, run for the bus, eat a fairly healthy balanced diet, have plenty of sleep. My heroine is Rihanna and I can admire her, for her style, her music, her fashion, creativity etc but I don’t compare myself with her. I know she’s different from me and that’s OK. Maybe one day I’ll meet her, and maybe one day I’ll meet you??
Wow. Just…..wow. I am on tears right now. You and your messages are like receiving a hug of encouragement. Thank you for the reminder to not compare myself to all of those Cosmo covers with their perfect models. To find a more realistic comparison…like those big beautiful women modeling undergarments no less and looking gorgeous doing so. Muuuuuwaaaaaa! From,
Big Beautiful Gal!
I’m the manager of a women’s clothing store, with sizes 4-24 and petite to tall…so I see it all. I’m grateful for the variety and uniqueness of each person. Beauty comes in all sizes and shapes. If someone is unattractive, it’s almost always due to an unhealthy lifestyle, poor grooming or a negative attitude. Those are all things we can change. Letting go of self-criticism (not honest self reflection) improves a person’s attractiveness immensely.
I recently turned 52. I had a baby at the age of 43. First of all, maintaining your body in your 40’s can be challenging. Trying to recover from child birth in your 40’s is even more difficult. There was a time I thought this is what happens when you have a baby in your 40’s. Get use to it. You will never wear a bikini again. It took a very long time to recover and fit back in those pre-baby clothes again. I eat healthy, get a good nights rest, do moderate exercise, and now I look great. I am proud of how my body looks. My body rocks. Part of that is because I am in shape and part of that is because of that inter confidence I have of I like my body. I take care of myself, after all I have a young child and I need to be in good shape to keep up and rise him. I want to be the best me I can be. That includes with being happy with your physical self.
That was great! Thanks for sharing. I do try not to compare myself, but that’s not always easy, as you said. You’re definitely right about having a good attitude and finding positive role models–especially ones that work well for you.
I’m very tall and I’ve always found it difficult to follow most workout regimes, because the people leading them were either men who were stronger or women who were much shorter than I. I ended up finding Tracy Anderson, (who is 8 inches shorter than me), but I love her for a few reasons. One she has workouts for body types (yay!), her work outs are fun and make me feel feminine (yay!) and she has an amazing personal body image story. She hasn’t always been a cute, perfect package herself.
I also love the South Beach Diet. I’m not a dieter, never have been, which is why this has worked so well for me. It’s not about deprivation, but about training yourself how to eat healthier, and let’s face it, it’s so easy to eat junk these days. Plus the food in it is fantastic and pretty easy to prepare.
I’m glad you posted this video, and added your challenge at the end, because it’s frustrating to me to see women being so tough on themselves. It really is important to have a good mindset and to make realistic goals. As always you’re awesome! My mind guru. Haha!
Hi Matthew! I know I’m not in your target demographic audience (I’m 51 and married), but I absolutely LOVE your videos! Your advice is dead-on, and even someone in my stage of life usually gets some type of inspiration from you. You are wise beyond your years when it comes to relationships; something I admire tremendously. I don’t have children, but I hope my nieces are watching your videos as they go through their dating and relationship experiences. Your wisdom has hit home for me many times, and I’m grateful that people of ALL demographics have a source like you for giving such realistic, moral advice, ESPECIALLY with such an emphasis on self-respect. Peace. Laura D., Buffalo, NY
Thanks for an honest approach to this subject! I was a “runway” model in my younger days, nothing high profile, just local things, but I am aspiring to feel that confidence again. My “hero” is my younger self AND Kirsty Godso (I’m pretty sure I spelled her name correctly) the Nike trainer who has a similar body type to me. As a Health Coach, my clients love that I’m “real”. I show them where I am and I encourage them and work alongside them for BOTH of us to achieve our goals. I appreciate your approach to Coaching, keep up the great work Matt and team :)