You may have told yourself 100 times you’re ready to finally meet someone. Maybe you even read a few dating tips and decided to go try them out. But then, you realize: I can’t do this. I’m too much of an introvert.
If you’ve ever used this excuse before, then get ready. Because I have 3 techniques today that are going to change your dating life forever…
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If you consider yourself to be an introvert, I am about to give you three words that are gonna change the way you think about attraction forever.
Peak-End Rule The Peak-End Rule The psychological heuristic in which people judge an experience largely based on how they felt at its peak, and at its end, rather than based on the total sum or average.
To understand this rule… You need only think of a broadway show, a movie, or a concert, and how there are moments in these shows that can actually be quite boring.
There are moments in a concert where there are five songs in a row that you don’t care about.
But if the concert…
If the movie…
If that broadway show ends with a bang, or has a really emotional peak moment somewhere within it…
That tends to be the part that we remember.
It colors our entire experience of the thing.
If you are an introvert the psychology of this is gold to you.
You might be the kind of person that ninety percent of the time in a group gathering isn’t doing the talking.
You’re much more of a listener, an observer… You are the quiet one, but that doesn’t mean that you need to be the least memorable one.
Using the Peak-End Rule you can insert yourself at just the right moment, and say just the right thing that actually gives you more impact than everybody else, and there are three practical ways that you can do this.
So let’s say you’re in a group dynamic.
The guy you like has been talking a lot.
You haven’t been talking at all.
You wait till it dies down until you have maybe a moment on your own with him, and then you can say, I like the way you tell stories.
Like you have this passion in you when you tell a story. It’s cool.
In that moment you’re reminding him that you were there. Even though you were quiet. You were listening. You were paying attention, and secondly, that just because you’re quiet it doesn’t mean you’re not confident, and it doesn’t mean you can’t be direct.
You can also make use of the Peak-End Rule by issuing a challenge to someone.
Let’s say you’re in a group of friends.
You’re in an environment where there’s something mildly competitive going on.
Maybe you’re playing darts, pool, bowling, table tennis…
Whatever, it doesn’t matter, but your crush is in the group, and normally your conversation with this person is a kind of pedestrian.
A bit vanilla. A bit monotonous.
You could charge it by saying to him, I’m really sorry for what I’m about to do to you.
And he’d be like ‘what?’ And you’d be like, I’m gonna crush you at table tennis, and I just…
I feel bad.
It doesn’t matter if everyone else in the group won’t stop talking.
The fact that you’ve charged the interaction with a challenge…
That’s gonna be more memorable.
And the third technique for applying the Peak-End rule is the spontaneous test.
So let’s say you’re in this group of people, and the subject of desserts or sweets comes up.
You could say to a person that you haven’t spoken to all evening, So what about you, Matthew?
Are you more of a milk chocolate man or a dark chocolate man?
Now if they say milk chocolate, you can say, Wow. I got a lot of respect for that.
If they say dark chocolate, and that’s not really your thing, you could say, Okay, well…
We need to work on that.
If they say they don’t like chocolate, you can say, Who hurt you?
Okay, you know what? It doesn’t matter.
We can talk about this later.
You can literally say this about anything.
In fact, the more goofy the example the better.
It’s the playfulness in this that creates the spike.
And by the way, when you’ve been quiet, but all of a sudden you use someone’s name.
You address them specifically, So what about you, Matthew?
It’s like… It gives someone a tingle.
It’s like… Oh, they… . You know…
They’ve been paying attention to me, right? Without me even knowing it.
Suddenly you’re on someone’s radar in a different way.
Never, ever, ever use being quiet, or being introverted, or even being shy as an excuse not to go out there and flirt, and create attraction, ’cause you can do all of these things in a way that fits with your nature and your personality.
Now if you like this video, because it gave you very practical things you can do to flirt.
I have something even better for you right now.
I’ve taken a chapter from my renowned program, How To Talk To Men, that is all about flirting, and I am gifting it to you today.
Literally exact things that you can say and do today with the person you’re attracted to, to create more attraction, and more chemistry.
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Go to GetTheFreeChapter.com and I will see you there.
32 Replies to “Flirting For Introverts: 3 Authentic Ways To Get Him Interested”
I loved to see you dancing…you dance well
Matthew, special kudos on your video about dating tips for introverts! I love how you tapped into our quiet, observant energy. I look forward to hearing more of your wisdom.
A Happy Introvert
thank you for that video. It will help me and all other introverts also.
please do more videos on this subject. it will be very appreciated.
These are great tips,Matthew, but I fear I can’t be as witty as you are! I only think of cute things to say like this AFTER the opportunity has presented itself, waited in vain for me to stop being an awkward dick, and then marched off into the sunset, never to be seen again.
I admit to feeling a bit weak stealing your lines…..I suppose I’m also a little paranoid that my chosen flirtee will somehow pick up on the fact that the lines are indeed NOT my own. ( Gee, you can’t tell at ALL just how socially inept I am just by reading this, can you???) But I will give it a go…..*gulp*
On a more positive note, I am discovering the power of a well timed compliment. And the power of a well timed cheeky smile.When I get a positive result to such things, I admittedly do feel a *little* less awkward.
P.s. Hey, is that a wedding ( or engagement) ring I spy upon thy fingerling??? If so, biggest congratulations to you!!! :D
I’m an extrovert, but I still loved this video. I’m going to use it in networking situations. Thank you!
i love this
Was going to say I love the new cushions. COLOR! But that dance at the end, perfect. That slide, Matthew!!
Ok, I thought Jameson’s dancing was way cool
Hey, I’m back, because I thought of something else to say. Hopefully it will be seen…by someone at least!
Ok. This idea that being quiet doesn’t mean you can’t be memorable. Totally true. I’m put in mind of a memory from back in highschool:
There was this guy in my senior year- not particularly remarkable to look at, but VERY creative and musically talented ( which was already making me curious, but not QUITE enough so). He was pretty introverted, so didn’t say much in group settings. However, the QUALITY of the things he DID say FAR outweighed the lack of quantity ( which is, frankly, more than i could say for a lot of the extroverted guys…). I remember there would be a lull in the conversation, and he would choose that precise moment to deliver the most hilarious, witty line of the entire conversation. Everyone cracked up, and it was the one thing EVERYONE present went away remembering ( the “peak- end” concept you mention, Matthew, in practice!). I developed a HUGE crush on this guy due to this skill of impeccable timing. And the fact that he was capable of being so witty- yet at the same time wasn’t desperate to hog the limelight constantly- translated as a kind of cool, ‘nothing-to-prove’, self assured confidence…..which was attractive as hell!
Something I’d like my fellow introverts to keep in mind is that whilst extroverts seem to get more initial attention,not everyone is instantly enamoured with them on the basis of them being an extrovert. Be reassured by the fact that other introverts KNOW that people are ALWAYS more than meets the eye (We know because we know WE are more than meets the eye). There are probably more people out there willing to give you a chance than you think.
On a personal note, I have to admit to actually finding overly extroverted people quite overbearing and annoying. They resemble overly zealous salespeople to me; always on the pitch… and I just aint buyin’. I feel that anybody who needs that level of attention 24/7 must actually be quite insecure deep down. To be fair- there are degrees of extroversion ranging from healthy ( ie simply a personality type that feels energised by human company) to problematic ( the “LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!” types), just as there are corresponding degrees of introversion ( ie. simply feeling energised and recharged by solitude versus being totally unable to cope with ANY social situation).
But yeah. Know that not everyone out there is so shallow as to dismiss you as having nothing to say just because you’re not constantly saying. And if they ARE that shallow, then you’re not really missing out, are you? Just something to remember ;)
Thank you from an introvert!! The ending proves your point quite dramatically — I watched it about 10 times. LOL
Hey I unsubscribed by mistake please continue sending me these emails coz am learning alot and have leant a great deal
Yes! We will take care of this for you, Agness.
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