A Ridiculously Simple Flirting Mistake That Turns Them Off Instantly
A date without flirting is just two people having a conversation.
Yet I’ve noticed many people still flout one of the cardinal rules for creating that initial spark of attraction when they meet someone.
This is one big mistake I see people repeat over and over again, and it’s a subtle one, but if you get this wrong your date will start to feel less attracted to you without really knowing why.
It’s probably best explained by an example, so take a look at the following conversation and see if you can spot what the problem is:
Her: So do you play any instruments?
Him: I play guitar in a band. We do live shows every month at this rock club. It’s my favourite thing!
Her: Oh cool. My friend Jake is a professional guitarist, he just released his first album. I should send you it, you’d love his stuff, he’s ridiculously talented.
Him: Oh…yea. Cool.
Did you see what she did wrong?
Let me explain.
Although there isn’t anything terribly wrong with this conversation, it demonstrates a huge mistake that pushes the guy away.
He has just handed her a golden opportunity to connect with him by revealing something he cares about and enjoys (playing guitar in a band). Yet instead of taking the bait and showing him her interest in this moment, she’s chosen instead to brag about her friend who is just releasing an album and also happens to be ridiculously successful.
It’s as though they were two kids and she just said, “Yea? Well my Dad is richer than your Dad.”
But what matters more than the comparison is the failure show that you’re capable of being impressed by someone.
This is so crucial that it bears repeating: To attract someone and create that flirtatious connection, you have to be IMPRESSABLE.
Does this mean in the conversation above she should have fawned and cooed over him with starry eyes, acting unbelievably over-the-top impressed, as though he were the first man to play a guitar?
Of course not.
But she does need to give him some validation (this is true for men and women, btw).
Even if it’s just one line that says, even subtly: “Wow, that’s so cool. I love that!”, and then follows up with some interest.
By talking about his love of guitar, the guy has clearly revealed to her something that he’s passionate about. Yet she glossed over it without a second thought, instantly losing a chance to make him feel special and get to know him better.
There are dozens of avenues she could have gone down to make him feel closer to her in that moment.
“I love the guitar, it’s my favourite. What made you choose to play that?”
“I’m so impressed you’re able to play live to a crowd. Do you get nervous in front of people?”
“That’s so cool! I love guys who can play instruments. What kind of music do you play?”
Any one of these examples is great because they all convey that on some level she approves and is impressed by something he does.
It might sound simple, but we all like people who make us feel special. And part of flirting is just that moment in which you convey to another person “I like your style”, “I’m impressed by you”, “I’m intrigued and want to know more”, or even just “You’re cool, I like you”.
When you show you can be impressed by what your date does, whether it’s their business, their education, their stories, they feel much more at their best around by you (and in turn want to get to know you better).
And if you’re reading this and thinking to yourself: “But I don’t find them that impressive” there’s a simple solution: Start going on dates with more impressive people.
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Stephen Hussey helped co-write the Get The Guy book and is a wealth of knowledge on dating and relationships.