Is chivalry dead? It kinda feels that way sometimes – especially for women…
For guys this is an extremely confusing area.
Women over the last few decades have become pretty damn powerful. They’ve made great strides in their careers and are now the primary breadwinner in many households.
This creates a lot of double-standards that men are now trying to figure out.
‘She earns more than me but does that mean I should still pay on a date?’
‘Will giving up my seat be patronising to this woman?’
No matter where you stand on these specific issues…
Women still want men to be men.
And I want to simplify this area today so that we all know how to navigate our way through this maze that is chivalry.
1) Women
Stop complaining about men en masse not being chivalrous.
There are people out there everywhere who have no manners, who are not polite, but the only thing you have to focus on is demanding a certain standard from the men you choose to keep in your life and spend time with.
The fact that he didn’t meet you with that standard doesn’t matter if he’s willing to take it on and adopt it.
Communicate your standards to guys and give him a chance to live up to them.
2) Men
Start acting right. Stop using excuses about society and how we’ve changed.
Be good to women. Stop doing this because you think you ‘should’ and do it because you care.
If you would do it for your mother, do it for every woman (and if you wouldn’t do it for your mother, then you really need to learn!).
Everything we do has to come from a core ‘why’.
–You love women.
Take this on out of respect for ALL women.
3) Dads
Teach your sons to act right. Don’t just tell them to act right around women, show them by the way you treat their mother.
Be a role model for them to live up to.
4) Mums
Show your sons what you expect as a woman as this will colour his experience with everyone he comes into contact with throughout his life.
Don’t roll your eyes and say, “boys will be boys” – that boy is going to be a man some day and the woman in his life is going to pay the price for your shitty standards!
Demand the same level of chivalry you’d expect from any other man in your life.
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Send this video on to one person who you know could benefit from it. It could be a guy you know, a member of your family who needs addressing, or a friend you know who is very set in her beliefs on what she expects from a guy.
Question of the day:
What’s the one act of chivalry you would like men to perform more?
You’re so right Matt!
Chivalry is really important and I always pay attention to it.
It’s about being considerate and polite…
Men, but women as well, we all have to be better than society!
Remember our humanity and remember to treat others how you’d like to be treated..
I’m a woman but first I’m human. I always open a door for someone else (men, women, the elderly, children), I let somebody get off a train or a bus before i get off or I get on, I offer myself to help, I always give my seat to someone who needs it more than I do, I say “thank you” etc that’s how I was raised (thanks to my parents!)..
and I (maybe naively) expect others to behave the same way I do or at least to be aware of these small but so important attentions and to thank with a smile….
It’s simply about politeness and respect…I believe it’s up to us to set an example..don’t wait for others to do it first…!
Ladies we have to help men to give new life to chivalry!
Esther from Italy
Thank you, Matthew. Yes, manners *are* sexy.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Matt just blew the lid off men behaving badly and women who teach it/tolerate it. AMEN!! How fabulous that someone had the cojones to tell it exactly like it is and how to fix the imbalance. Thank you so much Matt.
Great Post!
Mothers and Fathers truly are the first relationship our children, or we as children experience….GOOD and BAD!
Ruth :)
Matt you are brilliant! Why are you so damn intelligent? Thank God you’re sharing all your knowledge with us :) This video in particular has to go viral! Enough said. I’ll be posting and showing it to people EVERYWHERE!!
Sundays have become my favorite day of the week thanks to your videos. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!
Take care <3
Brilliant video – best one so far! I agree with everything you say Matt! My brother is a gentleman, because that was instilled in him by our mum. I only go out with guys that have manners, and I always say thankyou when someone opens the door for me, male or female – to me that’s just etiquette…
By the way, have you got a significant other? We need more men in this world like you!
Thank you for this, Matt. As usual, well said.
One thing I always appreciate is when a man allows me to step off an elevator first while he holds his hand in front of the elevator doors to ensure they don’t close on me. It makes me feel protected from one of the very few “dangers” I face during my work day. The lovely men who do this for me always get a warm smile and a thank you – so we both walk away from the exchange feeling a little better about our day. :)
Hi Matt,
act of chivalry can bet a pretty simple thing. I’ve been seeing this guy from work, we live in different countries, so we only see each other when travelling to our countries. And I really like that he always asks – Hi darling, have you arrived safe and sound? – It’s a simple SMS, but has a million value for me, means he is taking care ;).
Well one thing’s for sure, your mum raised you right!
One act of chivalry I would love guys to do is to walk women home at night. Even if inconvenient. After all, we need a bodyguard!
Amen!!! and thanks!
Hey Matt,
I partly agree with you except for the why.
A true man for me is not a guy who acts chivalry because a woman is precious for him. Chivalry is only a sign of a true man. This behavior comes from a sense of worthiness for himself. It’s a guy who doesn’t make up excuses, who treats people the way he thinks he should be treated himself. He takes responsibility for himself and others isn’t to lazy to help himself and others. For a guy like that chivalry comes naturally. A guy who just acts as a chivalry person can still be a dick! It’s not just about holding a door, it’s about someone who has enough true self esteem that he the space to do something for another person and who isn’t ashamed to do it. This said, woman can be chivalry to, there is no shame in it. Men can appreciate it just as much if I hold a door for them or when I help them out as much as I can lifting something heavy or whatever.
I like that colour on you, and tnx again for all the tips,
“demanding a certain stadart” i like that!
Hollaaa brothaa.
The way you brought up the double standards most females have really blew my mind and illuminated those standards which I myself didn’t know I had until now. I feel like we were made to fit into certain, but flexible role with varying talents and gifts as male and female, and that this feminist movement has grey’d a lot of areas of the male and female roles. Not saying woman should be kicked back to being locked into the archaic individual perceptions (those of the oppressive kind)of the female role, but that we shouldn’t ask and fight for equality and then demand extra privileges and special treatment as well; Wanting the best of both worlds. I like the direct and to-the-point way you speak to your audience. You’ve got a gift Matt and I pray you are able to find the right niche for yourself to use to it’s fullest capacity and that you can seek truth in all you do and are able to find more about yourself in the process of helping others.
cheers,
Sarah-Vancouver,Canada
This had nothing to do with porn, Matthew!
#misleadbytweet
This is so true. I wish all women would stand up for how they want to be treated. Women need to respect themselves and stop settling for bad behaviors.
Matt, love when you are this way, you speak from your heart I can tell :)So good stuff you bring up that helps women and men to deal with relationships in life! Thank you for sharing your thoughts here :)It helps me think about what is the right way to do things. X/ Michelle in Finland
Matthew,
Thank you so very much for your candor and your conviction! I absolutely love it! Lucky and blessed are the women who get to have you in their lives! You are a lovely human being. :)
I went out once with a guy who opened the door for himself and then just let it swing back in my face. He didn’t do it maliciously. He was truly clueless that he was being rude.
I didn’t say anything to him, since I didn’t want to shame or embarrass him on a blind date, but I never went out with him again.
Ladies, stop rewarding bad behavior. Don’t give rude men second chances with you. Ever.
Matthew, points well made and well taken. As for the “if you would do it for your mum” aspect, one way to simplify it for everyone is basic respect and consideration for all, not one gender of the other. Like you say, many folks are “dicks” these days, and drop a door on someone or blast through without a thank you. Doesn’t matter which gender does it. And it’s smoother — may be easier — for men to look at it that way, rather than psyched out about Because She’s A Woman, Should I or Shouldn’t I? Be kind to everyone. Basic manners.
What’s happened to men? Many younger men these days are very comfortable with women; a lot were raised by single moms with less rigid traditional gender roles. AND there is an epidemic of ADD and Anxiety Disorder. A lot of men are medicated to deal with their anxiety, which affects blood flow to their muscles and … so do they date and choose being less anxious vs. less able to keep it up? The basic psychology of men-and-women is ramped up in this anxious, hyper, mediated, less face-to-face, overmarketed time we live in.
Thank you for your insights, energy and all your work. You are the Go To (Get The Guy) Guy.
Hi Matt,
You hit the nail on the head. I think chivalry is a window into how considerate and respectful a guy would be as a boyfriend.
The only thing I would add to your comments for the guys is: “Don’t be defensive!!! Accept it, apply it, and move on.”