So here are the top six games which people play in the dating phase of relationships…
1. The Money Game
Typically guys will go on a first date and act as if they have unlimited money to burn. They’ll take you to a really expensive bar or restaurant, pay for the all your cocktails and then tip the staff more than they ever would if they were just with friends. Why? The answer is simple: because they want to impress you!
Little do they know that they will often pay the price for this later in the relationship!
2. The Make-Up Game
As men and women, we can sometimes go to extraordinary lengths to look our best on a date. We make sure we smell amazing, that our hair is done to perfection, generally spending far too long in the bathroom! Why is this a ‘game’? Simply because we wouldn’t put in all this effort if we weren’t going on a date.
3. The Communication Game
We often find ourselves going back and forth trying to take longer to reply to messages than the person we’re talking to. This fits into the whole idea of playing hard to get and we feel like it puts us in a position of power.
4. The Etiquette Game
When we’re on a date, our manners, the way we eat, and the way in which we communicate is completely different to any other situation as we’re all trying our best to convey something (i.e. that we’re not pigs!)
5. The Innocent Bystander
“I never go to singles nights.” – Another overused way of trying to avoid looking in any way desperate!
6. The “I’m Busy” Game
Being busy has somehow become more and more of a status symbol and so we’ve never go time for anyone!
So why do we play these all games?
We play these games because on some level they are all aspirational. Men want to be able to splash out on the woman they are with and not even have to think about it. We all seem to want to have a lifestyle where we are really so busy that it takes us days to reply to people’s messages.
We aspire to live like this on a day-to-day basis and playing these games in the moments that count allows us to convey to the people we are with that we are like that all the time.
My conclusion is that on some level, we’re all playing games – there is no way not to. But we should aim to focus on the aspirational elements of these games rather than just focusing on creating a facade.
So focus on actually becoming all of those things and not just living it for one night.
To your love life,
P.s. In the comments below I’d love to hear all of the games you often find yourself playing or being involved in!
25 Replies to “Should You Play Games In Dating Or Not?”
I often find myself ignoring the person i like the most so i don’t seem too keen! Its really annoying, i just panic!
Matthew’s book encourages game playing by telling you to compliment a man by calling him hot all the time and giving you specific texts to send and hints that you should always be doing the work and pursuit in a relationship by sending certain messages when his interest cools instead of letting the man pull away a bit at times which is normal.
I just act myself and keep going. It may not be the wisest choice but it is me. I think that it means different things to everybody. I think that my situation is that he is seeing the woman before me. I told him that I did not intend to play games with him.
Thank you Matthew, i never really thought about it in this way … i am sure i have played most of these games at some point but wasn’t really aware that i was doing it, i just believed that it was the rule to follow if you want to impress someone. Most of all i have always been afraid of taking the initiave to call someone in case i might look desperate or needy..but i see now that it means that i have to work on my confidence..thank you for explaining this in such a clear way!
My downfall is that I work so hard to please and impress somebody, that it becomes a habit that is expected. After a few dates, when the same is not returned, I start to feel used, and look for somebody new. I then start the same cycle again.
Hello Matt! Good Evening! I didn’t get a chance to look at
the video but will do. I wanted to mention that games are
worthless to be in and to play one because it takes so much
energy,time, and what the end result it back firing in your
face. I wasn’t always the one to play games until someone
met and known for more than 7 years and cared about deeply
changed that for me. I felt like someone literately stab my
heart and took all my emotions of love and passion out the
door. I face the
situation didnt become another number in the book. In my
opinion some people fear that a person is judging them and
they also fear of being in real relationship
that they decide to people play games. I assume that most people play
games either because inside they are seeking something that
don’t have which is love. We all want be in love and want
to have that right person in our life but its just plain
wrong play those games. It all phycology bs.
Thank god that I was able break free out of that pattern
because of my faith and to know not to ever stop believing
in love. I am really proud that dont have put up front be
with someone that is like that or for me be like that. I don’t settle for less and now I know that
stand up for what believe in a relationship. T read your
book it was fresh breath of air at least someone putting
some sense into the mistakes we make in our relationships which playing games is huge aspect. Lastly,People play
games because they know they can 1) get something they want
likely use that person 2) show have someone 3)prove
something to other or friends I guess 4)hurt someone
because they are really hurting inside from past
relationship they can’t cope with reality and socialize
there problems. I want thank you again for book you wrote. It was uplifting piece of literature
Thanks for posting. You just made me smile! Life is too short.
Frankly speaking, i do the” communication” game but sometimes not always. I was questioning how can we differentiate if a person does a “game” or just it’s the way he is?. It’s hard to tell if he’s honest or not.
if i like the guy and he makes it clear that he is interested in me, i don’t play games anymore. we can start dating once he asks, but he should be the first one to ask.
I agree with Matthew on this. I play the make-up game. And I find guys playing the money game, only thing I end up paying the bill and tips. One of the major reasons why I ain’t playing the dating game in general anymore. But I truly hope, that I have the guts one day to step up to any guy that catches my eye.
i think i will pay attention to my confidence first and see what happens :)thanks matthew
I am upset because we all do play these rediculous games yet I am now 37. Why do they go on. My boyfriend came back from the Military, out of his contract (done and over with). He didn’t bother telling me he was actually already home (we don’t live together, for the time we unfortunately both live with our parents, tough times) and this was a month and a half ago. I let it go, reading through one cryptic message after another and in just 2 sentences or words. To add to the confusion.
Low and behold we spoke over the phone, he obviously came back unwell and miserable which is expected yet managed a trip with the boys. I said nothing he deserves the best..
though the month passed and I had to ask point blank..Is what we have over (we have been together for a year with actual physical presence 1 and a half month)…to which his reply was “seems and feels like it, yes.”
I really like how you said we should see the game playing as an aspirational thing to do. It has totally changed the way how I feel about the subject. I consider myself as an sincere person and I like to treat others and be treated the same way. And I always thought that game playing in general contradicts sincerity, and perceived it in a more negative light. But if you compare this game playing as an aspirational thing to do, then it totally feels different. After all, like you said, a lot of times, we put on a game only because we are trying to convey an image of who we really want to become. So why not put your energy in becoming that person and have fun along the way, instead of putting on an act and feel miserable about it. This is a great idea, I’ll do just that- thanks Matt!
I know I am still young, but I honestly am tired of these games and it pains me to see how many women play them.
It really turns me off dating.
I just want to know what he looks like when he eats pizza
I’m 56 and dating… Yeah sad eh? I have come to the conclusion that these games are human nature and never stop, no matter how old you are. Most blokes revert to what worked for them when they were 17, but it doesn’t work now for me, I really don’t like the lack of texts. Yes they work in the sence that it heightens my awareness in the guy and keeps me thinking about him, wondering if he’s had a car accident, or lost his phone, but I also think that my life is getting too short now. I think lack of communication is rude and breaks a relationship.
I don’t play these games at all. This is all news to me. It is really really sad.
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Love and apreciate you!
Thanks Matt! This is a good general description to *some* of the games people play. In today’s world it’s amazing why people feel the need to play more games than they did even 150 years ago. Does technology do this to us?
Even though I enjoyed your description of the various games, I find myself in more situations like these:
where women do all sorts of crazy stuff that can’t fit into these general categories. I’m not saying men don’t do the same thing…just saying that as a guy, I can relate to him. It would be great Matt if you actually have a blog entry on these kinds of games people play (whether they’re intentional or otherwise).
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