Women often ask me, “Matt, you give all this great advice for women to be high-value, but how do I tell if HE’S an incredible man worthy of a relationship with ME?”
Ok, I’ll bite.
80% of a happy relationship is choosing the right person in the first place, so this issue couldn’t be more important for women who want to find lasting love.
In this week’s video, I join forces with my brother Stephen Hussey (co-author of Get The Guy) to talk about the 6 SURE SIGNS you’re dating a high value guy, so that you can spot when he’s truly someone worth investing in.
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He appreciates your strengths, cherishes your realness, and provides you a safe and loving space to just be. Allowing you an opportunity to stop being “on”, to stop being the bread winner, to stop being the strong one at the office, to stop being the only one who will help you. He provides you with a break. A moment to be tired. To rest. To be a girl.
When you’re not perfect or 100%, he feels honored that you’d share all of yourself w/him even if it means you’re going to cry while doing so.
He continuously, without judgement or tiring, validates your feelings and connects on a soul to soul level.
He’s intentional and clear about his wants/needs as well as yours. When a man declares that he wants to take you off the market to be exclusive or date to specifically determine if you’re a good partner match…that’s a keeper.
He’s the 6’6″, ridiculously handsome, has an excellent “I’ve been a jock most of my life body,” intelligent, and deeply caring man that unconditionally accepts the 5’8″ woman, who strips down to share her entire self with only him, even though she weighs 30-lbs more than he does. And in that moment when she may be in a delicate state, he sincerely connects with her to share how much he values all of her, just as she is. How beautiful she is and how he’s drawn to authentic self.
I value a man who’s able to save energy for his kids to be sure they have what they need to prosper.
A man who’s able to relay the depth of his feelings as well as his strength in the way he looks at you, smiles at you. How he interlaces your fingers with his when you hold hands. The way he explores your body because he/you/the both of you just enjoy it…there’s no other goal in mind.
Beautiful.
:):)
Honesty, empathy, and compassion for me are the hallmarks of not only a high value man but a high value woman. Behaviors that are unconditional and reflected toward everyone not just their significant other.
Someone who knows themselves and who they are. If not all the time at least expressed when they are aware. There is strength in vulnerability! Expression of vulnerability may produce fear but what is fear? An acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real.
A quirky sense of humor and laughter is just as important me.
I know this sounds a bit too obvious, but a man who genuinely cares about you and shows it not only to other women, but to you too- that’s the sexiest trait a male can have. A man who really appreciates you as a person, not just lustfully, but is genuinely interested in your life and endevours. Someone who remembers the small details and doesn’t forget when you tell him something. Someone who never makes you doubt whether his intentions are genuine. Someone who never makes you question if he wants you and only you- that’s the number one male quality I desire.
Excellent job! Especially the last one…….NO TWILIGHT….become emotional “vampires” an they will never get full
Reminds me of a book by James Hollis, a Jungian, called ‘The Eden Project’. The premise is that we are all, at some level, wanting to “go home” as he calls is “through the other he calls ‘the beloved'”. Unreasonable expectations placed on our most intimate relationships lead to frustration. Essentially we can never feel the comfort of all our needs being met like we did in the womb, “home”. He concludes the best we can expect is to have a partner on the journey, and the willingness to let them be them, even the parts you don’t like.
I loved the ‘Eden Project’! What I think is confusing though is tempering that fantasy and knowing what you can realistically expect from a relationship. If you read other books on couples (such as Harville Hendrix ‘Getting the Love You Want’) there is this idea of using the couple relationship and dynamic to heal old wounds and patterns, some experienced in childhood. And it’s interesting that Hollis book outlines this as a fantasy. Other books I’ve read fall in either camp and it leads me to believe that there is a lot out there in our culture that feeds our fantasy expectation of ‘the one’, in ways that could be destructive.
I love this video though, great points Matt and Stephen!
A key one also:
Is a guy that does and not just says he,s going to do
In other words actions speak louder than words
Thank you loved the video guys
There is a guy at work I’ve been texting/flirting with. we seem to have really good chemistry and he’s very nice BUT my best friend at work, a gay guy with no reason to make it up, said he thought he overheard him say he shares the opposite political views as mine and if you’ve been following the 2016 US presidential election you will know why this can be such a scary thing to disagree on. Does anybody have any thoughts on this? And please lets focus on the question and not what views are right and wrong. thank you in advance
Chivalrous.
Opens doors, respectful to his mom and other women, a gentleman.
That shows class and high-value to me:)
A man who has the capacity to meet you half way. A lot has been said in media over the past few years on women and ’emotional labour’. I think a high quality man is one that has the capacity to meet you at least half way emotionally. If you argue or there are disagreements, he doesn’t leave you with the job of trying to bridge that gap. He can admit when he fa*#cked up and he can understand and forgive that you f*@ck up too. He can say sorry and he knows how to gracefully accept one as well. He can forgive himself and you for not being perfect, and doesn’t become derailed when bumps along the road are hit (as in your last point, he knows how to separate the chafe from the seed and not everything is hinged on breaking up or not).
Well said.
:)
I would say that he would want to get to know your family as well. One that makes time aside to spend time with you and your family. Of course, it would be the same for a woman as well. She too needs to learn to find time and get to know his family as well with a genuine interest, not because both are obliged to.
I think a man willing to give and receive pure honesty with perception, not defensiveness. Really, this goes both ways. I’d rather be hurt a bit with the truth than comforted with a lie or half truth. I find that men (and women) struggle with this kind of honesty.
good grief you boys are like those ladies who leave their boobs hanging out. Cover your CHEST!
Another important value is that he respects your point of view even when he disagrees
A trait that I might add, hmm. You two were spot on so, this is a bit of a challenge. Id add a important trait is not to shuve his beliefs or hers towards his as my celebrations during the year are to only be done the way my family has for hundreds of years blah blah blah.
There has to be compromise.
I feel even though whoever my other half may be not only would he want to see me grow as a individual and grow also together. That kinda passion an acceptance is what true relationships are a rarity one can want an wish for.
Making her feel beautiful
Matt. You have a very handsome brother.
A high-value man tells you when he meets up with a female friend or when he runs into an ex. Later when someone tells you about seeing him with his ex or another woman, you already know about it and don’t need to feel insecure or be put on the spot.
What if he thinks I’m the one who always threaten to leave the relationship?
Paying for something: initially,especially when he’s asked you on a date, him offering to pay for the bill is a top quality for me but I don’t expect him to always pay. Offering to pay,in its own right, is important. MY contribution to that is counter-offering when it’s technically my turn and then he must politely allow me to do so if I offer.
A high value man walk his talk,he is not afraid to get the relationship to the commitment stage as soon as he start showing gestures that show love and respect towards lady he is with,Because he doesn’t do anything that just give pleasure to him for a moment.But make a responsive and honest move towards the lady he actually loves.And, ignite love in her heart with an intention and determination to nourish her and this relationship forever.