Breakups are incredibly hard. It’s one of the worst types of pain there is.
But closure can come faster than you expect with a simple shift in the way you choose to think about your ex, and yourself. I’m sharing this powerful shift with you today…
Recover and Be Ready for Love Again.
To Learn How, Tap Below for Your FREE Guide…
What’s your name?
Hey Roy, how are you?
Good, Matthew. Thanks. I’ve had an ex talk about you a lot so I thought I’d come check you out. I was…
Well thank you for being here.
Yeah. Yeah. I enjoy everything you have to say, but I’m a man, so I mean, I’m just trying to figure out what I can take from the male perspective. And also how do I change the way that I – like I’m very, I guess reserved, and I dwell on my hurt because… I mean, we’re people. But I have a problem with – my ex moved on fast and I was trying to… It hurts man. We were together for five, six years and when they move on fast it makes you feel like you’re not good enough. And I just want to know, how can I change my way of thinking? And that it was just, they were waiting on me and I was waiting on them, and they just decided to go one way. I mean, how do I change my perspective on letting stuff go? Because that’s what I need to do. I need to let stuff go or I’m going to be unhappy for the rest of my life.
There’s 20 women that are going to give you their phone numbers.
Roy, you’re going through an incredible amount of hurt. When was it? When did this happen? When did she move on?
I guess we split up in August of ’18. And I would say it was probably a good four months after.
So it’s incredibly painful. Part of the pain is you continuing to convince yourself that this must, on some level, have been the right person and that your right person is now with someone else. Now, I don’t believe that. I believe that the right person can only be the right person when it’s two people choosing each other. So part of the pain we hold onto is believing still that we had this jewel that’s gone. And as much as we may have loved someone, as much as we may have thought someone was incredible – they may have had wonderful qualities, we may have been incredibly attracted to them, there may have been all these great things – they cannot represent that true dream relationship, if they don’t choose you.
In fact, someone not choosing you is just about the biggest departure from your dream relationship you could ever imagine. So when we’re saying, “But we were so close…” Not being chosen by someone should be the greatest turn-off in the world. Not because there’s something wrong with that person. But because how on earth – when I was a kid and I dreamt about my dream relationship, or in my last 10 years or 20 years before I met someone, when I was dreaming of my dream relationship, it couldn’t have been the one where someone decides to go be with someone else. That wasn’t it. So this isn’t it.
Then there’s the ego, the ego element of someone chose someone else. Why not me? What did that person have? Why wasn’t I good enough? And now we take the baggage of that forward. The greatest advice I ever received was “kill your ego.” Because that motherfucker has no place in your growth. None, none. I box a lot. And when you go into the the ring and you are worried about getting hurt, when you’re worried about yourself, that’s ego. When you’re worried about the size of the other guy and this guy’s skills, that’s ego. When you’re worried about, “I came in here to do a job, what’s my job?” Then ego goes out the window.
And there are certain – we’re all going to die many, many times in our life. We’re all going to die. You just died, right? A piece of you has to die. Right now, you’re going through fucking hell. It’s been awful. Someone ripped your heart out. That’s hell. But I want that version of you that goes through hell and comes out and has something to say at the end of it. That’s the version of you I want. Do I want the version of Roy who hasn’t been through that shit? Nah, that’s fucking boring. That’s boring. I don’t want that Roy. I want Roy who’s been to hell and back. I want Roy who had to go die, resurrect himself and then come tell the rest of us how to do that. I want that Roy, that Roy is interesting to me. I want weathered, scarred Roy, who’s been through shit, who has interesting things to say.
That Roy is much more interesting to me and we learn far more, far, far more. We become far stronger by what goes wrong in our lives than what goes right. Far more. And so this, all this you’re going through, this is just like a great stew. Like it’s just adding flavor. Like it’s just making you more and more interesting, more and more complex. It’s going to make you more compassionate. It’s going to make you kinder. It’s going to make you more empathetic to other people. It’s going to give you more to bring to your next relationship. It’s going to make you such a strong person and you get through this and you deal with this.
What the fuck do you have to be afraid of? I’ve died, motherfucker. You can’t scare me. All right? Do you see that? So there’s the ego element. Kill your ego. Kill that shit. That guy has to die so a bigger me comes back, right? And then there’s the mourning because you think you’ve lost the person you’re supposed to be with. I can promise you, you haven’t because unless someone chooses you, they aren’t the person you’re supposed to be with. You could be disappointed. You can be disappointed she wasn’t the person, but you can’t grieve like she was the person because she’s not. Disappointment takes a minute to go over too, but it’s much easier to get over than true grieving of, “I’ve lost the love of my life.” You didn’t lose that. That’s still to come. Something better is coming for you. I promise you, my brother, I promise. Okay?
25 Replies to “How to Emotionally Recover When Your Ex Moves On Too Fast…”
What an amazing response to this man! I felt the emotion going through him, and the compassion coming from Matthew’s voice. It’s so genuine and so heart felt. ❤️
A friend said to me when I was heartbroken over a breakup. In my case it was the promise of a budding romance but what she said to me resonated with me and can resonate with a relationship that was much longer. She said, he doesn’t know you because if he did he wouldn’t be able to say goodbye. That one statement put me back in the right mindset, that I was enough, just not enough for him. That I did have a lot to offer, it just wasn’t meant for him. I believe the Universe brings us to experiences that help us grow and ultimately bring all that we are, all that we have and learned to the right person.❤️
The words you said made me cry, because I do feel what has been said, and I relate so much to it!
Great video, is probably also at the perfect timing for me!
Love, love, love!
Matt that was spot on!can feel the ahhhar moments rippling out across the planet!bless roy!life is a journey as much of self love as it is giving love.Matt your right w hen you said about the person who gets back u p after love has seemingly broke us exactly doesnt a woman want a man who has given purely and freely and been brokendown and rose again regeneratated a more whole person who has learnt a little more about themselves threw the lesson of love another jigsaw piece on the journey to find the ultimate relationship piece by piece all the apparent gone wrongs and mistakes are ultimately moulding u to a better version even though it doesnt feel that in the trenches of pain.u where them love wounds with pride because they can be what the next ones love most for the empathy kindness and humility for others suffering the same will only complete you more.roy needs to remember this was one woman in the world of woman its got be self love 100percent whole and complete without relationship dont send out broken cause that vibration will attract broken love yourself first and youl attract that love to u some one wholecomplete set standards ofworthness dont drop em and the one worthyof you will come.loves an inside job selflove get spiritual connect to source energy higher the vibration ofenergy your sending out the better reflection that will show up in a partner focus qualties you want in next relationship after youve had a relationship with yourself healing is important for next relationships!value you and youl attract that value bk reject what isnt at yourvalue level.andfailing that you tube chakra clearings heart and root mostly emotions and feeling might come up but u are releasing what no longer serves!hold the intenent like matt says best is yet to come mantra that when you wake up orgoto sleep good luck roy love accept you first!welldone again matt!!!
This was so incredibly powerful meeting me exactly where I left myself. My head knows you’re right but my heart needs to catch up my ego needs to die. The depth of emotion is really really hard. It can’t be the right person because that person didn’t choose me. My head and faith say you are absolutely correct I need to surrender more to release this. Thank you Mathew ❤️
This is a great example of the male vulnerability you talked about a couple of weeks ago. This guy goes to an all women seminar, bares his hurts and feelings out for all to see and his is f***ing worried about his love life!? Are you kidding me!? We need more Roys in the world! What a courageous guy!!
This is something I needed to hear. Healing emotionally takes some time. I was in an abusive toxic relationship for 4 years. My childhood had similar abuse. I replay things over and over wondering how I could let things happen. There’s just many things to unlearn and recreate. Alone fixing these things in yourself is so much better than being in an emotionally draining relationship.
Just finish watching the video…that was awesome Matt…thank you
I totally relate to Roy. My soon to be ex-husband took another woman on a week long vacation while telling me it was a work trip. We are now divorcing because I just can’t be with a cheater. He has completely moved on with her and they are living together. I gave him 10yrs if my life and he just left it all behind. I will not choose him ever again but it does still hurt to know it all meant nothing. I’m moving on and getting stronger because of Matthew, he’s really helped me.
Can you cut out the gratuitous obscene language? Not everyone wants to read the F-word, etc., every 5 seconds. Edit!
But Matt, please tell me- how to kill my ego?
I cannot tell you how impactful this video was for me! The man I thought was the love of my life cheated on me 2 months into our marriage and I have been devastated and grieved him as such. Thank you Matthew for helping me to see that he couldn’t be that man because he didn’t choose me and for the hope that the true love of my life is still coming one day.
You’re the real deal Matt. Thank you
This was so good. Everyone has been through this and it’s so hard.
I’ve been hurt 3 times. Twice by 2 guys I really loved. The 3rd that made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I dealt with the first 2 dying better than I dealt with the 3rd one making me feel like I wasn’t good enough to be loved. At this point in my life I’m afraid to love again. I can’t deal with the pain or rejection.
I just cried after watching that video because it was exactly what I needed to hear. Two months ago I decided that I finally give up. I’m 49. I cant put myself through the dissapointment anymore. Love just wasnt meant for me. Which is heartbreaking because I’m a warm, loving person. Love just leads to hurt for me. I’d figured I’d rather be alone forever that keep slowly dying inside. Getting colder and eventually bitter.. Like I’m trying to save my spirit somehow. I always end up used, tricked in someway,wanted but then discarded. What you said about the person that doesnt choose you not being the one..that’s important to remember. I always wonder WHY? What makes me unlovable, but maybe they were just never the one. And missing someone that doesnt miss you, that’s just self torture. So I’ll try again in the future. One of these months. Thanks Matt
I just want to thank Roy for asking for help. I was married almost 25 years when my husband decided to move on. Your reply to Roy’s question was words I needed to hear because I am standing in Roy’s shoes. Thank you for your honesty. I needed to hear why I am still stuck wondering why and how I can work through it. It’s painful. But I understand now why I am here and what lays ahead. I am so grateful for this new journey and how much I have and what I look forward to having.
So moving, so empowering and so relevant.
Thank you Matthew x
What a beautiful, kind and compassionate response to Roy and how Kewl was he for sharing his heart like that. I do love this world, especially when Insee people interacting with such grace and integrity. Long may you bring your special brand of love into this world Matt.
Matt, thank you for matching Roy’s vulnerability with your own, and sharing out of your depth of experience to help him make this hard transition. Masterful and so moving! Who knew that my watching a dating show Ready For Love would lead to having a wonderful coach to share my journey all these years. I’m so grateful for your ability to bring logic to emotion and help us understand the why behind our unconscious behaviors, so that we can make better choices that help us lead a more fulfilling life! Thank you,Matt, for all you do!
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