Maybe you went into the quarantine with a love interest already who is now “long-distance.”
Or maybe you just met someone online during isolation.
Either way, my guess is you want it to actually go somewhere and not fizzle out during this time while you can’t see each other.
So how do you keep the momentum going? Today’s brand spanking new video (woohoo) shows you exactly that, with something blindingly obvious that 99% of people are not using to their advantage.
Want Some Ideas for Your Voice Note?
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Dating today is making people invisible. People meet online or through an app. They exchange messages through an app. They then graduate to exchanging phone numbers. They begin texting and most people never graduate from that point. And if you think about it, all of these exchanges are all happening on the screen, through texts. This is making people invisible because it’s really hard to compete with everybody else when everyone’s doing the same thing. How do you stand out in a world like that?
I think there is a resource that is so underutilized it is ridiculous that would enable you to stand out, to truly make a connection, and to make yourself much harder to ignore: The voice note.
Imagine that someone sends you a message that says, “How are you?” and you write back, “I’m good. I just left the movies with my friends. What are you up to?” That’s fine. That’s the kind of message that most people send. It’s not that funny, entertaining. It doesn’t matter even if it was, because, at the end of the day, it’s still just a text message. Someone doesn’t really feel like they’re getting to know us. They’re getting to know the text version of us.
But if someone sent us a message that said, “How are you?” and instead of sending a text message, you literally picked up the phone, hit the voice note button, and said, “Hey, it’s good to hear from you. I’m good. I just left the movies with my friends. We saw that movie, the Mr. Rogers movie It’s A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood. I don’t know if you’ve seen it, but, well, I may have cried a little bit, or a lot. But I’m on my way home now. What are you up to? How’s your night?”
In that moment, think about how much I’ve done.
I want you to think about voice notes in three different benefit categories.
Number one, it’s different. It’s different. Everyone else is texting. In a sea of gray text messages, your voice represents color. It leaps off the screen and into someone’s ear. You’re literally attacking a different sense than everybody else.
I may have cried a little bit, or a lot, but I’m on my way home now. What are you up to? How’s your night?
A voice. On the telephone.
Secondly, you can say a lot more. Think about how much more nuance, how much more context, how much more of myself I was able to show in that 20 seconds, which is probably shorter than it takes most people to write a text message.
And number three, we get across our humanity, our real, micro-personality moments. Those moments where we have a little nervous laugh, where we have a slightly awkward silence, or an um, or an ah, where we’re trying to figure out what to say next, or a moment where we say, “That movie made me cry a little bit, or a lot.” We’re showing ourselves, our humanity. And I don’t care how great your writing is. In a short text message, that is impossible to get across.
I’m not saying that you should leave a voice message in response to everything someone sends you. That would be annoying and it would miss the point.
The point is the contrast. Once in a while, instead of sending a message, send a voice note. Let them get a taste of who you really are and what you really sound like. Because today, connection is the game. Everybody has options. Everybody can get online and speak to another 10 people. But when you can actually connect with someone, you’re using the greatest asset you have, and that is you.
People on a screen are replaceable, but the one thing someone cannot replace is you. But the asset that is you will never come across if you’re not willing to make yourself visible or audible in three dimensions, instead of what everyone else is doing, which is texting in two dimensions.
Is it just me, or do we look f****** fantastic?
21 Replies to “How to Keep Momentum with Someone You’re Talking to Long-Distance”
This new video is brilliant! Jameson did a fantabulous job! I love it!
Good job and to the point.
A well done job. Speaking to the point.
I love this. Thank you.
My problem is meeting someone online having a connection where we are interested in talking to each other, exchange numbers maybe text, talk on the phone and my favorite FaceTime but when the meet in person happens things kinda fizzle. It goes from the guy saying please can we FaceTime tonight I have to see your cute smile to going days with just a few text….what happened?? What went wrong on the meet?? This happens to me quite a bit.
Thanks, Matt! What should you do if you’re still exchanging messages through the dating app but haven’t exchanged numbers yet? I agree that talking on the phone makes you stand out, but it is hard these days to make the conversation sound exciting being stuck in quarantine with nothing to do because we can’t leave our houses. I have been talking to a guy through a dating app for about a week now, but I’m worried that the conversation has started to fizzle. Do you have any pointers of topics to discuss through messages on the dating app first that will hopefully graduate to exchanging numbers and phone calls?
What if my voice sounds awful ?????
such a clever, cute video, and a simple, terrific trick – thanks for the advice!
Thank you so much Matt!
This is so true. One can write fantastic messages but at the very end, what do we know who this person really is? People become real when we hear their voice! And my experience is that unfortunately very often the writing and the person face to face do not match at all. What a disappointment and waste of time.
I see why you were so excited about that video. Love the takeaway on connection and to set ourselves apart by creating better opportunities for real connection. I must say that seeing the actors walking around outside in a crowd really struck me – it’s shocking how quickly we adjust our expectations.
The video is spot on. Absolutely great .
So true that a person must stand out in the crowd of keyboard warriors. Have a great day. And Jameson smashing job
Hi Matthew!!! You do it every time for me!!! You are a true gem!!! Thank you
Hm, it’s the opposite for me. Guys keep talking to me via text, but when they hear or see me they stop talking to me after the first time, and I have met up with hundreds of guys who I’ve already carefully filtered out and made sure they are real and decent.
My relationship is long distance… His country is closed and that prevented us from get engaged this summer… yeah ring and all… I already saw the rings, RINGS!
I will apply, thanks, Matt
I love your dedication to your job Your enthusiasm just spills over effortlessly. Do you miss England? What do you miss most, other than family?
Look Matthew, I get your point of getting to know someone and differentiate yourself from others. But once you’re past dating in the early stages really only send those voice notes once in a while (or there is still the option of never again). Voice notes are by far the most annoying types of messages – you need headphones if you are among other people, the quality is usually horrible like they are calling from Mars and people rarely manage to keep it short. So it’s either a written messages or you just pick up the phone and speak live.
Any advice for keeping someone interested after you’ve already been having 3-hour phone and video calls every week for the past month? I don’t think it’s just in my imagination that he’s retreated a bit and is slightly more distant—not texting me as much in between our phone/video chats, even when he’s off from work. I noticed his energy changed a tad last phone call when I said “I’m hoping we can meet in person when this is all over.” He’s an ER doc who does rotating shifts—a week at work treating coronavirus and other emergency patients, followed by a week off at home. Idk if he’s thinking “this isn’t going to be over for me for a while.”
Overall, I don’t know how he feels about me aside from the few compliments he’s given. The problem is that I’m starting to develop feelings for him after all of these long phone/video calls where we connect beautifully. I want it to grow rather than fizzle out.
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Patricia Berg in Reno Nevada Lake Tahoe area
Hi Patricia! Thanks so much for reaching out to us about this and we’re so sorry you’re having trouble finding your access link. I have sent your information over to our incredible customer support team, who will be following up with you directly via email to help you with this. If you need anything else, you can let me know here or when Bie reaches out to you. I hope you have an amazing day! Many thanks, Sara – MH Team
Thanks for the article!
What do I do when we’re already video calling for 1 hour at least everyday? How to get it more exciting? We’ve been together for more than 3,5 years when covid 19 hits. What else can we do? Any fun topics to cover?
Hello..,I’m glad to know about how to keep momentum in a lon distance.we are actually 3 years in a long distance friendship and that lately he is courting me he does everything calls,text even video message and that makes me fall in love with him..so i said yes then in just 2 weeks we broke up its just about the post for he got mad at that because out of respect it bothers him he thinks that i still love my ex or i didn’t move on with my ex..i tell him i love him and all was for him no one else then all done we broke up he did not listen to me he said we need to time to get 100% sure of our feelings but he wants us remain friends..now we still continue texting he replied if i text him and he also calls me sometimes..i want to ask if is he really true his feelings for me and is there any possibilities that we can be back again in a relationship??i love him and i feel that he loves me too…he still cares for me only one thing change now is that he only text me if i had text to him but still he tells me everything what he does his schedule and everything he do…do i continue to talk to him?.thank you so much for the great idea.
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