Great that you are taking calls from guys to – well done to him for his honesty and hard work at changing! Reply
18 Replies to “I Cheated On My Partner… Now What?”
Great that you are taking calls from guys to – well done to him for his honesty and hard work at changing!
You really are a man of all seasons! You really do get it! Thank you for answering this question. Giving hope to a man who wants to do something and repair things. I’ve been betrayed and what you say here is the truth in action! I’m so grateful for your spot on awareness. I get excited for this man who now has some encouragement of some plan to choose to take action on. Stephan- please write a blog on this one. (maybe you already have one?) ;)
Thank you so much Matthew for posting this video. I have to commend you just as you did Kenny. Having been that woman whose spouse cheated, I have to tell you, everything you said to Kenny about what his girlfriend may be thinking/feeling is completely accurate.
Kenny deserves so much credit for everything he’s done since his affair. Getting sober alone is a phenomenal feat. In the call, Kenny said that he feels like he’s coming from a place of weakness because of constantly trying to earn this girl back. When in reality, he has no idea how strong he is. I’ve seen people lose everything to their addiction and not even bat an eyelash over it. I really hope that this couple is able to get back to a place of being in a healthy, happy relationship together.
I do believe if he is genuinely sincere with what he says, and his girlfriend is willing to move forward, they stand a fighting chance. This story really tugged on my heart strings. If my ex husband had been willing to do half of what Kenny is doing, I can honestly say we might not be divorced. But Kenny is fully owning up to what he did, changing his life and following through with showing his girl that nothing matters more than her feeling emotionally/physically safe with her. It’s like you said Matt, all we really want as women, one of the top concerns, is to feel safe in our romantic relationship.
Thank you so much for sharing this! I’m happy to see a video from a male caller, especially one that shows us there are still good men out there :)
(to clarify: )
I don’t believe Kenny was “one of the good ones” when he cheated. What I meant by that, is there are still men out there willing to own up to their mistakes and rectify them. Rather than denying what happened and the damage it caused–Kenny owned up to it, got his shit together and is trying to make amends. I think that’s an honorable thing to do.
Lovely to see Matt using his experience and sensitivity to help and advise Kenny who is so obviously brave. Thank you to Kenny for his openness and we wish him all the success.
Kenny’s change is temporary because it doesn’t come from a need to change. Even though it was a big effort it is only a method to bring back the woman. Once he has the woman he will gradually go back to who he was.
When he did what he did he didn’t care. As soon as he got caught he lost the best of the two worlds and that made him feel uncomfortable. If he gets the girl back he will only learn how to behave when he’ll get caught again.
Kenny does care, or he would not be making these huge efforts. A lot of men just walk away and it is admirable the lengths he is going to in order to win her back and be a family. We need to become much less judgemental about this issue, especially as women. Life isn’t black and white and emotions certainly aren’t. We are all flawed, no one is perfect. But we all have the ability to accept what went wrong and move on in a positive manner. To do anything otherwise would be futile and a waste of energy. Kenny is heading in the right direction because he has the will and a great attitude. Plus, he now has Matthew to advise him and you can’t get much better than that. xx
As a former serial cheater that has been cheated as well multiple times I have experienced both sides of the coin and I am telling you that Kenny will cheat again. I am not wearing rose tinted glasses like you.
Kenny will also drink again. If you check the statistics most alcoholics relapse at least once in their lives. They might lose everything and decide that it is time for a change but even if they get everything back one day or one night they will pick up the bottle again. That’s how it goes. The ones that will survive and get out of this will stay sober for much longer. That’s the hard truth.
So stop feeling touched by the romantic fairy tale because it is just a nightmare waiting to happen.
I think Matt could had used a better example of a cheating man that wasn’t an addict.
tough guys don’t just wear pink;) they also admit their faults and seeks help from the trusted experts.
you’ve made the right move Ken…just by making a call and exposing your issue upfront- is a good reflection of your strength, if your woman is listening-her walls would crumble down coz’ you care enough to change the whole thing and rename it;) let the wo-man be a reminder of who you really are…( that faithful,loving and nurturing man that you are) and see her as an integral part of your being and not just another “mother” to your child;) or children to come. When she realizes that you value her more than your ego? she will come running back to you…and will voluntarily rock the whole world with you;) never give up until you’ve given your best shot…
This is a very sensible coaching session Matt;)i am so proud of you♥ securing woman’s safety will place you to the pedestal and you nailed it when you said that “sustainable changes” comes from showing/doing it everyday. i am so glad i found you…it makes me feel safe that i am surrounded with men of same mission and vision-you keep rocking it baby;) i feel sad to those who does not have you.lol,be the “father” of my child…hahahaha-God bless your day and live-long!
Great advice! SHOW HER !!!!
Your so intelligent I love it :)
Matthew, with your hand on your heart like that and the microphone in front of you, you look like you are singing in a recording studio. :)
I think, you made some really great points here. First is the difference between feeling guilty and feeling love. That is the root cause of many relationship problems, isn’t it? Evaluating problems with ego. If only everyone could look at the problems from the other person’s point of view and not their own. I put myself in other people’s shoes. Unfortunately, hardly anyone does that.
Second, you made a point about women hearing words that don’t mean anything all their lives. Yup. We do but smart ones can see the difference and chose sincere guys who mean what they say. You said “you need to mean what you say”. Very true. In a situation like this especially, only if you truly believe in what you are saying, you can make your partner believe in it too.
Thumbs up to Kenny for working on himself and calling you to ask for solutions. Nobody would condone cheating. But I don’t think that cheating defines someone’s whole character. Just because someone cheated once, we can’t say he is a horrible person. Since they have a child together, I hope she gives him another chance. But as the saying goes “Trust is like a paper. Once it is crumbled it can’t be perfect.” Kenny has a lot of work to do.
Have a good weekend, Matthew!
See you next Saturday! ;)
I applaud Kenney for getting sober and making changes. However, I personally would never take back a cheater. Hope he genuinely loves her, and isn’t just trying to get her back because she showed respect and left him . Good luck Kenny!
Hey matt… wonderfully said..
But i really cannot understand what makes men cheat at the first place… and also find it really hard to believe that they can change… I just feel that every time they just find more ways of hiding their extra affairs…
My current boyfriend, after we dated for 6 months, i found out that he had another girlfriend whom he started dating months before he started dating me. That time i was the extra.
After i found out, we broke up for a while.. but he convinced me to believe him that he truly loved me and would keep me happy..
Time and again i kept having a certain insecurity about him not being truthful, but because i loved him, i help on.. we met few times a week, and no doubt he would give me his best.
After an year of relationship, i went abroad for a few months, and we started having issues.. he told me that his father is unwell and has started living with him. He used to tell me of all the restrictions he has started to have since he has arrived (hinting me that he would be very busy).
When i reached back to the country, he picked me up at the airport and we had a beautiful night stay at a hotel.
He then went back to his place and i to mine.
After a week, he confessed via text, that he had lied to me for 4 months. His father hadn’t shifted, he was living in with a girl he had met. He blamed all the infatuation on the girl and tried to convince me that it was the girl who wanted to have fun.
He told me it was nothing emotional, but only the fact that he wanted to have some fun while i was gone.
This dragged on for some time, and eventually he somehow convinced me to be back together with him.. Its now been months since the event and we are together. It feels that he has changed. But i can never know for sure..
I always feel that everytime he gets caughts, he just invents new ideas to keep things hidden and better ways to make a fool of me.
Everytime i tried to explain how much the betrayal hurts, he always has an excuse to cover up for his wrong doing. He would always start his apology with the excuse then work his way to the mistake.
During every fight, he makes a point to make me feel that i am at fault. That i am imagining things.
Everytime i point out something i dislike about the way he behaves, he would ALWAYS have an excuse for even the smallest of mistakes.
I think men will never stop cheating, they will only find ways to hide it.
Men cheat because they’ve been told that they have the entitlement to do it and because women are taking them back.
Your boyfriend is an experienced womanizer same as my last boyfriend was. My story was similar. I was always doubting myself, always having a feeling that he was doing something behind my back etc.
The only way to treat a man like this is to do what he is doing to you.
I saw the difference with mine when I had enough with his games. I stopped arguing, I dumped him and told him that I deserve better and I subscribed into dating sites. Before that he wouldn’t text and he would barely pick up his phone. Now I receive a text every time I add someone as a friend or make a change on my dating profiles.
You made the same mistake that I was doing with my guy: you made him feel secure and you stayed regardless of his attitude. There should be consequences for his actions you know? or else he won’t respect you. He’ll give you a story after a story etc.
In your case you either dump the guy and improve your mood or you play the same game he played to you and you get even.
Good point! The “nice girl” behavior will always get us dumped, taken for granted or cheated on. That’s why the players and womanizers end up going crazy for that one woman that’s different from the rest- She puts HERSELF first and isn’t afraid to walk away.
Think about about make artists and all the songs we hear on the radio- are they all about the sweet, safe women who’s always there? or are they gushing over the women that’s unpredictable , drives them crazy ( in a good way) and keeps them on their toes?
Think about Angelina Jolie and her effect on men vs. Jennifer Aniston…need I say more?
Bhavana- He disrespected you several times already and it’s time to cut him loose.
Wise words, Matthew Hussey. Was cool to hear you tell a guy to focus on building his life, just like you tell us ladies :) Thanks for making the world a better place!
I love your words Matthew you are so eloquent and on-point!
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