“I Pushed Love Away Because I Didn’t Think I Deserved It…”
Today, I’m sharing the powerful story of a woman who spent far too long pushing love away because she didn’t think she deserved it.
Then, after spending 5 years healing from the loss of her divorce, suddenly turned her life around in just 6 days…
This video is proof that change can come quickly if you’re willing to stand up and meet the opportunity.
Pain Is Inevitable. Suffering Isn’t.
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This is the best thing that anyone can ever do, it’s incredible. And you make 200 friends, who all are just incredible. It’s like, I can’t say it enough, that this love guy on YouTube just, fuck that shit. This is like a magic solution. It’s nuts.
I got divorced, and I went to the bookstore and I bought every single book on mental health issues, on how to sort your life out. And most of it was pretty heavy reading. And then, Matthew’s book was the lightest one out of all of them, but it made me, in a very short space of time, realize that I was going to be okay. And then, when the email came and said, you can speak to one of the trainers, I just thought, okay, well I’ll just have a chat. And Emma was amazing, absolutely amazing. I have a lot to thank Emma for.
And, it made me realize as well, that your friends around you, obviously you love your friends very much and your friends try to give you good advice. But I realized that, actually, when you’re in a bad place, people like to keep you there. Not out of malice, but I wasn’t in a great place, and my friends would say to me, “It’s okay, you’re healing. Just take your time.” Well, that’s like five years of taking my time. No one said, “Soraya, listen, pick yourself up, wash, go out, brush your teeth. Go and find a hobby, go and walk, go and sit in a cafe, go and talk to somebody.” Nobody said that. They were like, “It’s okay. Just sit there, be depressed. You’re healing, you’re healing.” So then it makes you feel like, “Okay. Yeah. It’s okay, that I’m just healing.”
And then Emma was like, “No, it’s not okay. What the hell are you doing with your time? You’re wasting your time.” So yeah, I really needed to hear that, it gave me a massive kick.
You know what? You did something for yourselves that most people never will. Most people will never put this amount of energy into themselves. They’re so busy worrying about what they’re supposed to be doing, what everyone else expects them to do. But what’s so important is we take time to actually assess What do we want? What do we want to do? Where do we want to go? Most people will never give themselves the gift that you’ve given yourself this week.
I was here for that one, how to do my career, how to expand my job and how to, I don’t know, date, those things. And I wasn’t here for that thing. But that thing came up and it absolutely floored me, because that’s like next level.
I have to be the type of person that goes out there and keeps going for this because, fuck, I’m only here once. I got to go and do this. I got to be the kind of person who goes and does this, who goes after what I want, who goes and flirts and talks to people, and builds relationships, because I don’t want to be one of those people, regardless of whether it works out, I can’t be one of those people who at 90 years old, the badge of honor I wear is that I didn’t get rejected as much as other people. That can’t be my badge of honor in my old age, is that, I didn’t get my heart broken much.
I’ve pushed love away an awful lot in my life. When nice guys have liked me, I’ve thought that they should be with a nice girl. And I’ve gravitated towards guys that aren’t particularly savory because I feel like I’m more deserving of them, or I don’t know, they’ll be able to cope. Not that I would ever tell them the truth, but somehow, if they’ve had a bit of a tarnished past, or whatever, that somehow we’re a better fit than me being with, I don’t know, whatever a nice guy is, but someone who hasn’t had anything like that in their life. And there have been very, very, very loving, very, very kind, very nice guys who have wanted to show me love and I have pushed it away to really quite a strong extent.
If there’s something that has haunted me for a long time, if there’s something I’ve held onto, if there’s something I’ve allowed to become suffering when it need have only been pain. The pain is inevitable, right, you’ve heard that quote. Pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice. Pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice. If there’s something that’s been done to me in the past, if there’s something I’ve been through, that I know I’ve allowed to haunt me, I’ve allowed to create suffering for me. I’ve allowed someone to reside in my mind for far too long, and I should have let that thing, I should’ve let that person go a long time ago. Not because it was nothing, not because I necessarily even have to forgive that person, but because they’re living in here rent-free.
There is no part of me now that looks back on anything that happened in my past with any sense of sorrow whatsoever. None. It’s like, yeah, it happened. It’s like watching it. I can say it with no attachment. Yeah, that happened, so fucking what! Like, so what? It doesn’t even matter because it doesn’t hurt now. It’s like, it’s just no longer relevant. I trust me now, I’m an adult. It’s the weirdest, weirdest feeling to just not carry any pain today. It’s mental. It’s genius.
And that’s it, that’s all I can say. My shoulders are down. I’m smiling. I’m looking at you. I’m aware that most of the time I’m looking down, or looking to the side, looking this… And I look like I’ve been electrocuted today. I don’t care. So, that’s it. Thank you very, very, very, very, very much.