When you date people, they tell you secrets.
They don’t even wait until after sex. You could be a few drinks in, and before the final gulp of an overpriced Mojito they’ll tell you, “you should know, I can get really jealous”, “I think I just get bored of people easily”, “I can be REALLY selfish”.
And the funny thing is: it’s always true.
Cue the Maya Angelou quote: “When people show you who they are, believe them.” But sometimes they don’t even have to show you. They’ll just outright say it.
When people volunteer these things that make them look like a bad partner, it’s a coded warning. I said it now, so don’t tell me later you didn’t know.
Maybe they are guilty. Maybe we like to get our excuses in early. I don’t know the reason, but what I do know is this: you get better at finding love by getting better at listening. Listening to people’s problems. Listening to people’s needs. And of course, listening to people’s warnings.
Why do we fail at this? Because we’re selfish. Because it’s easier to live in our hopes and fantasies and then feel “wronged” later on rather than walk away now and forego immediate gratification.
Or we get lost in our romantic excuse, “I want to be a risk-taker”. I WANT TO RISK IT ALL FOR LOVE.
Well, I think walking into a brick wall requires risk. To your nose. But it’s still pretty certain what the outcome is.
You know what else is risk?
Having the guts to say “no thanks”. Walking away from the wrong thing. It takes guts to quiet that little voice in our head that says, “but, but, but…what about my warm cozy feeling of comfort? Can’t I just sleep with this person a few times, get emotionally attached (just a little), binge eat delivery donuts in front of the TV for a while with them, and then get disappointed later down the line when they do exactly what they said they would?”
You could do that. That’s the easy path.
Or you could say “I’m going to risk dropping it for something better.”