Important message to all of the intimidating ‘b*tches’ out there…

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166 Replies to “Important message to all of the intimidating ‘b*tches’ out there…”

      1. Thank you Matthew :)
        Wave is a pseudonym but it is also the meaning of my real name :) Curious? x

  1. Matthew. Matthew. Matthew. (a) you never call a woman a bitch and (b) you never call a woman a bitch.

    That breech in gentlemanliness aside. I hear your point loud and clear and (minus the not cool use of the b-word), FULLY agree with you that women can often walk around like that.

    So, here’s my challenge back to you. YES … encourage us to remain more open and approachable. I accept that challenge full heartedly, but where you could be of huge service to me, would be to give some really great strategies and language for deflecting the unwanted attention when it happens, while STILL remaining open to to great guy energy.

    You are a dude, and until you are female for a day and are on the receiving end of that smarmy (and sometimes downright creepy) energy and feel how icky it feels when men you are not remotely interested in and have not tried to engage in anyway come up to you and say just such inappropriate stuff, you can’t be empathetic about why women sometimes feel that harder exterior is safer and necessary.

    I would genuinely LOVE some tips from you on how to deflect that in a way that (a) keeps the mood light and helps us stay open to positive energy but (b) sends a clear message that establishes firm boundaries to those who need deflecting. Help me with that a bit, sir, and I will be happy to shoot sunshine out every where I go. :) Because I think we’d all love to stay in that sweet, warm, approachable space.

    But we’re not being “b*tches”. You just have no idea how hard and tricky it can be to stay open and hold boundaries at the same time.

    1. Cris Cris Cris,

      a. Don’t be so sensitive. b. Don’t be so sensitive.

      If women act like bitches let’s call them bitches (playfully of course!) If men act like wankers I’m happy to call them wankers. My point is, they are just words. And they are so much more satisfying than saying “She was a little miserable wasn’t she darling???”, or “He was a little rude wasn’t he?” No he was a wanker/she was a bitch, let’s just say it. There’s a difference between thinking someone is a bitch inside and just referring to their silly behaviour as bitch like. I wouldn’t do the former but I’ll happily do the latter. SORRRRRRRY! : )

      If the wrong guy comes up to you say “I really appreciate you coming up to me but I have to catch up with my friend, leave now etc etc.” “Thanks for the compliment but this isn’t the best time, but thank you really it was really sweet” “I’m seeing someone but thank you very much that’s very kind”

      “But we’re not being “b*tches”. You just have no idea how hard and tricky it can be to stay open and hold boundaries at the same time.”
      I get that, but here’s what a guy would say to me “it’s really hard to show women I like them and at the same time not look sleazy”. I will say the same thing to you that I would say to them: If it was easy everyone would do it, but since it’s not it requires a little extra effort.

      M x

      1. Don’t be so sensitive?
        Would you call your mother a bitch? Or your daughter?
        Next time, just send a message out to all us “hoes.”
        Of course, you will assume I am a “bitch” for writing this in defense of Cris, but I also found your title deeply offensive. (Your message was well received, but very badly delivered).
        Not long ago a guy came up all close and snuggly and really SMILING at me in the Paris metro then he ran away with my purse!
        Men often seem super nice and then quickly turn menacing when you tell them to leave you alone. Two minutes after saying how beautiful you are, then they scream “bitch” because you don’t want to drop everything and have sex with them. This is life in France, by the way.
        That’s why most educated urban women don’t want to attract that kind of attention when walking alone and just trying to go about one’s daily business. In my experience, nice guys with jobs ARE AT THEIR JOBS in the middle of the day and not hanging out on street corners picking up “chicks.”
        Next time, walk a mile in our shoes before you criticize and demean women.

          1. Uhh, if the shoe fits wear it, or pick another shoe.
            Ladies, if his choice in word offends you because it describes you, make some changes. Truth hurts, but the knowledge of it can also set you free!

            And thank you, Matthew for your rant, I’ve been trying on a new look today!

            Enjoying life today!

          2. I agree.. women can be bitches.. it’s true.. sometimes I’ve been guilty of it… I blame natural selection and the hormones… :p … but you’re right.. Me for example, when I’m around my college campus sometimes I have this bitch face, because I’m moody or simply because I was having a bad day.. And about being in that mode because of wrong guys approaching.. is so true.. Nice advice!!!

          3. Wow! I’m astonished of what I’m seeing here! Seriously people don’t take things so serious!! Think about all the time you spent making yourself angry for .. this??!!! a blog??? If you do such a drama, writing huge answers .. for such a tiny-simple-non-important thing, the only affected would be you! Smile, breathe and dont give little things such an importance in the future!

        1. Ann … I super appreciate your comment here. And agree. Thank you.

          I have to just say: look at all the drama the b-word caused on both this blog post thread and on Matthew’s FB wall thread. Guess it isn’t “just a word” after all. If it was just a word, it wouldn’t have set off such a reaction on both sides of the argument. So, it just kind of calls us all to wonder … how would the message have been received WITHOUT the use of that one word?

          Couldn’t the same message have been sent from the place of: “Look, sometimes we’re walking around lost in our own heads, struggling through a bad day, maybe even getting over hurts from an old relationship … and without even knowing it, we’re sending a ‘leave me alone’ look when we say we’re trying to welcome new connections in our lives … think about it from the guy’s point of view, if you had to approach someone would you go for the smiling face or the frowning one? … Doesn’t mean you have to be game on every day, but if you DO really want to change your downward spiral into an upward one, be present … check yourself and ask “Am I projecting what it is I say I want to attract?? Take responsibility for contributing to your own positive outcome. On the upside, you’ve just made it that much easier for a great guy to talk to you. On the downside, you made yourSELF feel better by changing your own physiology. Win WIN!” :)

          I guess it’s just easier to say: quit being a b*tch.

          Anyway, thanks, Ann.

        2. Girls, its just a word… No biggie… Nothing offensive… The problem with all of us is we take things too seriously, just my opinion… Anyway thanks Matthew for pointing that out… It’s a great video… Watched 3 times in a row ;)

      2. Hi, Matthew.

        First, I was trying to be playful in the lead in to my message to you, not rude. This is challenging to do in comment post. Especially around a sensitive topic. But, I was trying to be exactly what you encouraged us to be in the video. So …

        Second, I just simply disagree on the b-word matter. I hear you saying it is just a word. And we all chose different ways of walking in the world. For me, I just really try to be very mindful about the “weight” of certain words. Name calling of any kind contaminates a positive message, in my opinion. It’s so funny b/c the response that comes to my mind on this is one I learned from YOU! “Wow. What you just did is just not cool with me. I have more respect for you than to treat you that way. And to be honest, seeing that is a real turn off.” …. lol.

        We all come to topics with varying degrees of sensitivity. I get that. People using racial slurs, misogynistic words, gay bashing terms, whatever … just not cool with me in particular. Playfully intended or otherwise. Just for me personally, part of “caring” for people in my world is trying to be thoughtful that way. To make sure if I’m trying to communicate a message I really think would serve them, to do so in a way devoid of negative meta-message that might shut them down first.

        That was my point in letting you know that b-word useage landed poorly. B/c I think in general your larger message has been very positive.

        Might just be that I’m not truly your target audience. And that’s cool.

        My other question in my message was a truly sincere one, not a defensive “b*tchy” one. One of the ways your content HAS been SUPER helpful to me is that you’ve provided some great EXAMPLES of actual things women can say or do to implement your advice. Like the quote I playfully quoted back at you about the calling dudes out on bad behavior with grace and tact. That was one of the best things I’ve ever heard you say when you have your audience those powerful words and told us exactly what male triggers they hit (the use of words like respect and honor … and I forgot to add the last line about having higher standards). That was powerful b/c it was NOT sugar coating the man’s bullshit by saying something like “oh, that’s so sweet … or I’m flattered …” when he just said something totally inappropriate and offensive to you. That has no power in it. It feels weak to say something like that.

        So, I was hoping you had some other awesome Matthew Hussey power phrases in your hip pocket, that’s what I was asking for. I have been taking HUGE leaps of faith and open hearted risk in putting my heart out there and being a light out there in my world with people. I’d love tips that leave me feeling empowered and grounded like some you’ve given before … not that leave me feeling disrespected and insulted b/c I disagreed.

    2. Cris I agree wholeheartedly with you…and woman who replied by saying “No Thank You” works effectively…you must live in the burbs…Matthew..would you call your mother a Bitch..even if she were acting such? Where the F are your manners? See how effective that is? You know exactly what i meant w/out name calling/labeling, et.al. How about educating MEN..teach them how to treat a woman…now there’s a concept…shape up young man

      1. Went back and took a look and enjoyed reading all new comments this has stirred up. Glad to hear from you too, Cris. Interesting to look at the posts and notice how all the women on the site respectfully address one other as, “Ladies,” mostly or oftentimes as “Girls” but NO OTHER WOMAN on this site said “Bitches, get over it!”
        Matthew, you are a man. You cannot “playfully” address thousands of women you have never met — and who like myself, purchased your e-book and otherwise financially sustain your business and lifestyle — in such an openly offensive manner.
        As for all the airheads who believe this is perfectly acceptable (because Matthew is JUST SOOOOO CUTE), I would like to know if you are 15 years old?
        Are you indulging in a fantasy romance with Matthew because you are still living with your parents and they don’t let you go out with men?
        Have you girls attended any seminars or spent ANY MONEY on his products? Do you plan to in the near future?
        Or are you just following because “he’s cute.”
        Do you have a college education?
        Do you have a fast-paced international career?
        Or any job? At all?
        Once you have achieved something concrete and matured in your life, you might start to take yourselves a bit more seriously too… and not pander to people just because they’re cute.

  2. Great advice Matt! Thanks for the reminder. We all get distracted with our daily problems… and this is a really good nudge to remember we need to present a positive face to the world. I think it’s like a gift we give to others…
    AND I LOVED the bloopers at the end. Do that again please!

    1. Well said and done Matt and gettheguy.co.uk crew!

      Enjoyable from beginning to end!

      Keep Em commin’ n don’t forget ur SPF 50+

  3. Yes, great points. I’m trying really hard to slap on a smile whenever I’m out and about – it makes me feel better too. Love the outtakes!

  4. Aaaw, London is the best isn’t it? Hampshire is even better though (fewer people, and not everybody hurrying everywhere like blue a*se flies :-)

    Now with regards to your rant, I’m afraid that for me you got it wrong this time, Matt. You know, there is such thing as shyness – or boredom – or feeling low – or feeling self-conscious – or having a bad hair/pimple/makeup day etc etc. Surely we can’t be expected to be (or look like we are) on a permanent high?

    I really do not like it when a man, even one as charming as your sweet self, tells me that I am not entitled to my negative emotions. It makes me think of all the men in the world, from the past and unfortunately from the present too, who reckon women are supposed to be decorative and are obliged to be forever sweetness and light… and in doing this, men are kinda intimidating arrogant ba*t*rds themselves!

    And also, if a guy doesn’t have the b*lls to come and talk to me if he fancies me, just because I am momentarily frowning at the world, well then the guy is certainly not one for me anyway. What, are you gonna tell us that guys are forever walking around with a smile and kindness painted on their faces??? I beg to differ!

    I do agree with your reacton to the woman who suddenly was into you once she knew you were famous… her behaviour was not very classy, or genuine. But see, even thought she was not looking friendly, you went and spoke to her anyway – well done, now go teach the other guys to grow some courage too, and we’ll be cooking with gas :-)

    1. Hey Alina!

      “You know, there is such thing as shyness – or boredom – or feeling low – or feeling self-conscious – or having a bad hair/pimple/makeup day etc etc. Surely we can’t be expected to be (or look like we are) on a permanent high?”

      I understand that, but it can still make you look like a bitch. Lol. Just like a guy can feel insecure, awkward, shy, unhappy etc etc but it doesn’t stop him looking like an arrogant bastard.

      The point is, it’s not about what you’re feeling it’s about perception. Now, to the point you made here:

      “I really do not like it when a man, even one as charming as your sweet self, tells me that I am not entitled to my negative emotions.”

      Firstly thank you for the compliment : ), secondly you are more than entitled to them, it’s your life. But don’t expect to be attractive whilst experiencing them. I certainly don’t expect women to be attracted to me when I’m in shitty states.

      I know you don’t always feel on top of the world, but we’re on this site to create more opportunities with the right types of men and enhance our love lives, and looking approachable is a key way to do that.

      And on your final point I agree men need to do the same, and have the courage to approach, and I tell them that whenever they ask my advice. (I rant at both sides don’t worry about that!)

      Thanks for your comments x

      1. A, OK then, if you rant at both sides then I’ll let you off the hook – provided you do tell guys to go and grow some cojones while also nurturing their sensitive side… (not asking 4 much, am I? :-) It is absolutely true that we all look more attractive and much younger when we adopt the ‘approachable’ look. Also, apparently we can make ourselves feel happier if we smile, even though we don’t feel like it – because, science says, we can fool the brain into thinking we’re happy if we just smile for a few seconds. And then, hey presto, we really ARE happier!

        As 4 you, come on Matthew, you’re now fishing for compliments! Beautiful boy like you, I doubt there is any occasion when you don’t look attractive… shitty state or not.

        I hope you, your team, and all the ladies here have a lovely weekend, enjoy the amazing sunshine and let’s all celebrate Queenie, and meet some gorgeous men. Just don’t smile at them with a mouth full of Jubilee cake :-)

      2. I think it’s important to remember that everything we do comes by choice. If you are having a bad day you are still choosing to look miserable. Sometimes it’s good to sit back take a deep breathe and say How can I get through this rough time with a smile :)

  5. Hey Matthew
    This is so true, I used to do that without realizing it until someone mentioned it to me. And it’s really amazing how much difference a smile and open body language makes
    Looking forward to the 7th June
    Ra’eesa

  6. Hey Matthew…

    Wow London’s weather looks fantastic today! I have to say I love love love how you hold women accountable for their romantic prospects… There are so many fantastic men out their that just don’t have a chance because women have their bitch face on too freakin often.

    Funny enough I just taped my short vlog series on “Things That Single Women Say That Make Me Wanna… ;)” I have to admire you getting this message out there to your audience.

    I really appreciate your fun but no games approach to teaching women to do it differently with me. Kinda hot when you go full tilt;) Loved the outtakes.

  7. loving the fantastic weather ;). What your saying is very true! Thank you for all the insightful videos and emails, I’ve found that its change my attitude to life. The other day my friend came up to me and said I looked miserable, I didn’t even realise! Im wondering if this has an affect on how I come across as a person? x

  8. Hahaha loved the title of ur video and the content! Nice hearing guys rant and vent! ;)

    Totally get what u say about bitches…but i have to say, i’ve been to London quite a few times and i have to say people there are not that open and friendly, although i LOVE LOVE LOVE London and Londoners and i personally find the so-called “British flegm” kinda cool… but compared to other countries where i’ve been and France where i’m actually residing, British people tend to keep to themselves.. but then again, those intimidating bitches can be found everywhere!

    Happy not to be one of them but then again, smiling to people can get u in tricky situations, i’ll tell u that! But it’s fun and a smile can totally make someone’s day :)

  9. You know what. I do understand your frustration, but I think there is more to that
    I have this theory which you might disagree on
    I think I am one of those girls in a way. Just because I tend to attract the wrong guys.
    The moment I am approachable, nice, and happy all the WRONG guys see it as a potential chance for a fling. Being blond does not help. So they think they can be lucky. Then if I put my suspicions aside and try to have normal conversation with them they start trying their “tricks” to get me into bed.
    So I put on angry/ less friendly face so that they would leave me. I thought to myself… If the right one comes along he will not be put off by my face .He will approach me anyways, regardless of what my face looks like. He will be attracted enough to make that move. He will see beyond my outside appearance and take a chance .Those who have wrong intentions, look for one night stand or short term fun, or are overly shy -will not come to me. And this is ok. This is what I want to achieve. I want the guy who knows he wants THIS girl and has balls to come over to that angry looking girl to find out “is she really angry?”. Once he does that he will find a gemstone;-)He will be attracted enough to make that move. He will see beyond my outside appearance and take a chance.
    We are not born or become bitches….men make us become one sometimes..

    xx

    1. ” If the right one comes along he will not be put off by my face .He will approach me anyways, regardless of what my face looks like. He will be attracted enough to make that move. He will see beyond my outside appearance and take a chance .Those who have wrong intentions, look for one night stand or short term fun, or are overly shy -will not come to me. ”

      It’s a nice thought but definitely not how the world works. Many amazing guys will be pushed away by you having that face, because no one wants to be rejected. The moment he thinks he’s dealing with someone who is likely to reject him, he probably won’t approach. IN fact, some of the biggest players are the ones who don’t fear your cold looks – so it’s usually the opposite of this quote above. Every now and again an amazing confident guy will overlook the cold expression and talk to you anyway, but I promise you your chances are not good by waiting for that to happen.

      I agree that it’s hard when the wrong guys keep coming up to you, but anyone attractive and positive draws lots of people to them, that’s just the way it is. If you get rid of the positivity that attracts the bad you’re also throwing many of the good guys out with them!

      Thanks for your thoughts Leena, really interesting to hear them x

      1. No problem. Clone yourself…you will save all of us -girls-the trouble:-) always happy to share my thoughts by the way:)
        x

  10. Matthew, thank you for this message. You really woke me up to this reality and from now on I’m gonna try to be more open,warm and friendly. P.S. I love London!!x

    1. Thanks Alice, it doesn’t take much and you’ll find the results are a world away from the results we get when we are closed to what’s going on around us! x

  11. Hahaha! What a title. :p

    I guess some girls they tend to do that because they’re tired of attracting the wrong dudes. Its really hard to be a girl too. Men, men, such mysterious creatures. Most guys when you are open and nice to them they tend to think you’re too nice and they can do something nasty to you.

    Anyway, as usual great tips Matt. Great tips! I’ll surely remember your tips. You’re always awesome! :)

  12. Hi Matthew
    I have to admit- I do this sometimes!! Even without realizing it! But I have to say, most of the time it stems from me being insecure and not having enough confidence to be open and super approachable to some guys. As a result I’ve definitely lost a lot of chances. This video really woke me up. Thanks for posting it!

    1. That’s true Eva, it comes from insecurity, nothing to do with being a bad person. Once we are aware of it we can change it. And guys do it too by the way (which i tell them!) x

  13. Please tell me what am i doing wrong? I’m a sexy, pretty enough woman but i find it hard finding someone to get to notice me. And even if someone does notice me, I never see him..probably a friend will tell me “see that guy over there? he’s looking at you”. I certainly have this look and i don’t know how to change it.. I would love to have the chance to attain one of your seminars but it is quite impossible at the moment since I am not from UK. Is it any other way?

      1. I had a lot of respect and admiration for your work and have recommended women to follow your advice excitedly. I do hope they continue to use your postive advice but since watching this and remembering this isn’t the first time you’ve posted up you calling women Bitches I unfortunately would no longer want to recommend you.

        ‘Bitches’ oh dear, a very disrespectful word to use especially when you are trying to empower women and so publicly too.

        I understand your frustration but this video is more of a kinda out of control rant, which I’m sure we all have, including the bitches you refer too. This video should have been reflected upon before posting particularly in your line of work.

        Be the change you wish to see. Speak respectfully about your client group. Because when you do that you are just fab.

        arti

  14. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS!!!
    Sorry but that had to be in all caps! I’m not a biaatch, I’m actually quite shy and when I get nervous, I seem more closed off, or colder than I should but I think this still applies, being more open and sunny is the way to go!
    Much Love,
    Amanda

    1. YOU NAILED IT AMANDA lol. It definitely applies because that ‘bitch’ look comes from being shy/closed/insecure etc. It takes confidence to be open and sunny! x

  15. Hi,
    You in sunny London- just amazing:)
    For me this video remind me to take chances and to believe in the prospective of something amazing to happen. And today I went to a friend heardresser and cut off my long hear, that I’ ve had for 10 years. And now I have this funny and fresh hearstyle. I take a small chance, that for me was big and I just go with it and now I smile.
    This message isn’t so relevant as of other women, but I love to share it with all of you.

    Matthew I like you posts and your great work:) good luck in everything.

    Tanja

  16. Wow Matthew, you have no idea how glad I am that a guy has said this! I’m at uni right now and, although I have plenty of guy friends, it is the girls with the hardened ‘I will kill you’ faces that seem to get the guys romantically… I don’t understand! I’ve always been open, friendly and kind – it’s just who I am – and I don’t understand how these other girls find it so easy to find a guy that they’re attracted to, who’s also attracted to them!
    But thank you so much for putting this video, you’ve echoed my thoughts perfectly! I find open, friendly guys much easier to talk to and have always presumed it should be the same the other way round.
    Loved the bloopers at the end, whoever was responsible – it was very funny! You should see if you can do it more often Matthew, it made me smile :)
    Thanks for the videos, they’re so helpful and motivating!
    Lucy xx

    1. Thanks Lucy! I’ll try to do the bloopers more often, but it’s not easy given that I’m SO damn perfect in my delivery all the time ; )) x

      1. In some way the song reminds me of a bitch too. Still I like it. I have a bitchy side too. It took time to develop it. Now I try to get rid of it and learn how to deal in an assertive determined way with unwanted strangers, without getting my mood affected by them.
        Did this blog get so many responses because it speaks the truth? ;D

        1. Ok, wrong place for my comment, sorry. It actually got there because I wanted to suggest to your team to keep doing the choosing of the bloopers. As a perfectionist it’s too hard a thing to do. I love the bloopers!

  17. Hello from France ! And more precisely from Paris

    Your videos are really inspiring! I love you accent !! Haha
    But I found it hard to practise all your recommendations as I am shy..
    However i really enjoy watching all your videos !

    Thanks! Be bless !
    :)

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