Insights from the male mind (Today Show feature)

Yesterday I was back on The Today Show. They are calling my segment “The Other View” – ha!

I wanted to post the video here on the blog as it has some important lessons. Hope you enjoy!

It looks like I might be doing a more regular slot so I’ll be able to bring you more of these as we go.

Here are the big takeaways from the show…

1) How to show someone they are appreciated (outside of the bedroom)

It’s the little things that count here.

Women get paid compliments a lot more than guys, and it’s easy to forget the impact that telling a guy he’s handsome can have.

When you get back from work, give him a huge hug and tell him how much you’ve missed him (note: this is NOT ‘needy’. Needy would be getting home and asking, ‘did you miss me?’.)

Make him feel like a man. Ask him to teach you something, be curious, back him up where appropriate around other people. Loyalty is key to a relationship!

2) How to get him to call or text more (without asking

You have to tell someone what your formula is for feeling loved, as we all have different rules.

Kathie Lee had a great line, “don’t expect something if you’ve not made it known that it’s something that you need”.

While your standard might be to hear from him 4 times a week, his might be just once, and so you need to make him aware of what you expect and communicate your rules to him.

Doing so can be as simple as saying, “This is how I feel loved. I know it’s different to how you feel loved, but it’s important to me.”

3) I had a baby three months ago. I don’t feel sexy at all. How do I explain to him that I’m not there mentally?

Start by accepting that he’s still a man, and that he has the same needs and desires that he did before you ever got pregnant.

You have the ability to still feel attractive and turned on, even if it doesn’t feel as natural right now. Help him understand what he can do to make you feel that way. Remember the dynamic of the relationship hasn’t shifted and that he still wants to be the hero.

Question of the day: What does a guy have to do to make you feel loved? Let me know in the comments below!


I’ve got a few more weeks of travel. The last two tour dates are Dallas (Sat May 11) & Seattle (Sat May 18). Sign up now!

To get more insight into men, check out my online home-study programme The Man Myth. In it you will learn the A–Z of what men think, how to generate unstoppable attraction, and how to win him to your way of thinking. Check it out here.

101 Responses to Insights from the male mind (Today Show feature)

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  1. Judy says:

    Sorry Matt, the color of your socks is really diasppointing :(

  2. Ayse says:

    Men have 1st got to ask you out via shouting in public.Then they have to be shy.Then show you they don’t want a lot from the relationship as in not wanting sex. In addition I would love to have a guy who speaks softly.

  3. Nofyah says:

    This is such a great segment, Matthew! Your sense of humor shines through with your wisdom.

    Hope to see many more!


  4. Audrey says:

    How do I feel loved? It’s in the little things like opening doors, making me a cup of tea without asking for it, driving when we go out, telling me what he and his buddies did on a long weekend even though I haven’t asked, texting, a phone call.

  5. U.G says:

    Hey Matt.
    I keep on reading your articles and I am a big fan of your thoughts and opinions about women! I am myself writing a fictional book which is kind of based on the male-female psychology, the problems and solutions of the male- dominated society and how a female
    – dominated one could never be a solution.
    I’m only a teenager and do you know who has been my biggest inspiration?
    It’s Y-O-U!

    Just wanted to say that you are doing a really great job and some day you might just be the biggest factor leading to major innovation and change in all the sex-biased mentalities across this planet!
    You are the real and practical woman-guy.Keep it up. Loads of love. <3 <3

  6. Thirza says:

    I meant speaking ;)

  7. Susanne Love says:

    ☆♥♥:)Dear Matthew:)♥♥☆

    Matthew Hussey is back again :)
    Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww ♥&♥ yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay :)

    A truly warm-hearted ♥&♥ incredibly handsome hero YOU are :)

    I really really really love your question :)
    Here is the answer:

    I feel loved when a guy ♥&♥ me kiss each others hearts :) ♥&♥ if that is possible I believe all the best will happen :)

    How about YOU Matthew Hussey? Hope YOU always always always feel loved :)

    ☀☆☀ :) Always always always all the best for the very very very warm-hearted and incredibly handsome Matthew Hussey ☀☆☀ :)

    Susanne :)

  8. Jill says:

    So…you have lactated

  9. Annie says:

    What do you think of a 54 year old man who has been divorced for 20 years and has never been in a committed relationship because he hasnt found the “woman he cant live without”. He goes back and forth between saying he is fine single to saying he Would like to marry someday. He even says he made a mistake in letting one slip through his fingers because now he realized he DID love her….but he never called her his girlfriend. She moved on. Is he emotionaly unavailable?

  10. Emilie says:

    they are fun and totally into you dear!! xx

  11. Barbara says:

    Funny interview and interesting question. I also think that the little things count. So I guess I feel loved, when a guy tells me I look beautiful or when he takes interest in what I feel/think or do or when he just randomly comes up to me and asks me about my day. Those are the things that actually show me that he cares. :)

    • Barbara says:

      P.S.: The last time you told me I was a winner, while I was going through a trough. Now I actaually feel that way. Something at work finally worked out amazingly, even though I was afraid that it wouldn’t. :D I see you’re doing great too. Keep on going! You’re definitely a winner! :)

  12. Lo says:

    Lovely! I told you, good things are about to come for you, because of yout talent and kindness :D

  13. Lisa Marie says:

    Matt the world is a much better place with you in it, you make a difference , you are lovely XO

    ” In everyone’s life ,at sometime, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.
    We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit ” (Albert Schweitzer)

    Thank you XXOO

  14. Eva says:

    This interview was hilarious. You need to be added on as a new host! Haha. I have a question- I’ve been “seeing” my neighbor for the past month or so and we both seem to really like each other, and I want to take things to the next level, but he hasn’t brought up the relationship talk at all, and I’m not sure if he even will. We’re both 21, and I’ve never been in a relationship before, hate to say it. He’s kind of the shy type and so am I. I really love spending time with him and want him to know how much I like him without scaring him off, or before he finds someone else. We met a year ago and only recently has anything been happening. Do you think I should say something to him the next time we meet?

    Also, do you think it’s okay for the girl to be asking the guy to hang out a lot, or should it be vice versa? Or 50/50?

  15. Misha says:

    I loved this so much! I watched the last segment about lactating like fifteen times now.
    You know you’re job and you know how to have fun on it.
    All the best love.

  16. Trudy says:

    Hey Matt,

    I am happy to see you doing so well. I’ve been following you for a while and have notice you practice what you preach on all of us no wonder you are so loved by so many (myself including).
    God bless you and this brilliant gift you are sharing…x
    Keep it coming :)

  17. Kathryn says:

    Good to see you walking the talk Mr Hussey. Sitting side on, flashing a disarming smile and going for the knee touch. It definitely had the effect, they were positively gushing…
    Just a woman’s point of view, but it is difficult after having a baby if intimacy in the relationship has always led up to full on sex. It’s like the non touching in the beginning to physicality going from 0 to sixty. Sometimes we might be too tired, but rather than re- buff or reject, if there has been touching, cuddling, hugs all along its easier to keep feeling close. And doing constant little things to show you care. I think if its right this will occur naturally.
    Deep friendship and passionate lust is what we want. The books attraction formula is right? Can you make chemistry happen?
    You’re always brilliant and very handsome ; ) x

  18. anna says:

    A sweet kiss make me feel loved all the time.

    take care matt. XD

  19. depe says:

    matt, your video before that you feel not sad enough but you still confindence and on this video you’re great…..
    thanks matt……..

  20. Stephania says:

    well, i think i feel loved when i feel respected, it might be weird, but when i communicate my needs and this are met by the one that i love, i feel that love in return, i guess if i don’t feel respected with a guy that makes himself be respected by me i don’t feel this transference of love. yeah, it definitely sounds weird, but that is just me.

  21. Purple fairy says:

    Hi Matthew,

    Do you have an email address where people can ask you for advice privately regarding really embarassing situations?

    Still waiting for your book and would like your advice.

    Thank you so much, I hope to hear from you.

  22. Johanne says:

    Hi Matthew ! You are so much fun to watch and listen to ! It shows that you had a bal ! Those ladies do talk a lot but I know you’ll be able to get in there and fight the information out to people who really want to hear and learn ! Keep up the good work ! You are a natural in front of a camera sweetie ! This is NOT the last thing you’ll do in showbusiness for sure ! Hugs !

  23. Chrysty says:

    Hi Matt!

    I have your book and after finishing the first section, there was so much great information that I had to re-read to make sure I picked up everything! To answer your question of the day, I feel loved when they ask me about my day. I prefer simple, genuine interest that shows they care over the over-the-top gestures. Oh and bonus points for trying to cheer me up if I’ve had a bad day! :)


  24. Marcia says:

    Hussey, Hussey, Hussey…

  25. Laura says:

    “What does a guy have to do to make you feel loved?” – When a guy simply sets aside some quality time just for me, even if he’s really busy with other stuff.

    • Laura says:

      By the way Matthew, I’m currently reading your book and it’s great, i’m learning a ton! I hope you come back to Toronto soon, I missed you’re last visit!

  26. Katie says:

    I found myself smiling through the whole thing…you have the best energy! I’ve been watching you since your Youtube videos and your advice is always spot on.

    I notice how amazingly natural you are at flirting–I know that I (and other friends of mine) would love for you to expand on how to flirt and the line between cute teasing & sarcasm. You say, ‘Be playful and cheeky’ but to the flirting inept, that’s like telling a kid to ‘act more grown up’. So, it’d be great to hear specific examples of breaking rapport. A blog post with dialogue/video, perhaps? :) Or, at the Dallas event? We heart you & we’ll see you there!!

  27. Foxdance says:

    What I took from that was ‘how to be charming while on the spot.’ You do that so well…!

    It’s one thing to be charming and well spoken on your own time, but another to be that “live” Any tips?

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hey Foxdance,

      i appreciate that! The truth is the only way to do it is to ben in the moment and have fun. you can’t anticipate everything that could happen in a live moment like this, so you have to be nimble and ready to absorb whatever comes your way.

      It’s like waterskiing, you don’t straighten your legs and lock them, or you’d never be able to absorb the waves. You have to bend your legs and keep them bouncy and ready to absorb anything!

      M x

      • Sydney says:

        Beautiful analogy!

        I loved reading this interview of yours:

        you are such a bookworm! it’s totally hot

        honestly I was just watching the great gatsby (movie) trailer today and thought the movie is a bit depressing… what with gatsby gazing across at the green light which signified his love for daisy and her being married to some guy named tom and all. the love part of it makes me really sad.

        but look at you, looking at the positive sides to the book , as in everything!

        I really admire you!

  28. Natalie says:

    Desperately waiting for your book to arrive down under! Have ordered it …. and want to pick up all your amazing tips and tricks.

    Keep doing what you’re doing – the advice is invaluable, easy to take on board and replicable.

    Thanks Matthew – you are proof that there are some genuinely helpful, (good hearted from what I can interpret !), kind and funny guys out there…. please keep sending them our way…. and Australia isn’t that difficult a place to get to any more (hint hint nudge nudge)!

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hey Natalie!

      Thanks for your kind words. I can’t wait to see what you think of the book!

      Cheers for leaving a comment, and who knows maybe I’ll be in Oz in the future running my events : )


      • Donna says:

        I’m going to be a nag and second a trip to Australia. We need you more – demographically speaking, there are less men here for every woman, so we need all the help we can get! :)

  29. Dana says:

    I love reading/watching your material- you make great points and make them practical and easy to apply.

    For me, a guy makes me feel loved when he takes an interest in my interests!

    Also, any chance your team is hiring??

    Dana XO

  30. Denisse says:

    You are soo funny and you have such a beautiful smile. I hope the best for you!!

  31. Jazmine lee says:

    Hi Matthew !! I love the post today! I think to feel love I need he invest the same I invest to him that means that he show me he care for me and do special things like make a cup of tea and heard me when I feel bad or ask me about thinks he knows are importan to me … Or just send a little text message to say thanks for care for me when I see you again we will spend great time together . I had a problem right now because I apply the advicese I read in get the guy book and I lose one of my best friends he really misunderstood what I try to say so he don’t want to talk anymore and I don’t see him since long time I feel sad lose not only a guy I really like it but also a great friend =( I don’t know what to do but my train most keep on moving ….

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hey Jazmine,

      Nothing is so black and white that it can’t be changed. If he is a real friend he’ll come back into your life. Give it time. It’s amazing how things turn around that you never thought would go back to how they were. Stay strong, and keep building your amazing life.

      M x

      • Jazmine lee says:

        Thanks Matthew !! I hope he come back but if he don’t then I make myself cleaver and stronger after all how to learn what my friend Matthew teach me if we don’t take risk, right? If he is not mr right then there is other near me or may be I should fly to uk if I don’t find mr right there I find mr Austin powers or mr hussey =) to drink of cup of tea I will behave =P jajajaja thanks for be a good friend Matthew have great day

        • Jazmine lee says:

          Do you have plans to come Mexico to give tour here about get the guy? By the way I forgot to tell you I love the book is funny and teach me lots of things specially about myself and that is the most importan =) I even remember things about myself I had lot time with out remember or think about . And help me answerd the big question I had for long time WHY? Now understand everything I can move on =) with more security now thanks Matthew muchas gracias. Amigo!!!

  32. Antonia says:

    This put a big smile on my face :) You are great as always, Matt!

  33. Ida says:

    First of all, love your blog and your videos, they are absolutely amazing!
    I do have a question, about a month ago i met this guy at a bar in a city close to were i live, in the first encounter he was very straightforward and came up to me, while standing with my girlfriends, only seconds after we’d walked past him. I took this as a definite sign that he knew what he wanted. Anyway, later on I made it clear to him that I wasn’t going to sleep at his place that night but he still asked for my number. Also he thought it was nice that I lived so close to the city. I really felt connected to this guy, and a few days later he texts me and all was well, he even mentioned that we should meet again. The same night I sent him a friend request on Facebook and the following days he wouldn’t answer my texts for hours or even at all, haven’t spoken with him since.
    What could I possibly have done wrong, did he not like my pictures on Facebook or what haha?


    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hey Ida,

      I want you to stop analysing it and move on. Just because the guy faded it doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. It could just be he met someone else the night after he met you, or that he does this type of thing all the time and doesn’t follow up with people. It’s no big deal.

      It’s cool that it happened, and it WILL happen again. So just keep moving forward and forget about him.

      M x

      • Sydney says:

        I love how you give this advice without being judgmental of him.

        How can someone be less judgmental?

        See, I tend to judge like everything in life. LIke I have a strong opinion about – well, just about everything. Makes me, err… “high maintenance”

  34. Paula says:

    And when you tell them you feel special when you hear from them more than once or twice a week, and they see it as “pointless texts” because I already know what he’s doing during the week, (work, school, gym), and they don’t change it, then lose ’em right?

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hey Paula,

      If you’ve made clear it’s important to you and he can’t do it, you have to decide if it’s a deal breaker for you. Can you adapt and stop it from bothering you? If it’s not something you can move past and you don’t like the fact that he’s not prepared to be there in the ways that you need him, then you may choose to leave. You’ll know in your gut what feels right.

      M x

  35. Katharine says:

    What if the man of your dreams is shaping up to be none other than Mr. Matthew Hussey? Any tips for getting the guy? ;)


    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Haha, that’s a tough one to answer. Let’s just say that all the advice I give is advice I know would work on me too lol.

      M x

      • Jazmine lee says:

        In that case would you prefer eat Mexican tacos wih a cold bear or just take a cup of English tea on our dinner tomorrow at 7pm latinamerica time ? Jajajaja

      • Katharine says:

        So, I need only get in the same room with you then. You should make a stop in Tucson. You look like you could use a trip to the desert. Most folks find it blisteringly alluring.


  36. Ema says:

    Hi Mathew, Your videos and articles are awesome, very useful and funny. I was wondering if you do personal coaching online or via emails or those group events and online program is the only option. And if you do where I can find more detailed info about that ? Thanks Ema

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hey Ema,

      It’s hard for me to do personal coaching these days, and it’s very expensive for my clients. if you’re really serious about it feel free to send us an email and we’ll see what we can do.

      Otherwise, the no.1 place to catch me is on one of my two retreats this year. I have one in Florida in October and one in Palm Springs in December. They are really powerful, the ultimate coaching experience. You can check them out in the live events section of our site:

      Look forward to seeing you soon!

      Matthew x

  37. INGRID says:


    I love your book and your videos!!!
    You were great on the today show.
    Hope to see you soon in Mexican territory ;)

  38. Sydney says:

    You’re brilliant!

  39. Kari says:

    To show you how much you are appreciated and loved Matthew, here is a MASSIVE virtual hug from myself and women everywhere. :) Ive missed your adorable face on TV weekly and I hope to see you much more often! Sending love and best wishes. XO

  40. kaoutar says:

    dear matthew! you cannot imagine how much i’m so happy today to see you come back again on the today show with this huge energy.that’s what i really appriciate more on look incredibly fantastic as always.i want you to know that i’m always supporting you no matter what’e the number one for me.the great news is i’m planning to be in one of your siminars next year.i really hope to be there.

  41. kaoutar says:

    Dear Matthew!
    You can’t imagine how much i’m so happy today to see you come back again on the today show with this huge energy.That’s what i really appriciate more on look incredibly fantastic as always.I want you to know that i’m always supporting you not matter what’e the number one for me.The great news is i’m planning to be in one of your siminars next year.i really hope to be there.It’s kaoutar from MOROCCO.
    much love.

  42. nino says:

    Hello Matthew.
    Me and boyfriend have been together for 7 months now and everything was perfect. we used to see each other all the time, he’d surprise me and he’d call me every 4 hours and we’d spend a lot of time talking on the phone. Recently, two months ago this changed ! We weren’t talking as much and not seeing each other. I even tried the silent treatment, but somehow not working. He claimes that he still loves me, but somehow his actions stopped. Does that really mean he still loves me?

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hey Nino,

      The key is learning how to communicate what it is you really want, and showing the guy that your worthy of the treatment you want.

      I have the perfect thing for you coming for you in the next few weeks. Keep watching the blog as I’ll be announcing it in 30 days or so.

      Matt x

  43. Faith says:

    To feel loved I just like knowing he’s thinking about me when we are apart – a sweet text, a call, anything just to tell me I’m on his mind and he can’t wait til we are together again! To me it’s the little things that matter the most!

  44. Mary says:

    A sweet kiss makes me feel loved

  45. Faith Mosio says:


    I was wondering when you would bring up the concept of “The 5 Love Languages” (Chapman, 2004). It’s important to know what you want and be able to express that so you can get reciprocal results. My past relationships have definitely been stabbing in the dark. I have fallen into one big McDonald abyss and kicked myself when I told you not this year for Retreat. I saw your shoulders slump (and we live up “here” so that was telling). Thank you for that. Sabotage!! Nice breaking rapport with the ladies. I hope the Retreat is not full from Atlanta and still limited! I’m glad NBC sees your value beyond Ready for Love (which I still watch. Hello!!). Would actually watch Today if you were a regular segment.



    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hey Faith!

      Hope to see you on the retreat soon. Thanks for commenting and your kind words about the today show. I’m back on it in June!

      Matt x

  46. Rivka says:

    Just realized why I feel so close to my platonic male friend; I learned to recognize and feel his love by the exact way in which he always communicates it: which is by listening to me.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Now you just need to communicate that to your romantic interests!

      Great realisation Rivka x

  47. Katie says:

    Hi Matthew! In my last relationship communication was a huge issue when he traveled. I tried communicating to him how it made me feel, but little changed. Can you share more on how to best communicate this? And what to do when your message is not being heard?

    I love all the videos you share! I’ve been sending to all of my friends!


    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hey Katie,

      I have something coming up in the next few weeks which is going to go far deeper into communication in relationships. Can’t wait for you to see it. Stay tuned.


  48. Lee Ann says:

    I really like your videos. I find them illuminating and your smile lights up a room!

    I have a request, if you have enough advanced notice that you are going to be on tv, could you give us a heads up on your blog? That way we can know to watch it.

    The way I feel loved is when we are out in public and my man ever so gently places his hand on the small of my back and when he strokes my hair while we are driving. Small gestures mean a lot.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      That’s really sweet Lee Ann, the next time a man in your life does those things tell him how much it means to you. He needs to know.

      I’ll try to give you a longer heads up next time : )


  49. Mary says:

    A sweet kiss makes me feel loved and cherished

  50. Yvette says:


    For me a guy needs to actually show me instead of telling me. He listens to me and remembers the things I like and enjoy. Like you said it’s the little things….I come home and he made me dinner or brought home food from my favorite place without me asking.

    A regular slot is so awesome. I am very happy for you! Now you get to help even more women. Very exciting! Keep up the good work. I wish more good things to come to you!

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Thanks Yvette!

      I agree about the importance of him SHOWING not telling you. This is a great insight. Nice one!

      Matthew x

  51. Mercedes says:

    Dear Matthew

    you look unbelievably handsome in this video. hormones going crazy over here.

    much love.

  52. Andrea says:

    The comment about lactating was hillarious. :-)
    Thanks for sharing this video.

  53. Elsa says:

    you’re the best, Matt.

  54. Marisa says:

    I feel loved and appreciated when a guy takes (or creates!) an opportunity to be thoughtful. For example, I just started seeing a great guy who actually prefers to call and not text (hallelujah!) but my phone service was all whack and I could not make or receive calls for a couple days. Over text, we joked that he might as well send me a letter. 2 days later, I checked my mailbox and he had actually sent me a handwritten letter. He ended it with a note about how much he loved my laugh when we went to a comedy show last week. It made me feel so cared for! (P.S. Was at your event in Chicago and still feel energized from it!)

  55. Ashley says:

    I think one of the most important ways of showing your love is going outside your comfort zone from time to time; it doesn’t have to be huge but doing something like going to a yoga class with your significant other, something most men wouldn’t do. It shows they will go the extra mile! Of course, we as women, need to reciprocate that as well :)

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hey Ashley,

      I agree, if you know it would mean a lot to your partner to do something with them that isn’t part of YOUR normal routine, it can show how much you care.

      Great tip : )


  56. Catherine says:

    This was hilarious, you seem right at home there :P

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Thanks Catherine. I’m feeling really relaxed on these shows nowadays, so it makes it more enjoyable than back when I was tense and worried about what to say.

      Matt x

  57. Allison Buist says:

    A thoughtful gesture. Doesn’t have to be huge..just something that shows the guy is paying attention. I had one boyfriend take note that I never had been to prom. He then set up a date where he got a tux and I got a dress. He even set up an appointment to have our pictures taken. Then crowned me prom queen in the parking lot with a tiara before going in to see river dance. Ok that was a big one…:) This guy also watched closely as I was making my coffee when I asked why he said “so that next time I can make it for you” very sweet :)

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Love the coffee thing! I’ve given that as a tip before: Learn how to make their coffee or tea just the way they like it. It shows you care.

      Thanks for commenting Allison x

  58. Nicolioli says:

    THANK GOD I’m not working with women like that!

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