Continuing with the theme of taking lessons from movies, here’s something that really struck a chord with me from Ironman 3…
If you are confident at your core, nothing else matters.
So many of us rely on external trappings to feel confident. For some of us it’s our car or our house, for others it’s our job.
The danger in deriving confidence from these things however is that it could all be taken away from us tomorrow.
We need to find a way of gaining confidence that isn’t dependent on things around us.
We are the greatest asset we’ll ever have.
We are the thing that we should feel confident about on a core level.
The line that summed this up for me in the film was this:
“My suit wasn’t a hobby, it wasn’t a distraction, it was a cocoon. You could take away my tricks, you could take away my toys, you could take away my house, but there’s one thing you can’t take away… I AM Ironman.”
In life, never take at face value how confident people seem.
Most people who seem confident are really just basing their worth on things that could be taken away.
How many people do you know who could stand strong in the knowledge that they are their greatest asset?
I told you in a recent video the story of having to face up to this myself with the show – something I’d worked on for over year – being taken off the air.
I had to step up and say to myself, you can take away the show, you can take away everything that came with it… but so long as I have my voice and I can do my thing, I’m the asset.
It doesn’t matter what gets taken away. The thing that gives you real confidence is who you are at your core.
Don’t base your confidence on what you’re achieving. Build your confidence in such a way that if you were to lose everything, you could still feel amazing.
*If you want to learn how to do this, I have a program that could be for you.*
This has been one of the big, passionate subjects of my career. It’s something that I consider to be more important than anything else, and something that I’ve built an entire program around the concept of.
If you want to learn how to develop real core confidence and how to become invincible wherever you are in life, then this might be for you.
The program is the High Value Retreat and I have two booked for the rest of the year and that’s it.
The first is in Clearwater Florida in September, the second in Palm Springs in December.
You have to apply, and if you’d like to do so or find out more about the process, you can here. There’s a video where I cover all of the event details and a chance to enquire about the application process.
Check it out, and who knows, we could be spending 5 days together later this year…
Question of the day:
If you could have any one superpower, what would it be and why? My pick would be the ability to stop time – it would be an unbelievable amount of fun! Let me know yours in the comments!
Hi Matt,
I’m just curious, so I have to ask. Is that your bedroom? And if so, how can you life with such a huge mirror right over your bed? I don’t think I could get used it, but anyway.
What I actually wanted to say is a massive thank you for what you’re doing! Of course, you’re also having a profit of it, but how many people you’re helping with your stuff is just incredible. Thank you so much for that! :)
I hope I’ll also be able to follow your advices someday…
Anyway, the video is great just like the others.
Good night x
True, I noticed the mirror over the bed too! Matt love, it’s definitely bad feng shui. I know you think that’s rubbish, but if that is your room, not a hotel room, you will benefit lots by removing that huge mirror over your bed.
You can thank me later.
Hi Matthew,
Always a pleasure to follow your blog. Thank you so much for the advice. I love your energy and positivity. It always encourages me to keep getting out there and trying my best.I’m currently reading the book and loving every bit of it :-)
Following your advice, I am putting myself out there more with men but I keep running into the same issue. For example, I find a man attractive, I strike up conversation. It can be going great, we’ll have a lot in common and we’ll be laughing away. It’s then that I can’t help but notice that something is missing. I can never quite put my finger on it. I’m talking to a man I’m attracted to, we get along great, everything points to a positive outcome but I know, just know, he’s not not the one for me. I’ll begin to loose interest and mightn’t even end up giving him a chance. I wonder if you think I should give him a chance regardless or look for someone else as I have been doing. Perhaps it’s an emptiness in me I’m looking to have filled, I don’t know. Sorry for the rant.
With all that in mind I’d love to be clairvoyant, that way I could just see how things pan out and not worry :-)
Great to see you back in comfy surroundings, take care :-)
I just want to say thank you matthew!
I was at your seminar last month and i took on board your advice about making the first move…
I joined ok cupid in march, my first time trying online dating and i asked a guy who showed interest in my out on a romantic walk at the southbank followed by a classical concert in trafalgar square.
over a week later and he has used the L word which might seem a bit quick to people and even cynical old me loll, but i’ve never felt this way about anyone, it feels like i’ve known him for years and he keeps talking about a future with me.
All i can say again is thank you! and wish me luck matthew xx
Hi Matt
I’m 19 years old and I bought your book yesterday evening! Although it was really hard to find (I live in Switzerland) but after searching and travelling through the the whole city, I found it in an english book store! ;) and travelling was totally worth it. I read the whole book in not even one day and I went through all of it (the videos including)! Not only what you wrote but also how you did was truely just you. The same way you are talking to us through your videos and I fell in love with it immediately! I think you put a lot effort in that book and I felt it with every written line. That work you created is absolutely fascinating, honest and amazing and I’m so thankful you did that for all of us out here! I just wanted to put my appreciation for you out there! I’m definetely more a creater than a waiter now!!
Also, I think you look so sexy on that book cover! ;))
I’m the Christian woman from Chicago that asked you the question about sex. Lol You are probably the worst thing that happened to me. I’ve watched your videos, read your book, and went to your live event in Chicago. I’ve truly listened to what you’ve had to say and I’ve taken your advice and insight to heart. Now I have more men knocking on my door than I don’t know what to do with. I feel like someone dumped me on the Bachlorette show, and I’m not happy about it. I was planning on serving as a missionary for my church in the next 6 months and now I don’t know if I’ll make it because the two people that want to date me seriously are people I could honestly see myself being very happy with.
I’m horrible with making decisions and I’ve never been in a situation quite like this before. Thanks for helping me have options in my life. I hope I can just find it within myself to actually choose and follow through with whatever it is that I do.
Hey Carolyn,
I remember you from Chicago. If you mind some advice from me I’d say do your missionary work because that is a big part of your life. Remember what Matt said you give as much as you get. Serving God is a big part of your life so if these guys are potentially great for you then they can wait for 6 months. I hope you put your life goals first on this one. Remember Matt said you want someone who adores you—if these guys are the best ever they would be saying Carolyn go do your thing and or I’ll come with!! Hope it turned out to be a blessing for you whatever your decision! Faith
Wow!! I’ve just found a way to watch Ready for love and…wow!!! That is so awesome!!!
Like even though there’re only few episodes it was totaly worthing it to do it. The cinematography, the concept of the teams, the girls which all seem so cool. Im’ so excited about it! haha.
And I can’t believe the French accent is so well perceived!!!! I’m French and every weeks my horrible little English teacher is saying to me: “You’re accent is crap! Go back to work!” hum stupid
Well anyway haha thanks a lot Matthew :) Have a nice evening
Hi Matt,
I’ve completely enjoyed reading all the blog posts and i’m absolutely intrigued with them. So many behavior patterns are like looking into the mirror. However, I do need to pick your brain on something more orthodox for a minute.
My folks introduced me to this guy and so far we’ve been having long phone conversations and a couple of video chats within the last 2 weeks. It’s moving pretty fast and I do seem to like a certain things that he has to offer. He’s coming to town this weekend. I am nervous, excited and beyond happy. I want to show him the best time without being taken for granted.
My question to you is, how do I make sure he has a good time and yet he wants to keep coming back for more.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.
Much Love
~G
Hey matt!!
I completely agree with this video. I dont normally comment but really feel strongly about this topic. In my life I’ve had a lot of tragedy and heartache. When I was 4 until I was 10 I got sexually abused by my cousin and my aunties, uncles and grandparents walked in and said it was my fault and beat me up (my parents didn’t know). My dad was extremely abusive too as soon as he came home i would be absulutely terrified because domestic violence was considered normal. But i admire my dad because he turned his life around and changed because he realised the damage he was doing when i was about 10 or 11 he stopped beating me and yelling for no reason. I also got bullied so there was no safe place for me to go growing up. Finally when i was 14 i told someone about all the abuse and started the healing process. It took me 2 years to forgive everyone who hurt me and it was in those 2 years where what you were talking about i had everything stripped away from you and taken. I lost friends when i told them it was the hardest thing iv ever had to do to deal with it. Its made me such a stronger person now though because right now im going through some extremely hard stuff but its okay because i know that i WILL get through it. I am invincible. When i was 16 i went out with a 21 year old who left a cult. I just got my trust back for men. He used mind control and brainwashing against me took away ALL of my friend made me do things i didnt want to do and even hit me but i was so in love doing everything i could to make it work but looking back it never was going to. I found out he had a drug problem and so i said its me or the drugs and he chose the drugs. Now im almost 20 and I only told someone 2 months ago about the truth about this relationship, how bad it really was. So I’m in the middle of the healing process it hard iv only just started making friends so dont have many right now pretty much everything has been taken away but i know who i am. So matt thank you for beaing realistic for telling people that!! Iv learnt my way of dealing with stuff is writing poems and here is a line from a poem i wrote recently pretty much sums up everything iv just said.
You may see me stumble you may see me fall, but its never too late for me because unlike poor humpty i’ve already started breaking down that wall.
I admire you, Katie. As Matt says, once you really learn to love & value yourself, & become your own best friend, you’ll be able to attract a loving partner who values you because he knows you won’t stick around unless he’s living up to your standards.
Best of luck to you.
Booked the retreat for Dec, excited !! x
my super power would be to be a solution to peoples problem no matter how complex d situation may be
Hey Matt.
You are a wonderful teacher and whatever you write or say truly touches one’s heart. I am a junior writer and poet myself and I am able to sense the purity, beauty, truthfulness, wisdom, passion and excellence in your thoughts. Truly, I LOVE&LOVE&LOVE every word you say and you are basically my ultimate role model.
Even this post of yours is amazing. But, it makes me wonder a’lot of things. For example,your statement,”Don’t base your confidence on what you’re achieving.”
Yes, I do agree with the fact that we should be confident to the core and what makes us who we are is only our innermost personality and not the things around us.
But,I believe, confidence is NOT actually an IN-BUILT trait of our personality which just dawns upon a human being when he/she is born. It is an ACQUIRED trait. When we are very young, we have absolutely no personality traits at all. In fact, we don’t even have a personality! Our personality is formed as we grow up…from the things that we see, learn, observe and decide. So, in a way, all our actions and our life-incidents are responsible for making our personality…for making us who we are at the present moment…and confidence is an element of personality which follows.
It is natural for a human being to have a great sense of accomplishment when he/she achieves something in life or feel like a total failure when he/she is not able to do so.
It is the little achievements that happen everyday that helps us to form our personality and make us believe in it.
To summarize my point:
Even if we do acquire a great personality, we must learn to enforce it. And to enforce it, we must learn to be confident. And to be confident, we must learn to believe in ourselves. And to believe in ourselves, we must impress/convince ourselves. And to convince ourselves in the long run, we must have proof. And to have a proof, we must be able to achieve.
For a moment, lets not consider the consequences of losing what you’ve achieved. But what if someone hasn’t achieved anything in their life, yet they (them, and only them) know that they DO have a personality with a possibly great potential; but they can’t find any immediate solution to that problem…Can they still be confident? If so, based on what? What should they believe in?
I would be highly grateful if you reply. Loads and loads of love. xx
P.S If I had a superpower, it would be to make everybody and anybody happy and to spread smiles which go from the heart to the soul. <3
Thank you so much.
Hi!
So I firstly want to thank you for such inspiring videos every week! It always cheers me up when I check my emails and there’s a new video from you..
Secondly I would like to ask for some advice.. Since you’re the expert ;)
So I’ve just moved away to study and I have of course met a lot of new and very nice people. I just have the problem that they seem to not always understand my “signals” or whatever I send out..
I have changed quite a lot these last few years, gotten more confident and more outgoing, been travelling for a long time and now I feel like I have control of my life. I’m renewed, so to speak.. Also I’m in a new town, new country even and no one really knows me, so I can be whoever I want and it’s such an amazing thing! And I try to live my life the way I always wanted, and just to be here and have fun.. And therefore I have started to realize that my friends and my new friends here usually always get dates, or are flirted with in bars, clubs or even in the library, and I don’t, even though I’m much more outgoing and fun than I used to be. I’m no longer the wallflower, but still somehow no one is interested..
I really have the tendency to always only make friends.. (Which is also very nice.. But not always what I want..) I always thought it was because I’m bisexual that I send out mixed signals to guys in particular, but I am really not sure if that’s the real cause.. I mean, I love my male friends, they are so uncomplicated to hang out with. But sometimes I don’t just want to be friends. And I don’t know what to change, because I can really only be myself, and being unable to decide which sex I like more shouldn’t really get in the way of me finding a guy or a girl that likes me for who I am?
So the question is; Is there a possibility that I might be sending the wrong signals to everyone, so that no one really understands that I
Hi!
So I firstly want to thank you for such inspiring videos every week! It always cheers me up when I check my emails and there’s a new video from you..
Secondly I would like to ask for some advice.. Since you’re the expert ;)
So I’ve just moved away to study and I have of course met a lot of new and very nice people. I just have the problem that they seem to not always understand my “signals” or whatever I send out..
I have changed quite a lot these last few years, gotten more confident and more outgoing, been travelling for a long time and now I feel like I have control of my life. I’m renewed, so to speak.. Also I’m in a new town, new country even and no one really knows me, so I can be whoever I want and it’s such an amazing thing! And I try to live my life the way I always wanted, and just to be here and have fun.. And therefore I have started to realize that my friends and my new friends here usually always get dates, or are flirted with in bars, clubs or even in the library, and I don’t, even though I’m much more outgoing and fun than I used to be. I’m no longer the wallflower, but still somehow no one is interested..
I really have the tendency to always only make friends.. (Which is also very nice.. But not always what I want..) I always thought it was because I’m bisexual that I send out mixed signals to guys in particular, but I am really not sure if that’s the real cause.. I mean, I love my male friends, they are so uncomplicated to hang out with. But sometimes I don’t just want to be friends. And I don’t know what to change, because I can really only be myself, and being unable to decide which sex I like more shouldn’t really get in the way of me finding a guy or a girl that likes me for who I am?
So the question is; Is there a possibility that I might be sending the wrong signals to everyone, so that no one really understands that I’m into them?
Or might there be something else?
Thanks for reading my loooong comment/questions :) and I wish you a great weekend!
x Ellen
I love my uncle Matty cakes. Especially when you pulled the picture out of your shirt! Faints! :-D
lovely video….the superpower of discrimination. Then one would always know what to when.
Awesome observation on Iron Man that I hadn´t noticed; so true!
Thank you so much again for sharing, and warm regards from Mexico,
Diana
Hey Matt!
I cannot help laughing!!! It’s so funny! Honestly, when I stumbled upon your blog and watched your videos for 1 or 2, I wasn’t impressed. But now, I adore your bloody British humor with your wisdom and your passion. You are really fun!! haha
I wonder if you are single… Perhaps you owe this answer to every single lady here.
Have fun in US!
L.
My superpower would be the ability to turn on and off at will knowing what people are thinking. It would be so helpful in relationships and in helping others. I know, it has its pitfalls.
Choice 2: the ability to see clearly what I need to do to achieve each goal and see it all through.
Matt,
You are adorable! I love everything that you have to say here about confidence. That it is WHO you are at your core. Not what you have. It’s not found in your achievements. If you can lose it all, and still be invincible, you can be anything you like. You are the Asset.
Brilliant. That is You, Matt. Take everything away, and you will still be Brilliant.
Thank you for YOU.
xo
* I want to make an addition to the above… If you can lose it all, and still be invincible, you can DO and BE anything in life. You are the Asset. External factors are fleeting, but WE in and of ourselves – our intrinsic core, WHO we are – are constant. And that person inside of the epidermic shell, is absolutely AMAZING.
Thank you for being an incredible Teacher, Matt. I appreciate you, and love your infectious enthusiasm! Thank you for everything that you do!
If I could have one superpower, it would be the power to persuade. (Is that really a superpower?) I’m working on it by building my communication and observation skills. Persuasive abilities alone can get a person into trouble, so I’d want to balance that with discipline, integrity, and knowledge.