Jealous? How to Take Back Control…

FACT: Your partner is attractive. (After all, whether it’s because of his looks, his personality, or both, YOU are attracted to him!)

FACT: It’s inevitable that other women are going to find your partner attractive.

So what do you do when you look across the room and catch another woman flirting with your man? You could view it as a threat, become jealous and needy, and even storm over to the two of them and break it up… OR you could do THIS, which puts you back in control and actually builds the kind of trust that lasts. I’ve been getting lots of emails from women asking how to deal with this tricky situation, so I’ve devoted this week’s video to a deep dive into practical, actionable advice you can use right away…

Be sure to leave a comment and let me know how it works out for you.

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84 Replies to “Jealous? How to Take Back Control…”

    1. I agree!
      Matthew is a Genius in that way, isn’t he?… always just knowing exactly what advice we need and delivering.
      :)

    2. I’ve told my husband I hate when he speaks in his “language” to other women (people) because I don’t understand it; it does not matter he still does it… I feel super disrespected, because after expressing my uncomfortability he still does it. Do I divorce him?

      1. I’ve tried learning my husband’s second language, but it isn’t common nor everywhere, and it’s hard for me to learn. It breaks my soul because everyone he knows including women who speak the language, laugh and make fun of me when I try to speak it. I am insecure about speaking it but still try as much as I can and I get so frustrated that nobody understands me. Husband laughs at me too and tells me it’s “because I sound cute.”

  1. Great advice. I’ve tended to be a little on the jealous side but realise now that my partners at the time didn’t respect my boundaries. I like the idea of just talking about the problem with the guy instead of marching over to every girl on the planet!
    I’ll remember all of this advice next time I actually have a partner! :-) Thanks for the weekly videos Matt – I always take something from them.

  2. Very very good information and probably the crux of defining a great relation…especially saying not to micro manage the small stuff which is v easy to fall in the trap of doing…
    Thank you x

  3. Hey Matthew,

    I lost your great article ” how to become 500% attractive to the guy and get him”!!!!
    Could you help me to send me back again please??

    Best regards !!
    Anne

  4. Sounds reasonable advise to me. I don’t need it though; good luck to those who do. I wish I had that problem; its a good problem to have right! I guess ‘a good looking guy whose on a bet to see how many women he can get into bed in a year’,doesn’t count in this situation. Even the ugly ones can’t be trusted.

  5. Thanks, Matt. I thought you were spot on here. Really great. I understand and agree with your points. Our partner should be able to have a little fun by talking to different people. After all, that’s why we go out: to mingle and communicate with a variety of people.

  6. I don’t consider myself as a jealous person but never know how to handle the situation when my partner is looking for me when another woman talks to him and I usually leave him to deal with it. I know this isn’t a good sign of solidarity even though we are firm in our relationship but I found the idea of approaching really helpful

  7. Another great advice for growing as a person and understanding the interaction in a relationship. Makes me happy and feel secure within myself.
    Thanks

  8. I know the feeling when I’ve been innocently talking to a man, and then their wife/partner comes marching over, it feels so awkward! However, I also relate to when the shoe is on the other foot and I notice my boyfriend engaging with someone else. I follow this advice on the outside, and try my best to present an aura of trust, but it can sometimes still sting inside. I know thats just my ego though. Very good video, thank you.

  9. Matthew has insight into human nature that is incredible. I love that he emphasizes mutual respect and shows us , in very applicable ways how to work a relationship without humiliating oneself. A veritable genius in the field human relations. So glad I chanced upon his videos. They hAve really helped me to control my own feelings and desires from within.

  10. This is good and all but what happens when you have trusted for over 30+ years and the man you loved steps over the line and takes that flirting to sex and an affair and walks out on you and his family. I did let him flirt and be flirted with and this is where it got me. The man I loved and trusted for over 30 years walks out. Now how do you trust again and how or should you try to get this man back?

    1. Hello Liz, What happened to you also happened to me, and yes, even after 30 years. I am wondering if, like me, your “trust” was really just not holding him accountable. Without accusing him, had we addressed any red flags correctly, there’s a chance, if he was a man of character, that we may have saved him from falling into the pit in the first place. If we take an honest look at only our part in the matter, we most certainly were given many “red flags” during and even before marriage, which we overrode with our emotions or desire to be with him, or to “go along to get along” in order to demonstrate trust. I have learned to listen more to my intuition than to my emotions, to observe more and never doubt or talk myself out of what I see or hear. ~ Blessings to you…I’m sorry for the heartache you suffered…

  11. Excellent advice as always!! I have a new boyfriend who is really great and it’s going very well. However, once we were out and I noticed him looking at women as they passed by…not overtly but I noticed! I know all men do it and women too it’s people-watching after all. But I felt really jealous and annoyed by it and I didn’t know how to handle it internally or in terms of my future with this guy. Any advice on that Matthew? Is it a worrying sign or totally normal? When I’m with him he’s so into me and affectionate and very focused on me in terms of attention in general. Thanks for any tips!!! Xx

  12. Hi Mathew,
    Thanks for all the great advice that you give freely.The only
    thing missing with what you do is the acknowledgement of the
    universal Law of Attraction. Check out Abraham/Hicks also on
    You Tube. What you give are the techniques but you have to
    back it up with the spiritual to address the complete package
    that is humans. I wish you great success and abundance. Don’t
    forget the only reason we do what we do is Love. Bye – Florencio

  13. Great advice on how to handle this tricky emotion. Best advice that I’ve heard and knowing how to constructively approach it! Now I will know how I can use it to my advantage in sorting out the valuable sincere guys from the superficial ones. Thanks Matthew!’

  14. Thank yoy for the advice and putting into perspective. ..it is our ultimate decision on whether we would l8ke to be with this person everyday. If that person wants to cross that line and doesn’t respect us they aren’t the catch we believed they were. The bottom line is its much healthier to walk away with our head held high and still feeling good about ourselves because we respect ourself. If your significant other respects us snd is loyal there will not be an issue. Again thank you for the insight!

  15. That was really helpful. I am in a long distance relationship as my partner had to temporarily move away. The bit at the end about remembering I have ultimate control as I choose on a daily basis to stay (or not) with this person was great. It’s difficult at times knowing he is meeting new people and the insecurities it can bring with it. But you are right. Can’t micromanage or sweat the small stuff!

  16. This video is awesome !! Not only is it great about how to handle tough situations out in public with your boyfriend, but he points out the best perspective to have when you are in a relationship. Keeping the power in your center & knowing you are in control of your choices is a great reminder. We simply can’t control the choices others make but rather observe & then have a loving, constructive conversation. This video had a really great message!!

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