3 Ways to Keep The Passion In Your Relationship

Many of the women who read this blog are single, but I always like to address those who aren’t as well!

Last week I opened the floor to a lucky reader who was able to ask me any question she liked.  Congratulations Lisa! You asked how to keep things in a relationship fun and fresh from the first date all the way through.  This is a great topic and one that I know so many women have questions about!

(Photo: Amanda Mabel)

(Photo: Amanda Mabel)

My thoughts…

Many people say that if a relationship is right, it should be easy. Though it’s true that if your relationship is too much work it probably isn’t right, it doesn’t mean that a good relationship won’t require effort.

The sad truth is that most people bring their best selves on day one to the stranger, and a much lazier more negative version on day 365 with the person they love.

I often say that attraction is about keeping people off balance; the problem is that when people get into a relationship, they get too stable. On one hand, it is great when you find that person you can build routine with, be comfortable and share your life with. The danger arises when routine overshadows the intensity of the emotions and experiences you have with that person.

Here are 3 ways to make sure routine doesn’t drown your passion!

1) Just because you’ve started Dating doesn’t mean you stop going on Dates!

Never. Stop. Dating.

Though having a comfort-zone and co-existing with your partner is great, you need to keep things fun and interesting. A date doesn’t mean you have to go out and get dolled up every single time; it can be something as simple as changing or creating an atmosphere.  If your typical date night is to stay in, order pizza and watch a movie, switch the pizza out for his favorite homemade dish and light some candles rather than using the table lamp. This changes it up just enough to create a special moment out of a typically ordinary one.

2) Special occasions deserve special experiences…

When it comes to birthdays and holidays, many people struggle with what to get their man. You don’t need to break the bank; you just need to invest yourself.

One of the greatest gifts, as well as the most memorable, is the gift of time. The best gift and date ideas take advantage of this. Make a mini day-trip to a place that neither of you have been before, or go learn something new together. Not only will you have spent quality time with your mate, you’ll also have just created a new point of connection and conversation!

3) Make a mental note of things he likes…

Take note of the little things he mentions that he likes, wants to do or turn him on, and build a well that you can draw from.

You don’t have to wait for a special occasion to take charge and book the tickets to see Iron Man 3, simply because you know he wants to see it! Also don’t forget to remind him of ways he can make you happy. No guy will be angry with you for giving him a roadmap!


Question of the day: What can you do to keep a guy in your life ‘off balance’?

Let me know in the comments below!

To learn more about surprise, creating a spark that lasts, and how to make attraction GROW, check out my online programme The Man Myth. In it you will learn the A–Z of what men think, how to generate unstoppable attraction, and how to win him to your way of thinking. Check it out here.

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

61 Responses to 3 Ways to Keep The Passion In Your Relationship

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  1. Marry Mathews says:

    Being in a relationship is such an amazing feeling in it self . You feel like that you got everything . I am also in a love relationship from 3 years and so happy . At any special day exchanging gift is such good thing that make your bonding strong . Last valentine day he gifted me a silver heart pendant . I love it so much . I think you also have to try

  2. Sarah says:

    Hello Matthew

    Excellent advice as usual, I just adore you <3

    So to keep him off balance I would try simple tricks like

    1) Sweet text messages with genuine compliments and affirmations that he can reread anytime, things that blow his mind when he least expects it like 'I feel safe when I'm with you' 'Thank you for being such and such' 'Have you been working out?'

    2) then there is the easiest most enjoyable way "eye contact and smiles", when I catch him looking at me my eyes automatically shy away, I lower my gaze and smile, then I look back and part my lips as if I was going to say something, audibly inhale while keeping eye contact for like 5 seconds then I bite my lower lip and watch him mind jolting for a few seconds then I audibly exhale and stare at my feet and smile! He is speechless almost every time or he forgets what he was saying and becomes noticeably nervous as he clears his throat.

    3) I make him feel like man and admire his manliness by simply asking him to help me with some heavy lifting or jar opening, and then I admire his physical strength, asking him for directions so instead he offers to take me there personally and I drop an 'Oh I don't know what I would have done without you' he will be smiling for days, I tell him about the uncomfortable touches of the dentist and the anonymous guy who keeps calling or texting me and he will offer to 'take care of it'

    4) I show up unexpectedly at his office on his birthday with a present or a cake and spend a couple of hours celebrating with him even if it meant being late for my office that day, it would mean the world to him.

    5) Openly expressing how great he makes me feel on my status at a social network where everyone can see it, an instant ego boost. Or exchange smiles with him noticable in the presence of his guy friends which makes him look good and feel good about himself as he shows off the attention he gets.

    6) Cheering for his favorite football team, watching the game when he can’t because he’s working or such and keeping him updated on the score through text before he gets to hear it somewhere or go online and check for himself, I would even tell him about the offside, comment about the injuries and missed chances and I must admit to cheating on this one, I sometimes get a guy friend opinion on the game and represent it as mine to show him how interested I am in the sport, while I was as interested in it as a straight guy is interested in nail polish art lol it looks pretty on the girl’s fingers, he might notice it while holding her hand or if she mentions it in conversation or keeps playing with her hair to show it off but he wouldn't really care to know how it’s done and the point of it besides it looking nice and reflecting how feminine she is for getting her nails done. So I have taken an interest in his sport as I realized how important it is to him and we get to celebrate together when we ‘the team’ wins and I comfort him when we don’t.

    Oh my god I just finished an article I believe lol that's my writing exercise for today..

    Take care Matthew C=

  3. Kamilla says:

    HI Matt! Awsome advice as always!
    But I have a question; what does one do when the guy youre in a relationship with doesnt want to do the things you want to do or dismisses your ideas without hesitation. Like for example: I felt restless in the weekend after sleeping long and eating breakfast infront of a movie and wanted to go for a walk together around the neighbourhood (I just couldnt stand to be inside anymore on a nice day) and he would rather watch another movie in the couch. Sigh! Whats that about? Is it just cause hes pure lazy? (he does work hard in the weeks tho). Or is it that he doesnt value me enough to want to fulfill my needs or meet me half way?

    • Kamilla says:

      And I should add that being lazy in the weekend is pretty standard for him and taking a walk was something Ive wanted to do with him for a long time without any fruitful result…

  4. Heather says:

    When will we see more content on Keeping The Guy as you stated on the Today Show?

  5. Sue says:

    Hi Matt,

    First of all thanks for your good advises and i’ve been following your blog since last year till now. I m a divorcee age 38 but when i walking with my daughter, people always thought she is my sister. I feel good about myself n always being happy with simple life. I have a guy friend that i knew from Cupid since Nov last yr. Our relationship is just by sms’s but i always make sure he started first more than me. After 2 months he mets me n family. I realized i’ve bit clinging to him after that as i need more attention from him sometimes. At the end our relationship went cold n after a month he admit that he just reconciliation with ex wife as her request for the sake of their daughter. Since they hv been re-united i never disturb him as i told him not to find him unless he did. Our sms also become less but he always show up once a while n make me laugh just by sms. It takes 6/7 hour drive to reach between our place. Coincidence he had seminar on last May at hospital in my state n i got chance to meet him even just for few minutes as he promised although i knew he quite bz. Matt, i was thinking to sit beside him on next date this Saturday n will bring along my two kids cause he wanted to see them too. I knew i’ve being good friend with people’s husband but for me as long as i don’t have any expectations on any guy and it doesn’t matter to be friend with. I enjoying the now i have n still wanna be friend with other who is sincere.

  6. anna says:

    hi Mathew,

    I fancy this cute guy at work, well he fancied me first and started dropping me hints, so I responded to him lol…by doing the over the shoulder thing when one day he was trying to impress me with his car, it work or what.

    After that he try to talk to me and I responded back making small talk conversations (we use to say hi to each other before like a year but never really talked), I started making a bit effort at work and since then he kind off started chasing me. Anyway, I said hello sometimes and sometimes not, trying not to give him too much attention. However he mentioned it to one of his colleague he fancies me and that was it everyone in the department knew..but because I am a private person no knew if i fancied him too, they were left kind of guessing and just watching. I did like the idea of everyone knowing and do like to keep things professional at work. Over a period of 6/7 weeks this guy was everywhere I went staff room, other places, he even started to come to my office trying to talk to my colleagues to try and create an opportunity to talk to me.

    Anyway a conversation came up about him with my colleagues about him fancying me and one of my colleague told me his got a girlfriend, well at least he thought he had (my colleague doesn’t ever chat to him, and I’m getting the feeling my this colleague may have lied because he fancies me), after my colleague told me this I saw the guy a few times and acted like I did not acknowledge him (he was hovering around me again to talk and he was really dressed up which I recon was to impress me lol), since I have ignored him I see him no where, its like his completely disappeared…I really found him cute and now that I have ignored him because I was annoyed and embarrassed as I am not that type of girl. I’m not sure I can get him interested again….If i start saying hi do you recon he will try and talk to me again, as I don’t want to look desperate or be the pursuer.

    I only find specific types of guys attractive, know other guy at my work place falls into that category at all, and I know I’m supposed to create other opportunities for myself to meet guys which I plan to once I get this exam done with but at the moment I really am not meeting any guys at all. And I recon I blew this one as well, even though it may have not been anything anyway. I will keep my options open by talking to not just one man but others to explore my options and what is best for me as you have explained in your book.

    Please advise.

  7. Tiff says:

    Hi, Matt

    I have just started seeing this guy I met on match.com about 2 weeks ago and I find we have a lot in common-in fact we share a lot of the same values and the same outlooks on life. He is a local chef in my area, and works all the time. He did comment on he is willing to see me on his days off. We have not gone out on an official date yet, but still made efforts to watch some movies at each others places,and grab a drink on occasion with some of our friends. This guy is really shy, he even mentioned it to me, so I took initiative and began to ask him out. I mentioned I was out with my friends at this bar and told him he should join, I have mentioned I am going to this art exhibit this weekend and ask him if he wanted to join, I even told him I would love to learn about his cooking-even said I would like to see him in his element. Even with all this effort, I am beginning to get frustrated, because his response to all these invites-is I will see you soon. I am wondering what I can do to change this response. Is there a positive outlook to this?

  8. opeaye says:

    Hi matt i was so xcited abt 3 ways 2 keep d passion in ralatnsph. but am confused about a guy i met abt a month ago, dis guy call me once in a week smtime twice, but i dnt no may be i should be calling him evryday pls HELP

    • Kriss says:

      Sounds like he may not be that interested! Go about your life. You do have one and you are important. Go out with your friends, guys and girls. This will increase your confidence. And by no means should you be calling this guy everyday. Don’t call him at all if this so-called relationship is causing you confusion.

  9. Jayne says:

    Hi Matthew,
    We are a sad lot and love does hurt especially when it’s not being reciprocated. At 52 I am still trying to figure this out but have come to the conclusion that dating boys and not men is my personal problem therefore hopefully I can learn from my mistakes. Your Videos have helped me tremendously and though I may be hurting again now things will be better. Just a thought and I know that you help mainly women, how about when you have your seminars you also invite men so that we can learn face to face how to deal with situations live also perhaps arrange a match up where you invite single men and women to the conference to mix and mingle I think so much could be learn’t now wouldn’t that be fun? Going to work on myself now but will not give up on love and happiness.

  10. Kelly says:

    I’ve recently got into my first relationship with a guy, and he’s currently very busy and working hard – he said so himself, before asking how I’ve been. This was after 5 whole days of no contact.

    Did I get all angry and threaten to leave him? No! I said, “No worries, I’m very busy too, got a lot going on, would like to see you sometime soon…” etc.

    It’s important to show him you’re high value while simultaneously letting him know you care. I know he genuinely cares about me, but he’s unconsciously testing me to make sure I’m not just into him for his money. I have absolutely no interest in his money. I sense he is sussing out whether I will leave him like his ex did. He said he’s over the heartbreak now, but I KNOW he is still in pain. I don’t feel sorry for him, but I told him I’m going on holiday soon and would love to see him before I go. But I am not going to sit and wait for him. One thing I’ve learnt in my 20 years of life… you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.

    LET HIM MISS YOU, and he’ll come running back as soon as you’re having fun without him.
    He can’t miss you if you’re always there. Let him make up his mind on his own.

    • Kriss says:

      Good for you. Any guy that’s really interested in a woman will make time for her, no matter what’s going on in his life. Keep moving and keep looking!

  11. lisa says:


    Love all your great ideas and videos-and you look soo handsome in the Gadsby one! please put Bostononyour list! Are you seeing anyone seriously? Would love to mert you soetimr. You in that suit=gorgeous!
    My friend asked, how do you get a social life and where do you start? Good question, whwn we are in our 40’s and early 50’s and are on disability. She got your book. (my advice) but is having a had time moving on with it. I told her keep reading! Shef back depressed. Her 23, yes, that number is correct! Bf was here in college and moved college and moved back to Sweeden for the summer.

    • lisa says:

      Sorry for all the typos. Was on my phone and couldn’t see the left side when i was writing to you typig this.

  12. Angela says:

    My husband and I just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary last week. I give him lots of space, never call him, actively pursue my goals & constantly strive to improve myself on all levels. I love being independent, strong & sweet. He tells me he is more in love with me everyday. His friends are baffled why I never get jealous ( he even tells me who he finds cute, I tease him about his crushes), & my friends ask what is my secret for making him behave like a puppy dog when he sees me.

    That’s my 2 cents worth, in case it helps anyone. Matt, I love learning from you & admire your work. A lot of my work involves sales & marketing – usually pitching to men, & your man myth video has taught me a lot. I’m fascinated by human behavior – what motivates men & women, what drives us. So THANK YOU, MATT!

    Excited to attend your retreat!

  13. Claire says:

    I know this isn’t a practical solution for everyone, but my boyfriend and I have the perfect formula. He lives away (for his job) during the week and then we spend the weekends together. We speak or text every night. This is perfect for me. I’ve been single, raising my 14 year old son, for many years and run my own company. I was scared about ‘giving my life’ up if I got into a relationship. This way, I have time to do all the things I want to do, and I still can’t wait to see my boyfriend when he arrives on a Friday night for the weekend. Every Friday night feels like date night! I know this wouldn’t work for everyone. But it’s perfect for us.

    Keep up the great work, Matthew! xx

  14. Tati says:

    I would say… break the routine and do something new. Only new things in your life, new experience & new emotions will create a new entire level in the relationship, and keep it fresh.

    Find 5 new things you & your guy never done in your life, but always wanted to do, and create a plan for their realization.

    Laugh. It is so important to stay positive. Always find time to laugh together. Go to comedy club, comic show, etc.

    Go to new places (restaurants, bars, festivals, parks, dance studios, sport clubs, cities, countries)

    Somebody out there said: “Sometimes one day spent in other places gives more than 10 years of your life at home…”

    Make an experiment, give your guy a list (or create a book) of all the positive things that you observed him doing during the week. He should like it. Add later more things.

    Play new games. We all enjoyed playing games when we were little, what has changed since then? It can be a little competitive.

    Change 3 things (sometimes buy 3 things) which can make your life easier, or more fun and entertaining.

    Simply ask sometimes what he is missing and fulfil that. :)

    P.S. Sorry for possible mistakes. English is not my first language.

  15. Kristina says:

    Hi Matt,

    Great advice! I think it’s so important to keep the relationship fresh and have new experiences with one another. My question to you isn’t related to this topic too much, however:

    I’m currently in a relationship with my bf and it’s been about 6 months. I want to tell him I’m in love with him but wondering if this is appropriate. Can a girl say I love you to a guy? Is there a general timeframe for saying I love you? I don’t want to scare him off!

    • Carla says:

      Hi Kristina,

      I expect you’ve been checking for an answer pretty regularly, and idk what Matt would say, but from past experience, I would say that while girls can say “I love you,” if your bf hasn’t yet said this, I would wait. Matt’s book talks about guys worrying about having to leave behind their “wild” single life once they’re in a committed relationship, and, while your guy doesn’t seem to be showing signs of anxiety, I think the “I love you” usually hits them pretty hard. So I would suggest you just keep up the fun, spontaneous, happy high-value you, and know that he’ll be the first one to say it on one of those days when he’s feeling completely dazzled by you. :) Good luck!

      • Kriss says:

        I agree. Why do you feel the urgent need to say anything if you’re spending your time with him. Why can’t your time with him be enough? This is not about whether or not the “I love you” will scare him off, it’s about knowing that your presence alone conveys to him how you feel about him already! Have confidence in that knowledge!

  16. Sarah says:

    Hey Matt,
    So my friend Steve and I used to be pretty close and and we would see each other when we could, but it was never WORK to be around him.
    I don’t really get to see him too often any more as I’ve moved cities. Now, when ever I see him it’s a very awkward and I always get an uncomfortable vibe and after I just regret wasting my time in a situation where I do most of the talking as we attempt to ‘catch up’. I feel so much pressure to fill all the silences. He continues to message me to hang out and go for coofffee, or something boring, and I suggest other things we could do in which we DONT have to talk, like go see the new star trek movie for instance! but they never end up working out and I get stuck in these weird situations that make me start wondering what he is even getting from these meet ups. It’s honestly just starting to feel like really horribly boring dates. AND HE KEEPS TRYING TO PLAN MORE! What am I doing wrong? Is there anything I can do to keep us just as friends?

    Can you shed some light on what is going on here, and how to stop this train wreck in the best way?


  17. Ellie says:

    Hey Matt,
    I completely agree with the ‘never stop dating’ thing – it’s essential! It just reminds you both of why you got together in the first place and… yes!
    (In response to one of your tweets) In a really difficult relationshipy situation at the moment. It’s at that point where you’ve been flirting for a long(ish) amount of time, and you’re either going to go for it or not… but one of you wants more and the other might just be in it for fun, even though it could be pretty amazing. It’s just very confusing! So I can definitely agree with you when you say knowing whether to walk away or try harder is one of the hardest decisions.

  18. Nombuso says:

    Hey matt, thanks you the best

  19. J. R. says:

    I’ve always sucked at relationships, but accidentally I did get the guy… 7 years ago! We try to keep things fun and exciting, we go on dates pretty much onve a week. It all seems to work, but he just doesn’t take things further. I do want to marry him, and when I address it, he says he wants to improve his career first. I don’t know what difference would it make, since he stays most of the week in my place anyway. I’m afraid to say I let him have the milk before buying the cow, but it seems I did…

  20. Nicolioli says:

    Someone told me I make a good cup of tea ;)

  21. Zachary says:

    Hey matthew,

    I’m a male obviously, and I am very interested in everything you write about, even if its for the females towards the male because I’m interested in moving my relationship with my partner in a good healthy, fun way. We’ve been dating for several months now, and I love her with my whole heart. I just feel like she is getting bored with us and possibly loosing attraction towards me. I brought it up recently but she denies it. Maybe im just thinking too much? Well, anyways. We are basically together every day but I love to surprise her and take her on dates but it never feels like its enough. I hope you can give me some advice. Thanks!

    • Carla says:

      Hey Zachary,

      So I can’t speak for Matt, since I’m not a dating coach, but you seem like a genuinely great guy (given that you’re actually reading this article and putting effort into your relationship), and I figured that, as a girl, I can probably throw some tips your way. For instance, I only start losing interest in my bfs when:
      1) they start getting overly critical of other people (and/or me)
      2) they’re not particularly original (for instance, you might have lots of dates, but you always do the same thing.) Try instead doing something that she likes, but rarely does (for instance, I love hiking, but I hardly ever organize hiking trips, so when my bf surprises me with one, I always really appreciate it). Or, likewise, try surprising her with little things that are really considerate (like meeting her for lunch or making dinner for her).
      3) when they stop putting effort into sex. Sex should be fun, and playful. And for goodness sake, it’s not like there’s not enough advice on it. Grab a Men’s Health and start reading!
      4) When they’re only interested in themselves, and never bother to ask anything about me, my friends, or my family. You like her, so show your interest in her.

    • Cricket says:

      Make her chase you a little bit. Don’t be so available all the time. People lose interest when they take you for granted. Don’t ask her whether she loses interest, you’ll seem insecure. Raise your confidence. Women love confident strong men, not puppies.

  22. Amelia H says:

    Mr Hussey,

    I luv this especially ‘Just because you’ve started dating doesn’t mean you stop going on dates!’; its an easy mistake to make when you’ve been in a relationship for a while. Thanks for the reminder and I’ll definitely will not be repeating mistakes I made in past relationships.

    Amelia x

    Ps. More importantly, you forgot to tell us what you thought of star trek.

  23. Rita says:

    Hi Matt,

    Thanks for this awesome post! I had a very painful break-up last year, it was almost like a switch went off in my exes head and he just lost interest. It made me ask questions of myself and what I may have done wrong in the relationship.

    I bought your book “Get the Guy” and have a met someone I truly adore and am making sure I’m a woman of high value. Because of my previous breakup I’m very anxious and insecure, I’m always waiting for him to get bored.

    How do I move on from the pain and just enjoy being in the moment? HELP !

  24. Susanne Love says:

    :) ☀☆☀ Dear Matthew Hussey ☀☆☀ :)

    ♥ I’d kiss his heart every moment of each day :) ♥

    ♥ Because I believe in all the best love for him :) ♥

    Take care dear wonderful kind ♥&♥ warm-hearted handsome ♥&♥ veeeeeeeeery passionate Matthew Hussey :)

    Thank YOU for creating 3 ways to Keep the Passion in your relationship :)
    Veeeeeeeeeery nice blog again :)

    Enjoyyyyyyyyy all the best :)


  25. hazeul says:

    Hi Math
    Thank you so much, I love u’r idea ;)

  26. Nathalie says:

    Honesty. That does so much! Sense of humor and showing each other apprecation and respect.
    The best thing is to have a different kind of “connections” like; not only between your bodies, but the minds aswell. Sharing ideas, dreams… Showing that you need each other, that you are valuable. (Your words Matthew) communication is also the key! And to match each others feelings.

  27. Jazmine lee says:

    In fact I love do many creative things my top 5 I did is :
    1.- one day I cook Italian food and put some romantic music and wen my boyfriend arrive I told him we will travel Italy becuase he love it
    2.-I made king for a day with my exboyfriend he can ask everything he want the only condition was he will do a queen for a day jaja
    3.-I made a special box with Star Wars posters and put a ring inside to ask and old boyfriend marry me
    4.-one time It was a big storm and rain and my date in that time did not want get wet so I was bad girl and run to rain and there I give him a big passion kiss was like a movie jajaja
    5.-I made a album with all the tickets and bags of candys or special things I collect for the special days I spend with one of my boyfriend and give him that book so he can know how special he was for me .

    Now the weird is I have not idea how date a guy at this age jajajaja

  28. Heather Rees says:

    While I “have” a guy, I find all Matthews insight still completely relevant and necessary for my life and my relationship’s health. It’s the little surprises (as you mentioned). My husband and I are celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary today. We have both been married before and we have 4 children (18-25) between us (none together). Having been divorced before it is even harder – I think – to really challenge yourself and work harder and not go to that “well this isn’t working” place. At first that was the natural path for my brain to take but I heard Ms D’Angelo say “if people looked at marriage as a verb and not a noun they would be happier and stay married”. That clicked with me. People go to work and work so hard and are so kind and considerate to the people you are not even that close and then you come home and don’t work as hard on your intimate relationship nor are you as nice all the time to your partner as you are to complete strangers. Also, with kids it can be hard – whether dating or married. Every 3 months when the kids were smaller we would get an overnight sitter on a Saturday and go to movie and nice dinner or a festival in town and then stay at a hotel and wake to a lovely breakfast then back home. It was the boost and the re-connect we needed. I also put post it notes with sweet things (and sometimes naughty things) in his car, vanity mirror, golf bag, etc. from time to time. It’s always a work in progress.

  29. Helle Justesen says:

    I agree with all the comments on surprises and mixing it up and doing new things together. There is also staying interesting not mysterious but interesting living your own life. That way you have new inputs and you keep growing. This will also keep him on his toes because what if you meet someone else. Ha ha back to serious. He has to be in a position where he wants to continue romancing the woman he loves. Make him feel proud that your his girl. The last thing keep his masculinity intact then he will keep his appeal to you as well. This is my experience.

    Helle x

  30. Trace says:

    My best relationship thus far lasted two years and led to an engagement. We both agree that our entire time as a couple – from the first time we met to the long-distance situation to us living together – felt like one long date !

  31. Helga says:

    good one ;-) !
    I also think that the key of a love life full of passion is keeping surprising each other.
    How was Iron Man 3?

  32. Kathryn says:

    Hi Matt,
    I think maybe to keep a guy ‘off balance’ is to be a little bit mysterious. I don’t mean secretive but I think when we really like someone we think they need to know everything about us. To impress or connect with them. But to keep showing different sides to us, or surprises like Sophie said, could keep a passion, a spark rather than too being too cosy and risk being boring.
    Kathryn x

  33. Kim says:

    Hey Matt,
    Great article!! I am in my first relationship after being divorced 5 years ago. One of my biggest fears in getting serious with anyone again was that once you became committed to a man, all the “trying” or effort would stop. I’ve only been with my new boyfriend for 4 months but there are already signs that he’s too comfortable.
    One of my biggest strentghs is doing the little things that keep up a spark but if there is no effort from him as well it will get boring. How can I gently and lovingly let him know that those efforts he made in the first months meant a lot to me and I would like it to continue?


  34. NancyH says:

    Subtleness of the action… The little surprises that might go unnoticed to the mere naked eye, however that comes from within you will undoubtedly capture the heart of the one that inspires…

    Glad to hear that you are taking the time to enjoy your own simple pleasures that make you, you! ;-)

  35. Emily says:

    Hey Matt, I’m in a rather awkward situation. I’m head-over-heels for my guy and he with myself, but we’re both extremely shy. We have both been through very bad break ups, and I’m afraid that I’ve moved on, but he’s still holding onto the pain of his last relationship. It’s obvious that he feels something special with me, and he trusts me… but how do I help him move on? He’s told me to my face that he wants to be with me but he’s still afraid of another bad relationship. I know how he feels… But all I feel like I can do right now is be the still girl he fell four and comfort him until he fully trusts me. What do you think?

    • Rivka says:

      It sounds like you are an important person in his life, and are already helping him. I’m glad you’re looking for ways to be even better in your relationship with him.

      • Carla says:

        I think it would be good if you combined your tenderness for his feelings with Matt’s idea of being a high-value woman. So I’d be there for him, and help comfort him if he needs it, but if you’re looking for him to make the move and decide whether he wants to be with you or not, make sure he realizes that you are ten times better than that ex of his, and not necessarily going to wait for his pity party to be over.

  36. Alexandra says:

    In the past, the way I kept passion in my relationships was always with the element of surprise. By thinking one step ahead I managed to become very memorable to the person I was dating at the time. I also tried to do things that interested me on a regular basis and included that person in them. During those moments I apparently showed different parts of my personality that made my ex boyfriends believe I was rare and unique. We always ended up having deep, dark conversations and philosophical discussions that made our connection stronger. Ironically, it was also during These moments when I realized they were no good for me.

    Oh and learning how to dance Tango or any kind of dance is a must. I’ve always been big on dancing and tango that’s well taught can be an extremely sensual venue to explore each other.

    Awww, thinking about it makes me wanna have a relationship right now!!

    Oh well.. Time to go back to reality land and keep creating opportunities to get that relationship and more.

    Always a pleasure reading you blog posts.

  37. Rumors says:

    Sense of humor + details. That may be the key.

  38. evelyn Godwin says:

    Am 27 and I have a boyfriend,but is not close to me and my family what me to get marry,pls how do I go about it to make he marry me,becuae is the only man I love 4 now

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hey Evelyn

      It’s hard to answer that without more detail, but I have something big coming in July which will give you a comprehensive guide to this. I’ll keep you updated on it’s progress.


  39. Rumors says:

    4) Dress in white and yellow and drink tons of water in martini glasses. White, yellow and water in martini glasses equals passion on fire.

  40. Sophie says:

    Being full of surprises may be the key.

    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Yeh it’s a big one. Never stop surprising your partner with who you are and what you can be! x

  41. Erin says:

    Random road trips are my favorite! I also can’t help remembering little things.

    For example, I feel like a Jurassic Park loving dating coach would appreciate this: http://io9.com/greatest-wedding-photo-in-the-history-of-the-world-510358157

    (if the link doesn’t pop up google “best wedding photo of all time”)

  42. zahra says:

    yea that’s a really important thing.Matthew i am really afraid of relationships i want to be in one but it freaks me out and im always mean with guys.i have went through a sever experience which is bipolar and i don’t think i can be in love .i suck in relationships i told that to a guy one day.i don’t know how im sharing this Matthew but i feel like a need answers from you. Thank you so much!!

    • T says:

      I am not quite in the same situation as you, Zahra, but hopefully Matthew will sort us out.
      Like you, I am very afraid of relationships too. I crave the intimacy and closeness of being in one, but I am utterly clueless and terrified to get to that point of being vulnerable with another person. Plus I freeze up and fall silent when trying to talk to someone I am interested in, struggling in every manner imaginable.
      I have a man that seems interested in me; we both seem to feel quite strongly for each other, but we both seem too shy and guarded to reach out to each other. I do feel my fears and other issues might be preventing us also. Of course I fear losing him or disrupting what we currently have, but the uncertainty of what we actually are is difficult to cope with.
      Do you have any tips Matthew about how I guess I {since I’m the one writing to you} might find the courage and break the ice in a gentle way without putting any pressure on him?
      Thanks, and I hope you get the answers you seek Zahra.

      • annabelle says:

        Hi girl! I understand how you both feel as I used to be so bloody shy and scared about men (I come from a family where men are brutes you see) that I remember I had to make the choice to get over my fears or end up being a lesbian! No seriously! It was that clear for me. And you know what the best part is? When you do what it takes to get over your fears or limits(it applies for love life but life in general as well!) it makes you grow so much. To me, fears are like inverted strengh, once you get over them you are much stronger and you’re kind of growing. Does it make sense? lol! And love relationships have been the most important “growing factor” in my life, if I may say so. That doesn’t mean I never screwed up, though. So even if you’re terrified don’t let fear stop you from being loved and open your wings.

    • Matthew Hussey says:


      I admire your honesty. You are brave to be so forthright about what you are finding difficult, so I know you have the bravery inside you to move towards a relationship.

      Relationships can eb scary. Even when they are going well we can get terrified of losing someone. But we do it because it’s one of life’s greatest experiences. Whatever you’ve been through, is it worth missing out on that so you can live in the past?

      As for you T, i understand your fears. Changing the dynamic of a relationship you have can be a scary thing too, especially when you’re worried you might get an answer you don’t like. But I assure you, it’s better than the alternative, which is waiting around in a situation where your REAL needs aren’t being met. Not only does it make you unhappy, but it prevents you from finding happiness elsewhere.

      I have a something new on the way in early July which is going to change the game for both of you. Keep following and we’ll make the changes together.


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