When your calendar clicks over to February 29th this Wednesday, take a moment to relish the sight of this special date, a number you won’t find in your calendar again for another four years.
This Wednesday is a Leap Day, that rare occasion where the Gregorian calendar sneaks an extra day into the year, bumping us up to 366 days instead of the usual 365.
What’s more, this mysterious extra day goes hand in hand with a romantic tradition. According to an old Irish legend, St. Patrick made a pact with St. Bridget that on a leap day women should be allowed to propose to men – a modest concession for the rights of women perhaps – but nevertheless, at GetTheGuy we see St. Bridget as a pioneer of the message we have been spreading for the last 4 years: Women NEED to get more PRO-ACTIVE when it comes to finding happiness in love!
Sometimes romance needs more than a little push from the heavens; sometimes it needs a colossal kick up the backside from your sharpest-toed stilettos!
Why modern dating advice is holding every woman back
This leap year is for women everywhere. Women who are fed up with crappy advice that tells them to wait around for the perfect man to come and carry them off forever. We read this advice all the time. The kind of advice that tells us that any real prince charming should be so madly in love with you at first sight, that he’ll make all the moves, all the advances, and all you’ll have to do is be your pretty little self and wait for him to top it all off by requesting your hand in marriage and whisking you off into the sunset on his white horse.
And if he fails to see all of that in you from first sight, well hey, screw him, guess he wasn’t that into you in the first place.
Yet, why is it that advice books for women never assume the simple truth about men. Like, the fact that every man finds it the most difficult of all to speak to the women they are attracted to? Or the fact that he’s absolutely terrified of you rejecting him front of his friends? Or that (heaven forbid) he’s shy and desperately wants to find any excuse to meet you?
No, it can’t be any of that stuff. If he really wanted you, he would make the effort, right? Best wait some more.
So we wait…and wait…and wait…
Is this really the best a 21st century woman can hope for? Wouldn’t you rather raise a rebellious hand in the air, stick your head out of your bedroom window and yell with every shred of defiance in your guts: “NO MORE!”. Modern dating advice is making women powerless and miserable. Women are constantly shown the value of going after what they want in their careers, in their education, in their professional lives, but why not in their love lives?
The “One Giant Leap for Womankind” Project
At GetTheGuy, we’ve conceived the One Giant Leap challenge as a way of uniting women on a mission, to take back rightful control over their love lives again.
When we have control, we get confidence. When we have confidence we feel like we draw power and satisfaction from our lives. We feel like we have the ability to make things happen. Most of us have areas of our lives where we feel like this, yet, in our love lives, most of us feel like we are subject to a cosmic dice roll; a hope that somehow we will “get lucky” one day and all of our relationship woes will be taken care of.
Over the next six months we want women everywhere to shed this mentality and send their love lives into the next stratosphere:
If you are single and can’t seem to meet any new men – This leap year is for you.
If you can’t seem to get that cute guy at the party to come over – This leap year is for you.
If you keep getting phone numbers and dates that lead nowhere – This leap year is for you.
If you are stuck in a relationship rut and need to just feel some excitement about your relationship again – This leap year is for you.
One Giant Leap – For Singles
Mission 1 – Start three conversations with a complete stranger in the following:
1. A high street coffee shop
2. A bar
3. A queue
4. Apple Store – (guys adore gadgets!)
Find any excuse – Ask him to recommend a muffin at the coffee shop, or ask him where he got his jacket (say you are thinking of buying one for your brother/nephew), or tell him you just bought an iPhone and want to know which apps he recommends downloading.
Mission 2 – Become a social host
You are going to set up one night a week in which you invite at least 8 people to gather in a single venue. It could be at your house, at a cocktail bar, some kind of hobby/physical activity. It doesn’t matter if they all come; the point is, you start becoming the kind of person who brings other people together.
WARNING: This is dangerously effective at boosting your social calendar. Expect to be inundated with invites once you start becoming a social butterfly.
Mission 3 – AT LEAST twice a week, if you see a man you are attracted to, you have to approach and compliment him
And when you compliment him, make sure it’s for a something specific instead of saying “OMG, you’re gorgeous!”. Just say, “Look, someone has to tell you this, that jacket really suits you”. Or “I can’t let you leave without telling you what a great smile you have”.
The more specific you make it, the more a guy is intrigued to know more.
The aim of this exercise is:
(a) To make you stretch out of your comfort zone and get used to meeting men you are actually attracted to (anyone can approach people they have no interest in!).
(b) To make you less intimidated by looks – Most of us place a massive premium on looks. The more you approach people you find attractive, the less you are going to be thrown off just because of your physical attraction. You’ll actually start to become more discerning and not be fazed just because they happen to be pleasing to the eye.
Mission 4 – At any social event, you WILL talk to five strangers
Most of us in life stick with the people we know, and miss out on hundreds of opportunities because of it. When you go to a party or gathering, make an effort to work out those social muscles.
You can make this even more effective by making the following resolution: When the conversation falls flat, I will resolve to stay for five more minutes.
Why is this resolution so important? Because you get into the habit of digging deeper to find something interesting to say, instead of immediately excusing yourself as soon as you’ve exhausted all the obvious conversations e.g. “How you know the host?” “What do you do for a living?” etc.
Mission 5 – Become a giver
Go into a social event/work/gathering and bring cookies or ice cream for everyone. Then promise yourself you are going to give one to the three most attractive men you can find (you can even do this when you are out somewhere social – Just bring something along and tell people you are celebrating by giving out cakes etc.).
Once you become generous, it’s an easy move to start conversations with just about anyone.
Mission 6 – Ask for a phone number
In the spirit of the leap day tradition, try asking for a guy’s phone number.
You wouldn’t believe how many men kick themselves for forgetting to ask for your phone number after a long conversation. So turn the tides and take the initiative yourself. Simply say “You seem fun, we should get our friends together sometime. Give me your number and we’ll arrange something”. Don’t ask, tell!
Mission 7 – If you get invited to fancy dress this year, you HAVE to go. And you HAVE to dress up
Why the hell not?
Mission 8 – Send him more clues
For the next few months you are going to use this magic phrase: “I love it when a guy…”.
Is he wearing shoes you love? Tell him “I love it when a guy wears those boots/shoes/trainers etc.”
Has he got a manly beard? Give it a playful tug and say “I love it when a guy has that rugged beard look”.
Has he got big muscles? Playfully compare your arms with his and say “Wow, you’ve got me beat in the muscles department. I love a man who puts more hours in the gym than I do”.
Mission 9 – Go to a new venue/activity every week – And aim to speak to three new men when you get there
One Giant Leap – For Couples
For those of you who need a bit more juice out of your relationship, here are your own set of challenges:
Mission 1 – Start dating again
The first thing to do is start making an effort again.
Remember all that good stuff about falling in love? That heady period of spontaneity, a feeling of giddy excitement, a sense of constant surprise, stepping into the unknown.
We need to bring that back. From now on, schedule at least one date a week with your partner. This can be one night in the week where you both agree that no matter how busy you are, you’re both going to go out together and solely focus on each other, making an effort to dress up and look your best.
Mission 2 – Tell him how good he smells
Men need to hear this. We want to know that we have something unique that drives you crazy. As soon as he hears this, he’ll be more attracted to you than ever.
Mission 3 – Whisper in his ear how you can’t wait to get him home and tear his clothes off
Physical validation in relationships is a must. Everyone needs to feel desired. The best way to do this is to tease him by telling him in a public place where he can’t do anything about it. Make him fantasize about it the whole day.
Mission 4 – Initiate sex
A woman who puts her cards on the table and shows us what she wants is irresistible. Men love knowing that their partner is as interested in sex as they are. Make sure he knows it.
Mission 5 – Create some new memories
Don’t live off past memories. We should always be pushing the boundaries, creating new shared experiences to bring us close with our partner. The more you introduce variety into your relationship, the closer you are both going to feel to each other emotionally.
Remember, routine is the enemy of romance!
Variety makes things unpredictable; it’s this quality that makes new relationships so much fun.
So why not try surprising your partner with an exhilarating trip you can both take together? Or, instead of going to that restaurant you always go to, book an activity you’ve both never tried before. It might be wine-tasting, or going to see the opera, or maybe just having a picnic.
When you introduce variety in even the smallest way, your whole relationship will feel brand, sparkling new.
Mission 6 – Give a little gift
Showing someone you are thinking of them is always a way to re-introduce a spark. Send little love notes with an invitation for him to write a poem in return. Or even a gift to remind you both of your first date. It could just be ordering his favourite food and taking the night off with him.
Mission 7 – Massage
Thousands of relationships could be saved if only couples gave each other more back rubs. Giving someone a massage is a way of showing that you care about their relaxation and are sympathetic to their troubles. It’s like when we make a cup of tea for someone; it’s a small gesture that makes someone feel instantly comforted.
Mission 8 – Passionately kiss on the spur of the moment
Surprising him with a passionate kiss will send his hormones into overdrive and make him feel like the greatest man on earth. When men feel like this, you can expect great things in return!
So there you have it. Big proactivity for a BIG year! Here’s a way to start, leave a comment stating one way you are going to be more proactive in the coming week!
*Please pass this article around to your friends and colleagues so that we can get the whole nation being proactive today! Start by sending this to 3 people who you know need to be more proactive!*
42 Replies to “The Romantic “Leap Day” Pact”
I am really excited to try this. I already told a few of my girlfriends about it and we are going to all attempt to follow this “To do list”
Thank you :-)
I’ll be a a social host and bake people cakes!
Love the idea !!!!
Happy leap year to all girls :-)
The idea of doing some of these makes me really nervous! So looks like I’m on the right track! Thanks Matt. :)
the other day for the first time ever I gave my hot bike mechanic my number – during the day when I was sober! My knees were shaking and I rushed out of the shop after I did it then he text me back, such a confidence boost! thanks matt for the tips, they definitely do work
Thanx matt for the tips..
Oh my goodness! This challenge is going to be challenging!!! But somehow I feel like if I even attempt half of the list, it will make a huge improvement in my love life, let alone my social life! Thanx for the inspiration and great ideas!
I’m going to TELL a guy that I want his number not ask! Time for my girl power to shine :) thanks for the tips Matt. I’m definitely going to try them!
Hey Matt. Wow what a great post!! Some fab ideas in there. Thank you!!
(I hope my testimony serves to other ladies reading this and gives an opportunity for Matthew to address the point, many ladies have self-esteem problems with many different origins and to do this to-do-list is daunting or terrifying, not because they are not serious about it is just our brains must be re-set)
Hello, I think, there must be an extra paragraph in which you tell us “and if you get rejected or turned down in the process ‘this’ and ‘that’ is what you will do to keep it positive…” Because, I was once proactive (in a decent way), not waiting for prince charming at home and somehow with courage, very likely to follow this list gladly… but now many years, rejections and heartbreak after (of course I am aware I did many things wrong) I am a big COWARD, I am aware of it.
Years ago in some point I got so confused and hurt that I just quit to dating and looking for it. I decided to take years of no-love considered, I moved to another country and just had male friends no flirting or date considered. Once I felt better some years of pause later I tried again to give love a chance, to be like I was again but at the first rejection, I got depressed and freaking scared.
Yet, now I go out and try to be social, I meet new people I got memberships in Internations.org and Meetup.com and I am not close to things but if nobody shows interest I go back home alone wondering: I am a very interesting person, fine don’t have a supermodel look and maybe I can be less flirty than other girls but I am not ugly, I am warm and nice to talk with… then why I do this to myself? why I create the opportunity to be turned down or rejected? I think I don’t deserve it, period. So I get refuge in my personal projects, friends and family at least because I know I will feel pleasure and reassurance, sadly I associate subconsciously dating and relationships with pain and despair…
Totally with you. I have been rejected so many times that I have given up – the last guy, for example, was the one that made all the suggestions to meet up and was the one in constant contact with me. After a couple of months of leading me on, it turns out I ‘wasn’t his type’. He apologised for his behaviour, but it’s left me really vulnerable and what with other past ‘you’re not my type’ experiences I’ve just given up. I’m 28 and have been single for 10 years.
@Catherine: Clearly he wasn’t YOUR type so good riddance. I was single for a decade when I finally got to the point where I was happy as I was, didn’t need or want anyone. Right after that, I met the father of my two children… Another ten years down the line, I’m single again, my choice, and even though I want love more than anything, I’m not really up for going after it just yet (depending on who it is… i’ve had a crush on a guy for ages, asked him out and got turned down so politely I want him even more…). Never settle! And never give up. :)
Thanks for your kind words Jennie – I hope you meet Mr. Right soon :)
there’s this guy i like and he’s a friend of mine. the thing is that he’s a local popular singer and loads of girls want him. lately he won this prestigous singing festival and he’s been travelling loads on promotions. i have no idea how to tell him that i like him, let alone tell him that i fell in love with him. i recently got out of a 3 year relationship, where he cheated on me with his bestfriend’s 16 year old sister for about 2 months until i found out. so you see my dilemma. i hate it to be rejected and i dont want to compromise our friendship. i also dont want this guy to know that i like him coz he’s famous or handsome. for his fame and success, he is really down to earth, funny and kind hearted.
I’m meeting a ‘Potential’ next week. I’m going to attempt the playful move (beard, smell and shoe compliment). Keep fingers crossed for me and will give you the lowdown about it the week after. Cheers.
Matt, I understand now! My mission is clear. And the next time I see this particular guy, I will pay the compliment to him personally instead of sending via his employee. I will not lose my nerve, I will act BOLD! Thanks a million, Matt
I do these things all the time, and they really do work- I generally date several guys a month… The guys turn out to be total twats, but it does get you dates! ;-)
I am really love your relationship advice. Its logical and easy to follow. I’ve always found modern dating advice a little complicated and exhausting. I can’t wait to try it and tell my friends.
What a fun list!!!
As a salsa dancer, I am out and about Tuesday through Sunday give or taek 1/2 days.
Having a great/passionate dance makes it in credibly easy to get men’s contact info. However, it really never gets past a “Thanks for the dance” or “Save me one for next time”!! How can I continue to create attraction or “inspire” them to take more interest??
Ecstatic on tryign to follow this list! I’d never see myself talking to someone in coffee shop or apple store before.. :O
Could you write an article about this kind of topics based on staying as a highvalue woman?
I am quite confused between having this kind of training as a playful lady but staying a high value woman.
As a high value woman if I didn’t get any response or enough response from a guy in the office who been showing me interest when I asked him music festival that goes for a week, what’s the proper attitude towards this?
playful, keep compliment and keep inviting him social event casually? it doesn’t look like this is the way to go to stay as a high value woman if I keep doing this. any suggestion?
I love a good challenge!!!
I am excited to give this a try. I actually did exactly what you said for mission 6 just the other week. I was planning an event at the student center and these two cute guys come up. He is a real smooth talker. He would make you proud Matt. He asked me about my group (Ballroom Team) and how he had always wanted to learn ballroom but he was just too busy. In my head I am thinking, OMG this comes straight for Matt’s playbook. So I agree about being busy and invite him and his friend to go salsa dancing with me and my friends that night.
I was shocked when I got a call from an unknown caller later saying they would love to go with us. So we had a blast dancing with these super cute and nice guys. The smooth talker and I exchanged flirty fun texts back and forth for 4 days after then he just never responded to the last text. I am stumped.
Oddly my friend, went out with the other guy on a date and they are still talking. I can get a guys number no problem, it just never seems to lead any where after that….can anyone spot where I am going wrong….Am I texting back to him too soon? I only text when he has responded to my last text….
I guess my question also is when to give up on a guy you have been texting…
Hey Matt, I am Fatima from Canada, you know there is this guy in college, who doesn’t stop stalking me in college for 2 years! I didn’t realize him til later, but I think I am starting to like him, I once tried and asked him whether he would like to tell me anything, but he said no, then I told him best of luck with everything. But honestly he can’t stop looking at me at all, AND i keep wondering what he really wants.
Basically, I rarely see him around hi friends, and even when he’s with them he rarely talk or talk in a really low tune, what do you think?
but now when he sees me, he doesn’t get shy to look at my eyes.
thanks a lot~ I wish I see him today, I hope he does a move too
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