Why every location has its own excuse (and how to get over it)

I’m in Seattle right now. It’s been such an incredible trip doing the GetTheGuy tour. Here’s a clip from the show King 5 where I talk about my last event…

If you’re around in Seattle tomorrow (Saturday May 18th), come see me! The registration for last-minute tickets is here. Can’t wait to see you!

To get more insight into men and the big three questions, check out my online home-study programme The Man Myth. In it you will learn the A–Z of what men think, how to generate unstoppable attraction, and how to win him to your way of thinking. Check it out here.


Here are some of the takeaways from the show:

–You can’t be passionate about a relationship until you’re passionate about life.

–We want people who have a balance of qualities and unique pairings to keep us interested.

–Every location has its own excuse.

–One of the most elegant ways to get a guy’s attention is to say, “I could really use your help with something…”

–As a woman don’t be easy, but in the first 10 seconds, be easy.

Question of the day: Where do you live – and what’s your excuse for not meeting people? Let me know in the comments below!

53 Responses to Why every location has its own excuse (and how to get over it)

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  1. Sally says:

    Matthew you my friend are awesome. I truly mean this . I am 63 and have let men lead me around by the nose. For the first time in my life I am realizing that I have value that I am digging in deep and finding confidence where there was none. You are making me really THINK of who I am and that I have value. It’s a seed that was there, put never took root until now. I bought your book and I love reading it. I look forward to coming home so I can dig right into in. I am learning so much.Thank you so much. You are going to change my life, I know it, you are a blessing for helping us poor souls that had no clue how to connect to thAt dream man. But now I realize that the impossible IS possible!With my sincere thanks, Sally

  2. Emily says:

    Damian Lewis?? Achh, jealous.

    It looks like that show hadn’t sold out at this point; I’m curious whether it did after this!

  3. MyAssessment.nl says:

    OhOh My gosh, Matt becomes very big, but he is already so big. I am soo excited. Even if is not my own success, I just feel like I am a little bit part of it, feels nervous for Matt his celebrity.
    It must be soo great for you. Good publicist. Houraaii.

  4. 財布 chloe says:

    Tommy Hilfiger ショルダーバッグ

  5. Kira says:

    My excuses- What if’s…and I can think of horrible what if’s. Sometimes it’s simply being scared that I’m imposing myself on him. Or that I’m going to annoy him etc. I felt that way about making friends as well but I’ve moved past that for the most part.

  6. Silvina says:

    I would like to watch the video Matt, but I can’t! it says that I “do not have permission to watch this private video”
    Please if you could do something about it I would be very grateful!!

  7. Jozi says:

    Revelstoke, BC of Canada

    it’s a small town and I just don’t want to go out alone…

  8. Silly Me says:

    I actually recently met a very nice guy, who seems right for me in many ways, at least to date and find out if we would get along.

    the catch: I found out I’m pregnant again from my partner of 5 years, so now he has made it very hard to break off from him.

    And the new guy? I was very surprised to hear from him that it doesn’t bother him that I’m pregnant. He has young children. He likes kids and even said he would be with me at the birth if I want him to be.

  9. Nofyah says:

    My excuse: lack of money for babysitting and clothing I would feel more comfortable going out in.

  10. Planet Earth traveller says:

    My place is this planet.
    I am doing a Round-The-World trip for a year, and that means that every time I encounter an interesting guy, it is basically a situation of “I’m leaving in 5 days”, which makes it kinda hard to build a serious bond.
    I’m working on it though. I’ve even had a guy drive nearly 1000 km to meet me at a different location and travel with me for a week.
    Anyways, any good tips I could accelerate the bonding rate?

  11. Rumors says:

    Matthew I and a lot of the followers of your blog would love if you could do a “draw your life” video. Come on, I´m sure it would be fun for you too.

  12. Pris says:

    I am just wondering…do all the techniques work on Asian guys? ‘Cos they are more reserved and conservative…

  13. YuetChing says:

    Great advice. Though I get jitters at asking a guy to help or approaching anyone nowadays. I only talk with people I know now.

  14. Elle says:

    My excuses:
    1. busy schedule
    2. location
    I’m working my way through college so my schedule is very busy. It seems like I’m always working studying or running literally to catch a bus. I work in for a small company in a free-standing office so it’s not like I’m going to meet anyone in the building’s cafeteria or elevator because there is none. At school I am either in class or in the library so I don’t really interact with many new people. I occasionally do volunteer work on campus and I do meet new people that way they are almost always female. The last volunteer meeting consisted of 10 girls 1 guy. The area live in is pretty suburban so I feel like I am surrounded by families and with nothing to do when I happen to have free time.

  15. Catherine Whitaker says:

    Hello Matthew, before I answer your question I must tell you this, I had the most AWESOME time with you when you came to Atlanta. I learned so much from you, you are an excellent teacher, motivator and dancer. You really know how to get a crowd jumping. Anyhow, I live in a small rural town in Georgia with fewer than 5 thousand people. It’s a very family friendly place where everyone knows you. So, meeting someone new is almost impossible. I attend all the festivals, picnics, and bar-b-ques you name it and I’m there and so are the other single women. I’m not going to give up my quest for love here but I am going to expand my location. One more thing, I wish you nothing but success and love for all the terrific work you and your caring staff do and I cannot wait to meet you again. I’m keeping all of my fingers, eyes and toes crossed for your retreat later this year. Now all I need from you is a High Value Woman Scholarship/Grant and I’m there:) Keep up the wonderful work. Yours truly, Catherine

  16. Keira says:

    It’s very easy to get to know people when you’re passionate about helping people ;)

    I need to figure out my 5 strengths. You are right Hussey. On occasion I tend to focus on one.

    In the words of Buddhism, when you’re nervous think, This is normal… This is normal … This is normal ;)

    • Keira says:

      Just wanted to add one more thing.. Which reminded me of when you walked past a girl n walked back to her after your mate threatened to tell everyone what you just hadn’t done.. Approached the girl.

      I walked past a guy that smiled at me, I smiled back. I looked back smiling .. He looked back smiling. I walked into a store.. He slowed down (I could see through the shop front window) and he was talking to his mate. Then he kept walking :(

      I walked back out of the shop but he was gone.. Is this a loss? If I walked after him would it have made me look desperate? :(

      • Keira says:

        What should have I done?

        • Planet Earth traveller says:

          I think you should have stopped and just smiled at him right before entering the store. i.e. do NOT enter the store unless he literally keeps walking away from you and stops looking. Then, if he does that stupid thing, just enter the store and there’s your salvation. If he stops, playfully gesture for him to approach you.

  17. Pauli says:

    Interesting points… I keep thinking of this “women choosing a guys part”… What sort of favours can I ask a guy I just met? This cannot be an opening line, can it?

    What are other possible ways to be easy in the first 10 seconds?

    • Kira says:

      You could try asking for directions. Or for his help opening something. Or whether or not he knows of a good place to eat etc.

  18. Susanne Love says:

    ☀☆☀☆♥♥:) Dear Matthew :)♥♥☆☀☆☀

    Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww :)
    YOU are here again :)
    THANK YOU for being here ♥&♥ all the best love :)
    Hope always all the best happens to YOU too :)

    Always Looooooooooooove your amazing looooooooooooove for everybody here :) ♥&♥ your new video and blog is beeeeeeeeeeeautiful :)

    Today I watched Jurassic Parc with my dear ♥♥♥♥♥ darlings mum & dad ♥♥♥♥♥ :)
    Loooooooooooooooooove the movie :)

    Hong Kong ♥&♥ Germany is home sweet sweet sweet home :)
    ♥&♥ I really really really looooooooove to meet people if possible :)

    Today it was not possible because I watched Jurassic parc with my dear darlings :) and last week I got an amazing kiss on my cheak…I went for a very nice walk with a disabled little child and afterwards we went to drink wonderful tee and since the little darling looooooooooooooooooves to play UNO we played the card game UNO :) I remember playing this card game when I was a little child and it was amazing to play UNO again after so many years :) It was a very interesting experience :)

    I hope one day you will come to Hong Kong ♥&♥ Germany :)

    All the best for YOU ♥&♥ your wonderful darlings :)


    • Susanne Love says:

      Excuse? :)
      Watching your video + Jurassic parc with my darlings :)

      • Susanne Love says:

        Excuses of the past? :)
        composing classical music in hospitals + writing a book :)

        • Susanne Love says:

          ♥&♥ excuse of last week :)
          Going out with the little disabled child :)
          Her parents really wanted their child to have a great time and since I love that too I had a great time with their darling :)

  19. Barbara says:

    I think my excuses are: I’m busy, I don’t have the time to go out, almost all the men I know are jerks, no guys are interested in me, I’m not as pretty as other girls (although others say I am) and so on.
    The best thing about my excuses is that, when I do meet a guy who is interested in me and is really nice, I just don’t like them back. Or when I see a cute guy, I can’t bring myself to talk to him. :/

  20. Mochi says:

    Hey Mattew:

    We have always been so excited to watch your videos!! How lucky we are that we found you! To answer your question: I live in New York right now and there always has a cliche that NOBODY wants to get married here, especially men. Because in such a fast-paced and competitive city, everyone seems too busy for building their career so they don’t have time to think about having a longterm relationship, they just play around and date people for fun! Also, everyone will wait until mid 30’s or 40’s to consider marriage things. So, you can’t find good man here to get married, because young man are unavailable and old man are already married :) I ‘ve heard that sooooo many times, that is people’s excuse in New York!

  21. Antonia says:

    Love this video!
    I’m Swedish (20 years old) but living in Germany and I don’t feel confident enough with my German. It’s hard to be spontaneous and to have fun, interesting conversations. I also feel like I can’t show my funny and sexy sides because I can’t express myself the way I want to. Any advice?

  22. nabila says:

    hey matt,
    honestly you’re killing me you’re always right, i love that and i do try to do your advices :)
    thank you sooooooo much for everything, thanks.

  23. Toi says:

    Haha! My excuses are as follows:

    I’m always busy. Working, church/family time, writing, watching some random korean drama, reading.
    I genuinely enjoy my solitary time. Feels good to have some quiet when everything’s always buzzing.
    I. Detest. Clubs. And I only get invited to them all the time.
    I’m still moving toward getting my life to where I want it and don’t need the distraction.

  24. Rivka says:

    The part about becoming addicted to one part of your personality…
    I was watching Ready for Love and one of the guys said something like Each of these women is so amazing in a different way. If only I could take their traits and squeeze them all together in one woman…
    I thought if a woman could do that to herself she would definitely get him, or just about any other guy.

  25. Abigail says:

    It appears to me that you love your work!

  26. Kathryn says:

    Hello Matt,
    This is an interesting question. I actually think it does not matter at all. I meet lovely, interesting people all the time wherever I live.
    But I was in London yesterday and went in a restuarant with my disabled son. Two nice men helped us in and I had the rapt attention of three tables of men, two who moved their bodies round to catch my eye throughout the meal. I am not being big headed but I merely say this to illustrate how I think there is definitely a bigger pool of men in a large city like London. If you do live somewhere where there is a smaller or very specific type of person you are probably going to have to be more savvy. And buy your book or attend a seminar : )
    We love you on the blog Matthew, your advice is invaluable and we love to swoon over your videos.
    Many Thanks,
    Kathryn xx

  27. Carla says:

    Hi Matthew!
    Thank you for your encouragement and life skills! I love that you say get a life, live and look. Not just wait until someone comes along to make that life you dream of.
    My excuse is I am looking for a “cowboy”, not the kind at the rodeo, but the rancher type. I have met some on Farmersonly, but seems we are all spread out so much it fades before we can actually meet. Any suggestions? I love to ride, so prefer a man that would like to go horse camping with me.
    Thank you for your book too! I am currently reading it. Great work.

  28. Lenny says:

    I live in Berlin, one of Europe’s clubbing hubs.Seems like a perfect place to meet guys.People are attracted by a short-timed fun, cheap alcohol and drugs. And! Germans themselves are so cold! (I’m Russian by the way :)) And there are plenty of gays…
    I’m a good-looking one.So I’m attracted by many different types of guys, unfortunately by weird ones as well.But serious ones are kind of afraid of me, even though I try myself to start a talk with them :/

  29. Dee says:

    Hi. I actually live in Lisbon, Portugal. According to a survey Lisbon is the 4th city with the most handsome men – which is actually true, I mean have you checked out Diogo Morgado. Hum? xD. Oh well, what excuses can I say? There is a boom of gay men – and some of them hide so well, that only if you take a forth or seventh look you’ll see the gay. If you want to find a guy at a club they are always dead drunk, rude or just want to bang, so that’s a no. If you want to check out a cute guy during the day you may find them at a pub or cafe chilling with his friends while watching football. Oh well, it’s a bit infuriating, really.

  30. ohuka ngozi says:

    I appreciate ur gud job Matthew, am actually looking for a young single guy that meet my standard but l end up meeting married men who r willing to date me. Why? Cos I don’t want to date married guys but they keep coming instead of single guys. Please advice

  31. Rumors says:

    Madrid. No excuses to meet guys because this is full of people wanting to meet each other. My excuse: too tired to look for it. And I´m not sure if I´m ready to be whit a guy.

  32. Erica says:

    #No complaino. Nonetheless a, i still live with my wonderful parents who just are so conservative i can never wear my style of clothes so “the outside advertizes whats inside” doesnt applyto me at all; and b, there are hundreds of hot guys whom i really dig but theyre agnostics.i believe in the God so the guys who are religious never the personality ,style,character that i like.

  33. Marie Claire says:

    Matthew, you advice is AMAZING! I’m 21 and its crazy how much great advice your blog and videos have given me and it has improved my confidence SOOO MUCH! come back to London soon!!!


  34. Bonita Nicoletti says:

    Matthew, I’m. 55 y/o woman but look 35. I meet men my age
    and some of them look like my father. I get hit on
    by 30 y/o (my children’s age) and so I’m beginning to feel
    a bit frustrated! Because the men my age that
    look young like myself, are looking for women
    my daughters age and men my daughters’ age
    want to date me. I am ready for a relationship but until
    I find the right one ….I date, date, date. I am also doing the online
    dating but meeting very nice guys but no chemistry! ….HELP!!!

  35. Danielle Blount says:

    Hi Matt and fellow readers!

    THANKS for the awesome videos, Matthew!! You are doing such a great job!!!

    I live in Chicago. I work in Finance and many of the men here do as well. Since our city is centered around a culture of drinking and sports, we are known for producing the “eternal bachelors” Type (Vince Vaghn, John Cusack, and Chris Farely are some of our most famous celebrities). The late night boozing, Sports driven bunch… Don’t get me wrong. I love Sports and I’ll can drink beer, too, but it presents some challenges to finding a long term relationship.

    • Mysterious says:

      This is on a very similar note to San Francisco! It’s a big party town, and by history, it’s the place where everyone from around the country migrates to “get away,” “go out West” and try something new. SF is a very transient city where many people come to live for a finite amount of time before they decide to move back home. Many guys come here to party and have fun for that time, not really wanting serious relationships. It happens….but seems like they want the same cookie-cutter California girl or a gal from a specific crowd. There are MANY amazing, intelligent, cultured women here that are single.

  36. Thirza says:

    Hi Matthew, i’m gonna answer your question onest.
    Im Living in the Netherlands. And why i’m not meeting any people. Because i’m not interested in Guy right now. I wanna focus on school and my career. And i’m Also too young i’m only 15 years old. On my school they ask me? Are you having a boyfriend? And say onest No. I can just understand why it is a Must to have a boyfriend. I think it’s nonsens. i’m also thinking i have time enough. And wheb the time is ready i meet someone. Or That person is in my life already i dont know. All That i know it’s been written on the sky. :)

    Ps i love your new show Ready For love. Even so Much That i stayed up all Night to watch till the end. And i love everything That your doing. Your saying everything with your heart and soul.

    I hope too see you one day in a live event in the Netherlands.
    Not in Rotterdam but In Heerlen.
    Tip of the day: be always true to yourself whatever happens. And let nobody judge you in anything That your doing. And always have faith on yourself. And give everybody alott’s of Love and appreciate everything That you have: a warm house, a family , Food , and Love from other people and adore everything That your doing. Just Like Me :D never ever Forget That.

    Lovely Greetz From the Netherlands named a girl. Thirza :)

    • Thirza says:

      On some of the words i’m writing on. But i meant: In <—–

      Greetz Thirza.

    • Rumors says:

      You are cute. Of course is not a must to have a boyfriend. If you don´t feel like meeting guys at your age it´s perfectly fine. Just be open minded and enjoy your teen age years.

      • Thirza says:

        Thanks for your comment i’m gonna just live my life.
        And nobody knows what gonna happens in the future :)
        And i always be openminded ;) thanks for your tip. :)

        Greetz Thirza.

  37. laura says:

    “Seattle Freeze” – that’s awesome! I guess every place really does have their own excuse.

    I live in a small-ish town in Northern California, and I do meet new guys – but because I’m a follower of Christ a lot of the guys I meet don’t share my faith and don’t meet my standards. So far, the ones that do aren’t interested in dating me. And let me add, they have a lot of amazing women to choose from. Most of them aren’t pursing anyone.

    I’m still working on your tips and I still have hope, but my pool is smaller!

    Have a great time in Seattle!

    • Rivka says:

      nice to see someone mention their faith :) even when things aren’t going perfect socially (I have Aspergers/high-functioning autism) my relationship with God is still strong…:)

  38. Uzi says:

    Saudi Arabia. Enough said

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