Long-Distance Relationships – The BRUTAL Truth About How To Make Them Work

You start dating the perfect man in your city, only to find out he’s been offered a new job 1000 miles away…

Should you follow your heart and go for it, or should you listen to your head and call it quits? What’s the answer?

Here’s what you really need to know…


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77 Replies to “Long-Distance Relationships – The BRUTAL Truth About How To Make Them Work”

  • I just ended a long distance relationship but it wasn’t really my choice. I had been with this guy for over a year we lived together for about two months before I got a job across the country. I made a point to come home every two months to be with him but I recently found out that shortly after I got to my destination on the East Coast of America he met someone else and he didn’t bother telling me. So he had been living in my house on the West Coast and invited her to come live there with him. I didn’t have any idea until about March when I noticed some things in my house that shouldn’t have been there and I thought he might have a woman living there. But he swore up-and-down that I was the only woman. Then in May when he was acting kind of weird I grabbed his phone when he fell asleep and found some text messages to a phone number that wasn’t mine and there were a lot. One of them even said “how you doing babe?” When I found this one I was livid. I started packing and I was going to leave but he woke up and said that it was sent in error to the wrong person he meant to send it to me. And he asked me “haven’t you ever sent a text message to the wrong person?” And of course he knows that I have so it was a believable excuse. But I called the phone number and a girl answered and I asked who this was and she asked who this was and I said this is his girlfriend who the hell is this and she said something and I just called her a whore Then in June on a whim I just called his phone and the same girl answered it. I found out that he had two phones and he had given the wrong one to her so she was answering his phone and also had his email. That’s when everything came out. He had been cheating on me almost immediately after I had moved. So last week I went home to get all my things out of his storage unit, put them in my folks home and ended that relationship. I thought I knew him, I trusted him but he was not faithful. I was and I lived for our daily calls and texts but when they started falling off I knew something was wrong. Now he says he loves us both. LOL well not good enough for me. I refuse to share my man with another woman especially one who sleeps around with other men. Gross. Who does that? I would not recommend a long distance relationship to anyone. Oh and on a footnote the job ended and I’m probably going to move back home soon.

  • A woman on the video mentioned sending nudes…Be careful with nudes and videos. If you have never been there, check out the website http://www.4chan.org and go to the “Sexy, Beautiful Women” or “Random” tabs. It turns my stomach how the digital age has turned sexual openness, playfulness, and vulnerability into a horrible monster. You may think he would never do that to you but that site will show you that he just might.

  • Great, Honest Video!!! I am currently talking to someone who I met online that I like very much. For now it is fun and we are planning to meet soon. I think every situation is different. Depending on the people involved and the details of each situation. Long Distance is definitely not easy. It can be very difficult. Sometimes when you are just dating it can be fun and a little Holiday every now and again can be fun and exciting. But don’t close yourself off from other experiences and be exclusive if you have not defined the relationship and do have some kind of plan/commitment in place. I definitely agree with that. You can waist a lot of time and get very hurt. I think the advice of not focusing everything on just one man you like when you are dating is very important. (As I have heard Matthew say this many times before) Be open to new people and experiences whether you met someone online or in real life. And always be honest with yourself! Love your videos and advice Matthew!!

  • great video mat:)

    thank you for sharing this
    this subject was new

    I have this relationship.and ofcourse physical touch is very very important for most of people

    he was into keeping his relationship with me but suddenly he said bye and didn’t explain any reason and never talked anymore

    this video made me think that maybe the separation was lack of physical touch:(

    some people leave their footprint forever.I think I have to live with another love with his thought.whenever I think about it,I feel sinful.I really loved him like my child.I can never forget him

    I WISH YOU(MATTHEW HUSSEY) PUT A VIDEO ABOUT “HOW TO REMOVE SOMEONE FROM OUR MEMORY FOREVER”
    I wish you make this video soon:)

    if so, thank you in advance

    I wish once you answer me mat or I become rich enough soon to travel and see and talk to you face to face:)

  • they both loved each other.

    you said:”So long distance relationships can work if one is willing to move”

    again I wanna remind you they “BOTH” loved each other and in 2sided love

    I had this long distance relationship but he left me.you made me happy when I saw again 2sided love exist

    lucky your brother

    I unfairly saw the end of my relationship without any clear reason.and I am sure that I loved him 100times more than any love stories in the world

  • So here’s my story…

    I used to have a long distance relationship. Everything was beautiful n fine until i found out he was still hanging out with his ex. And then his ex found out about me and she did something that made me broke up with him. I stopped communicating with him for a few months .

    Until one day he started to text me again n we became closer again. We literally communicate every single day. He told me i made him happy etc.

    But then, i found out from his ex facebook that he was actually back in a relationship again with his ex by the time he started to text me.

    Ao basically he’s like being with her doing activities there (they don’t live together though) and still being flirty n caring with me thru calls n texts. I still remember when we broke up he said he didn’t want to continue with me n that everything is totally over.

    I don’t understand. Why is he getting close with me again if the fact that he’s actually back to dating the person who made us broke up? If he needs someone to talk, he has her. And i can’t give him physical touch like her too since I’m far. Why is he like this? It kinda hurts me but it also brings questions to my head…

  • I agree with what you say about LDRs but I disagree with one thing.

    Sex isn’t the only thing that separates a romantic relationship from a friendship. People have fallen in love, yes real love, with people they haven’t had sex with. The attraction has to be there, but it doesn’t have to be acted upon in all cases.

    I know it’s not a popular opinion, but I’m fine with being in the minority on this one.

    1. Not only can you fall in love and be in love with someone without sleeping with them, but you can fall in love without physical intimacy altogether. Love, itself, is a feeling that is entirely independent. The thing that separates a deep friendship from a romantic relationship is that feeling.

      Too often in our society we conflate love and sex. Physical intimacy is important, it can deepen your connection to the other person, and when you really care for that person it can be the most comforting, becautiful feeling just holding that person’s hand. But love can exist without that physicality altogether.

      If you’re a very physical person it can be a huge sacrifice (and, conceivably, too much for you to handle), but some people can survive in love with limited physical contact indefinitely. The amount of time two people can stay that way is an entirely personal number, dependent on what their own personal needs dictate.

  • Wow what a great topic…hearing the comments from eomen about their thoughts was eye opening but and a big BUT at that…what i really heard was the tiredness in their voice/ that said it all… as hard as you try its an uphill climb that is inherently tougher and maybe not realistic to actually reach snd maintain closeness. Boooi! But thanks for the wake up call
    thanks Matt for yet again nailingthe topic

  • 7 years ago, I was in my first relationship,and it was a long distance relationship. We met when I was visiting family on school vacation, which live 6 hours away. It was like an instant connection. We would see each other every 3 months or so, whenever I could there, vise versa. For weeks, sometimes a month. Actually, we mett two years before that too, briefly. We were together for 2 years, parted for 6 months or so, and got back together for a few more months. I was 18, and I wasn’t really sure if I was ready for a move, it weighed heavily on my mind. After graduation, I went to where they lived, and it was my first time staying where they were. They had moved, but were closer by another hour. This reality, led to a breakdown I wasn’t ready for, things ended. I didn’t have a plan and it became very hard on the both of us. We remained in contact for a few years on and off. We have both dated other people since. Grown, matured, things are different and yet very much still the same. Feelings never left. We have been in consistent contact for the past 5 months, we both know if it’s going to work we need a plan, and are both trying to process everything currently. We are open, and honest with each other, and I think that’s really vital. It’s hard, and even 7 years later, there is still an incredible connection, there are still feelings that never left. Matt said it all in this video, it really all comes down to, Do you have a plan, what is that plan? Do you like each other enough, to be willing to move? Distance cannot last forever.

  • I’ve never been in an LDR, but witnessed one up close and here’s what I learned… If there’s nothing there, the conversation fizzles out. If the conversation doesn’t fizzle out, you could possibly be building the best relationship you have ever been in because you’re building a foundation of friendship and trust. Just like any relationship, you’ll know if things aren’t right. You don’t need to be standing next to someone to know things are off.

  • I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. He moved for his job and the past 15 months have been long distance. Every single morning when he wakes up he texts me “Good morning beautiful I love you!”. I’ll reply back using the word handsome, and that starts our conversation in the mornings! Then we just text back and forth throughout the day everyday whenever we have a minute. We’ll send each other pictures that remind us of the other person, tell each other about our day, talk about the future… Emotionally it’s a very fulfilling relationship and it’s really helped to improve our communication. We do both get sad that we can’t hug/kiss, some days that’s easier to deal with than others. But that also just makes us appreciate the time we physically spend together even more. Basically, as long as you love them and find them attractive, you’ll always have that physical spark and it’s still going to be there whenever you have the opportunity to see them. What’s crucial though is keeping the lines of communication open and always letting them know that you love them, that you still find them attractive, and that they’re frequently on your mind. Trust is also huge, but that’s a given in an LDR. That’s what’s worked for us! He’s currently saving up for a ring and taking steps to move back very soon, so an end goal really does help. It keeps both people excited for the future and puts those moments of loneliness into perspective :)
    I will say though, if our relationship had started out long distance or if he had no intention of ever marrying me, there is no way it would have worked out!

  • “He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it — namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain”
    The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.

    Just another literary resource ;)

  • I will move to where ever Jonathan is….have mercy!

    Seriously this really hit home for me and was right on time. Dann you Matthew for making me be honest and assess the reality of my situation! But thanks. Sincerely.

  • For some who has chosen a career in the Defence force I am well aware of how hard long distance is and unfortunately recently became Single after finding out that my partner of six years did not want to move with me. Since then I haven’t been looking for a relationship but got into a conversation with a man online that I have known for years. We are caught up a couple of times but it is really hard as he works fly in fly out so he’s only home once every seven weeks. Would you have any suggestions on what to do in this situation and whether it is worth pursuing as we are hardly ever in the same state together.

  • Great video, thought provoking and I really liked that someone said it….. you have to have a plan for actually being prepared to move to be with the other one otherwise what’s the point in investing the time.
    Such an important point which brings you down to earth from the romantic notion being in a LDR.

  • “Do you like each other enough for one of you to move to actually be with the other person?”

    I am curious of public opinion on how long would be “appropriate” before moving in together starting from long distance relationship?

    1. Well, Elina, i think it all depends on each relationship….
      I have a friend that met a guy on a dating app about 3 months ago…she fell for him really hard and he did too…last month she moved to England to be with him….i just got word from her last week telling me she is getting married in a month…she is very happy, and i am too, for her :)

      But this is not the usual case scenario, i’m aware of that…so i would say that you should get to know him/her enough that you feel you are ready to take that big step and move (or viceversa)….trusting that the other person is committed and ready for that too.
      Communication is key i believe (i know, i know, it’s a long distance relationship…of course there’s a lot of communication, lol, but i am not talking about texting and talking, but to be communicating in a much deeper level) and start talking about life together, start planning it assuming it will happen…and i think is then when you’ll know if it’s going somewhere ir not.

      Obviously many things could go wrong and it could fail, but no one can be certain of the future, we can only make decisions that we think are the best for us with the information we have.

      that is my opinion :)

  • Dear Matthew, a great video! And yes very, it seems now more than due to the internet, small world, high demands in life, we are now in a very different dating/relationship world. I find myself adapting and learning every day. The hardest part, letting go of my ‘traditonal’ expectations of courtship. Finding peace with accepting using technology as one the main ways to communicate to keep my relationships thriving, whether that be lovers, friends or family. I found that I managed a long distance relationship very well, needed a lot of trust and mainly patience, particularly with an 8hr time difference on top of mileage. Here’s the thing, now in current local relationships, my patience which I learned and developed from my LDR, is now the crux of my issues. I’m finding men taking advantage of my patience! Arghh! So once again, taking some time to re-adjust and find a balance that works for me. So an interesting follow up video for you, the aftermath of having adapted to a LDR when back into local relationships! :)
    P.s, It’s about time we met Mr! Call me xx

  • Dear Matthew, a great video! And yes very! It seems now more than ever due to the internet, small world, high demands in life, we are now in a very different dating/relationship world. I find myself adapting and learning every day. The hardest part, letting go of my ‘traditonal’ expectations of courtship whilst keeping my standards. Finding peace with accepting using technology as one the main ways to communicate to keep my relationships thriving, whether that be lovers, friends or family. I found that I managed a long distance relationship very well, needed a lot of trust and mainly patience, particularly with an 8hr time difference on top of mileage. Here’s the thing, now back to current local relationships, my patience which I learned and developed from my LDR, is now the crux of my issues. I’m finding men taking advantage of my patience! Arghh! So once again, taking some time to re-adjust and find a balance that works for me. So an interesting follow up video for you; the aftermath of having adapted to a LDR when back in local relationships! :)
    P.s. It’s about time we met Mr! Call me xx

  • Oh my God, I feel I want to cry …

    If I had seen this video before, of course, I would not have listen to it and I would have done the same thing because we really loved each other. But maybe, instead of spending 7 years trying to fix the impossible I would have accept the truth and saved 3-4 years.

    Thank you so much for putting words on what I discovered by experience.

    PS: I call the status “geographically single”

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