5 Reasons To Love Being Single (With Special Guest Lewis Howes!)

Why don’t you have a man yet?!

Oh…you’re still single? But why?

Uh-oh. Better find a relationship while you still have time!

Any of these sound familiar? If you’re single, I’m sure they will.

Whether it’s in Hollywood romcoms, glossy magazines, or even just your mother’s nagging, there seems to be a constant assumption in the world that being single is the WORST THING EVER.

Maybe you even secretly feel this way yourself.

But you shouldn’t. Being single is totally underrated. In fact, it can be so much fun that you wonder why anyone would ever want a relationship to begin with. In this week’s blog video, I’m joined by a very special guest, my friend Lewis Howes, former pro-athlete and host of the School of Greatness podcast.

I’ve followed Lewis’s work for a while now, and I’m thrilled he agreed to come and share his top 5 reasons why being single can be the opportunity of a lifetime, and why you should savour every second of being free and unattached while you can. It’s a really fun and insightful video, with some genius practical tips for making your life extraordinary so that you can truly appreciate yourself and have a world that bring you happiness and fulfillment.  

As you know, I don’t have guests in my video blogs very often, so you can trust me when I say that Lewis provides incredible value.

Click Here to Purchase Lewis’ Book, The School of Greatness

87 Responses to 5 Reasons To Love Being Single (With Special Guest Lewis Howes!)

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  1. Holli Christine says:

    What a small world….I “found” Lewis about 2 years ago, loved his story and completely resonated with his material and approach to life. Glad to know his book is out, will definitely pick up following him again.

    Loved your lists fa sure and glad that I had discovered these things for myself. I probably could write a book on this one for the women. Since my divorce, I have become my best friend: have taken myself on vacations, explored my interests, gone on dates… learned how to really enjoy being with just me without the distractions of movies, books, chores, etc.

    Three things I would add for women (that men wouldn’t be able to name :-0 for us) that they can use their singleness for is:
    * learning how to use our cycle to expand our awareness of our own bodies, what we really long/desire/yearn for and how to use the rhythm of our cycle to create that honors our energy patterns and health
    * creating a truly feminine consciousness/language through the Red Tent (helps us get out of the “savior” complex the society puts on us – that we NEED a man to save us and make us “of value”, and helps us realize what makes us women besides the ability to give birth to literal babies)
    * learning her own body by herself through lots of sensual self-loving and how to open up to more pleasure than we ever thought possible (so we can communicate this to our partner & more when he does come)

    These are such unique paths women have available to them that will make their lives so full and deep – that it will create such magnetism between the sexes…zing! Women are deep wells of mystery – even to ourselves – and when we give ourselves permission to explore this yumminess….watch out world.

    Thanks as always for your work – both of y’alls! :-)

  2. Cami says:

    I absolutely love this video and all of Matthew’s advice/books/videos. Do you have any of your books in audio version? Or Lewis’ book? With a sexy voice like yours and with so much of society being so rushed, I would find it so much easier to utilize your knowledge if I can listen to it anytime.

  3. Gina says:

    Matthew, Lewis…THANK YOU for taking the time to make this video. I stumbled upon it and I’m very thankful because it has made me think even more deeply about why I absolutely love being single.

    The number one thing that has made single life great for me is the fact that I have learned to be 100% responsible for my own happiness! I had no idea what kind of liberation this would create inside of me. There is no blaming anyone for how I feel or don’t feel. I’m the one who holds the power to reach to every source of happiness. This has been the most relevant lesson of my entire life. I am extremely thankful and after getting married at age 19 and being married for 20 years, I believe that I would not have learned this valuable lesson in my marriage. Being single is a beautiful gift in my life and I cherish it every day!!

    Thank you for opportunities to ponder and share :)

  4. Bobbie says:

    I think volunteering at nonprofit organizations is a great way to spend your single time. You can make your community a better place and learn new things. Also, there’s something refreshing about giving your free time to helping others. Usually, these places are filled with passionate, caring people and you might just make a new best friend.

  5. Lindsay says:

    Bring Lewis back! You are both very charming/ inspiring and have a wonderful positive energy. Thank you for the video.

    I also really love the poster on the wall behind you that says “I’m grateful for…”

    Thinking about what you’re grateful for each day is a great way to appreciate life.

  6. Melissa Steortz says:

    Do things on pourpse to show yourself self love. Example give yourself a spa day. If you can’t afford a professional day. You can do this for yourself at home. Candle lit bath, followed by restorative yoga or Give yourself a facial. Any of the things you would enjoy your mate to do for you, do them for yourself. It helps to grow your self love and respect.

  7. Zari says:

    Thank you for this timely video! Recently a friend of mine mentioned that she’s sick of the whole glamorization of being single by the media and thinks that it’s a major issue with her inability to find a good man whom is ready to settle down and start a family. I argued that her inability to find a man that wants to settle is due to the lack of vision/narrow vision she has of what a romantic married life looks like. I believe the more ownership we take for our own happiness by creating opportunities that bring us joy, the more fulfilled we would be. Looking forward to reading Lewis Howes’ book. Thanks again for making this video…inspired me to finish writing my children’s book.

  8. Renae Weathers says:

    Learning to like as well as love yourself is the key. When you like being with you and your comfortable in your own skin, people see this and respond positively. Most important though, you can always go and do the things you like and never be held back because your alone.

  9. Laetitia says:

    Happily single for a year now, I’ve found this to be a great time to discover or fortify my tastes and skills in areas that I left to my exes out of comfort. Sometimes I feel like Julia Roberts looking for the way she best likes her eggs in Runaway Bride.

  10. pella says:

    why do men committ adultery

  11. Karen says:

    Hi Matthew and Lewis, thank you for posting this video!
    I have found that in being single, I have discovered this new found appreciation for my life – for who I am, for what I have and what I believe in. This appreciation led to a greater sense of gratitude and over all has helped me to be a happier person. Plus, I recognize good in others, see it so much more clearly, and it has helped me to pinpoint things I want for myself, in my life, and in a partner.
    All of this has helped me to let go of past hurt and regret, thus ensuring that I don’t punish anyone new in my life for something that is not their fault. A clean slate that I am thankful to have!

  12. Allison says:

    When I was single I got to a point, as Matthew described, of feeling down because I would go out in the evenings and meet people that left me disappointed. Three things I did before I met my boyfriend was 1. I created routine for myself where I would focus on skills that I wanted to foster everyday. I would meditate, and I would juggle (okay I can’t believe I just admitted that, but I did!), 2. I stopped thinking about being single and I made the conscious decision to stop feeling sorry for myself. It felt like I was in this vicious cycle where I would keep asking myself the same questions like when am I going to meet someone? why am I single? why does this keep happening to me. I just didn’t give myself permission to keep running this script through my head, and I just realized it’s going to happen when it’s going to happen. Lastly, 3. I stopped having expectations. When I went out, or I was in a scenario where I thought I might meet someone, I decided to not be disappointed if I didn’t. I instead made the decision to make my nights out about being with friends not about meeting a guy. I think this single shift really helped. If you asked me how was my night, you’d find me saying “I had a great night, the food was soo good and it was really fun seeing Bianca” not, “yeah, it was okay, but I didn’t meet anyone”.
    I think this ties into how to enjoy being single by learning how to live in the moment. I think you meet the right guy when you’re busy making other plans and enjoying life :)

  13. Suzanne says:

    Love yourself first.

    Jesus said that is the most important commandment. The Dali Lama said that selfishness is the highest form of altruism. If you take care of yourself, you can give to others from a place of strength. It is easier to love yourself when you are single and the only person that you need to take care of is YOU.

  14. Andrea says:

    My favorite thing about being single is being able to do whatever I want whenever I want. I do not live by most of my family, so a few weekends ago I decided to go home for the night, just because I could. I travel all over the place to visit friends and family without having to wonder how it will affect my time with a significant other. When I want to go out shopping or to grab a coffee, or even to put in some extra time at work, I can just go. I can’t imagine ever giving up this spontaneity!

  15. Vicki says:

    What I like about being single is that I can buy whatever I want and don’t have to explain to anyone. I am finding myself and not worrying out what someone will think.

  16. Mariana Valente says:

    Hello guys!

    What I have been loving the most about being single is to be able to have all this time to discover more what I want for myself, without considering another being other than myself. So I have a better reference of what I want to my life whatever path do I take.

    PS. And I loved the picture behind “I’m grateful for”


  17. Emily says:

    Favorite bromance ever :)

  18. Michele says:

    nice video..not sure why being single has ever been a bad thing. I happen to love it, yes it gets lonely sometimes but so does being married to the wrong person! I’ve come to take chances in my life as I get older and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn’t. I feel when it doesn’t it wasn’t the right person! I love my life and being single is an adventure!

  19. Lisa B says:

    Thought-provoking video Matt and Lewis.
    I’m enjoying the single life and making time for the most important person-me!

    I agree with one of the earlier posts left here and that is to dress your best, all of the time. Take those clothes that you’re saving for a special occasion and wear them NOW.
    Use this opportunity to play around with your look, take chances. Forget that you “can’t wear skirts” or “orange doesn’t suit me.” You’ll be surprised. This applies to make up too ladies, try a different lipstick, learn to curl your eyelashes if you don’t know how. You won’t get this opportunity to be so selfish again!!

  20. Cara Lauchland says:

    I have always subscribed to being content with being single. It’s not always easy to be happy while single but it is the best way to handle it. I am 37 and am single and have been for most of those years of my life. I find all of the tips that you gave very helpful through this time period and want to work on being my best self so that when the right man does come along, he only enhances my already happy life. Thanks for emphasizing this topic and encouraging the single population that it is ok to be single.

  21. Slavica Bogdanov says:

    I was pleased to here you talk about enjoying being single and doing things on your own. I particularly likes Lewis sayng that he used to take himself on dates.
    Frankly, you both should do a special video to tell guys to do that. I see so many single women enjoying being alone or single and men hanging out in groups of friends or not going out at all if it’s not with someone.
    I would love to see more guys enjoying their single lives as well and boy would they meet a lot of interesting single women I take a walk on the beach daily and we are so many women sun bathing alone and…no guys. :-) Thanks for all you guys are doing, both in your fields. You rock!
    Lewis, you helped me launch a really great webinar thanks to your online course!

  22. Barbara says:

    go to the art gallery and drink in all that beauty without having to talk to anyone, give your opinion or rush

    always dress up for life

    remember how he once looked at you like you couldn’t ever get it wrong, how he said your name so gently and treasure those memories, be glad for having known such a special person

    walk through an avenue of trees very early in the morning
    dare to take off your runners and socks and walk barefoot in the grass, this is magic!

    • Theresa says:

      Dear Barb,
      Thanks for your post. The timing could not be more perfect. I especially like where you say “remember how he once looked at you like you couldn’t ever get it wrong, how he said your name so gently and treasure those memories, be glad for having known such a special person”, for as of a few weeks ago I lost my lover and best friend suddenly and tragically. In my grief I now take one day at a time. To get back to me and who I was prior to his passing. I drink in the warmth of the beauty of a sunrise. I do “dress up for life” and “have walked barefoot through the grass”. I couldn’t agree with you more! It is healing and most magical! Once again.. Thank you for your post. :)

  23. Savannah S. says:

    Love this!! I’m proud to say I’ve learned all of those things over the years, better at some than Others!!

    I’m 26 and have only had 1 short relationship in my life thus far. Only in the last two years have I really been intentional about meeting new people, dating, and really embracing who I am Mostly due to the FTTMR program.
    That said, I’ve had a long time to become okay with being single. In fact, that first relationship was a huge shock because I had become so accustomed to being independent and free. A lot of the same things you guys said I repeat to my friends all the time. It’s a beautiful time of life that I may never get the chance to enjoy again.
    I’m about to apply for a program that, if accepted, will place me in a different country for six months. It’s terrifying, and yet there is no better time than now.. before my time is governed by a relationship, or kids, or a time consuming job.
    Anywho, I think my favorite of both of your points was the bit about “dating yourself” and not being afraid to do things alone. I volunteer at a performing arts center where I get to see Broadway musicals, ballet, and opera for free. I applied because it was something I loved. At first it was weird to do this by myself, I begged friends to join and it never worked out. but I found myself enjoying dressing up, going out, talking to strangers, making new friends, enjoying the arts, and escaping reality for a few hours. Completely single. I’ve never met one guy doing this, Mostly because they’re all married or gay haha, but it’s become one of my most favorite things to do.

    Spend time doing what you love. That’s how to enjoy being single.

  24. Samx says:

    Oh and thank you for taking the time to do this video, a very good reminder to keep being your beat version in a relationship :)

  25. Samx says:


  26. Eliza says:

    Hey, I watched the video on how to get the “How to talk to men” Book and each time I hit on the download button it says empty shopping card, buhuhuhu
    I would like to order it.
    Thanks for your help dear M. Hussey team

  27. Amy says:

    Reason to Love Being Single: Spend more time with God and developing your spiritual life.

  28. Lida says:

    Hi Matthew. I’m a 29 years old woman. I’ve started to watch your youtubes when my date left me alone after 2 months. I was a needy and boring girl. I was looking for a relationship desperately one year ago. I started to listen to your advice and think about them. I was kinda depressed also because of my moving to the U.S. I’ve dated so many many people to get more experiances. I do what you say and follow you. I have my self confidence again, my ex wanted to marry me, my other ex begged me to be in a relationship with me. I can get any guy in a room! I’m sexy, funny, I flirt with them a lit, I talk about my career… Matthew I don’t know how I can truly show you that I Am so happy that you exist in the world to mentor me! You saved my life.

    Thank you so so much <3


  29. Mandie says:

    Really enjoyed that Matt and Lewis. Great information. :-)

  30. Cdubs says:

    I’m loving hitting up the gym. I enjoy pushing my body and the burn in my lungs when I’m really going for it. I used to be so embarrassed to get sweaty or breathe hard there, but now I don’t even feel like it was worth the trip unless I’m dripping in sweat and my muscles are quivering! Lol! I also don’t mind being the creeper watching all the hot guys lifting and flashing a little shy smile every now and then. Being single is so nice; there is a whole world of possibility out there.

  31. Deb says:

    PS: thanks for this video! You helped me remember that there is so much that I actually LOVE about being single!

  32. Deb says:

    My favorite thing to do when single is:
    play hookie from my work and have a “ME” day: either: a full on, feel good, pamper myself spa day, or… take myself on an uber feminine day-date: includingtake dance and yoga classes, hang out at hip cafe where I can people watch, flirt with the baristas, get hit on by attractive men, then thrift store shopping….. Look cute, do things that allow me to feel great in my body and mind, and hang out in great people watching places, feeling great!

  33. Jenna Jacobs says:

    I really had a hard time paying attention to the hotness because there was too much info on that sofa.

  34. Kalee Forrester says:

    LOVED this video. Lewis is fantastic. The two of you together have so much wonderful insight and advice that it would be amazing to have Lewis guest star again. P.S. Lewis just purchased the book :)

  35. Donna says:

    Great Matthew,

    I was just feeling a bit de-motivated about the dating life and this has given me a boost. I love being single but I want more things to be happening. You’ve made me remember that I need to enjoy the process as one day I won’t be single and will miss the time I had with myself. I will definitely be checking out Lewis’s book :)
    My favourite point is reconnecting with your vision personally & professionally.
    More videos together please :)

  36. Malak says:

    Dear Matthew,

    You became my coach :) so I would like to thank you my coach.. why? because you really made my day with your words and your spontaneous character.. I love your vedieos it have different style and the fact that you keep the thing going in simple & spontaneous way is really beneficial and powerful to spread your message.. My favourat videose are( the radieo”love life” , the trip , the conference when you deliver some part of your events , and the one on this page. Did I mention everything =) =) Oh by the way I print the article of your brother& am working on its process to ) thank you for that also I know its not easy as you said to deliver your own secrets , since am studying Psychology.. Good luck with your life, career , wish you the best of everything..
    your client,

  37. connie curtis says:

    do something alone.. dinner, movie.. sometimes go dancing.. a place you can but I dont like going out all the time.. dancing I love but I only stay out to midnight when I do go out and I dont drink much.

    I what to be with my ex. I know I dont need him. He is not open to it and right now its a crazy situation. I am following my heart so I know I look crazy. I also realize that matthew tells us that guys do think like guys.. I am learning alot.

  38. Lisa Bennett says:

    Matt and Lewis,
    I think you are spot on with your observations and tips for being happily single.
    Another important thing, which I think you left out, is understanding your own unique personality type and “doing the work”, to gain insight and wisdom into how your own mind works, to work on any underlying issues you have, to be the best you can be before you align with someone else — and also, make sure that other person has also done self-reflection and transformation. I was analyzed using Meyers-Briggs many years ago, and it’s a fine system, but just recently was introduced to the Enneagram types, which is helping me much more because it helps me get to the root of how I deal with stress (I get autocratic, and my decisions become very black and white).

    The thing is, the man I married and I both had underlying issues in our personalities, and since neither of us had done serious self-reflection and transformation, we were absolutely the WORST for each other. In different circumstances, if we had both gone through personal transformations, we may have been a very good couple. So I seriously recommend that single people do self-reflective work, with the help of friends or professionals or support groups, to become the very best they can be to align with someone else. And I’m so much happier now that I’m doing the self-work, even as a single person.

    Yours always,

  39. Sara Jenning says:

    Great video guys–best one yet!

    You asked for add ins from us and I would add volunteering or giving back to others. I’d also add devoting time to your faith if that’s important to you. Some people loose that in a relationship.


  40. Jane Foster says:

    I completely agree with everything you guys have said and my sixth comment would be:

    For me it’s about spending time on my own and being comfortable with myself. This has been the hardest but most rewarding part for me. It means that no matter who comes into my life and what happens I will always be able to go back to moi :)

  41. Raquel says:

    I’ve been single forever lol but what I enjoy the most is that I can do and go wherever I want without “asking for permission” from my partner. All of my friends are in relationships and when I tell them of an event Togo as a couple or alone they have to ask for permission.

  42. Holly J says:

    Thank you so much Matthew and Lewis! What impresses me most about pro athletes is their mindset, I think that’s what really sets them apart. Can’t wait to check out the blog and book! WHOOP!

  43. valerie says:

    I really enjoyed this pod cast with Lewis Howes. I’ve been single for 8yrs. Five of which I was in an on off situation. I like the ideas you shared to enjoy being single. My favorite one is to take time to get really good at something. Another favorite is to spend a weekend away from home, meet new people and explore new places. Thank you!

  44. Misha Templar says:

    The thing I do is to get in my car on a weekend either by myself or with one wing man and pick a direction- North , South, East or West and head there. I don’t always plan where, I just go. I have had the best adventures and met the most wonderful people by being spontaneous! I ofen go out alone so I am not restricted by anyone’s preconceived ideas as to what the day should be. I have no expectations, so the day is not pressured to fulfill any requirement but by the end of it, I am pleasantly surprised

  45. Regena says:

    Great video! I soo appreciate Conscious Men that take the time to consider & study themselves, as well as relationships. Nobody’s perfect, and the better we get @ living a full life, the better we can be @ offering someone else a great life! Thanks for the reminder guys- you rock:)

  46. Ariel says:

    I would duty date if I am single.

  47. Jamie says:

    I love this list! Of all areas of my life, my love life or lack there of, has caused me the greatest worry, sadness, aggravation..etc. I plan on keeping this list with me at all times to look at and to remember that I am prize or the author of my life and not to ever make a man my focus. Possibly, my love life hasn’t been the best, because the men I was interested in or men who were interested in me could tell that I was focusing more on them than myself! I know that I need to change. This list is a great list to have a fulfilling life in general! Thank you both for the reminder!

  48. Diane says:

    Great ideas you guys! So many insights. I like to wake up super early and do a quiet yoga routine in the dark. Love it. But one thing that I make a point of doing to make myself feel special is to cook as energetically and creatively as I did when married. It’s too easy to let that slip but it is enjoyable and gives me confidence.

  49. mika says:

    This was such a good video Matthew! For the longest time I have just rejected being single and wondered why I was so unhappy instead of just embracing the moment and doing eveything that I want with my life. I can honestly say that I found this video refreshing and informative. What I think Im going to apply to my life, is taking myself out on dates more. I think that Ive been miserable because I havent learned how to enjoy my own company, thinking that being with someone somehow validated me and I believed that people judged me because I was out alone. Thank you Matthew for the reminder of how important it is to love and do well for yourself first.

  50. emma woolston says:

    Great interview and lovely to see you focusing on the positive of being single and living in the moment. What’s the one great thing about being single?….understanding that it is a choice. To like and value yourself more that you choose to stay single or be single rather than in a relationship that you know is wrong. So it a nutshell…being single is courageous.

  51. Joyce says:

    The two of you should get together more often!! I’ve been looking forward to Lewis’ book for a couple of months now.

    I like Lewis’ idea about going to dinner or a movie by yourself. You can still try to briefly converse with the people around you while you enjoy your own company. I also like Matt’s point about trying to be more of a morning person because the people and activities are more wholesome earlier in the day. It’s never fun to start talking to a guy at a club and 60 seconds in you realize he’s too drunk to carry on a conversation.

    A few weeks ago I started taking boxing lessons (love the boxing metaphors I’m finding in some of the Impact modules, by the way)to improve my upper body strength.
    I’ve also started bouldering (similar to rock climbing)and I am now working up the courage to go to an improv class later this week (to learn to be more spontaneous and less afraid in front of audiences).

    If everyone finds just two or three new things to try and sticks with them, we’ll all gain more confidence, meet new people, and have more things to talk about. Good luck to everyone who tries something new this week. :)

    • Joyce says:

      The point of all of this for me is that if I get used to doing a lot of activities now as a single person, then it will be so much easier to keep going and budget time for these types of things once I’m in a relationship.

  52. Nina says:

    I knew it ! I saw Lewis howes on tv news channel talk about his book and that instant thought of Mathew hussey, as I felt Matt is very passionate about his work and his skills at understanding human dynamics that they have a lot to share and talk about. lol and behold I see them together interviewing each other :)

  53. Faizah says:

    This is a very interesting topic. I think we can sum-up the whole list with just two words (self improvement). It’s understood that we should constantly improve ourselves in all aspects, whether we’re single or not, but being single gives us the time and clearer vision of who we really are individually.

    Thank you Matt for this good video and thank you to your guest. I can’t wait to see you again on Periscope.. yeah, I follow you!haha

  54. liz Taylor says:

    I loved this video! Could it get any better than two gorgeous men talking at length with sensitivity and emotional maturity? Is it real?

  55. Laurie says:

    Oh Matthew! Always such timely advice. Thank you. Ok, so one thing that I love doing for myself when I’m single is dressing up and looking my best just for me whether I’m going to go run errands or hang out with friends. A lot of times, we only go all out on how we present ourselves if we’ve got a date or we’re going out for a special occasion with our significant other. However, I’ve realized that when you put the time and effort to look your best whether or not you’re in a relationship, it makes you feel good. Look good, feel good. It’s saying to yourself, I’m worth it to look my best even if it’s just for me, or rather especially because it’s just for me because I love myself :)

  56. Beth says:

    I like the comment about going on a date with myself because I just took myself to a dinner and a movie this passed Friday (saw the Martin and highly recommend it). The next thing I am learning is how to vacation by myself. I have planned my first trip to Belize for 9 days (very excited!!). The other thing I am learning to do is nail down my routine of keeping my home and such clean. I never know if I will have a date and want to wear my favorite shirt, but it is in the laundry. I do my cleaning during my early morning rituals like watching Matt’s video.

    Thanks for the great video as always Matt! With love.

  57. Shawnna Stiver says:

    The tip that I try to abide by is to not take the negative comments too seriously. I think it’s really easy to hear the “why is she still single” comment and start buying into the idea that there must be something wrong with me. Dare I say our society doesn’t actively reward those of us who are not willing to settle. But I think ultimately the way to keep your focus and not let the comments get to you is by realizing that we all want different things. Some people want security and some might value passion. Not settling to me means I’m holding out for someone extraordinary and its ok if the outside world doesn’t immediately understand that :)

  58. Krista says:

    I always try to make at least one new friend when I go out. A day just feels more successful when you’ve made a new contact. I feel like it’s important not to hang out with the same people all the time.

  59. Tamara Stuart says:

    You can do those dorky/quirky things that bring you so much joy, that you might feel inhibited to do if you were trying to impress someone… Example: How much I’m into old movies and sitcoms… I could literally watch them every night before I go to bed, and not get bored … I can even do dorky things like take a spontaneous road trip to Jamestown, NY to go to the I Love Lucy Museum, and explore her hometown by myself… Those little things give me such a giddy little thrill, especially when I can do then alone

  60. Naome says:

    The one thing that I do as a single person is focus on nourishing my mind body and soul and celebrate who I am

  61. Monique C says:

    This was such a great video! Thank you Matthew and Lewis! It’s so difficult NOT to focus on the lack of something (ie. a relationship) when you’re single, rather than putting all your energy on the positive aspects (e.g. such as the inspiring top reasons both of you listed). Being constantly asked by family, friends and sometimes even strangers doesn’t help when they make “singledom” feel abnormal.

    As much as I would love being in a relationship right now, I know that if I were in one, I probably wouldn’t get the opportunity to do all the fun things that make me happy and fill up my leisure time now.

    One thing that I do right now that makes being single more enjoyable is making my own rules (dare I say, being selfish). Often when people are in relationships they spend most of the time thinking about the impact their choices are going to make on their partner and what their partner will think. Too often someone else’s needs are being put before our own (I’m guilty of this), and we often lose ourselves in the process.

    That’s why it’s important to put YOURSELF first and learn to be selfish when you’re single. Make up the rules as you go along by spending the time, money and resources on things that make you happy (without waiting for the approval of someone else), while you have the space and time to do just that.

  62. Summer says:

    Thank you both for such a fabulous video blog! The tips you shared really resonated and they are fantastic, practical tips. I do a few of them myself, such as purposely doing activities alone so I will meet new people, and taking myself out on dates. The first time I took myself out to dinner was when I was travelling solo in Brugges, Belgium. It was a little awkward but I love and need my me-time now! Thank you guys and you’re both really attractive for so many reasons. I enjoyed listening to both your American and British accents on the blog ;)

  63. Amberlea says:

    Great video guys! Any thoughts on best morning places to meet guys?! I rarely see the 24-30 crowd up early and would love to meet someone who enjoys morning too!

    On another note I’ve have taken to dating myself for the past 4 years. In that time I’ve developed a lot of passions including music and been able to be more spontaneous and really get to know myself which in turn helps me to know what I’ll expect from my future partner. You’re right never easy to start, sometimes a little akward but dating yourself can be some of the most important dates you’ll ever go on!

  64. Jami says:

    Thanks for the video, loved the lists! I’m currently single (or on sabbatical as I tell friends), and the best thing I’ve done is to just enjoy being alone with myself. On a good day, I’m cooking and listening to music, which usually leads to me dancing and singing in the kitchen, and I feel fantastic. It allows me to get out of my head and to just breathe and be.

    My next challenge is to make time to read more. I didn’t realize how much I missed reading before bed when I was in a relationship. I’ve found that even though I’m not now, I fill that time with other things, and I need to reconnect with taking the time to wind down with a book.

  65. Shannon Hooper says:

    Dear Matt,

    I always find this sort of advice flummoxing. Like, what the hell kind of relationships are other people having that they don’t have time to do whatever they want to do?

    I know I’m not like other people, and I’ve only had two long term relationships in my life, but, seriously, wtf. In both my relationships, I spent my time the way I wanted to. If anything, I wanted him to go out with his friends more. I’m a true introvert. Other people are utterly exhausting. Go out. Leave me alone. I’ll thank you for it.

    What is it other people want in a relationship? I’m honestly struggling to understand. Here’s what I want from the man in my life: 1) he wants to be with me, 2) he has integrity, 3) I’m attracted to him physically, 4) he’s not clingy or looking to me for excessive validation, and 5) he takes care of himself and the people he cares about. He doesn’t need to spend every waking moment with me.

    I’m already very good at the things I care about. Hopefully, I’ll discover other things that I want to be good at. If I do, I’ll take the time to become good at them — whether I’m in a relationship or not. I already know and like myself. I’m an only child who was raised by a divorced, single mother. I’ve spent almost my entire life alone. I don’t want a relationship because I don’t know how to be alone or don’t know who I am.

    I’ve been single for over five years. I’ve been celibate for almost three years. It’s not especially enjoyable. I miss being touched by someone who cares about me and wants me. I’m a woman. I need to be touched on a regular basis to be happy, like actual physical contact from a man who cares about me. I don’t get any validation from having sex. I have sex because I like it, not to feel better about myself. And sex alone isn’t enough to satisfy the actual physical craving to be held and kissed and treated with tenderness.

    I miss feeling like someone has my back. I need to feel safe and protected. I don’t want it. I need it. I don’t want a bunch of random people in my life sucking all the energy out of me. I just need one or two friends and the man that I love, who loves and protects me back.

    I’ve never not let a crush know that I’m crushing on him. It’s never made a single bit of difference. I have literally never had a guy like me back when I’ve let him know how I feel. My experience is if a guy wants you, he’ll let you know. You won’t have to guess. Also, I’ve never had “the talk” with a guy. I didn’t even know that was a thing until I started reading relationship advice when my last boyfriend and I broke up. I still don’t understand what the point of “the talk” is. If he wants to be with you, he will. If he doesn’t, why try to talk him into it?

    I’m going to be honest. This video completely depressed me. I know that statistically people want to be with people who are like them. I don’t. That’s boring. Also, I’ve never met anyone else like me. And that’s the rub. I’m really, really starting to believe that I’m just too different from everyone else to ever find a man I truly want to be with who also wants to be with me. If he’s looking for someone like himself, I’m not the right girl. The only person I’m like is me. And, I prefer it that way.

    Completely dejected,

  66. Kathryn says:

    I love his poster, but honestly we should all just be grateful to be breathing. I could write a much larger poster for all the other things I’m grateful for. I especially do it when I sit down to eat. I look around and I’m grateful to have warmth, shelter, lovely, food, my health and I consciously give thanks in my mind.
    I can see we have this dichotomy in life of being single or being in a relationship. But in many times and relationships we have to be ‘single’. The other person is working away, or long hours, or completely focused on their own project and we have to be able to completely focus on ours, or to have one. A life which is completely absorbing, which takes in our original dream and vision. The other person in the relationship needs to respect and be interested in this, if only from a distance. It is much easier when you are single to persue this singular vision or be spontaneous and all the things you discussed. But actually if you do what is the cultural norm of being in a relationship all the excitement, passion, things you want to do that inspire you from the gut, from deep within your physche, your makeup, will be sucked out. When we are with someone we care what they think, we automatically think there’s no connection and bond if we don’t want to be doing the same stuff or living the same way all of the time. Of course we need to be complimentary or it’s just not going to work. But we really need to hang on to our individual dreams, passions and things we do, people we see.
    The definitions of being single or paired up are completely cultural and have nothing to do with love. I need to see the recent film The Lobster as the narrative is about these very things!
    Thank you to Lewis, what a lovely man. x

  67. Tanya says:

    My best one embrace the freedom of choice while single. I was in a 20 year relationship. At first it felt weird being alone. I quickly realized that I should enjoy getting to do what I want anytime not knowing how long I may be single. From getting to choose a movie, restaurant, travel destination, tv program, or any activity, I do things now that may not be able to do later in a relationship. You often do have to make certain compromises as a couple to allow the other person to enjoy activities they like. Although it is a compromise, it also allows you to discover new things.

  68. Tanya says:

    My best one embrace the freedom of choice while single. I was in a 20 year relationship. At first is felt weird being alone. I quickly realized that I should enjoy getting to do what I want anytime not knowing how long I may be single. From getting to choose a movie, restaurant, travel destination, tv program, or any activity, I do things now that may not be able to do later in a relationship. You often do have to make certain compromises as a couple to allow the other person to enjoy activities they like. Although it is a compromise, it also allows you to discover new things.

  69. Beatrix says:

    ‘Get really good at something’ – I decided to become a great salsa dancer and have been dancing about 3 years now. I absolutely love it and have to say men react to my passion the same way as women react to their men’d sport fanatism. It’s hard to find women with true passions nowadays.

    My biggest challenge is ‘Take risks to tell people they are sexy’- this I want to do and truly think would change my lovelife. Perhaps I should say this to some men at salsa LOL

  70. Vesna says:

    Thank you for this spot on video guys, as I just felt a bit frustrated and lonely this morning after two evenings this weekend spent on parties and not meeting anyone significant. As I’m writing a book next to a full time job time is very precious.

    Number 1 best thing of being single for me is to be able to explore freely who I am, what makes me feel alive and what I want to bring to this world without a need to adjust myself with taking another person and fit it into this picture.

    (something on the lines of what you had with having a clear vision, sorry to not be more original :)

  71. Maame Joses says:

    You guys made my day! Absolutely love this one, perhaps my favorite. I am the author of the upcoming book’Princess Mamma’ for big and small girls who want to live happy ever after. I got a lot from this video that connects with my mission for mothers that want to live their best life. There is something so powerful about men who declare that it is important to love yourself. Plus you are both very handsome and funny. I will be checking out the book asap. Great job Matthew and Lewis :-) Big love from Holland, Maame

  72. Torri says:

    Loved the blog post and have pre-ordered Lewis’ book for my Kindle :) #1 Thing I enjoy about being single is my quiet time, where no one has a demand on me or my time. I work in a job that is male dominant, and I spend a lot of my time keeping the peace between them, calming down a frustrated coworker, listening politely to their workout recap they feel obliged to give, or pretending the fart joke is funny the 100th time that week. I think men are brilliant and their intensity charming, but at times I need peace and quiet.Lol ..So today, I woke up, went for a run, checked my email, watched this wonderful blog, ordered Lewis’ book, and have the rest of my day for me, which is 1 completely wonderful thing to enjoy about being single. <3 Torri

  73. Lizzy B says:

    Thank you so much gentlemen! What a wonderful way to start the day with two incredible men. I would love to see that happen more often, Matt.
    I have been planning on getting Lewis’ book, which I have heard about on some other blogs. Thanks for the additional incentive.
    One of the recent things I have been doing as a single woman falls into the take care of your health category. I’ve been following a whole foods, plant-based diet and learning as much as I can about nutrition in general. It’s been a tremendous revelation in terms of vision which has led to some additional political and environmental interests.
    Thanks again to you both. I am looking forward to following your future projects.

  74. Lorraine Ortiz says:

    If you know what your future looks like. your present can produce it. I’m just trying to figure out what that looks like.

  75. ELondon says:

    Matt, you’re so right about being a morning person! I used to get so depressed getting a night bus home, alone, full of drunk people 10 years younger than me. The next day I’d see texts to friends complaining and trying to get them to sympathise. Then I focused more on what makes me happy like swimming, cooking, going out for breakfast and getting up to do all this and I felt better.

    One extra tip I think helps is to prioritise people a and activities that matter and make you happy. I had to exercise will power to stop saying yes to all kinds of people and activities because I was wasting money and time, not gaining what I wanted or finding myself bored with a ‘friend’s’ company.

    I now am in a relationship and remember to do all the things I love doing, taking him along sometimes, or not. He’s wonderful and I never thought a relationship could be THIS good. It’s all thanks to your advice. Thank you so much, Matt. Truly, you’ve changed my life.

  76. Tricia says:

    Love the conversation. Going to buy the book. Thank you!

  77. Jessica says:

    I really like the point you gentlemen made about doing the things you love and feeling great. I’m single at the moment, and I have dated so I know I’m attractive enough now to be with a guy. I’m just trying to focus on being happy with my life, and not ‘searching’ for a guy to fill the whole of being single and lonely. Also the morning person point was a great one, it’s hard to get out of bed, but you do feel happier when seeing other people about I find you have more options too particularly in local parks and cafes

  78. Jena says:

    I’m single and a loner. I still go out all the time and do everything alone. I like it, at least at casual places. I have my internet to work on so I don’t need someone in front of me to talk to. The only thing I don’t like about it is how often it has felt like staff and servers treat you almost second class when you dine alone and don’t have another party you’re with. Mostly at more regular server based places. They treat you like you’re weird for being alone. I don’t even feel alone actually when I have friends around the world texting me non stop. Long conversations with my business partner on the other side of the world and sharing photos with people of where I’m at and things I’m doing etc.

    One of the greatest things about being single and in the remote work lifestyle I have is that I can travel alone and move around to different countries spontaneously whenever I feel like it. On the downside it has kept me single cause since I’m living in countries I’m not a permanent resident in and only have travel visa’s for then there’s no point developing any romantic relationships with guys in them. And since I’m not settled and would be leaving then guys have no reason to want a relationship with me. I’m not dating material so I don’t even bother dating. Though living this way is something I know I won’t be able to do once I’m settled and in a committed relationship. Not to say that won’t have it’s own benefits that would be worth the sacrifices, though I’m enjoying my freedom of movement and traveling while I still can! I’m also able to privately work on improving myself before I have to expose parts of myself more when dating. Keep my body covered in flattering clothes until I’m super happy with all areas of my body that I’m not completely happy with yet, improve my income and business and my skills etc. Work on becoming more attractive and powerful.

    I’m a bit of a perfectionist and have high standards for how I want to be that takes time sweat and money to build and improve etc. I don’t want to share myself until I’m happy with myself measuring up to my own standards and vision of who I want to become. So even though I crave romance sometimes and get lonely I would rather wait. And it really annoys me when friends tell me to simply meet guys and go out with them now. They don’t understand that I’m not happy not being my best self first.

  79. Luz Perez says:

    Don’t compare yourself or your self worth to other people that are in a relationship.

  80. Jennifer Kirby says:

    I’ve been single/divorced for over 3 years now, after spending the past 20 years in a relationship (basically my entire adult life). I’m finally at a point(or so I thought) where I’m ready to find a guy, settle down and live happily ever after. However, after watching some of Matthew’s recent videos, there are a few things I feel I need to do BEFOREHAND. In particular, after this interview with Lewis, I realize I need to conquer a MAJOR fear of mine, which is going out alone. I’ve always felt people would view me as pathetic, when it’s quite the contrary. Obviously it depends on WHERE you go. I’m not going to be the chic hanging at the local sports bar every fri night alone. I actually admire the boldness&contentment of those who can go to dinner or a movie alone. I am going to take the advice offered &date myself atleast once every 2 weeks. And already planned to become more of a morning person, since I too am totally over the “2am people suck” moments in life. Thank you for sharing!

  81. Natasha Marie Potter says:

    Ok, I just read what I posted…ummm….spelling on speed swype text is not a talent I have…..be generous with your spelling imagination whilst reading my first post…yeah….just sayin.

  82. Natasha Marie Potter says:


    1. Badass. Great info. Useful and thoughtful yet provoking….

    2..proviking cause the Bromance is palpable….

    3… I can’t stop looking at your big muscles. The ones your biceps are near and tjose back kinda shoulder muscle area. Wow.

    4….I’m trying REALLY hard to focus on content but I keep looking at your shirt and then both your shorts. And then i saw his shoe or slipper…and then im thinking “pull it together pay attention” but then Ithink afterwards “but who wears this…where do they wear this…what time of day do they wear this..are their legs hairy? I’m not so sure I really care for Matthews shirt now cause does it really go with shorts..what shoes does he wear with this? Did they plan shorts with lumberjack? Why can’t I stop judging their clothes. I think Matthew looks really fit and likes to say “I love that” but naybe that shirt isn’t right for his biceps…why am I judging when I’m eating cinnamon rolks and my pants don’t fit….

    5…..Well I’m at home enjoying a movie after my son’s foitball game and dinner date with him… Thinking I nailed your vid…..Ohhhh shit I am only 11:00 minutes into it and I am here commenting and I still have six minutes left (happily) but I had topuke my thoughts or I wouldn’t absorb the last of it…..and I’ll be back.



    Tasha your Idaho potatoe

  83. Renata says:

    Thank you! I was waiting for video about happy single people for very long time:)

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