Are Men REALLY Turned Off By Intelligent Women?? THE TRUTH!

It’s often believed that there is an unfair bias against those women with high IQ’s in dating. Women are attracted to smart men, they say, but guys feel threatened by women who challenge them too much in the brains department.

But is that stereotype actually true??

In this week’s blog video, I’m going to reveal the 100% honest answer based on my research on men and attraction. If you’re a smart person and have ever felt compelled to hide your knowledge from guys in conversation, then you REALLY need to hear this advice…

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84 Replies to “Are Men REALLY Turned Off By Intelligent Women?? THE TRUTH!”

  • One can’t really give a generic answer to this question, which you also didn’t do. Some men are fascinated by intelligent women and others feel intimidated, so the wise woman (the socially intelligent one) will know exactly when to show her intelligence and when to play foolish. If the woman is more intelligent, for the sake of the relationship, it is better to let the man think he is more intelligent, to let him think all those brilliant ideas were his ;)

  • Thanks Matt! I’ve never held back my thoughts or opinions just because I like a guy and I don’t think I’m pompous or cutting in how I share but now I’ll be more mindful of it. I figure if I’m kind about how I share my thoughts and it’s intimidating to a man, they’re re not the guy for me. (ps. I just corrected the wrong use of they’re…perhaps not as smrt as I thought)

  • This video was so insightful! I like it when you touched on taking risks with intelligent people in the smaller pool of life. Please elaborate on that specific point next time. Thanks Matt! Xxxx

  • I like Mia’s response below too. Referring to the superiority vs. Inferiority complexes of a man when they interact with intelligent women. Also related to gender roles in society, yes. Would love to hear your thoughts on this too Matt. Please go into more depth!

    1. And while Matt is at it, how about adressing the money issue? I finally learned how to frame the intelligence issue to stumble into the “I make more mOney than you” issue.

  • Matt you are so intelligent, seriously! I’m a PhD student of sociology, and in my arrogant opinion, I think I’m the kind of socially intelligent person you described. xD

    I recently met a guy in a bookstore and we were able to connect immediately. We never run out of things to talk about, and we can be serious, funny, and sarcastic all at the same time. But we can also stare together at the beautiful moon for 30 minutes without talking. And we both agree that a shared silence is different from silence alone. It’s just wonderful, to the degree of making me scared.

    I just want to let you know that I’m your fan. And the lessons I’ve learnt from you helped me meet him and probably is helping me keep him right now.

  • The witty cutting woman – yep! That was me for years. I prided myself on it, and so did my friends. I mean I was REALLY good. I could have and unwanted creap of a man who approached our table, gone in less than 60 seconds. I was also single for that decade because I didn’t turn it off for the nice guys. I finally realized that I was bitter and angry towards me because of events in my past and got some counseling to address them.
    I’m still single, but I’ve learned to keep my cutting wit to myself and challenged myself to use my wit to build someone up with witty compliments instead of insults.
    Life is better with the bitterness left in the past and positive wit is more challenging to my intelligence. Win – win for me . . . and those on the receiving end of me.

  • Every day i feel so so diferent with all this new life i want to live, Thanks so much!!! It is so simple!! Thanks u make things so much easy, i can not wait to be in December in the retreat!!

  • Thanks for this! I always used to think there was something wrong with me. My friends would do the “just go out with him; he’s a nice guy” thing. I’ve wasted hours and hours of my life trying to force myself to have interest in people I had absolutely no interest in whatsoever. There have really only been two I’ve ever met who’ve truly intrigued me and turned me on–and I’m 32 years old. I definitely need to get out more. I just find it so discouraging trying to meet people since there seem to be so few I truly enjoy being around–men or women. I don’t want to be an arrogant jerk about it, I’m just tired of wasting time.

  • Thanks Matt! A very nice and interesting perspective. I was really struck by your comments on a “smaller pool”. And, expanding this is something I am working on. I realize it is critical in finding someone to build a long term relationship with.

  • Thanks, Matt! I kind of figured this to be the truth. I’m an academically intelligent person, and I am attracted to the intellectual type of guy. My dilemma is that I rarely feel physically attracted to the intelligent men I meet. The physical attraction is super apparent with the “not so smart” guys. Where can I go to find men like yourself?? ;)

  • Hi Matt…well done Lad…the ‘other’ intelligence (which cannot really be confused w/ social intelligence) is emotional intelligence…and when one is accomplished in this area – the ‘numbers game’ just isn’t feasible or Fun. It is not Fun because more often than not, men fall for me and it is not reciprocal…I love men and just cannot lead anyone down the primrose path – though men don’t seem to have many issues w/ this – I can’t help but have consciousness around it..golly this may sound egotistical, but rest assured, dear Matt – this could not be further from the truth. Thank you for your time..

  • So true. Intelligence for me really means knowing the peopleand applying it accordingly so that you can always be a giving energy. Most people can sense if our intelligence is a crooked one or if we use it for good

  • I liked this video.

    I know I need to meet more people seeing that dating is essentially a numbers game.
    This video is a reminder that you shouldn’t settle for a guy that bores you either.
    An interest can be attractive and have lovely personalities in general, yet you find them boring or it is a like chore to be around them when you are alone.

    I currently have a lot on my plate with working and studying part-time, it is insane the variety of people we are exposed to, I find networking refreshing. I am so thankful that I have reached a space in my life where I don’t need to endure bad company. If i don’t enjoy a party or event then I leave.

    Have a good week!

  • This evening I am going to “borrow” this poetic phrase coach:

    “He, whose thoughts are right and like the amaranthine bloom”


  • Love the video. It is spot on. It’s not intelligence that turn men off but how you apply it in different social situations.

  • Awesome advice ….as usual…Love how you broke it down… many different types there are…Thanks for that Matthew! ;) <3 I think you are very intelligent…& you definitely know how to work a room…Saw it first hand at The Retreat! So sexy…& so smart!

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