Never Eat Alone?

Matt’s thought for the weekend…

I just had brunch on my own in the West Village. It was lovely. I rushed past the crowd in the overflowing ‘sceney’ restaurant I happened to be walking past at that hungry moment, and was ushered to a single seat at the corner of the bar. No one hour wait. Thank God.

I scribbled down a few notes about what I wanted to do today (including figuring out a last minute Halloween outfit so that I’m not completely under dressed going out tonight), ate a delicious meal, and came back to my apartment.

Whenever I dine by myself I hear the title of a book I see on the shelves from time to time called ‘Never Eat Alone’. I confess I’ve never read the book, but I hear the title echoing in my mind as a kind of unhappy mentor tapping their foot in disapproval.

listen

Though I agree that going out to meals with people is crucial for networking, strengthening bonds with those we already know, and sparking ideas for our careers and businesses, I also believe part of the reason we don’t have people to do this with is precisely because we never eat alone. In other words, we confine ourselves to our homes in our loneliness, fearing we will be that person at the restaurant or bar who showed up on their own, and isn’t waiting for someone to join them after all. We all fear being pitied.

Actually the truth about eating alone is somewhat more exciting. We solitary diners are not waiting for someone, we are waiting for anyone. We know that anything can happen. Our trade is that we have to venture out alone, into the unknown. Sometimes nothing will happen, as in the case of my meal today. But the worst-case scenario is that I sit there alone, with my most treasured team-mate, with time to be present and simply think and people watch. Not such a risky trade after all. Best case, I engage in interesting conversation with someone I didn’t even know existed 30 minutes ago.

There are times in life when we should take the risk to call someone up and invite them to dinner. There are other times when the most rewarding experience you can have is to take yourself. It won’t by any means close off your ability to have the excitement of meeting people while you are there, because in the process you’ll have taken the most sociable step one can take anyway – the step outside your front door.

I therefore propose an amendment to the title of this post…

Never be afraid to eat alone.

Matt x

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33 Replies to “Never Eat Alone?”

  1. I pretty much enjoy eating out on my own with a book since very long. Not once I was afraid being pitied. I feel rather cool,relaxed,concentrated on your food that way. And as you say ‘ you never know what’s going to happen next’ do you? ;)

  2. Back in May (months before you proposed the “date yourself” idea im proud to say) I decided to drive almost two hours to Miami for the day. I always wanted to go and wanted to experience something new and out of the ordinary. Looking back to that day im glad I did that on my own. Im more comfortable with going out now and having fun with finding people along the way. Thank you for all you do, Matthew. Love reading and watching all the wisdom you project to us lucky souls :) Hope you have a fun Halloween.

  3. Eating alone can be a very enjoyable experience when you feel ok and when you are less stressed about work, studies, ..
    But if you are very stressed and when you feel alone, it’s a little bit different ( at least for me) I usually don’t care what others think of me when i ‘m sitting alone at restaurant ordering meal or just eating alone at home, it’s just sometimes you need someone there to remind you that you need to eat, I lost a lot of weight because i had to eat alone for over than 6 months last year, I was so stressed with studies (senior year at an engineering school), very far away from home, friends moved to other cities.., it was horrible.

  4. Great post, Matthew. This sums up my year so far. I’ve spent my whole life waiting for someone to do stuff with who never turned up. This year I just decided to go for it alone.

    As well as eating alone, gone to meetup events alone, flown abroad alone and last night, went to a rock concert alone. If I hadn’t done any of these things I wouldn’t have had the guts to go to your seminar alone (where I met a fabulous new friend) and I most definitely would not have had the nerve to sign up for the retreat.

    While it’s not always comfortable, I’ve always felt better for doing it. It means I don’t have to miss out on things just because there’s no one around to do them with. It’s definitely a confidence booster and a step towards a fuller life.

    Time to chuck that book out :)

  5. I literally just had waffles and chicken by myself at west village (Uptown Dallas), while everyone is in a group drinking mimosa. Now having a quiet saturday drinking tea in a coffee shop. Sometimes you just need a “me time”.

  6. Wonderful, Matthew. And I agree! Eating alone is also a form of self Love. Because you should be your best friend and feel secure in yourself. I often take myself out on “dates” where I dine alone and just appreciate the World around me. I also reflect on life and enjoy seeing the interactions that surround me. And yes, it also gives the great opportunity to meet or exchange with someone new. Sometimes, the World is always go-go-go that’s it’s just nice to stop, and dine alone. Great post!

  7. I used to not like eating alone but now I dont mind it, and enjoy my own company. I go to movies alone, go to Top Golf alone, paint and sip alone. I often meet new friends and other times just have fun. Last night I went to pizza but bought it at a place where buying your food is social. I talked to everyone and I am sure annoyed a few haha But thats whats fun to me, just meeting new people. Its less predictable and can be kinda exciting

  8. When I lived in Florida every Sunday I would take my favorite book to a little local place on the water. I would sit there looking at the water, sipping a blue moon, eating shrimp and grits and reading. It became my meditation time to myself -and some of my fondest memories. I met some wonderful people some days and others had a great meal and time alone- a win win for me. You always get the strange looks from fellow patrons and the host/hostess, but I would rather think they are wondering how I became such an independent and mysterious woman!

  9. This! Yes! As I sit currently eating out by myself scrolling the internet, see this. I clicked ready to be reprimanded. Thank you. More people need to hear this and be okay going out by themselves.

  10. Nothing wrong with eating alone at all. I go to many places alone (theatre, lectures, movies, a nice stroll in the park) and have noticed actually there’s lots of people alone, too. It’s a great way of meeting people. I think most of the time we’re too worried what other people might think of us. Just take a book (get a little me time), or a laptop to do some work, or (as I’ve seen people do in restaurants) catch up on your Netflix while you wait for order. I’ve writing in my spare time so I eavesdrop on conversations and observe people’s mannerisms I can steal for my characters ;)

  11. This is great. It takes guts to do so. I do this sometimes… Why not be able to enjoy a nice meal with yourself? I never view this as being alone… The whole Surrounding world is with you the entire time. cheers

  12. I love the idea that you finally see the other side of the world…it feels good that someone understands that solitude is not anti-socializing or picking up that loner costume…there are really people who feels better when they have more time alone than getting lost in the noisy crowd-well for myself, I enjoy watching movies alone :) I date myself by going to my favorite bookstore and read there or just have sometime to think in my room… I love to walk on the same place I’m passing on the same way everyday :) or eat on the same table and same chair in the pantry…what changes there is the people you meet and dine with or walk with everyday…
    every conversation starts somewhere :)and If I did not take those moments of self-enriching process, I could have not wrote a note here, or to find myself stumbled on your “dolphin video” and might still be stuck on the same rotting feeling of being lonely while faking “I am okay” with all those parties and acquaintances. for me,managing yourself to be alone and yet feel good about it is the most liberating feeling-that means, you’ve out-grown the desire to appease everyone’s prejudice of why you go solo :) you can’t be ready to be in a relationship if you haven’t enjoyed that moment for yourself…and yes, I would say…it’s okay to watch movies alone :)
    grow where you’re planted-being single is not a curse;) but is an opportunity to be productive.

  13. Mat, can you write and think about things that implies to both poeple and muslims. Some of what you say, we’re bound to do that. So how can i apply your things. I love them but i can’t. Please think about it

  14. Hi there,
    First off I just discovered your website and I devored several posts and videos at once.

    This post came really ironicly in myblunch time at work, sitting by myself waiting for my meal and coffee.

    I have been practicing this forever and not only in the eating department.
    Dressing up and going out on my own and see what happens was a normal thing.

    Well the alone night outs were a bit cheating since I always frequented the places where I know some people working in there and it would he common to run into some familiar face, but even then is the feeling that I can fo whatever I want, I can meet old friends but not necessarily stay all night with them…I can have a conversation with an stranger without being rude to my friends, and I can always leave with the excuse someone is waiting for me if thing s are not going in a good direction.

    Eat alone…hell yeah.
    A moment to feed your body and mind, and show yourself to the world while wandering in your mind.
    Anyways everyone is always “busy” to even notice everyone around…if that makes anyone feel better to try this therapy . :)

  15. This is like a sign for me, last week my cousin and I talked about going out alone,. She recommends that I should try it, cause she’s been doing it..but before she even recommend it, I have been thinking of going out alone, the only thing that’s stopping me, is the thought of what am I going to do alone? What will the people think if they saw me alone? So just reading this is like telling me, “hey girl, go out! You will be fine.. you’ll learn a lot more of your self as the day pass by..” so with that note, I will schedule a day to myself. :)

  16. Enjoyed reading this. The title could even be “Enjoy eating alone”. I used to feel really self-conscious sitting in a coffee shop/ restaurant eating on my own but as I’ve gotten older (& braver!)I’ve started to actually like doing this sometimes – especially at those times where you need some head space or time out. Plus, it’s a fun opportunity for people watching (and listening)provided its a busy place and you’re about subtle about it. What’s not to like about that :-)

  17. Thank you for this post!

    Dining alone, or taking yourself on any kind of solitary date, is seriously empowering. Regardless of whether you’re in a relationship or not, doing things and going places alone helps you feel independent and self-sufficient, might introduce you to new people, gives you time to people watch, and lets your mind wander.

    I also want to throw out there that Keith Ferrazzi’s book, Never Eat Alone, is definitely worth the read. Like Get the Guy, it’s about the importance of making and maintaining human relationships, and like GtG, has motivated me to step out of my comfort zone and just be a bit more social and talk to other humans (whether in a romantic way or not).

    Glad your brunch was great! :)

  18. wow, I can’t enjoy more reading this article. I am a big believer that eating alone really isn’t a big deal. We, as a human being, are too terrified of been judged. By the time we walk into a restaurant alone and see other groups of people are eating together, chatting, laughing etc, something immediately come to our mind: What people are going to think of me? They must think that why this person come to eat by her/himself. Does she/ he even have friends? If she/ he doesn’t even have anyone to go to a restaurant with, there must be something wrong with this person… ( to be continued…) But the truth is, no one gives a crap of us, and what we do is none of their businesses.

    I absolutely love this phrase : ” We solitary diners are not waiting for someone, we are waiting for anyone. We know that anything can happen. ” Many people find it too hard to believe and they already doubt it before they even try. I strongly believe that if we want our life to be different, we have do things that most people don’t normally do, like, eating out alone :) And it’s really not that hard as we sometimes think it is.

    It reminds me a phrase that Matt used to say, ” ordinary things done consistently produce extrodinary results.” It gives me lots of encouragement when I don’t feel like going anywhere and doing anything. Thanks Matt, you are the best friend, brother and hero of all of us, I can’t imagine how many lives you have changed!!

    Big hug XXX

  19. Perfect timing. I was considering attending an event as I’m interested in the subject. There is a dinner included, as well. However, I won’t have anyone to go with so I’ll be dining alone. In my mind I can hear myself making excuses not to go. Truth is, it’s the ‘dinner’ part which is putting me off, as I think I should be with someone. Time to take that brave step. :)

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