You’re on a date with a guy.
You’re both sharing stories. He tells you that he plays the guitar. You notice that he seems really proud when he tells you about playing his first gig.
Then without missing a moment, you start enthusiastically telling him about your friend who’s also in a band, is the best guitarist you’ve ever seen, and has just released an album.
Suddenly, his eyes narrow and he seems emotionally checked out, maybe even hurt.
Why? What happened?
In this week’s video, I’m going to reveal why this kind of “story-trumping” is so dangerous, and why it can be such a turnoff to guys in dating.
Get Your Copy of the 59 Secret Scripts to Use With Men Here
Hi Steve.
I agree with Gaby I would love to see more content that expands beyond dating and finding the right guy. Maybe bring in something from the books you write about on your own blog. Btw when are you going to post about new books on your blog? I love the book you have posted about so far.
Hi Matthew and Stephen, its so lovely to have you both on here. I am ever so guilty of this and I do it all the time. I’m going to stop and take on board your advice. Yes please bring Stephen on again and enjoy the rest of your day. Thanks to you I’ll be having a new surname in August. Thank you x
That’s such incredible news! Thanks so much Dannii x
Thank you SO much for replying to my post. You made my day. Also please say a HUGE thank you to Matt for his suggestion of Bora Bora. We’re going there for our honeymoon and I’m so excited. I watched the video that Matt made when he was in Bora Bora and I can’t wait to go there, thanks again. Dannii Swann x
Hey Stephen! So what’s the deal with a married coworker that winks and kinda flirts with you? Does he have actual intentions and should I entertain it? It kinda feels good but also guilty. By the way thank you for all you do for us ladies on the blog, you and your brother!
The intentions (if there are any) are not good, considering it means he’s thinking of cheating on his wife! I would realise that there’s a *LOT* better options than getting involved in something so messy as a person who is already in a relationship. Especially at work! Probably best to leave alone and be polite but classy.
Run!!!
Matt, break out your credit card and fly Stephen to wherever you are so you can do more videos together! Or just increase the budget so he can do solo videos with his own personal Jameson to tease and taunt. ;) Good points made in this film. It takes the pressure off trying to do to much and values the art of listening and allowing people space to express themselves.
Haha Thanks Reese. Really hope Matt reads your comment and takes note ;)
What if the guy does this? I’m saying someone who asks about something, I answer and then there’s no response and he changed the subject.seems as if he has nothing to contribute to that conversation. Nor does he ask anything about me. So at this point, I’m wondering about his level of interest.
What to do if you got on with a guy on first date then texted each other saying had a great time do it again. Not heard back from him with a follow up. He had been married for sometime divorced 3 years ago. Not contacting him again as have my standards. Don’t want to keep texting. Would rather call. Not sure if he really is attracted to me anyway though he says he’s shy and he did seem it on date. Is it best pursue or just let it go now. Thank you in advance. (Met you guys on Aug retreat 2015)
There’s no harm in giving him a call. Even for your own peace of mind. You can hang up if it goes to voicemail so he sees the missed call or say, “I’m between appointments and wanted to hear your voice. We should get together again soon. (I’m going to xyz event; you should come.)” Keep it brief. Keep your options open. If he’s not reciprocating after that then don’t invest any more in the situation.
Reese, that’s good advice.
If the guy really is shy, it’s okay to call and say you just wanted to say hello. Make it easier for him, that’s okay.
Hi Stephen
Noticed quite a few people who were making awful comments. How does one keep a positive attitude when coming across these characters in life?
You’re both great together in videos and individually! Just keep up the good work, love the personal periscopes BTW :D
Much love,
Jess
*awful comments on periscope this evening…
It’s always about them, and not about you.
The way we treat others is a reflection of what is going on internally and not a reflection of the other person.
It winds me up when people are nasty and I get upset. I remember when people spread nasty rumours about me and were saying all kinds of stuff. My dad would say ignore them, they’re jealous or what are they doing with their lives and while this is true, it still hurts. Next time people are nasty, block them. They don’t deserve any airtime or attention.
Thanks JJ! Aw I think you just have realise that those are always the minority and if you’re exposed in any way publicly you’ll ALWAYS be subject to negativity. The best response is just to keep creating while others focus on criticising ;)
Hello Stephen and Matt,
Do I believe a guy that says he is super busy? Or is it just something a guy says to show he isn’t interested?
It can mean both. But it’s still a sign you should heed and it means he’s straightforwardly warning you that he won’t have the time to commit right now. Whether it’s genuine or not, the fact is he doesn’t plan on prioritising you at the moment. Remember: invest in people who invest in you!
Your right Stephen it’s only best to invest in people that will invest in you. Thanks so much and I do enjoy these blogs and the videos as well. You and Matt are great. Get the Guy book is awesome
That was such a great point! I watched it thinking I’ve been guilty of doing it myself:) Well, as they say – awareness is the first step to change:)) Or something along these lines. And you guys should do more videos together:))))
Thanks Matt and Stephen – You two got me through my first dating steps after a divorce and now I’m in the best possible relationship with a full-souled man who treats me like a goddess. I could not be happier.
My question is: after a year together, we are about to take a month in France (where he’s from) mostly to meet all of his very long term friends who live there. I feel a bit nervous about this, partly because I’ll be operating in my second language the whole time. I have excellent French but my ability to make jokes or be charming is definitely less than in my native language.
I would love some tips for “meeting the besties”, including any ideas you might have for overcoming language barriers.
Bisous!
Just be warm, friendly, and genuinely interested in people. It’s not your job to get anybody to like you. You liking them is what matters as far as your behavior and that’s what matters.
Hey Stephen and Matthew!
It’s been great seeing you do videos together! You should keep doing these videos together. Also, this was a very informative video. It’s a common mistake I make and will try to be more conscious of now!
I have a burning question though for a possible video in the future. Here’s my question:
Should you date someone that is older or younger than yourself? If so, how old is too old and how young is too young?
I hope you guys consider my question because I would love to hear what you guys think about it!
Thank you and hope to see more from the both of you together and on your own. You guys are awesome and your advice is so applicable to not just romantic relationships, but navigating through any relationship really.
Hope you both look after yourselves!
XOXOXO
It’s a personal preference, I think. I’ve always dated guys who were at least 2-5 years older than me, but these preferences can also change over time.
I think if the gap is too high, it sets up an unhealthy power dynamic.
Cheers, gentlemen. This is my #1 dating problem: men who won’t shut up. I know that men don’t talk to other men the same way that women do, so when a man gets the chance to open up he doesn’t always realize that he’s monopolizing the entire conversation. Often, inserting my own stories leads to more “story trumping” on his part in his excited attempts to impress.
My question to you is this: How can we kindly (yet directly) alert him to his behavior and encourage an effort to correct it? Whether it’s just nerves or poor social skills on his part, he still comes across as a jerk and it’s like a bucket of cold water on my attraction to him.
To women, it’s more important to be interested than interesting. ;)
He “comes across” as a jerk or he’s really a jerk? Are you sure about that?
Came back tonight to see if Stephen answered my question, and he commented on nearly everyone else’s post *except* for mine, which I addressed directly to him. Can’t understand why?
Hi Azure,
Really sorry about that, I think I was just cycling through them and missed your original comment by mistake. I’ve answered it now! Sorry for the late response and thanks for the great question!
Steve x
Nice to see you on Matthews videos !!! Hope to see you again. You are an intelligent and gifted person . Thank you for your advice!!!
Watched this about 3 times…Love it! Do more of these videos where it features the 2 of you…Awesome! ;) <3
Perfect perfect !
Personable not stuffy or plastic Slightly Vulnerable and approachable very likeable and great info
Perfect perfect ! Hint palms up
:)
Hi Matt,
Poor Steve, in all your videos/blogs together Steve never get a word in, you take over hehehe!!
❤️
I disagree. Steve brought up some interesting points here.
More Steve!