It’s crazy how you can see people mess up their relationships…over and over again…often in the same ways.
I’ve seen so many men and women bewildered as to why they aren’t able to keep someone long-term – they wonder if it’s something about human nature, or about love, or about the failure of monogamy in general.
But often it’s a case of toxic behaviours that drive people away.
These behaviours lead to classic signs of falling out of love: emotional withdrawal, petty arguments, insensitive comments, and passive-aggressive moves that show that someone has truly given up on the relationship…
Toxic behaviors that turn your partner off in relationships
One thing to realise is that you can have amazing qualities: you may be a loving, kind-hearted person with a great career and good friends – but you can STILL be driving people away without realising it.
So if you want to keep someone chasing forever, make sure to avoid these all-too-common terrible habits:
- Criticizing their life choices
You don’t have to agree with everything your partner says, but people hate it when they feel like their career or lifestyle decisions are always brought into question by the person they love.
If you can’t accept the things they want and it drives you crazy, choose a different partner, or at least save your criticisms for the things that really matter, instead of nitpicking about their clothes, their friends, their hobbies, how they choose to relax, etc. If it doesn’t negatively affect you, your relationship or their happiness, then it’s not worth worrying about.
- Not giving them appreciation
No-one can survive in a long-term relationship without feeling acknowledged for the effort they make. If your partner does something you like, goes out of their way to make you happy, and gives you love and affection and wants to please you, SHOW THEM YOU APPRECIATE IT.
You wouldn’t believe how many people bail on relationships because they feel taken for granted.
In fact, one of the biggest signs of someone falling out of love is when they gives up, because they feel like any effort they make doesn’t make any difference to the treatment they receive.
Always be the person who makes your partner feel great for trying, even if they don’t always get it right.
- Losing sexual intimacy
Yep, we all know it. But it has to be said.
Physical and sexual intimacy is a deep need for most of us.
Sometimes losing intimacy it’s the man’s fault. Sometimes the woman’s. But if you don’t make time for physical affection and make pleasing each other erotically a priority, it will poison every other part of the relationship.
If your partner feels like their pleasure in the bedroom is no longer important to you, they’ll eventually shut themselves off emotionally and become more and more distant, no matter how much quality time you spend doing other things.
- Bringing complaints/negativity
It’s great to listen to each other’s problems, but too many people make it their default to only ever unload their baggage and negative feelings onto their partner.
This is draining. It’s tiresome. And it sucks the fun and spontaneity that once existed from the relationship. It may even lead to your partner avoiding phone calls and conversations for fear that it’s only going to put them in a worse mood.
One of the sure signs of falling out of love is with someone when we can only associate our lover with problems and difficulty.
- Not respecting their independence
Closeness is essential to fall in love, but space is what helps two people stay together.
Yes, you love each other to bits and you want to spend every minute knowing what they’re up to. But you also both need room to spread your wings and live as individuals: with your friends, hobbies, careers, passions – this is essential to keeping the feeling of excitement and freshness when you come back together again.
If someone feels trapped, they’re going to want to flee.
- Pushing too hard too fast
You can’t rush something that needs time to grow.
Just because you have great chemistry, or feel like he or she is a catch, it doesn’t mean you should push things faster than they’re comfortable with.
Ok, if they can’t make up their mind about the relationship, that’s one thing.
But if they’re going at their own pace and things are moving forward, resist the urge to race ahead before your partner is ready. Chances are, they will tell you their intentions if you ask honestly. Decide if you’re ok with their response, and then allow things to progress naturally.
You’ll have a much happier time and they’ll feel like they’re with you because they’re choosing to be, not because they were forced to make a quick decision.