When I look back on some of my breakups in the past, I wish I had a S.W.A.T. team who would break into my house whenever I thought about texting my ex and shout in my face:
“PUT DOWN THE PHONE! I REPEAT. PUT DOWN THE PHONE”.
Let’s face it, the hardest thing about break ups is trying to keep it clean.
You can’t let go. Your mind races constantly in panic wondering what your ex is up to, whether they’ve met someone else, whether they’re still thinking about you…
This is all toxic for your brain, and it only makes it harder.
So in this blog, I’m going to show you how to begin your break up recovery, and give you a 3-step plan that will show you how not to text your ex whenever you feel tempted to make contact.
Don’t Prod The “Break up Wound”…
When you lose a guy from your life, chances are if the relationship lasted for more than 6 months to a year, he’s become an indispensable part of your day.
So now it’s over, the pain of ripping this guy out of your life leaves a wound inside you.
Here’s what NOT to do at all costs:
- Look at old photos of you both on holiday together.
- Isolate yourself in a pile of junk food and alcohol until you feel even worse about yourself.
- Like his old Facebook posts and bookmark all his social media accounts so you can follow them whenever he updates.
- Use your family and friends to ONLY talk about the relationship.
All of these things will aggravate the break up wound and lower your defences until you can’t help but think about texting your ex.
You may even find excuses to do it, like seeing an internet meme he’d laugh at and think about sending it to him on Whatsapp, or emailing him over a link to an article he would enjoy.
So let me repeat: STOP. PUT DOWN THE PHONE.
I know this is difficult. But trust me, if it’s over, nothing you send now is going to make it easier.
To help you along the path of recovery, here is your three-step plan:
(1) Remind yourself that nothing good can come of this
If you’re fresh from a break up, there’s no point in trying to chat to your ex at this point. It will only lead to pain.
But what if I want to be friends with him??
You can’t. Not right now at least. Not for a good, long while.
Until the wounds have healed, any further contact will only prolong that deep sense of loss and sadness, and make it harder for you to see the flaws of the relationship and what caused the break up in an objective way.
You need this space. This is how you heal. There are no shortcuts.
So whenever you want to pick up the phone, remind yourself: “This will only prolong my pain.” Prioritise your recovery right now, and worry about any future friendship with your ex MUCH later down the line.
(2) Stop being idle!
By all means, take some time to rest. Watch a bad sitcom, or put on a bunch of silly movies to take your mind off things.
But resist the urge to constantly sit alone, at home, in the same environment.
After a couple of days slobbing on the couch feeling sorry for yourself, start making real plans for your days so that you can see friends, go out to dinner, hang with family, do work, go to a yoga class. If you want a slogan for how not to text your ex, it’s this: Have a busy, exciting calendar.
Activity is your friend right now. It reminds you of the wider world out there and keeps your mind from going crazy and wanting to pick up the phone.
(3) Have a great support team
Surround yourself with people who really care. People who will make you feel uplifted, positive, and who encourage your best traits.
If you’re mum constantly makes you wallow in the failure of the relationship, decide not to discuss it with her anymore and find friends who get you back out there instead.
You need to protect your energy, and that starts with the people you choose to have in your orbit.
Stick with these first steps and you’ll be well on your way to getting your sense of purpose back (and will find it much easier to avoid texting your ex!). Take care of yourself and give your mind the peace it deserves.