Being a pessimist and finding love is hard work.
And unfortunately, facing setbacks and disappointment in dating can make one even more pessimistic when they started. But it’s a toxic energy: one that must be resisted as much as possible.
Think about it. The best adventures tend to come when we’re around those those who are seeking something better, who believe in some brighter future, some way to enhance the present experience, a feeling of “this just might work”.
Pessimism closes the door on all that.
You go on a date with someone who complains, “I never seem to get lucky in love”, or “I just pick all the wrong people”. Ugh, really? Maybe it’s harsh, but is that really who we want to settle for? No-one feels excited to partner up with the person who treats themselves as the jaded unfortunate.
We want people who inspire us. People who make us believe in a compelling future that we might be lucky enough to be a part of. People who remind us of all the things that make the world great.
I’m not one for foolish “pretend-you’re-always-happy” optimism. No-one would ever accuse me of sauntering into a room clicking my heels with a plastic smile on my face (most people tell me to smile more, truth be told). Nor would I recommend you suddenly start polluting your Instagram feed with positivity porn and happiness quotes.
But optimism, the belief that great things are ahead, is irresistible. Or perhaps just even the belief that you can make any situation more fun just for being there. Maybe it’s just showing more curiosity and wonder at the everyday than anyone else.
Yes, heartbreak and pain happen. But it’s on us to deal with our hurt and come in with a clean slate. It’s only fair to the new person who is also willing to take a risk and give us a try.
If you can make anyone see the lovelier side of things, you become lovelier. If you can laugh and make others feel your generosity of spirit, you become the source of energy that others want to be close to.
Paint a compelling future for yourself (even if it’s just in your words at first), and someone will always want to be a part of it.