Relationships Are Not Transactions

The lesson of this video is to become a VALUE GIVER, not a value taker.

While my book and organisation are playfully called “Get The Guy”, you really don’t ‘get’ by going out with a mindset to get. You get by going out with a mindset to GIVE.

Think about it… You KNOW when a guy’s not coming up to you to give value; when he’s coming up to you just try and get something.

In the example I talk about in the video, it struck me that this is exactly how women feel when a guy walks up to them with an agenda.

And so many people go into interactions with a transaction in mind.

Today I want to pose a simple question:

–How do you add value? 

Through your personality? Your humour? Who you are? The atmosphere you create?

Let me know in the comments below!

As I mention in the video, you don’t have to go in thinking ‘I am going to give value to this person’. You can add value just by being a great energy around someone.

How are you going to do it with the next group you come into contact with?


Many of you have been asking about the Lifestyle Retreat programs that I do.

Both events that I had booked for the end of this year and now completely SOLD OUT – even though there’s still over 4 months to go!

**Great news**… I’ve decided to throw in one more just to cope with demand and the number of people who otherwise would be missing out.

Check it out here.

This is something I’d never normally do, but there are simply too many people missing out to not do it.

It’s going to be in November from the 4th to the 8th.

I would love to see you there!

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91 Replies to “Relationships Are Not Transactions”

  • I don’t see what’s wrong with that. I won’t say no to a really good looking guy who wants to buy me a drink in the purpose to have a one night stand.Depends what you’re looking for.How can a man say no to a pretty girl? that’s beyond me.

  • U are so funny, but also right about every aspect u bring in this video(all ur videos)!i hate even on work, when people do things expecting something in i do my “e “evil face” when guys interact just expecting transaction…because poeple dont like to feel used or like they are a transaction! :) people should be just themselves, and the atmosphere will develop without that pressure.., at least u made new friends!

    I think u should write a book, coaching people how to live, and achieve happiness or be their best…something like that! ^_^ u are always inspiring me, when i read ur book, or when i receive ur advice(email) or even on your videos about The Psychology of Entrepreneurship….so inspiring! :) thanks for that Matty, unfortunately my life didnt change much since i read the book, yes, depends on me…but im already friendly, always smiling and a funny girl…thats what people say about me, and even dont believe that im single…! ‘im not in my best fase in life, and i think thats why nothing change…but i have hope because i have u! ^_^ so, thanks!***

    1. Happy Birthday! I didnt know that it was Ur Birthday! My brother is algo gemmini….and he is also so funny!wish u the best of life, whatever life have to oferece, u must have the best!
      With love,

  • I’m so thankful for you having a voice at this time. We live in an age where people are massively undervalued and unloved. It seems women especially buy into the idea that their worth is based on what they can put out rather than who they are.
    You’re the best! Keep doing what you’re doing!!! I wish you all the happiness, blessing, and success you deserve. :)

    Go Matt!!!


  • The ‘out-takes’ at the end seem so contrived & fake. Matt please don’t go to Cheeseville with the videos – it will make you less credible :( x

  • Happy Biiiiirthdaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay for yesterday Matthew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Thank you for all the advice and strength and laughs you give us through your work and being honest and blunt.

    Hope that you yourself leave a wonderful love story. If you haven’t found the ONE yet, I really hope you do soon, so that you can have lots and lots of time together. You deserve it!

    Warm cuddly hugs,

    a fellow Gemini,


  • *haha!* this one of the most amazing yet funny videos I’ve ever watched! thanks Matt. I agree with you %100 (duh! of course I do)

    But I’ve learned so much from this video, because now I completely understand what you mean by adding value, you always talk about it, but I couldn’t seem to get it completely right. Well, now I do!

    So here’s a *KISS!* =)

  • I actually meant to say something of value but forgot. I literally just finished talking to a friend about a similar topic. We were talking more on the lines of her being lonely and being very tempted to settle which usually just ends up in a hook up and nothing more. My suggestion for that was of course let him know what kind of woman you are and then go out and find people who need love and compassion. It’s amazing how happy life can be when you put yourself aside and truly jump into helping others. It’s a type of love you won’t find anywhere else. Don’t get me wrong it’s not easy but like everything else it just takes practice.

  • Husseylicious! This is why I love you Brits…Such a dry and witty sense of humor.
    Applying now for your November Retreat in Florida? What are my odds?!

  • you have to start with yourself at first, right? I guess I change my approach dependent on the person. but with this last guy I’m being really playful and easy (in a good way), because I know he kind of appreciates that. don’t take me wrongly, I don’t conform to him, these are my own values I believe in, but I just make them more visible when I’m with him. and it works, we really keep up attraction and true connection ;)

  • hhhh i loved when you were acting the scene you remided me of smiguel in lord of the rings hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  • This post spoke to me. It’s amazing how most relationships fail just because of the mindsets of the people in it. For example I was recently talking with one of my girlfriends and she told me she won’t give her man massages because he doesn’t give her any. I was amazed at the way she was thinking. I told her relationships aren’t a give and trade. They are a bond that exchanges value.

  • Oh Matti ! I am laughing so much right now XD
    This message will be impossible to keep short but basically I’ve moved from London to Germany about 2 weeks ago, to temporally work for a huge company and although I was prepared for the big change, the “transactions” I am receiving here are just mind blowing hahaha :D especially “double…” today which fits perfectly with this video. Don’t get me wrong, work is getting done and even better than anywhere else I’ve experienced so far, that’s the German mentality for sure ;)

    Warm hugs! And btw thanks for your funny recent videos, seeing your face once in a while gives me a sense of home :) x

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