Here’s a little rant I just recorded. It’s said with all of the love in my heart and as a call to action to break free from the ‘cocoon’ of shyness. Enjoy!
So often people use shyness as an excuse not to contribute.
I know so many introverts – like myself – who make being an introvert into a noble, glorified thing.
If we want to be the most well-rounded, charismatic person we can be…
We have to cultivate the skills of the extrovert.
This doesn’t mean that you have to live in ‘extrovert mode’ 24 hours a day, but it does mean that you have to be able to bring out those skills when you need them.
When I step out on stage for instance, I’m bringing out the skills of the extrovert, even though that’s not who I am naturally.
It’s fun to be able to do both.
You can be an introvert and enjoy being an extrovert on certain evenings and occasions, and then go back to being an introvert.
Never let someone convince you that being an introvert stops you from being able to bring out the extrovert just for the hell of it.
Being able to develop those skills was one of the biggest gifts I gave myself because now I’m able to go into situations that scare me, and in spite of that fear, I’m able to bring out parts of my personality that when I’m younger I never used to be able to bring out.
–Is it okay to sometimes be shy?
Yes of course.
The point is that being that way all the time and using it as an excuse to never not be shy is not good.
You’re more than shy. Don’t allow yourself to be labelled. Be what you want to be in any given moment.
Do what works. Not what you ‘think’ you are.
Want to learn how you can step up and break free from the expectations of others? How you can layer different personality traits on-top of those you already have? Want an easy, step-by-step way to get more sociable, meet more men, and grow your social circle? Check out my online program The Man Myth which covers all of this and more.
Nice to see you getting more real with every video. But dont forget the love Matt. Never forget the love. Thats your greatest asset.
We are all only people in the end and we are trying the best we can, even us introverts. Allthough we allways can imporove of course! I appreciate the journey you’ve made and as a fellow introvert it makes me think “If he did it, why cannot I?”
Thank Matt for doing what you do!
xx
I agree with everything you say. It is better to have a combination of both to feel comfortable and have a good time. I feel like I need to work more in having enough courage to talk in front of large groups but when I end up having a presentation, at the end I feel like I have completed a difficult accomplishment!!
Thank you for everything you do for us and I wish you the best always!!
Matt, marry me! How’s that for kicking shyness butt?! ;) lol no, but seriously! :)
x
Ha!!! I bet Matthew is getting marriage proposals from left to right EVERY SINGLE DAY! I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already married! Though I’m secretly wishing he’s not.
Well, notice I’m not asking him… I’m telling him! :) I’m going to the Florida retreat in October! SOO excited I’ll actually get to meet him!!
Wow, Didn’t this hit home? :)
I don’t think i call myself shy or reserved a lot but i was always constantly called it growing up and even now i get told i’m very shy. I guess it’s easy to live up to it, hey?
Definately needed this
Thank you!!
Fantastic Matthew! As usual you speak with such clarity tenacity and truth!!! You were kind yet firm, honest yet gentle and that was a good combo!
I completely agree to all that you’re saying. Though I know in not en introvert rather an extrovert. Yet as you said yourself its good to be able to be both. Sometimes I don’t want to talk to anyone. It’s whatever feels natural.
Big hug!! You’re great!
Wow..Matty u are in a “bad mood”… and really tired..it seems..,but Lucky u, I like u anyway!!!
Great video, and i think its important for everybody, because being naturally extrovert is rare, and people work hard to improve themselves for work or even for not being shy to meet new people!
I think im an extrovert but only if i know the person, or with friends or its an easy situation…im a musician and i cant fear to be on stage, i have to deal with it…and i think being shy is the same thing, we have to deal, try every time to improve…!
but…im really shy when im into someone, or they are just too pretty….or if i feel inferior..
i have to cut the crap and be better! ^_^ to just meet someone just like u! a pretty guy with brain! hehheeh! :) *
Well that was galvanizing!
Hey Matt!
I don’t consider myself shy but I have to admit you broke it all down in ways that have me realizing that in certain moments, I’ve allowed fear and self doubt to keep me silent and feeling like a wallflower. Gonna stop that right now. I can’t afford any more lost opportunities. From here on in, when I see someone that interests me, I’ll just think of your rant, laugh and get to it!
As ever, thank you, cher.
~Melanie
Hello everyone,
I have recently read a fantastic book called ‘Quiet’ by ‘Susan Cain’ on ‘the power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking.’ This is her website: http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/
I can see Matthew Hussey’s point in the video, but it bothers me that he does not seem to appreciate quite how hard extroversion can be to learn for some introverts. It’s not something that happens overnight.
Best wishes,
Catherine
I was only able to become an extrovert during college and wish I had done it sooner! I spent all of my childhoid afraid of people and embarrassment. I’m still naturally introverted but I can also become an extrovert in an instant. It’s still a work in progress though. I will only keep improving my social skills :) Great video, Matt!
Hi Matt,
I love this subject matter because I know that it applies to myself, I am shy and obviously scared (believe me im a coward). I would LOVE to be extroverted for longer periods of time and not be scared of new situations – I have been working on this part of me for a little bit over a year now and have seen a few results. So here is my question/problem – It’s nice and dandy to say I won’t act shy or scared, but when it comes down to it, my instincts kick in. Do you have any techniques or tricks for this, because believe me, I would love to be confident in my abilities to go up and talk to guys, to make life decisions and my everyday activities.
Thanks!
Elishia
Being an introvert means getting your energy during alone time, whereas extroversion is getting your energy by being around people. An introvert loses energy being around lots of people and has to go away to recharge their batteries, an extrovert loses it being all alone and has to go and find some people to get their pick-me-up! I’m an introvert, but when I am with people, I am quite happy to have the attention on me. I’m quite happy being with people, but at the end of it I’m exhausted and just wanna have “me time” for a while.
I shy person may actually be an extrovert in that they get energy by being around people, they’re just too scared to exert it, because of possible rejection or whatever.
But you’re right in that essentially shy people need to get some balls.
So very true!! Being shy is being scared. I have been shy most of my life. I decided to do something about it. I went to school to be a teacher. That was the toughest thing I had to do was stand up in front of …children? What about adults? I felt if I was up in front of someone who knew more about what I was talking about than I did, it scared me stiff. I have over come this. I do not like to sit back in the corners of life and wish I could speak up and let the world know how I am feeling. I had to find my voice. My internal voice. My internal strength. The power I held to myself in fear of rejection. I do not care if I am rejected. That is only one person in a million that do not reject me. When I was a child I was always wanting a friend. As an adult I can care less. As a child I never had friends because I over compensated. As an adult I have many friends because I wont over compensate to win them over. I think I fall back into that realm of shyness(fear) when I am not feeling super about myself and we all do this from time to time. Its just getting back up and getting back out there is what counts. Not giving up.
Also the people around me told me that they felt I was stuck up when I was being shy.
I’ve been shy since I was a kid and having social anxiety and agoraphobia for the past several years just made the problem worse. I could go months without really leaving the house. I pushed all my friends away. And I work from home so even more excuses to not interact with people yay!
But I was miserable. So, this year I decided to change my life. I’m getting therapy and I going out. I even started flirting with strangers. People talk to me now, all because I had the courage to smile at them :) I’m still really scared. I get nauseous at the thought of talking to people. I still get panic attacks. So I try to treat it like a challenge, or a test – how many people can I smile at today? Can I strike up a conversation with someone? How many rejections can I get? I’m very logical so it helps to treat social interactions like a game in my head. I’m even thinking of working on public speaking. Basically I figure if I ask myself how many cool people I can meet while doing it, that will help me go out and do it.
Anyway, thanks for the video. It’s a good reminder for me!
same here. One step at a time. Although I am an natural extrovert, because of panic attacks, ect. I have been an extreme introvert. This video is a great reminder that we choose how to be. Perfect timing Matt, thank-you.
Do you realize that Western society values extroversion, and introversion is deviant? …Whereas Eastern society is the opposite. Nothing wrong with adapting, but I don’t believe extroversion is inherently better than introversion.
I love it !! Love your advice….Acting shy is not OK, point taken.
I’m not shy if asked to sing in front of people or to say what’s on my mind. But I am way too shy for good when I think I like someone. I went to a conference recently, and realised that I can talk to half the people in the room (people I don’t even know) that night, except him. I don’t carry the mindset that goes “Oh he’s The One!”, but I had trouble walking over to his end of the room and make him notice me =(
As someone who strongly identifies as an introvert…I completely agree with what he is saying. Introverts do need to step up and throw on their extrovert hat every once in a while.
I’m someone who will literally have a mental breakdown if I’m around people continuously- I NEED alone time to function. But I always try to recharge my battery as best as I can so that when I DO go out, or do go to work, or do hang out with friends, I’m ready to interact and socialize as best as I can. No, I will never be the person standing in the center of the room with all eyes on me and loving every second of it, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t be lively and engaging when interacting with someone one-on-one. Sometimes I despise small talk, but I know that not responding to someone is just rude and hurtful. No one likes to talk and then get NO response. So I try to keep that and mind and give people that respect. One thing I do a lot is smile and laugh. If I honestly can’t think of something to say, I give a big appreciative laugh if they said something funny, or I open my eyes wide and saw “awwww!” if they are telling a touching/deep story. That way, even if I’m not terribly gifted at coming up with the right words on the spot, at least the person knows I’m listening, I’m engaged, and that I am friendly!
Hi Matt! I love you very much so I’ll be honest, I’m not fun of your hair style at all! Your hair makes me lough. I’m sorry if I offended you but I needed to let you know cause I love you!!
I’m an intervert! and i’m often the one not being shy! It actually really pisses me off when a guy says he’s interested in me but then in conversation I am the one who has to say all the questions because he just doesn’t seem interest and is ways answering with stupid short answers. I hate it! :P
As a general rule, when a guy only reply with simple short answers and does not ask anything, he is not really into you. Because otherwise, he would ask you questions to find out more about you.
Matthew,
This is great and I completely agree! I consider myself an introvert but I try to push myself to be an extrovert as much as I can. And I do enjoy it…just in small amounts.