Every relationship has to have them. Unless, of course, you just skipped all that and went straight to a one night stand. But EVEN then you still need some kind date afterwards where you get to know one another.
Although first dates should always focus on fun, let’s be honest: they are also the quickest way that men and women test each other’s character.
And men notice A LOT.
So let’s take a look at 9 common behaviors of women that are the biggest turn offs for guys on a first date. If you want him to call you after, make sure you avoid these:
1. Giving boring answers to questions
He asks what you’re passionate about…you say, “Not sure.” He asks about your work, and you give him a one-line answer, “I’m a sales manager”. He tries to see if you have any hobbies, and you say, “Err…I watch Netflix”.
This is perhaps the most common complaint of men on dates (and you thought guys ONLY cared about looks!).
If a woman has no ability to tell a story, get excited about her work or hobbies, or talk about a skill she’s learning, a man will soon start looking at his watch and wondering how he can be polite about leaving.
2. Being rude
Not saying “thank you” to service staff. Talking with your mouthful. Being loud and swearing a lot in public. God forbid belching.
Out of all the men’s turn offs in this article, this one is agreed on by just about every guy. Having no manners is inexcusable. Maybe these social faux pas things seem like obvious turn-offs to you, but you’d be stunned how many women do them.
Far from thinking you’re a “cool girl” or “one of the guys”, a high value guy with class will more likely just make a mental note not to arrange a date with you anywhere nice.
3. Lack of effort in appearance
Yes, I just said men don’t ONLY focus on looks. But seeing you’ve made an effort in your appearance definitely matters to him.
Whether it’s turning up to a bar in sneakers and jeans, or looking like you stuffed your hair in a ponytail and didn’t put any make-up on, guys are more keenly aware of these details than women think.
It’s not as if you have to get a makeover and go to the salon every time you have a date, but men are turned off by women who don’t seem to be even trying to impress him with the way they look.
Better to be ten minutes late and looking your best, than showing up on time and under-dressed.
4. Being unimpressed by everything he does
First dates should be about showing interest in each other. And that means: if he’s passionate about something, give him praise or at least show a curiosity about it.
There’s nothing worse for a man than talking about something he loves and having a woman just nod along, eyes glazed over, as though she couldn’t really care less.
And if you don’t care AT ALL about listening to what he likes, you probably shouldn’t be dating him! ;)
5. Bringing up emotional baggage
Bringing up ex’s. Talking about serious trauma from your past. Mentioning your enormous neurosis and insecure feelings about your body – yes, they may all be a part of you, but this is a guy you’ve just met.
Chances are he doesn’t need to know ANY of your deepest problems right now. First dates should be about seeing if there’s a spark, if there’s attraction, and having a fun time together. That’s it.
Yes, you can have deep conversations. But resist the temptation to talk about things that scream, “emotional baggage”. There will be time to bring those things up if they’re important. That time isn’t over cocktails on a Thursday night – one of a guys biggest turn offs is feeling like you come with a host of issues before he’s even had a chance to get to know you.
6. Having no sense of humour
Being too serious? Taking his attempts at humor and dismissing them?
Ok, if he’s being totally unfunny, that’s another matter.
But if he’s being lighthearted, a man wants a woman who can poke fun of things and show a silly side, even if she’s a serious-minded person in the rest of her life. Be willing to giggle and make jokes – be expressive and throw him some wit back at him so that he sees he can have fun and loosen up around you.
7. Being judgmental or patronizing
If you’re intelligent or accomplished, that’s great! Own it. Be comfortable in what you bring to the table.
But be careful to not to fall into the trap of acting superior and playing power-games where you attempt to show off how high you’ve climbed in your career, or patronizing him when he tells you about his plans and dreams.
Men are attracted to women who encourage and support them in their endeavors, so if you want to win his heart, be someone who cheers on his ambition, not someone who puts it down.
8. Lack of confidence
Maybe you act super shy and seem scared to say anything. Or you keep apologizing when you don’t need to. Or you keep mentioning parts of your body you don’t like, or the fact that you want to lose a few pounds.
Running yourself down is one of the biggest turn offs, because it makes a guy feel like he’s winning second prize. And it’s not a sexy role for him to constantly reassure you, “No, you look lovely!”
He wants the woman who already sees herself as desirable and a real catch.
9. Being high-maintenance
Some women show signs really early of needing a LOT of work.
If a woman complains a lot, is difficult to please, or seems to express ridiculously high expectations that no man could ever live up to, you can be sure the guy won’t stick around for long.
Men love women who have standards, but as long as they don’t require a guy to make keeping you happy his full-time job. He wants a woman who is already self-fulfilled, but whom he has to bring his best for.