The Biggest Myth About Strong Women

In this week’s episode of LOVELife I take a caller through a gentle process of coaching to come around to the mindset that strength is allowing yourself to be served.

We talk about how relinquishing excessive independence in a relationship is like growing a team as a CEO, and how you can use this to make yourself more approachable.

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6 Replies to “The Biggest Myth About Strong Women”

  • Great video Matt! I’ve had this question for quite some time too. Somehow I seem to screw up by either being too independent or too vulnerable. If I am strong and independent I’m called unapproachable and intimidating but if I am vulnerable and soft I invariably get trampled upon. And then if I try to assert myself, it just seems to confuse people. I cannot seem to find the right balance.

    I have rarely received help or had a man “serve” me whenever I have asked for help nicely-even legitimate help ( I hate the whole damsel in distress act and the fake ego stroking). They just tell me to do it myself even when it is obvious I cannot. These same men do not have a problem helping other women so it obvious they don’t WANT to help me. If they do help, they seem to lose respect for me. Even when they know I am capable, they act like they are doing me a huge favor and think I’m stupid/helpless.I do not act desperate for their help or “princessy”. This is often accompanied by a lot of (really stupid) unsolicited advice as if I were a 2 year old (though I do not act like that at all) that sometimes I end up declining their help and don’t feel like asking them ever. At times, guys get very bossy even if I give them an inch and I find that infuriating.

    I have never had a man woo me, shower gifts on me, take me to fancy dates or “treat” me which other ordinary women like me seem to get very easily. I do not let anyone to treat me badly but I have never been treated special either. No one wants to be my “hero”. In fact I have seen is that the women who act like Princesses, Divas, stroke men’s egos (even falsely), flirt with them with the promise of something more, pretend to be damsels in distress get all the help, attention and special treatment.

    I don’t know what to do anymore. How do I convey that I am strong and capable yet able to accept help, need others and be vulnerable all at once? I feel like people see me as only one or the other. Those who have seen both sides just find me confusing. It is either love or respect but not both. Mostly it is nothing at all.

  • My most favorite part about listening to you give advice is realizing I already do those things :) That doesn’t mean I can’t improve :) With that said you still need to bring me on your team. You may be wondering, What can she bring to the table. I would be the best example. I would say perfect but that would be a lie because I am nowhere near perfect but I’m still pretty amazing.

  • What’s inspiring next to your great advice, is your track record. Now I’ve got the prove I can do it as well. Thanks.

  • Great Video! :) she was funny too, i will shake is hand?! :) great advice Matt! Thanks!*

  • Hi Matt! How are you?

    This post really hit home for me, cause i currently behave like the “i can do it myself” kind of girl (and have done so for as long as i can remember).

    I do attract femenine guys and i like only some of the things that come with it, like emotional availability for example, but i’d like to see what dating a masculine guy feels like.

    What i feel is holding me back is the thought that if i let guys serve me/do stuff for me/give me stuff, they will at some point think for a second and realize the situation isn’t balanced, that they give/do more for me than i do for them and so i’d turn out being kind of a bitch.

    Would you please tell me your perspective on this?

    Thank you!

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