This is an important message…
I need you to know that the journey you and I are on together in 2020 (and beyond) is about so much more than finding love.
Because while a good portion of my content is about what to say and do in relationships…
At its core, what we’re really doing together is much deeper…
Take the First Step of a Bigger Journey. Tap Below to Unlock Your FREE Training.
I’ve been trying to think of what I want to say in this video to begin the year. This year is a year that I want to make my best year ever and I imagine it’s the same for you. And that has me thinking about the journey that I’m on personally. It has me thinking about the journey that we’re on together. It has me thinking about how I want to make an impact this year and is that different from how I’ve made an impact on any other year?
I wrote a book back in 2013 called Get The Guy. If you would, to merely look at the title of that book and say, “What does Matthew Hussey do?” It would be, well, he teaches you how to get the guy. Of course, it’s fun for me when someone talks about a relationship they found as a result of my work or that they’re now engaged or that they just met a great guy last week.
I hear those stories by the thousands and it’s amazing. But it’s not the only place that my heart resides in all of this, because I see the scope of what we do here as being so much bigger than simply finding another human being to pair with. I see it as the love of people, the love of life, and the love of ourselves. And that, to me, has always been our magic trick, is that in our organization and for me as an individual, I’ve spent the last 12 years talking about dating and relationships, about your relationships with other people, but underneath all that, what we’ve really been doing is working with people on transforming their relationship with themselves.
And that’s why, for me, dating and relationships is an enduring subject of fascination for me and something that I’ve been able to maintain a passion for for a long time. It’s because I believe that dating and relationships aren’t the be-all end-all, I just believe that they’re a great revealer of ourselves, our bad habits, our neuroses, our demons, our insecurities. They teach us so much about ourselves and that is very powerful. That’s very, very useful.
So, over the course of this year, you’re going to hear me still talking about dating and relationships. But I want you to understand that that, to me, is a wonderful lens through which to view all of the areas that we want to grow. If you don’t think that when I make a video that’s about dating or relationships, that that video is actually about everything, then you’re not paying close enough attention to the concept of that video. Because the stuff that I teach here applies everywhere. You can apply it to your business, you can apply it to your general ability to follow through in life, you can apply it to your confidence in every area of life.
Attraction isn’t isolated as a concept to your love life. There’s attraction in business, attracting clients, attracting the right friendships. There’s creating attraction around an idea you have, so that people listen to what you have to say. There are so many areas that the principles we teach over here in attraction are relevant to everything in your life.
And I also cringe every time when someone says, “So Matt, why are you still single? How am I supposed to trust you if you’re not in a relationship?” And to that I also feel…have you been paying attention? Because what we’re doing here is so much bigger than that and if you think that my goal here is just to get everyone into a relationship, you couldn’t be further off. I don’t care. I’m not Cupid. I don’t care whether someone is in a relationship. I’m not a matchmaker. That’s not my job to pair people together and to make sure, oh God, that person’s single and that person’s single, I just must put them in a relationship together.
That’s not what I do. I’m just as excited when someone comes up to me and says, “I broke up with someone because of you” as I am about someone saying, “I’m now in a relationship because of you.” Because if my advice gets someone to break up with a toxic person, leave a situation that they shouldn’t be in, or just be happier single, to be happy on their own, to be happy in who they are, to not feel like they have this desperate need for somebody else, so that when they do meet somebody else, they’re sharing a life instead of looking for a life. That to me is the jackpot.
Because the goal isn’t a relationship. The goal is happiness. The goal is you being content. The goal is self-love and I can’t help but think that those same people who say to me, whether it’s in a live event or on a comment, “Matt, why are you still single?” And there’s a tone to that. I can’t help but think that they’re directing that same neurosis, that same judgment towards themselves.
Because that dialogue that’s happening out here is also happening in here and it’s based on the idea that someone would be more valuable if they were in a relationship. And that is something that we have to address, because I believe that that is a wider societal issue that, especially for women, has to be done away with. The idea that you as a person are worth more if you’re in a relationship.
My own confidence cannot come from whether I’m currently in a relationship or not, any more than yours can come from that, because I don’t base my worth on that. And I don’t even base my worth as a coach or as someone who’s here sharing ideas on that. The great irony is that I’ve never been a better partner than I am today and I don’t have a partner today. Wrap your head around that. I’ve never been more capable of a great relationship but I’m not in one right now. But if you think for one second that’s going to determine my worth at this point in my life or it’s going to stop me from sharing ideas or that I don’t think my opinion is as valid because here’s my situation, then you’re misunderstanding what I’m doing here. There is a bigger journey here and there has to be a bigger journey for you too.
So, we have to be very careful about these very rigid stereotypes that only become a reflection of our own internal rules for what we think we need to be happy, for what we think has to happen in our lives, for us to be worthwhile, for us to matter, for us to have any sense of purpose. Far from feed that stereotype, I want to liberate you from that and instead invite you to join me on a journey of real growth. Growth that isn’t reliant on an external factor like whether you happen to be in a relationship and have the label of someone’s girlfriend or someone’s wife right now.
We’re on a bigger journey than that, and I invite you to join me on that journey this year. And to begin that journey this year, I have a training that I did from the stage with a group of people where I took them through the three layers of confidence that culminate on the deepest level at the core layer, which is really the layer I’m talking about in this video, that goes beyond whether you’re with someone, whether you had a great date last night, whether you’re going through a bad break up, whatever it may be, a level of confidence, a bedrock that makes you bulletproof, no matter what’s happening in your life.
Once you watch it, you’ll never be able to view confidence the same way again. It’s free. I’m gifting it to you today. So, come watch that training with me now. Leave me a comment under that training and let me know what you think. It’s at this link and I will see you there. Welcome to 2020. I’m so excited to be here with you. A new year. Let’s make it special together.
43 Replies to “The 1 Video You Must Watch If You Want a Relationship”
Thank you for saying this. I have said with great enthusiasm, I just wish to act in a way that makes me proud. I am not even sure that I desire a relationship at this time and actually think that I don’t. What I know that I want, almost more than I want anything is to behave in a way that shows to the world that I understand my value.
I want to add that my entire life (I’m now middle-aged), I have defined my value based upon how I believed others valued me. I experienced abuse as a child, which then led to an abusive marriage. After my divorce, I dated a string of emotionally unavailable men, that I had to convince of my value. Never, never in all of this time did it occur to me that my value was intrinsic and that no external influence could ever feel an internal void. I thought I knew this. I thought I had grown and changed but yet found myself endlessly chasing a man who made it abundantly clear that he did not see my value as a partner. Yet, I persisted, because I believed that my path to true happiness was not a relationship, no, I had grown beyond that, but validation. I’ve been working on this for a very long time, but I think this may have been a bit like the final pice of the puzzle. I love my life; I really do, but chasing validation from the highest sources was making me very, very unhappy. Anyway, I wrote this poem that I feel sums up my feelings tonight. It may be a bit sappy, but I hope it resonates with someone else.
Because You Said So
I didn’t know I was a good writer until you told me that I was.
I didn’t know that my hair caught the light until you said that it did.
I forgot that my eyes were blue until you reminded me.
I didn’t think I was kind, beautiful, or talented.
I was not much of anything until you said it was so.
Like a vessel with many holes, these words spilled out, running down the sides, leaving me empty again and again.
There could never be enough words, so I had to learn to pour from within.
I wasn’t much of anything until I said that I was.
The words that mattered were the ones I whispered to myself when no one else could hear them.
The words that did not get announced in a Facebook post, in a moment of epiphany, or in thoughtful moments over drinks.
The words that mattered were the ones I silently spoke to myself at night, but only when no one else could hear them.
Thank you so much for saying that I felt like I was going crazy trying to explain to friends,family that I’m happy right now being single and I don’t need a relationship right now I’m building me. They don’t get it that some how I’m valuable in a relationship and not on my own,which I’d not his I view my life so thank you again for someone who gets it. Love all your videos let’s go 2020 I’m still going to be me regardless of other people’s thoughts
I found my way last year in 2019, with a tip from one of your many followers a close friend put me onto you at the beginning of 2019 in recommendation to helping me through my new journey of single life.
You encouraged me to find purpose in my pain of heart break.
I am now turning that purpose towards professionally helping others and started a uni degree in Psychology and Counselling, amongst so much more work internally on myself and my happiness and my children’s.
I just wanted to Thankyou so much because at the times I needed either laughter, light or big, true empathy, understanding at any hour of the night I was restless with my anger, hurt or sadness I was able to access your insta story feed and receive the vulnerability you show, sound advice and kindness you give to so many of us.
Your work is profound, your words and videos, seminars, retreats in changing peoples concepts towards themselves and how they view life in general.
Thankyou for the soul and human being you are and that you share yourself so freely.
One of your many followers,
Thank you, Matthew! You never fail to inspire me and to give me more to aspire to. I watched this as I began a little pity party for myself today, while feeling lonely. It was just the shift in thought and intention that I needed to hear! Leslie xo
Yes, tell them all to get stuffed! It’s not in your BLUE PRINT to be in a relationship right now. The best way for you to understand dating complications is really be in amongst it. Stay Strong and Single. The market of entertaining presenters on the up and down joys of staying married is huge. I enjoy them for different reasons. The audience differs to yours.
You are on the way to being a motivational speaker like Tony Robbins. He pulls in the dollars and the massive adoring crowds. Matt, You want real success!
Like a binge watched TV series- I’m cheering on my favourite characters, hoping for the ending I’ve anticipated. I’m hoping for a great season. Stick to your Blue Print.
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, your character and your sense of humour with this community – I certainly know that I’ve become a better person because of what you talk about here and in your programmes so just want to say massive TANK YOU! I’m excited to see what’s next. Let’s make this year the best so far and just a foundation for the ones to come!
Hi Matthew, I have a best friend which always take a good care of me , we are so much close , we tell each other what happened in his day or anything happened and we get closer this year , I really love him but I don’t know his feeling and I can’t tell him too but his behavior made me to think he felt the same but I don’t really know what to do and I don’t want to lose him so what to do
Hi, Ag! Thanks for reaching out! I wanted to follow-up with you because I think I might have the perfect solution for you! Matthew’s program, How To Talk To Men, is a copy-and-paste simple, done-for-you communication guide that puts the power in your hands to get men to do absolutely anything you want them to do, just by saying these easy-to-use phrases that work like magic. Use these Secret Scripts in every possible situation with men — from attraction to commitment and beyond — to get the exact results you want!
If you’d like to learn more about How to Talk to Men, use this link.
Many thanks, Sara – MH Team
You have literally just put into words the culmination of years of hard work that I have put into building confidence in myself.
When 2020 hit I found my inner peace knowing that my life as a single woman is valid and important, and I want to share this with other people and break the expectation that society has on the stereotype of what it is to be a ‘normal successful’ woman. Because we can be amazing however we chose to live our own lives.
I’m on this journey with you, and you have just inspired me to do more this decade to help the amazing single women around me in my life to find happiness in themselves.
Watch this space!
I have never commented on any of Matthew’s videos before but I absolutely have to comment on this one because I feel like he has finally voiced exactly what he’s been to me for so long.
I’ve been following Matthew on and off since I was 19 (I’ll be 26 tomorrow) and in that time I haven’t had any significant relationships with men. Yet, I keep coming back because that’s not really why I’m here. I’m here because every time I watch a video or listen to him talk or read his book I’m reminded of my own self worth. Matthew has helped me realize my own value and for that I will always be grateful to him.
I be been following Matthew for three years now. Before, during and after a break up. I am thus going into this New Year as a happy, context, strong and high value single divorce mom of two beautiful teenage girls.
My thoughts for the New Year and all the New Years to follow: I will not be an appetizer…. I will not be a side-dish…..I will not be just a dessert…. “I AM” a FULL COURSE baby! And if anyone doesn’t see that in me or treat me as such then I am HAPPY to dine alone. I know exactly what I bring to the table and have to offer someone in return. Thanks to Sir Hussey!
thank you so much for the inspirational message and lovely words of motivation and encouragement.
You are a beautiful soul and your genuine care for people is amazing.
The world is a kinder place for souls like you, thank you for your enthusiasm and work you do.
It reminded me to go through life with true happiness and deep love for life and the world.
I totally agree Matthew!
I took four years off dating to work on myself, I had never felt better or achieved so much.
I did meet someone, ignored red flags and got back into a toxic relationship, it’s ended, thankfully.
The result was, I lost a lot of the confidence I worked so hard to build from the beginning. So, I’m going to be single, work on myself and build up my confidence even greater than before.
Part of my healing has been watching your videos, reading your books and I joined your fast track program for a few months. You have helped me get through these difficult months and you also help me on a daily basis.
I know my reasons for being single are probably very different from yours but, either way, if we are doing what is right for us and we feel good doing it then that is a lesson in itself and should be celebrated.
PS. I’m trying to talk to 3 new people a day and it’s going well! Guess who gave me that advice???
love this video because this past 3 months this is exactly what I have been thinking about . It truly resonates with me ..Its such a bigger picture .
Thank you Matthew for sharing your wisdom
Dear Matthew Hussey,
I accidentally stumbled over a YouTube video of you with arouse my curiosity about you work. So I came across your blog and watched your new year’s message which I like quite a bit. Especially the goal to find or to have a bed rock confidence.
I am married since thirteen years this year and am trying to unlock some of the secrets Jesus Christ has placed in the male existence ;-). But if this whole life was just about my own confidence and about who I am would’t life be very self-centered? I like the bed rock idea much better – my confidence is not the bed rock but the bed rock gives me confidence – Jesus Christ says he is the rock we can build our lives upon. If you like to find out about thie bed rock in the light of the bible – read Matthew chapter 7 in the New Testament of the bible :-).
Matthew has a free training for you Matthew Hussey :).
God bless you and ground you on THE ROCK :).
Best regards H. Hoos
Completely agree. I’m tired of being deemed less worthy because I’m single and I’m tired of feeling like I have to defend my life. Let’s change the stereotype NOW
“My own confidence can not come from whether I am currently in a relationship or not…”
There are always insightful and provoking thoughts that come from watching your videos. I am currently in a wonderful, loving relationship and I still listen to your words and the deep understanding that we have the power to live wonderful lives and it isn’t dependent upon being “half of a whole”. We are whole as we are now.
Thank you for all your wise words! Happy 2020!
I followed the hot guy here and then I was reminded that I Am awesome.
We have to love a person as a whole not just the good stuff and try not to change them to our liking but to just be there when they are learning how not to be a douchebag. well, there is more to that just that the really hot guy says it way better than I.
Thank you for all the great self love stuff Mathew, it really does change the world :)
Amazing speech and video, as always fabulous content. However, in defence to the limited people who do not see beyond the “relationship stereotype/ topic”, let’s say that maybe your branding has to change. You have been known for the “get the guy” and we know that you do not speak just about that, your words go behind and they are not just for women either. So maybe now you should build a new stream as you are doing and change your marketing and branding.. something more in line with higher level of consciousness and a stream of thoughts that can be applied transversally to many different fields. Perhaps this will clarify that you do soon MUCH MORE than just advise broken women on how to get a new men. First impression and words can stick in the mind of people! Anyway I love the content. Did you ever talked about the opposite issue of trying getting the guys, but trying not to get all guys trying with you?
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